That’s great man! Movies tell stories and sometimes they are a soundboard for our story. I’ve had my moments too. It’s so awesome you were able to step back and really see the deception addiction wraps us in.
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Yes, because a lot of addiction seems to me to be how you wrestle with inhibiting the old value system with a new value system that actually keeps you stably integrated in your life. And I was really thinking about how sometimes people have a belief system that collapses on them, either you stop eating meat because they saw a documentary or their cousin pointed out a poop line in shrimp so they never eat shrimp again. I wanted to know if I could achieve that affect with addiction, because it seems like usually you have to hit rock bottom and lose everything to have that kind of wake up call. Writing out an honest, no exaggeration scenario where you actually detail exactly how your rock bottom would unravel if you let your vices get the best of you really, really helps put that into perspective as realistically as porn captures your attention and draws you into whatever is happening, or as realistically as a movie, a series of texts from your family, a story you’re reading on the Internet or here. Then doing the same with what would realistically happen if you got things together, stopped doing stupid things, and actually incrementally put things in order that you could, and would, by your own standards for what would be good for you. Even if you don’t know what that is, you probably know some things that is seriously is not.
That’s on the other side of the ballast. You have a choice and you choose which one every day. So is it going to be the reality that’s got its own steep challenges, or the delusional fantasy that basically guarantees you’ll have to deal with a much less forgiving reality later? I’ve definitely had self worth issues where I felt like I was in serious need of a walloping by taking the wrong road on purpose just to prove how bad it is, but since I started treating myself like someone I’m in charge in taking care of I think that’s just cruel and not something I’d recommend to someone else in the same situation. So I take the “there is no spoon” quote to be something like a mantra to remind me of the two roads I can choose between.
Edit: The very last thing I want to add is that I’ve heard you can’t just get rid of the circuitry, especially if you’ve hit it with dopamine a trillion times. You need another circuit/system that inhibits the bad one and hopefully the bad one disintegrates (never 100% neurologically, but practically it may as well be gone) over time after being starved. The fact that it still “rings” like a pavlovian bell is, to me, an indication that you’re starving it effectively because if you satiated the circuit by succumbing to impulse, it would would just turn off the way you’re just not thirsty or hungry after you eat and drink. I don’t know anyone else besides Jordan Peterson that talks about this, so if anyone has anything they’d like to point me up that’d be appreciated. Kind of wish I became an addiction psychologist but I’m glad I chose my path the way I did. That’s all a craving is though, I think: a pavlovian bell, fool’s gold, a scam, a phish. Don’t fall for it!
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Haven’t read this Peterson guy but I think she’s in the ballpark too.
Thank you very much, I’ll definitely look into that book.
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Hey guys, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. Life has been very busy.
Last year, my wife got bariatric surgery and it changed all our lives. She’s healthier, happier, and she’s been more like the girl I dated back in 2011. It’s been really good to have her back.
As for me, I’ve been on a journey of healing and cleansing. In February, I followed a 21 day sauna detox protocol using niacin which healed a lot of digestive and skin issues I was having. My anxiety is better, my body is healthier - I’m really glad I was able to do it and see such great results.
Over the past several months, I’ve not been concentrating on my sobriety. I’ve slid back quite a bit. And while I can honestly say I haven’t watched any hard core porn, I’ve definitely been on the wrong side of the fence more times than I can count. I’ve lusted, I’ve MOed many times, and recently I’ve been realizing that if I don’t turn around I could be in danger of ending up right back where I was.
So, it’s time to be accountable again. I’m recovering from soft core porn and masturbation. I own up and take responsibility for my actions, and promise to do better.
I can do better 
Also, it’s good to see everyone still fighting the fight on here. Stay by the fire brothers.
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Wow, it’s really good to see you. And I’m glad to see you’re back
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Oh I’m happy to hear that your and your wife’s health is improving! Makes a difference for sure.
Thank you for your honesty. There’s new hope for each day! Keep at it!
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Good luck man, I was just there a little more than 30 days ago. I had a ton of time saved up, and I just thought “well I’m cured I can do whatever I want but but I’ll keep it light just to prove to myself that I’m still clean” and the sad part was it lost it’s thrill after like 1 day and I had to graduate to more nsfw but still not quite P, and I knew before even getting to real P that it wouldn’t have made a dent. It was almost depressing, like I broke a great streak and it was all for nothing (although, it’s good that it has way less of an effect on me). So just keep it up, I think those mistakes are just par for the course man.
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44 days down the drain. Took literally 3 days off from being serious and wammo, before I knew it it was all over. Back to building the Ark. Updated some of my memories though, ironically I think that should help in the long run. I was not expecting to be as disgusted by real P when I actually looked; my memories were a lot more rose colored, as they say. Ready to get back up and carry my burden.
I noticed in this last stretch I didn’t even feel like I was in recovery when I was engaged in something meaningful, so I’m going to follow wherever that intimation takes me. And remember, idle hands are the devil’s play thing. It’s always when I’m bored and alone, never when I’m working on something that matters even if it’s small like cleaning up my desk area or paying my bills. Glad I can vent to you guys, have a good rest of your weekend.
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Not that I know exactly what I’m talking about, but I feel like one of those kids that smoked every cigarette in the pack. Weird combination of disgust and this low energy lethargic feeling that I can’t quite put my finger on. Still in shock at what I saw, but surprisingly impressed at how much I must have accomplished in the last 3 years if what used to be normal 3 years ago nearly traumatized me yesterday haha. Back to making an effort every single day, no days off.
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Oh I can relate to that. I’ve felt deeply disconnected from myself after a porn binge and acting out. Disconnected from surrounding reality, too. And the lethargic slump! Thankfully, a physical activity helps with that. Like polar swimming + sauna 
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Thank god someone else understands. Also I would love to do polar swimming some day, I absolutely love cold showers and only recently have been able to do them again. Saunas as well, I think they’re both incredible tools for maintaining and improving health. Gotta get my energy back!
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Oh there’s nothing like walking down a jetty in -25C° / -13F° or sleet coming in horizontally when you want to emerse yourself in freezing water.
Your brain screams “ABORT ABORT! Danger danger! You fucking idiot, you will surely die, hypothermia, what are you doing, bat shit crazy! NOOOO!”
But your feet just keep walking.
LOL
Then, proper Finnish sauna afterwards. It’s a bliss.
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That’s absolutely bonkers. Why would i try something so … brrrr.
Now, I’ll try it cause i get to do it sober
Thank you
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Day 2 ending. I am listening to a podcast called Overcome pornography for good and it’s really nice
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I love the podcast. I ended up buying into her program and I’m working with her now
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Right there with you… I call it an apathy fog because it just feels so numb
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Hey Tom (ha get it?), working on day 5 now. Having a realization that the time I had saved up in the past was pretty tainted by experimenting with p subs and mental relapses. Only just yesterday, or the day before I can’t remember, did I finally understand (I believe) the proper mindset for doing this. At least what I’m referring to is the David goggins mindset because that’s what I’m the most familiar with personally. I used to think the desires would go away but it’s more about finding something better than the porn and that’s mental toughness for me, so I’m building that in every aspect I can. Hope you’re doing good as well, I see your on day 3 so we’re pacing each other. Good luck
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@Liljelly Really? That’s awesome!!! I really love the podcast. She is giving me hope again and a sense that this is possible. She is great!!! Please give her thanks in my behalf
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