PMO - Porn, Masturbation, Recovery

I agree wholeheartedly with you. Its brainwashing. Its 30 yrs of brainwashing in my life and I think I have developed very deep pathways that are hard to change. It’s all to easy to follow those pathways as a reflex. One of the great things in this group is I can see the lies of brainwashing and it helps me stay away from the draw and illusion of pmo. I know I will make new healthy paths to follow. Its such a destructive, hurtful addiction.

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Another thing I am reminded of is that pmo can’t hurt us if we don’t pick it up but the moment we pick it up we give it power and then it destroys us.

I need to engrain this powerful truth in my mind so no matter what is going on in my life or around me I stay dead to pmo and don’t pick it up. The paper tiger analogy posted by our good camp fire friend!!

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Hey folks, nice to be here :slight_smile: slight trigger warning at the end. Don’t want to upset anyone!

Just reached my “1 day without being a w**ker” milestone. Feels good. Not overwhelmingly good - just a bit “nice one” (with a curt nod to myself).

I felt like masturbating this morning after getting into a social media scroll hole. To a point I find most things sexually provocative and quite distracting. Often I masturbate out of habit, because something in a TV show put the idea into my head.

It’s got to get to the point where I’m okay to masturbate without looking at porn and without letting mundane things trigger my sexual drive. As far as I’m aware, it’s healthy and even beneficial to masturbate. People like me (with self diagnosed “PPU”) seem to suffer negatively when masturbating using porn. I should avoid it if I can. Hopefully by adjusting over the next week or two, I can’t start to put that behind me but continue to masturbate in a way I feel is healthy.

I’m looking forward to reaching the 3 day milestone and am feeling positive I can reach it. Apparently days 4-7 are the hardest to deal with (chemically speaking) so I should be ready with positive mindfulness for when that struggle begins to take form.

Because I suffered with sexual trauma as a child, I worry that even masturbating without porn in the future might not be a good choice for me. It can become such a trigger for so many things that I need to get counselling before I engage with it at all. I could be wrong but I’m really trying to do what’s best for myself this time. No more shallow efforts. No more half attempts.

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Have you any advice for staying sober?

Thanks for that. Its a mindset I need to grow. Self mastery, consistent meditation are so powerful. Great perspective!

OMG IVE BEEN THERE SO MANY TIMES BRO.

I read your message and you mentioned that classic pattern. Bro i got 20 years of that mess. You know how some people say “oh i know how you feel”…bro i know 100 fold how that
A) HAPPENED TO YOU
B) HOW AUTOPILOT HAPPENS
C) How you start Edging, get off, but you’ve already greased that slide so the next day, YOUR ALL IN ON FAIL.

Going forward, how do you prevent this BRAINWASHING from happening?

  1. Look ahead to potential Brainwashing.
    a. Stress + wife away + brainwashing = “Hey just one look at your ‘online harem’ you deserve a break.” Put you right back in that Cycle.
    b. Have that easypeazy pdf ON YOUR PHONE. Have it ready to go, re-read the KEY CHAPTERS ON RELAPSE AND THE ANALOGY OF BLEACH.

  2. Have your Internet blockers READY. LOCK ME OUT, it’s the best. If you have Iphones it’s tough i can’t find anything good to block.

  3. We aren’t the sort of people that can just get online. Nope. Social Media? For alot of us, that’s a no too. Edging is Drinking bleach too, it’s that simple. For me personally, Edging always LEADS TO PORN. You are giving power to something THAT ONLY LEADS TO PAIN/A VOID.

Work on developing phrases you say to yourself before the relapse/edging behavior starts.

I’m 54 days in, and still, every single day i say to myself, “Bro im not drinking any bleach under no circumstances”.

“Yippee i’m free. Not a chance bro”

“Oh that’s just brainwashing talking, shutup already.”

That self talk, exposes that LITTLE MONSTER For what it truly issues, AN ADDICT ADDICTED TO DOPAMINE IN THE WORST FORMS POSSIBLE.

Lastly…

Jump on this chat more often. You got folks on here like, @Butterflymoonwoman who CHECK IT MULTPLE TIMES A DAY CAUSE IT’S NECESSARY!

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. We have all been there, and i’ll help you get through this, as you will help me also. Positivity ONLY TODAY. Guilt/Shame will only lead to a dopamine response that will push you back to edging.

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Cheers so much brother. I feel a lot better, stronger and focused but no illusion here…I need to be careful. Like you, I stay clear of Facebook and twitter etc as I’m just not ready for that. I use Covenant Eyes though too easy to uninstall that in the heat of the moment. Easy peazy is usually my go to - things just unravelled too fast this morning. I’m so finished with pmo…just need to keep this resolve when I’ve gets real and busy! Hang in there - you are doing great!

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You too bro! It’s challenging. Like right now my ADD is at a 10, i can’t focus for anything but i have an answer: I’m about to listen to an audiobook. As a dopamine addict, i need something but it’s got to be the right something, that’s what i’ve learned about myself over the years.

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Welcome to the fire dear brothers! It fills me with hope and joy seeing others join the discussion!

There are so many benefits to quitting porn. Two weeks after I quit, I started noticing how desensitized I’d become towards the pleasures of life - food tastes better, music sounds sweeter, movies and tv shows have more affect on my emotions. I feel love and charity towards others and maybe even understand another’s problems in a deeper way. Everything in my life has taken on more meaning since quitting porn because my brain isn’t being dulled by excessive amounts of dopamine. I’m not constantly regretting my last relapse while wondering when I’ll get my next fix. I’m not lying in bed debating on whether or not I should look at porn to help me fall asleep after a long day. I can look at women and appreciate their beauty without trying to imagine them in sexual situations. I feel free!

I also feel more confident in ways I never thought possible. I shaved my beard because I don’t feel the need to hide who I am anymore (I’m growing it back for different reasons now) I can talk to men and women without wondering what they would think of me if they knew what I did almost every night, and I can smile knowing I’ve made peace with myself and with God. I don’t hide the fact that I’m religious and I don’t expect anyone else to believe the way I do, but it feel good knowing I’ve been washed clean!

I also no longer hate myself for the things I’ve done. I’m still working on forgiving myself sometimes, but I’m healing overall. I’ve also forgiven my abuser and don’t wish them any ill.

I’m free of the darkness and it’s the sweetest way to live by far. :fire:

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The best times in my life without any doubt have been when I’ve stayed away from pmo. I agree entirely with everything you have just said. A clear conscience with God, people around me and myself is the best feeling in the world!!

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A word of caution dear brothers; when you starve the brain of it’s dopamine hit, it will try to get it back in many different ways - especially during healthy sexual activities.

If and when you choose to be intimate with your partner, BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT. Your mind might be drawn to memories of porn as a way of heightening the experience. The brain is very smart, it knows what to do to get that same amount of pleasure it was used to, but you can’t let it! It can only lead to relapse.

Instead, practice being in the moment. Concentrate on your partner, be committed to them, and them alone. Don’t allow your progress to be hindered because you let healthy expressions of love be spoiled by Lady Lust. She’s a bitch to break up with and she’ll get revenge if you let her.

I encourage all of you, including myself, to be extra vigilant today. Show the darkness that you mean business! Light the torch of your resolve and fight the darkness!

She won’t back down without a fight :fire:

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100% Facts. I’ll just be honest with everyone, that’s the reason during those times, i have to keep my eyes open. I got 20 years of trash in my head and closing my eyes is like opening a doorway of nonsense. That’s how i stay present, looking straight ahead, it’s the only way for me!

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Sitting in an SA meeting right now and really feeling the positive vibes tonight. We can beat this brothers. If I can do it, you can do it too. You can break free from the cage, you can feel the warmth of the fire!

Rage on!

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I remember for a very long time lying to myself saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with porn and masturbation.

It is such a filthy sinful act and I have broken free from it. No longer will I be in bondage to such a terrible thing.

I can attribute my Spiritual Growth to this.

Blessings

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One of the hardest things I had to do was confess to my ecclesiastical leader, the Lord, and my wife the exact nature of my wrongs. Once I did that, I made a firm decision to be honest with others and with myself from here on out. It’s a hard truth, but it’s the only way to heal.

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That is so amazing. When you confess your sins to the Lord you will be set free.

I did the same thing. I haven’t Masterbuated or watched porn since May 2021. Glory be to God and Jesus for setting us free.

I am very proud of your growth. Takes a real man to get to where you are

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Congrats on breaking free! It’s been 56 days for me. I’m so thankful for this site and our great conversations. I’m getting to 365… it will be a proud proud day. The endgame: after 20 years of marriage where I struggled with this trash, the next 20 I’m all in on being faithful to my beautiful wife. She’s been very patient with me in dealing with this problem but she doesn’t deserve not one more look. I’m free.

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Feeling positive today and celebrating freedom from this slavery. I see PMO for the poison it is. Like you said previously, it’s just a paper tiger which has no power as long as we dont pick it up. Zero value. The source of many aggravations in life. Wonderful to have a clear conscience with God, my wife and all those around me. Thanks to you all for your posts and accountability- a really sobering encouragement!

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Agree entirely with you - my wife is my standard of attractiveness…no online harims, no taking from the beauty of another woman for my own instant gratification…all for delayed gratification and an authentic full life - selfless giving to my wife! Have a super day buddy!

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Great encouragement. Let’s live the life God has planned for us and not get caught in the warped and distorted life sold to us by the porn industry!

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