I was a frequenter here and i’m not back cause i’ve relapsed, i’m back because i’m getting closer to a setback. I find myself on youtube far too often, and i came across a page of a woman that wasn’t Pnog but it wasnt appropriate, all her vids have innuendo and that wrecks my brain. Turns out she’s a sex worker and that knowledge did something to me. I felt like i can stop searching that. I had a few months of peace March 15 - May 15 was great. But i’ve since downloaded and in the same setting deleted tik tok 4 times. I have to stop poisoning myself with this trash. I had a clear path i just need to stick to. I know what i need to do, i just need to do it. After finishing this text, i’m shutting down all my browsers and listening to spiritual things. Onward and forward.
I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Does your wife know how you feel about making love to her? The way you treat her like a drug you need to stop ‘taking’ sounds extremely objectifying. Have you talked to HER about HER feelings and HER needs? Is SHE happy with making love to her husband once a year followed by him regretting it and going on to feel sorry for himself on a sobriety forum?
You know, it’s tricky being in a relationship and recovering from sex addiction. Drinking and drugs, you can just stop and never touch again. Sexuality is something you can’t chop off, you need to find a new way to live in it. We don’t know about MesSober’s and their partner’s arrangements.
We do, actually. He’s been posting on here for years in detail about how he’s been ignoring and dismissing repeated conversations with his wife where she asked him to get counselling and tried talking to him about her needs. He’s not in a relationship, he’s in a marriage with the mother of his two children. He describes withholding affection from her, promising to get counselling and never following through and then making her feel guilty about taking the crumbs he throws once every few months.
It’s a horrible way to treat a partner and borders on abuse. He was advised on here by other users to get help with his intimacy issues. Instead, he went on a 270 day streak of denying his wife and calling it ‘recovery’. That’s selfish, addict behaviour.
I would like to think it’s all perspective.
To a person in recovery, for me, everything can be/is a trigger.
Remember, let’s think about it.
We are told in our NEW RECOVERY not to begin new or end any existing relationships.
Unless its no good for my own sobriety
It hurts us/me/my marriage social life when i tell my wife and son that I refuse to go to/attend any alcohol driven events.
I withdrew from the family socials and my wife accused me of isolation at first
Family would ask about me
So did friend
It wasn’t until some of my family made fun of me that my wife DEFENDED me.
Then she understood.
Maybe for him is isolation from the addictive sex that protects him.
And it probably is cruel
Us addicts must learn sobriety in all forms
My addictions become my FAMILY problems when i continue to expose my bad behaviors.
My wife has issues to. I can’t make her. She chose abstinence from me just to learn sobriety.
At first, i hated my wife. But i respect the abstinence. I don’t like it.
But it’s just that it’s not MY sex addict sobriety at risk.
It’s hers
We may not like Someone’s journey
We only have to accept
No, I would not consider this a relapse. And if I chose to avoid sex with my wife for several months, she would be extremely upset, and rightfully so. That’s not healthy for her, for me, or our relationship.
I understand the desire for the addict side of me to take over and steer me back to porn, lust, MB after sex with my wife. But going all monk-mode while in a relationship with a willing partner is sexual anorexia; which is just as harmful as sexual addiction.
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”
Isn’t it funny how sometimes something hits you differently when you’re Ina different spot?
Today for some reason (divine intervention?) I was exposed to both the story of Sisyphus and Prometheus.
Sisyphus was charged with the punishment of rolling a boulder uphill for eternity. As it got closer to the top, it got heavier to the point that it brought him back to the base and he had to start over.
Prometheus was punished by being chained to a rock and an eagle ate his liver every day, and every day he was healed to endure the same torment the following.
For we struggling with addiction:
Our stone is pushed up the hill continually and never rolls back down as long as we keep striving. You had a relapse? As soon as you’re back working towards sobriety, you realize you’re not starting over, you’re still at the point on the hill where you stopped.
As we sit and take defeat after defeat like Prometheus, we too can find healing daily as we do our thought work, therapy, steps, meditation, and our other practices to resolve our injured mind, body, and spirit.
Hope you enjoyed the little analogy - keep working, sisters and brothers !
Hi everyone, I am new to this whole chat room group thing. A little bit about myself. I am 35 and I have ADHD, OCD and Autism. I was introduced to porn and masturbation at around age of 9 or 10. I have tried many things to quit but with no avail. In my years of battling this addiction I have been to the ends of the internet and and dark web to get my fix. I am not proud of what I have seen, nor do i really talk about it much. Honestly I wish that I could unsee all of it and wash my mind of it. I have wrecked past relationships, lost jobs, committed theft all because of porn. I am very desensitised and have to watch what I say and how I say things around others, because of that. I would like to rid myself of this addiction, so that I may love my wife almost 6 years the way that she deserves. I want her not to be so hurt and self conscious about her body every time that I have a lapses of self control.
I guess what I am looking for is somewhere that I can connect with, and have communion with others like me. I want to be free of this addiction, so i may go on with my life and live it the way that God has intended it to be for me.
Hello and welcome to the forum. I’m glad you found your way here. There are other porn addicts here and we’re all seeking freedom from this vile disease. I recommend joining a programme or getting professional help. I benefited from therapy tremendously, and together with peer support, I’m almost 3 years clean.
Hey everyone, catching up on the posts since the last time I was here. Today will be 56 days clean from pornography of all kinds. Getting married next Saturday and I am very thankful to be entering marriage strong. I had about a year or before the app but lost it all when I hurt my back but in pretty damn healthy again and every day has been another great step forward.
