How do you all handle having sex?
I recently engaged in it and the same inclination to view porn came rushing back.
Strange how it works. Once my brain gets that sexual dopamine hit (even if not from porn), it craves more and more.
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I don’t know if the cravings ever go away but your ability to resist them can definitely improve as the stakes for failing get higher. I just hit a year and I really don’t want to start over again. It’s like people who are really good at keeping to a diet, they know fried chicken smells good but they’re better at not eating it.
Also if I have a brutal workout, I really don’t want to spoil it by eating shitty food and undoing all that hard work. Similarly, I don’t want to beat off and ruin my mental game for getting through the day or even when I have sex because at some point I’ll have to tell my wife and that’ll pretty much just take the fun out of everything anyway.
I pretend I relapsed 3 weeks ago and that this craving I’m having right now is just me having to pay the piper again, knowing full well you can’t just do it once, it’ll always be back and you’ll lose your progress and make trouble for yourself every damn time.
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Absolutely right. The cravings never do go away. If I feed into them they only get stronger and stronger.
Do you engage in sex but are still able to keep the PMO habit away?
When I engage in anything sexual, even real sex, the craving to PMO gets much stronger and stronger.
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Craving… I craved a lot. I was always craving. I’m only going to speak for myself. But I had to stop giving myself permission to crave. For when I craved, I was fantasizing. And I was getting a little hit. I don’t need porn. I can get my fix off a fantasy.
And once the dopamine wore off after craving, I craved more. The more I craved, the more I craved.
My secret is that I keep my brain’s toxicity level low. I realized that it’s easier to clean up my inside (lust and fantasy) so that my outside would be clean, than to clean up my outside (porn and MB) hoping that some of that cleanliness might rub off on the inside.
It takes some help from God, but I’ve chosen the easier path. For me, the cravings didn’t stop until I stopped the craving.
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Since I’ve adopted this standard in my life, I don’t often crave acting out after sex with my wife. I don’t give myself permission to think about another woman nor lust after another woman. I don’t give myself permission to even look at another woman unless she comes into my circle. With practice and conditioning, I’ve successfully made my wife the only woman in my world. Those are the boundaries which I had to set for myself for nothing else was working for me.
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I need to get better with this.
I always crave masturbation and porn after sex. Could it be because of the high dopamine hit that sex provides?
They are linked at some level all these sexual activities and the brain chemicals I think. That is why when I do one, I crave the other.
It is my brain sending signals.
I might have to go longer periods of abstinence to bring my brain down back to normal dopamine levels.
It’s day 2 today and I feel like crap. A friend of mine told me that the first 3 weeks will be the hardest and then it gets a lot easier after that.
Thanks again for your feedback.
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Day 3 almost.
Fuck porn that poison. It ruins your mind and your life.
Fuck the people that make it, fuck those that act in it, and most of all fuck the people and sites that distribute it for a profit.
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Well as much as I want to have sex, I’ve committed remain celibate/abstinent until marriage…
I think part of the problem is that we’ve objectified sex and sexuality to the point of gratifying ourselves with it anytime we want with whatever and whomever we have in the moment (i.e. porn, masturbation, etc)
It will take time and effort and discipline to pacify the craving…. I think that the cravings will come and go, but the desire/need to give into them will diminish the less you feed into them
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Yeah, you’re feeling the withdrawal…and it sux because human sexuality isn’t just a physical thing… it’s a complete exposure of your physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual being……
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Day 7 and definitely in the withdrawal phase
You are absolutely right.
What day are you on now?
Are you doing hard mode where you are not engaging in any sex it forms if intimacy either?
I’m day 7 now
Day 155 and counting…. And yes it was a hard stop, but in some ways it helped that I had already been celibate (as far as partners) for nearly a decade, but it also drove my libido through the roof and i resorted to masturbation and porn to get relief… Now that I am sober, look for creative and constructive outlets to channel that energy. And when the urges seem overwhelming I seek help and accountability….
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Congrats for 7 days!!!
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I can normally make it 3-5 days before I act out. I started when I was 10-11?? And it was so bad for a long time, and I got married and it went away for a while, with my ex I was lucky to get it once a month, then it stopped as our marriage fell apart. I went 4 years without so much as a hug from her. That’s what pushed PMO back into my life. Ever since my divorce, I’m on a 3-5 day cycle of one time then I stop, one time then I stop… it’s so crazy. I have a group of friends who are a great resource! The opposite of addiction is community! We cannot do it alone!
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That after-sex craving happened to be a couple times but it’s been a long time. I hit 1 year recently and the difference is astounding, and I think that is because over the years I made things that are not only better than porn but would be severely impacted by porn. My marriage vows, example to my son, and sex life are in the balance. It would be a nightmare if I slipped up, so no more cravings for me. Even if my wife and I went a long time without intimacy, I believe I could handle it no problem but I’d be craving her, not porn which is a big difference that I would not have understood years and years ago when I was single and thought it was all the same. Good luck, hope that helps.
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Wow congrats. That’s amazing.
You are doing amazing. Keep up the great work…
We definitely cannot do it alone.
We all need the sexual cleanse and to be clean if lust. It finds a way back in when we are stressed or going through major life changes.
I’m in the middle of a big move so it’s creeping back in. Need to beat this once and for all. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing.
Yes this helps. Thanks for sharing.
I need to be careful because when I have sex I start lusting more and more.
Thank you. I am in no way giving advice with what I’m about to say because I don’t know what keys fit your locks, but it all clicked for me when I realized I needed to focus on making love instead of getting off. When it’s over, there’s peace. Very different feeling. I am not even sure it exactly satisfies the same drug seeking mechanisms because the cravings went away, it’s like a brand new system.
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Thank you!