Welcome @Philipwithonel
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Welcome to the community Phil. You’ll find an international group of people here where you’ll be welcomed and understood. We are at similar stages in the recovery process it seems and ive found having this community to be very helpful so far.
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Right on. Congrats to you as well. Let’s keep this sober thing going!
Thank you!
I started masturbating as a young child to escape a lot of trauma growing up. Porn followed in my teens and escalated from ‘innocent’ to the extreme. It was impacting every aspect of my life and I eventually became depressed, which only fuelled it in a vicious cycle. As an addiction it took a lot of time and effort to do the necessary soul-searching and gradually see and free myself.
The addiction is only the tip of the iceberg, the real me is just insecure and trying to escape responsibility through fantasy and easy dopamine highs when it’s discipline, purpose and real, healthy love I’m actually craving, none of that mindless, superficial bullshit. And not just from others, but starting with myself. The more extreme the addiction was, the less I valued and thought of myself, so I had to really dig deep into the causes and solutions, and remind myself what my ideal, healthy self looks like to me. Once I got into an actual relationship, which wouldn’t have been possible without sobriety, I realized that intimacy, romance and emotional bonding kinda outweighed the sex for me anyway. We’re human beings. There’s no greater confidence and motivation boost than sobriety in my opinion, pmo is a strong and destructive drug in so many ways and it’s a real reality check to snap out of… Maturity skyrockets.
Hardest is when I’m on my own for prolonged periods of time, where simple factors like loneliness or boredom creep up and require a lot of mindfulness to ride through. But I’m committed, there’s no way I’m going back now, and things have ONLY looked up after quitting and becoming mindful of it, as with my other toxic addictions/habits… I care about my life for once, a good start. Don’t be fooled by society, what others say or your craving thoughts, if it’s negatively impacting your life or those around you, and you struggle with it, it clearly IS serious and needs your damn attention. Change is inevitable! It’s all in the mind. Odaat though… 
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Your early beginnings sound similar to my own. To me, it was the great escape and a way not to connect with the real happenings in life.
I have since got a bit better, for the most part. I’m actually struggling at this very moment to stay sober from pmo. The urge is lingering as I’m going through the conversation that I’ll be having at some point with my wife to tell her that I’m moving out and got a rental, per her request, that is. I so desperately just want a real connection with her but it has been months since then and I’m just looking for a way out to numb the feelings of loss and regret for the things of my past that caused her hurt and mistrust.
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I definitely played a game of chicken and tempted fate last night. I got to searching and scrolling online looking at fitness models and then trying to find any old pics I may have in my archives just to feel some form of connection. I’d say I think it’d be comparable to finding hidden bottlea in your house, lining them up and juat staring at them until you decoded to eother drink or put them back. I didnt act out with pmo but it felt like teetering and maybe sloght edging. I wanted to bring this to light as a reminder that those lustful feelings and thoughts do tend to creep in. I recognize that is not a postove behavior that will lead to me keeping my recovery.
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Hello
My story is, I was sexually stimulated at 4 and became sexually active at that age, I was forced to watch porn at 7 by a family member and was led to masturbate at 14. Been struggling with porn and masturbation since then. I’ve found it hard to quit it, been in several men’s groups, and became a Christian in 2016, I was sober for 3-4 years and then went back to the habit again, can be sober for 5 months now and then relapse, but with every relapse, I tend to go into a deep depression. As a man of faith, I went on my knees several times and felt a lot of guilt and shame. I’m in a celebrate recovery group now and also doing therapy (Christian), which has helped a lot, I’m also in another men’s group related to this issue and got a sponsor last week, been almost 19 days sober of porn and have almost a week from masturbation, I downloaded this app just to keep track of my sobriety but I never thought I would found this thread.
Thanks for letting me share.
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Thanks for sharing. I was in a CR program before as well but chose to focus on other character defects rather than pmo bc I felt I’d be jidged differently. Now I’m in SA and doing well. Feel free to reach out whenever.
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Have long been trying to put a stop to this habit and having started to count days about a month or two ago I have come to realise that this is another addiction. Constantly relapsing and only managing a few days at a time at most. I fucking hate myself.
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I’ve been through those same thoughts of self hate before, so I understand. One day at a time. It is a process. You didnt get to where you are in your addiction in a days time so the recovery will take just as much work
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Thanks man I appreciate it, so far 26 days. 
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One day at a time, brother, at least now you realize that you have an addiction; next is to start working on it.
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Very well said.
That’s the math we need to do to reverse it.
It will take just as long as we took to get hooked.
Sometimes reversing it takes longer.
The brain can be rewired.
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Awesome job, congrats! How’d you do it?
Thanks for sharing your story. Keep on with your recovery the difficult decisions are always worth working through and remember that you can always work through your temptations and those emotions you feel from your temptations are not bad but they cannot make you do anything you don’t want to do so remember that you have control over every decision you make even when it doesn’t seem that way
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Thanks man
Congratulations!!
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