As of rules in SA groups: now I’m only concerned, when I will attend meetings these people will know me and it might be a problem in situations like job interview, exam, and doing bussiness things.
Let say, you search a math teacher for some private lessons for a daughter. You see my profile on the web, or got contact from a friend. I’m a teacher, but also guy who attends meetings, so you know I have a problem. You might not know how big the problem is. So, you might choose someone else. But I’m aware it depends on a few conditions, how good we know ech other, how many thrust you give me etc.
Well, actually I do plan to become a teacher, although not a math, that was only example.
I don’t really think the reasons matter that much. The more time I spend learning about sobriety, and the more I reflect and meditate about it, the more I think trying to find reasons is (for me) a way to justify my usage.
I have also found that my work on getting sober doesn’t require me to know reasons.
I dont think it’ll be a problem, honestly, but I can see why you may be skeptical. Confidentiality is the cornerstone of any 12 step program. If anything, I think it could enhance those kinds of relationships. Once you’re able to get out of your own head, I think youre be roght on track.
I know teachers in the program. Every profession in every kind of addiction is represented. Our addiction and so many others don’t care what you do as a day job, about your family dynamics, single, married or otherwise, what you look like, religion, race… none of that matters to addiction.
Well, since people in the group face the same problem they would probably feel compassion, but anyway - in some situations they might hesitate to work with such teacher. How many people would feel comfortable with the idea of letting his daughter/son work with a guy facing lust problems? Yes, that doesn’t mean this guy is rapist or that he will start thinking inappropriately about kid or their mother, BUT…
It seems similar to situation when you hire e.g. a plumber-kleptomaniac to fix the leaking, and you have silver spoons in drawer.
Paradoxically, the idea of going to meeting sounds better for me that Zoom meeting. I don’t feel very comfortable with using internet, I mean, I think that by sitting in room with these people I would feel that my privacy is more protected.
On my pc I log in into bank account, private email, facebook account and other things, and this forum. Actually bigger chance of being deconspired is by using pc to these things.
(On the other side the fear of being hacked helped me to avoid completely typical porn sites).
And I like the idea of real life meetings, because I’m too isolated - covid time in the past, remote work… I’m sick of this, I need community.
I get what you’re saying but, to me, I think it’s insecurities that you’re having to talk you out of going through with the experience of attending a meeting, perhaps.
How would you know the plumber was a klepto beforehand, though?
Oh, I referred to general idea - two guys know each other from meetings and they accidentally meet in new situation, which might be uncomfortable because other people are involved (family).
During meetings your family isn’t involved.
But “outside” in life situations people may face such fears: you enroll your child to karate/tennis and a teacher is a guy from meetings (is my child really safe?)
You returned from work and you see that your wife had to hire a plumber - a plumber is a guy from meetings (did he think about my wife THAT way…? did he look at her with lust?)
If you and other guy were klepto, then sitting on meetings is not a problem - almost no stuff. But I think the fear would be present when you might find him around your home as postman/plumber/ gas instalation technician, you get the idea.
So, what you’re saying is that you’re fearful of what others within a recovery group will think about you and the impact it may have on your real life outside the confines of the 4 walls?
To me, it seems like a fear based mindset and a tactic your thoughts are getting you to believe in order not to seek further ESH within a program setting.
I hope in time you find what will work best for you.
I had crisis few hours ago, because I had some plans and it failed. A little bit long story, generally I hoped for ONS with old female friend, but eventually there was no date.
I know the SA community is against anything different than sex in marriage, but my situation is really different. If I had it today then it would be eventually something with a human, not PMO. I was with a girl years ago, and not 2-3… Although I wasn’t in jail/hospital etc. I’m terrible in dating.
Maybe, but that assumes that I understand the problem. If I was capable of understanding and fixing this problem on my own I personally don’t think I would be where I am today. I would not need the help that I need today from outside sources - especially the psychological practice of meditating and reflecting and seeking some spiritual help - if I was capable of diagnosing and fixing this problem myself.
I can fix a lot of things. Most of the things in my house I am capable of fixing myself. I can fix some things on my car. My pathway to freedom from addiction - I’m too deep in the mud there to see how to fix it. My eyes are clouded. I need exterior input and I need to surrender my attempt to be in charge. I need faith. It doesn’t even have to be faith in religion - that’s not what I mean - I mean, I need faith: I need to give up trying to be in charge, and just follow good advice from people who have walked the road before me.
I honestly think that not doing the ONS worked out better for your sobriety and recovery.
It might not seem like it to you right now as you are drifting through the emotions, but in the long run my honest opinion is to try and stay away from one night stands.
