Covenant eyes can be very useful to have in this scenario. One can set up a filter guardian so that you wouldn’t be able to turn off restricted mode.
Removing restrictions or filters on my apps is a very serious level 9 boundary violation for me. I would count that behavior alone as a reset. Because if I do that, it’s inevitable that I cross over to level 10 behaviors.
If you’re okay with it, could you share what are the behaviors that are in each of your boundaries? Like what are green zone, orange zone, and red zone (reset/relapse) behaviors?
That would be helpful for me.
I use “social focus” to remove the addictive/negative elements of YouTube and Facebook.
It only works in a browser, so I deleted the Facebook and YouTube apps, and use it with Firefox.
I was finding that I was spending long periods of time scrolling down my feed, and on Facebook reels/YouTube shorts, this was a slippery slope and made me want to act out.
I’ve restricted the reels/shorts & feed features using social focus, it means I can still go on YouTube to watch a video, or check Facebook to see what is happening in a group, but I’m doing it consciously rather than mindlessly scrolling myself back to porn and acting out.
I’d highly recommend it, it’s been a good middle ground for me.
Here’s a link to my existing boundaries. There was a time in which I had a long list of inner circle, middle circle, and outer circle behaviors. But I found the toxicity level meter more effective because it encourages me to pay more attention to the state of my mind.
Day 4 sober from Masturbation, Dating Apps, Social Media, Phone Sexting, Sexting
Day 7 sober from Porn.
Sorry I’m replying to you, I literally forgot how to send a normal message entry.
Been PMO free for over a hundred days and then I relapsed twice now around a week apart, I remember when I was quiting then, this was how it was, the distance between relapses kept increasing until I was sorta stable in my routines. It hurts because I found the person I’ll spend the rest off my life with, I told her about it and didn’t judge, she just wanted to know how bad it was and told me she was a sage space and I could tell her anytime I had felt in danger of a relapse, I told her about the first relapse and we talked through it, the second one…I tried to call her but she wasn’t available, i took a walk to clear my head and remind myself why I was fleeing this, felt like I was okay(the walk worked), got back in, wanted to start working again and got sucked again into the rabbit hole.
These are what I’ve noticed.
Triggers.
I’m at a very susceptible time right now and I need as much guards as possible, this second relapse has made it clear that I am extremely volatile and vulnerable, I’ve realised and accepted that now.
Both relapses happened I was doing research on the internet, I made sure my apps where safe, YouTube and Instagram but today I went go check how a video I posted was doing on tiktok, I don’t use the app cus of how triggering it is, so I went through chrome and just searched for my user name, I saw what I wanted to check and then unfortunately just below was a thirst trap that immediately brought back images I had seen in bad videos i watched in the past when things were still very bad and that’s what caused this. I don’t have any real life triggers, my Instagram is extra safe because of some settings.
I just need to Be conscious of how vulnerable I am right now and ask friends to help check certain things for me, like my fiance uses tiktok she can help me check whenever I’m curious how videos I post are doing(I’m sorta a creator)
I need to be more strict with my routines.
The walk and rationalisation worked but after it I need to call someone and let them know and they could check on me. It thrives in secrecy.
I’ve seen that there is definitely hope in God, because he’s the one that literally led me through the 100 days. I just stopped fleeing hard enough and thought I was safe. There was a time I would wonder why he wouldn’t just take it away then I realised the desire for sex isn’t bad, he put it there. But just like everything he made when you subjected to a use other than what he created it for, you lose control of it. But he provides grace for you to bring it back into control with wisdom and openess, it can’t survive for long in the light…keep exposing it and running from it. Locking every channel that the enticement for an ulterior use of the previous thing God created can come through, if you don’t see it, hear it, think it, you won’t do it.
Good share.
Relapses are not just failures, but also opportunities to discover what God wants to teach me. Oftentimes, until I relapsed, I thought I was doing things right. I wasn’t.
Some thoughts, the fact that you had no one else to turn to besides your fiance while struggling points to a bigger problem than the relapses. It’s time to refine your connection. I define connection as men in my life, that know me, and are looking out for my personal and spiritual growth. Such good sources of connection would be SAA, SA, SLAA, or CR.
Realize that there may be a number of deeper-rooted problems that God wants to address. I know, for me, God didn’t give a flying hoot about my sexual sobriety. What He cared about was my toxic shame, my lack of connection, poor boundaries of the eyes and mind, my faulty paradigm, brainwashing, and most of all, my broken relationship with Him. The sexual acting out was just a symptom.
Your seeking a good thing; a very good thing. So many gifts that come with this journey. A lust-free life is truly a great life. Keep seeking, keep learning, and over time, one will discover that this journey is worth it.
Its definitely worth it
I’m feeling a bit jittery right now, like an overwhelming feeling of shame.
So many things started to work in my life, the company my brother and I started got better, I met my fiance, got some breakthroughs and promotions in other areas of my life, several prayers I had got answered in phenomenal and now it feels like I’ve thrown it all away, I know God doesn’t condemn but convicts the the act so you know its wrong and tells you to come boldly to the thrown of grace while the devil that seeks to trap one it guilt.
But I guess I’m just in an overly emotional state of regret right now, can’t even concentrate to work.
About the SA, I joined one today
I’m grateful. Since I started counting days in Aug 2020, I’ve relapsed maybe 5 times. It was constant in the beginning. Then I had a long stretch that I botched one year ago. Now I’ve been able to stack up days, one day at the time.
I’ve seen much discussion about triggers on here lately. They’re real and dangerous at times. I lived without an internet connection in my house for many reasons for a few years, one reason being me restricting my acces to porn. Restricting alone did not work, however. Only when I started to address the root causes of my problems did I begin to see progress. Sometimes drastic measures are needed in order to create a safe space to pursue sobriety. However, clearing the outside is only beneficial if you’re in the process of cleaning the inside, too.
Wherever you are with regards to your recovery, please remember, that your life and freedom are worth fighting for. As long as you’re alive, there’s hope and hope will never put you to shame.
Congrats! 
Awesome, how was your experience?
I relapsed to Porn, Masturbation, Sexting, Dating Apps, Phone Sexting, typing illicit words
I’m starting from Day 0.
Congratulations on one year of sobriety! What you’ve accomplished is truly inspiring. It takes strength, resilience, and commitment to make it this far.
Keep going, one day at a time, and be extremely proud of yourself.
Learn from this. Every relapse can teach us a lesson if we pay close attention to what we can do to avoid it next time it comes calling again.
Keep going.
Day 1 Sober from Porn, Masturbation, Dating Apps, Phone Sexting, Fantasy, Sexting, Social Media
Day 2 sober from Porn, Masturbation, Phone Sexting, Sexting, Dating App, Social Media and all other forms
Day 3 sober from Porn, Masturbation, Phone Sexting, Sexting, Dating App, Social Media and all other forms
Welcome back!
I believe @KevinesKay uses covenant eyes.
