My motto now is ‘one drink is too many when one drink is never enough’!
3 Likes
@Quitter, Day 85 here, and I totally understand the “No joy” part of your post. I was a functioning alcoholic for 7 years, and had to make a change, or I was going to end up in the morgue. As a mother of 4 also, I commend you for doing this for you and your family. The lack of joy, I think, is just me trying to relearn how I USED to be/think/feel/act. I’m proud of myself for being this strong. But, is it fun? No. But, it IS worth it. Every day I still hear the voice that says, “You deserve a drink. It won’t hurt.” But, i know myself too well. That drink will turn into a two month relapse, and I just aint having that. Time should help us get back into our groove, my friend. Wishing you strength and joy in the upcoming days! This is an amazing support group!!!
6 Likes
Thank you again for your positive words and vibes. Let me know how you get on drinking down them eggs! It is definitely something everyone should try once in their lives… live on the wild side!! Haha.
2 Likes
I like that motto.
Any time i think of having a drink… key word a drink… that means “until drunk”.
Just seems out of control. I like the new feeling of control i have at the minute.
4 Likes
Thank you so much for your reply. I feel better hearing you have felt the same.
I just feel like i am torturing myself at the minute. I am putting my faith in others right now who have longer time sober. The ones who say it gets better.
They and you are how i get through the day. Because when i struggle and think to myself WHY am i torturing myself. WHY does it feel so bad to be good. WHY does it feel good to be bad. Why cant i abuse myself when it feels good. Why is everything that is good for me so hard to do. Why is everything thats bad for me so pleasurable.
So it is hard for me to find joy right now when i feel like i am torturing myself all day long. Constantly hungry because i am trying to be healthy all in one go. I stopped drinking, eating crap and started exercising all at the same time. So my body hurts physically mentally and all i do is want to eat monster munch and bacon fries all day but no. The self inflicted torture continues but they say it will get better.
I have faith in the sober community. It already is better. I make a list of all the good things today.
Play with my kids and laugh with them… ok so there was joy there that was the only time.
No hangover
I AM thinking more clearly already.
Brain fog is definitely lifting… i feel like i am “there” in conversations now. Rather than zoning out listening to someone going wa wa wa wa like snoopy
I do feel fitter… kinda.
Look exactly the same… dont know if thats positive or negative. Ill just add it to the positve list seeing as im starting to struggle thinking of new items…
More money.
Got a feeling of hope. A real hope for the future.
Think thats it for now.
Congratulations to anyone that managed to read all this… feel like i have started to ramble…
7 Likes
@Quitter, I had enchiladas and ice cream for dinner! It’s too hard to take everything away at once that we enjoy and expect to be supermodels the next day! We got enough shit goin on…Your posts make me laugh. Add that one to your list: Great sense of humor!
3 Likes
I love your post @Quitter…its like me saying the words,that’s how I feel exactly!!!Why does it feel so good to be bad…why everything that’s good for me feel bad…???You hit it right on spot,I have been feeling this way last few days,I am on vacation and not enjoying it a bit!Very sad and very frustrating… Hoping one day I will learn to enjoy my life without booze because right now I am not!8((Good luck to you!!!8)
2 Likes
The notorious Biggie too quity update… ya feel me bro?
Again, thankyou all for your supportive posts. I really do appreciate it i usually update in the evening because thats when I hit my “last drink moment” each day and get another 24 hours under my belt.
So yeah… i update at night then i usually check first thing in the morning for replies as it motivates me and gets my day off to a good start.
So thankyou all again for making each morning that little bit easier for me.
Ok with the thankyous out of the way here we go… this is 26 days in. I am still using the mental trick of thinking… “yeah… ill drink some beer in a few weeks or something” whenever i get a craving. It really kills the edge. thinking of a stone cold “never again” makes me anxious… so as long as i keep putting off that make believe security blanket “beer in a few weeks” forever i should remain sober.
I went to bed tonight same time as my kids. 7.30pm. So i am one finger typing this in bed… normally i would be down in my man cave hitting the booze big time. I dont miss it. It was a shitty existence doing that every night because i “had” to.
Anyway… i did exercise and starved myself again today. Woo me. Wooooo. Can you hear the enthusiasm? Neither can i. Dieting sucks massive sweaty balls. But its these sacrifaeces you have to make for a brighter future…
Might start updating this every few days or when im feeling particularly low. I think i am getting used to reality sober now. The reality of normality. Now its a formality. Being sobers my new nationality; a duality. I’m feelin new vitality… a longer mortality…let me tell you this in confidentiality… i aint givin no booze no hospitality…because the practicality is abnormality, brutality and a mutha f***** fatality. Uh. Yeah. Uh. uh.
Sorry for breaking out into a rap. I dont know what happened.
4 Likes
I have been in alchool for the last 20 years and now it has hit rock bottom also. after going to work and not even going work just started drinking 7 in morning until I can’t walk last count i was on at least 16 pints then started on shots then blanked out what ended in me getting dropped of by someone in pub then my next door neighbour helping me in then trying to find more drink as my girlfield said then sleeping on kitchen floor and her being scared thinking I was going to die.felt shamed bet felt like it gets the better of me day 5 five clean body is so wanting a drink tho shakeing and hot cold but need to do this
2 Likes
You can do this!! Get a good support system around you! Be gentle on yourself during this time! Reach out to others when you need to get out of your head. Keep up the great work!
1 Like
I was the one that helped you home, at the time I thought I was ok, but more the fool me mum and girlfriend are ready to disown me, we’re are as bad as Each other we will support and help one another through thick and thin.
1 Like
Milestone update: 30 days.
The first thirty are always the hardest. Now it’s just a matter of keeping on keeping on.
It has been hard. Mentally, i dont know what is going on in my head. My head just feels screwed up. Maybe it is? I dont know.
My sence of smell has improved…(i think) anyone else notice that?? I mean, i can smell so clearly now but i dont know if its real or not… i had to throw out fresh food because the smell made me nearly vomit.
My thoughts are all over the place right now. I feel like i am transitioning from muddy unclear thinking to thinking clearly again… but my brain is just all over the place… i find it hard to put down in words.
Paranoia.
I also have that… my “thinking clearly” again has me suspecting people are up to stuff… or that people are looking at me differently… i think they are… but i dont know for sure. And i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing.
I dont think i can trust my mind and my instincts right now because i figure my brain is starting to get rewired maybe? So i try to ignore irrational thoughts by saying to myself…“wait and see what 6 months feels like”.
It has been hard today. But just keeping busy… being out of my own head as much as i can is my main goal.
I still havent attended meetings of any type… just doing this on my own. Well… and this forum.
Advice to give other people on the run up to 30 days:
Keep busy
Exercise
Put irrational thoughts to the back of mind
Steer away from any confrontations
Go to bed early
Try to eat healthier
Give up an unhealthy snack too
Fresh air… get plenty
Drink at leat 1.5 litres water per day
Realise the first two weeks are 100x harder than the next two weeks… it seems to get proportionally easier.
Come on here and update frequently.
Thanks for reading thats all for now! Good luck in your journeys also.
8 Likes
Day 33.
Wow these days are all adding up so fast. It only feels like yestetday when i wrote that original post in total dispair; 7 days sober.
The first days dragggggggged by… getting from day 3 to day 4 felt like eternity but day 30 to day 33 seemed to pass in the same amount of time. Weird huh? Well i guess not. Maybe its obvious to you geniuses out there that this giving up malarky gets easier ha!
Thoughts going through my head… the bad thoughts… are thoughts of “i am going to relapse in the future i dont know when but its going to happen just drink now seeing as i only have 30 odd days… a relapse at 60 days will be harder to come back from… just buy drink today… get the relapse over with… you ARE going to relapse… just ween yourself… have a drink once a month… you did 30 days fine… once a month then once every few months… you can ween… do it… buy the drink… do it. DO IT.”
NO. one day at a time… 
3 Likes
I love reading your posts. Thanks for the encouragement and real talk. I fought hard today. Resorted to listening to anti-booze self hypnosis on the drive home to help me not stop for wine. These thoughts replaying in my head the entire time.
“Just one. What’s 1 drink per week? Thats not addiction. That’s way better than 1 per day. Thats moderation. Nothing wrong with moderation. It’s the same as cake really.” Hah!
Keep up the fight and keep posting pleass!
4 Likes
Hey there ! Good for you and you can do this. I’m at 40 days and I still think about drinking. It does get easier, but I still hear the voices in my head. I found that my AA meetings help me out tons. It’s a long journey my friend, but I have confidence in you. It’s all about taking o e day at a time! Wishing you the best !
2 Likes
38 days down. Piece a cake.
Positives i have noticed:
I am a better dad
I am a better husband
Not as quick tempered
Not as angry
Feel more level headed
More patience
Thinking clearer
More productive in work
Work is easier
I have lost weight
Feel more energetic
More money
Less recycling beer cans
Negatives i have noticed:
Havent had that “buzz” drunk feeling obviously.
Thats the only negative. I miss the buzz. That feeling of being lit. The feeling where you go “woo! Party time!” Chug chug chug… that feeling… and the sad fact is i need to be very careful not to sacrifice all those positives… just for that buzz.
Anyway i am still going strong. Just removed myself from all triggering moments. No pubs no clubs no work dos no nothin. Just a monk like life for me at the min. Still drinking raw eggs too.
4 Likes
What’s crazy is that in another week you will be able to say all of those positives all over again. And they would be true… If that make sense. 
4 Likes
Thanks gabe for your continued support! I appreciate that.
1 Like
Four days since my last update. Day 42.
I have been active on the boards last four days trying to help people and leave supportive advice and comments. But just updating this thread every once in a while. Hopefully i will update once a week then once a month… then once a year… then once every 10 years… just to keep you guys in the loop.
Anyways here i am. Standing tall with a big stupid looking smug grin on my face. 42 days quitters! Forty two days. Boom.
I feel like a diiferent person. But i still get the odd panic attack when i think to myself… “OH SHIT WHAT IF I DRINK I WILL LOSE EVERYTHING OH SHIT OH SHIT” but that usually passes pretty quick.
I have started to discover how to have fun like a normal everyday person now. I find fun in planning day trips with my family. I find fun in learning new things. And books. I forgot that books are like when you are watching a great movie and the story is amazing and you want the movie to go on for hours or days… well… thats kinda like the way books are. Right? No? Yeah… i know… what the fuck do I know!
So back to my life and how much better it is than where i was at just 42 days ago.
- i think more clearly.
- not an emotional wreck
- i actually feel smarter, sharper.
- quitters i have lost 1 stone in weight. A stone!
- way more confident in all my abilities.
- i think my sence of humor has improved
- on the flip side i am a no nonsence take no shit from nobody badass nerd.
Being a drunk is just so shit its unreal. Yeah cause thats a good idea… lets pay money so that i can act dumb, be dumb and also look fat and dumb. That sounds like good value to me. What was i thinking!!?
Please anyone who is reading this who is having a hard time in early sobriety… stick it out. It is worth it. You will not believe the gift you can give youself.
10 Likes
Day 49 sober.
I nearly gave in today. The sun was shining. I have the day off work tomorrow. The kids were away. The perfect storm.
I started to sweat… get anxious… started to weigh it all in my head… even thinking of the specific beer i was going to buy. Imagining drinking… but then i imagined tomorrow morning.
Then i just got up made a sandwich (biggest sandwich ever) and stuffed it in my face. Then i went out and did exercise and it passed as soon as it came.
That was one of my worst craves… like a million triggers hit me all at once. It was insane.
I am now in bed at 8.45pm for an early sober night.
Hopefully day 50 will be easier.
6 Likes