I would average probably 8 beers a day. Every single day, as an average. Sometimes more, rarely less. Doesn’t sound like much, but most times it was enough to pass out… as I chugged them. I drank everything through the years. Went through phases of wine, vodka, gin, whiskey, etc. Always went back to beer it seems, but would still mix other stuff in. It got to the point where I drank a lot by myself or would triple up on booze before going out. I hid my trash, bottles. Sometimes I would drink all day and night. I could quit for weeks at a time. I could only drink a few days a week, everyday or every hour. Eventually it was right back to drinking in the morning. I justfied it. Felt I was right to be buzzed all the time. Near the end I was drinking, hiding. I couldn’t eat right, sleep. I was really irrational, irritable, memory was shot. Stomach was a mess, always had diarrhea. Forgot stuff, always sick. Cold sores would flare up a couple times a year. Unknown Bumps, bruises, sprains, strains.
When I quit it was horrible. I wanted a drink every minute, hour. Shaking, sweating, anxious, stomach all messed up, headache, couldn’t sleep. Totally flu, cold symptoms. Lasted a week. Wanted a drink the first 5 days.
Took a month to start to feel ok. 3 months to start to sleep at all. A little over a year to think more clearly, sleep longer. Two years or so to sleep normally, eat normally, relax around alcohol.
The Christmas before I quit drinking, I drove to the beach. Normally a 9-ten hour drive.
I woke up that day, still buzzed, and drank a couple beers at home. Stopped and got the flavored alcohol fizzy drinks for the road, the tall boys. Drank the entire drive. Pulled over to use the bathroom a ton. Went through toll plazas etc. Drove under the speed limit the entire time and was passed by everyone. Pulled over a lot to let people by. Major interstates as well. I would stop and buy more of the seltzer or whatever drinks on the way, no food at all.
It took me about 12 hours. My family was waiting on me. My nephew asked if I was drunk and asked why my hair was a mess. So embarrassing. I drank the entire stay for two days. All-day all night. Not enough to get drunk, but just constant. I drank the entire drive back. There are black holes to that trip.
I quit drinking a few months later. That was one of the reasons. I will forever regret doing that. The whole trip I was hiding it. I feel horrible talking about it still.
I Could Not get through the night without drinking. I would get up every couple hours and drink a beer or two or three.
I don’t know if it was the anxiety of that trip,… or what it was. That was one of my deepest moments. It still took me 4 months to quit. After going to work buzzed a bunch, being carried out of bars, general regrets, and drunk.moments I still can’t remember.
I strongly identify with how you drank, including the black out trip from hell. Please share what you did to get sober, to recover from that hopeless state of mind and body.
Wow, 1000 days. You are truly an inspiration. THANK YOU for sharing that. I wanted to read more and more of your journey, That is amazing. I recently relapsed and back to day one … And all I can say is . Thank You. I wish I could somehow save your story so at those times when I don’t think I can do this I can read your story again again and say…Yes I can. CONGRATULATIONS
