I’ve been a drunk since I was 15, after losing my 16 year old brother to a hunting accident. Ive drank hard ever since. Only time I was sober is when I was in Iraq but I still managed to sneak booze over there. I’m 33 now, 28 days sober from Alcohol. I haven’t been this long without a drink since I can remember. Everyone was worried on how it was going to be. But they think I’m so awesome and they are proud of me for getting to this point.
Truth is, three years ago I lied and busted my ass to get Adderall prescribed to me. I never thought I would get addicted. Just help me get over a hangover, and party hard on the weekends. Great sex, talk for hours about nothing.
The last year I’ve thrown everything away to keep alone and chase a high. Went to meth when I ran out of my prescription 20 mg twice a day. Gone in 5 days. I asked for help from my family and told them about my problems. PTSD/Substance abuse. Got my girlfriend back in my life after breaking her heart to a million pieces. Trying to help put that back together.
Anyways yeah I’m embarrassed and wasnt raised like this. But after being sober for the first 14 days on this site, I talked the doctor into prescription again and have been using it for the past two weeks behind their back. They probably know but I try to hide it and tell myself I need it. Anyways love reading all of your stories. I’m coming down from the 2 week high and I know how it sucks. My legs are moving like crazy right now. Restless. Didnt sleep last night and still up now. Quit taking lexapro cold turkey. Only on it 4 days. I dont know, I talked to my counselor today and was finally honest about everything.
I dont know how it all got away from me. Three boys two failed marriages, and almost threw the girl I’ve been with for three years the live of my life out o her ass so I could chase a high and bot be judged. Threw my job away.
That’s my story, this is me. I’m not going to hurt people anymore. I’m going into therapy after this covid shit is over with. Just letting you all know that I read a lot of stories every night. It took me a while to write this.
Keep at it, mate.
Work as hard at sobriety as you did chasing booze and pills and you will have every success.
It’s hard till it gets easy. And it really does get easier.
It sounds like you have the right motivation. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we decide to start the climb back up. I don’t think any of us really go into something thinking we’re going to get addicted. Start looking for therapists now. In my experience it can take months sometimes to get into a new therapist, especially if you’re looking for something specific. Also there are a lot of online meetings happening now that might be useful for you. I wish you the best and keep coming back here to read people’s stories. Keep in mind that if you make your own posts, you might not get many responses. Some people do, some people don’t. That’s been my experience anyway. But don’t let that discourage you. Engage yourself in threads, give other people the support you hope you can get from others, and maybe you’ll internalize it and it will be helpful for you. You’re worth the time and effort it takes to get clean. It’s going to be a pisser of a time on occasion, but you can do it. Remind yourself every day of who you want to be, act as if you’re that person every day, and one day you’ll realize it’s not an act but that you’ve become who you want to be.
You just really helped me. I just came off 2 months sober, quarantine at my parents. Everything got better. Now, it’s 1 am, 5 days into it. I can still walk away. I need to walk. You helped me, mate. I can walk away, not so much of things continue. It gets harder then impossible. So please talk to me me, anyone. I love TS. I got sober here March 16th. Please have me back.
Dude thanks for posting. I think a lot of us can relate. I certainly can.
Dont wait till its over. There are other resources out there. Sometimes i think about the time and money i need to spend on recovery, seems pretty reasonable when i look at the time and money i spent chasing a buzz.
Total honesty is really tough but admirable. Once you let it out there is no where to hide anymore so wide open to progress. Proud of you and am looking forward to following your journey and successes. Hug your girlfriend for me. She deserves a healthy you!
I’m so glad you have decided to share with us. Thata a huge step in the right direction. There are many steps in front of you, but the only ones you need to worry about are the steps you can take today. I’m going to assume that you are in the US based on you being in Iraq. Contact the VA as soon as they open today and ask for help. Get into addiction programs. And most importantly, get a therapist. If they can’t get you in any time soon get a recommendation for someone else. Today, you can start taking the steps towards the help you need.
I thank you for your service, friend. Please continue to be of service to yourself and you loved ones by taking the steps you can take today.
Addiction is like losing your footing, while traversing a mountain. You slip, stumble, and start to slide. If you don’t act, gravity takes over and you go over the edge.
I learned a technique in Mountain Warfare School: Emergency Arrest. When sliding down an icy slope, you roll over and plant your ice axe in and hang on with all you’ve got. If done soon enough, you stop sliding. Now you can assess, orient, and begin climbing again, under control.
Every relapse is a slide down the slope. Plant your axe and dig in. Hold on and the slide may stop. Assess what triggered the relapse, and get back to climbing, cautiously and intentionally.
Thank you for sharing your story! This journey is not easy but yet rewarding. Coming to this site helps tremendously. Don’t beat yourself up over relapses, we’re human! Just never give up because we are all on this road TOGETHER!! STAY STRONG!
Thanks for replying everyone. Still trying to navigate through the site. 30 days sober off of the booze. One day off the pills. VA called two days ago. Should be getting a bed date in June for therapy. Hope you are all doing good. Think I’m gonna go fishing and take the dogs hiking today to stay calm and away from temptation. Enjoy your friday. Again thanks for the responses.
I relate on the deepest level, except for the going to war part. Right now I’m tapering off Adderall and I have been on it since I was 15. I’m 24 in a couple weeks. Only time I wasnt on it, is when I stock piled my prescription and was on meth. I learned my lesson a very hard way. And now I’m suffering though the depression of amphetamine withdrawals slowly. But it will be worth it in the end. I’d rather suffer and remember how much I never want this in my life, and everything I lost, than have that next high. I hope you can get through it. Being honest with your doctor’s, and yourself is the best thing that can get you through the agony, and the Drs, SOMETIMES, tend to be more helpful and understanding. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. I know how hard it is. Sending Hugs, friend.
Mate, if I were you I’d come clean to everyone about the Adderall. When they discover you’re lying it will be a lot harder then if you tell them the truth. It will be hard, you will disappoint them, but there will be less damage. Good luck
Also must remember, that step nine, making amends to those whereever possible except when to do so would injure those or others, @Bobdiz5k is considered the “other” in this step as well. I learned (I’m just sharing my experience strength and hope), this the hard way, wanting to be honest with people about my wrong right away but it just ended up hurting them and myself in the long run. Instead, I got sober, with the help of Drs. Tapering off the Adderall currently. And I’m moving to a sober living home. Then when the time is right I’ll be honest with them about my wrongs. I don’t think it’s best in anyone’s early recovery to start admitting and making amends if they are not on that step. Just focus on the problem at hand and go from there. Just my suggestion though! Good luck to you friend!
Iv been in recovery now 60 days and I’m feeling great.
I’v been here before and it all goes belly up and I have a relapse. I’m in a recovery program now that I did before and iv looked at other programs too. I’m in Ireland and would love if anyone can give me a little bit of advise
Welcome. I’m proud of you having 2 months of sobriety.
I highly recommend checking in daily to keep focus in the checking daily to maintain focus thread.
I also recommend finding some activities to fill time like, running, cycling, working out, meditation/mindfulness, crafts, drawing, reading etc.
I also recommend reading on this forum a lot on this forum and asking questions if you have any.
Good luck, you’ve got this.
It really is a struggle but I can read in your thread that you know what’s right and what’s wrong,what’s needed medically and what’s not,if you can follow that thru stick with your gut BC that will never lie ,I get you them sleepless nights are like hell on earth especially whilst in pain,I’ve come off methadone a few times and the non sleep out if all of it is the killer but after awhile you body starts to adapt to less sleep and eventually your body will heal and sleep will come.thanks for your service keep connected TS is a great forum.
hugs friend!