Day 19, and it’s been so long since I’ve checked in. Hubs is still hanging in there with me. It’s starting to feel like the new normal around here. Sober weekends and clear mornings. No real news to report over here. Feeling great, no major blocks and back to school.
Turning out the lights on three weeks. It feels really great, I am looking forward to getting past the 30 day mark. That is usually when I give up and give in. I’ll be sure to come daily during that time, it feels easy to me right now, only because I’m busy and tired and don’t really have time to dwell on it.
Guys! 25 days! Today was a bit of a struggle, I found myself looking at wines online. No intention to buy just blindly clicking links. I caught myself and shut it down. Hubs caved last thursday, but he felt like crap for two days after and he hasn’t caved since. I’m getting back to the gym next week and getting a bunch of work done, so my focus is going to be fitness and nutrition to get down to a weight I’m happy with before we head home for the holidays.
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Thirty days today! My first official day back to Crossfit was Friday, a friggin ridiculous workout anf my arse hurts so bad, I had the hubs give me a bum massage last night. So…I’m headed back today, Sundays are open gym and I’m going to get a baseline workout in.
I’m still having troubles focusing on my work, so productivity has to become a huge priority for me in the coming weeks.
Today, I’ve got to work on the blog, do some meal prep and clean house, stay off the couch. Off to make some biscuits and gravy, let’s start the day off right!
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Congratulations on hitting 30 days what a acomplishmant!
Wow, the last time I was here was 2017. I don’t even remember what led me to start drinking again. Probably, summer and parties and my failing marriage. So much has happened!
Moved back to Kansas, I’ve been divorced for 2 years, bought my own house, and still trying to overcome this drinking thing. 2018, 2019, and 2020…I was pretty much drinking every day. Not blackout drunk, but enough to make me fat and angry. Then the past 8 months or so I went to binge drinking twice a week every week. I constantly feel awful and I hate being in my own company.
Ending out day 4 today, and planning on being a more active participant in my sobriety than I have in the past. So, I’ll start this thread again, and show up every day for myself.
Today was pretty great, woke up and worked out, work went well, I ate a good dinner, did the dishes and I’m having my sparkling water in my wine glass. I really wanted to drink today, Thursdays became my typical first blackout day over the years. But I didn’t. I had opportunity, I got close, but I came home and poured my water into my glass and felt way better.
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It sounds simple but it really is one minute, hour, day at a time. I am two weeks from one year sober. Been in therapy to discover more about my reasons for drinking. Get support and have goals. Enjoy your sobriety!
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I remember this thread when you first started it. It’s nice to see you again. Welcome back
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Hey Andi welcome back, sounds like you have been through a lot in the last few years. Really glad you made it back, congrats on your days.
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Good for you Andi - welcome back!
Time to kick some ass, one day at a time 
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Thanks y’all! Definitely really digging into the reasons WHY I drank or feel like I need to drink. Like yesterday, I was unfocused and tired from work, it’s been a long week and I wanted to numb out. But I made these awesome air fryer taquitos and ate chocolate and drank water from my favorite wine glass instead.
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Day 7, got up and ran at 630, then treated the kids to donuts and I drank ass loads of coffee. I’m making up for my do nothing day yesterday. It was intermittently stormy, so we laid around and watched TV. I’m proud of myself for getting up and getting the run done. It was painful and super slow, but it felt better than a hangover.
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Good for you Andi! One day at a time, one step at a time. Keep it up 
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Great thread. You’re on a wonderful journey. Seems like you’ve figured out already that sober life = your best life!
Just remember to always say NO to the drink that matters, the first drink. Then there can’t be a second, third, fourth…
and if you’re thinking about drinking, play the tape ALLL the way through. How will you really feel if you decide to drink .? Our mind forgets the pain alcohol causes us and tries to glamorize it again. But it’s a lie. You gotta be strong willed and know that you love yourself too much to go and put that poisonous substance anywhere near your beautiful body. Wishing you all the very best 
you got this Andi!
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Your story resonates in my soul! I’m a working Mom and my husband works 3rd shift. My 7 year old had to experience (or see it happen) your son’s experience. I had several relapses, my longest stretch of sobriety was 21 days. I have finally decided that I CANT drink, because I’m an alcoholic and it will just continue to spiral. I’m only on day 5, but I will be on day 6 tomorrow. This time I feel totally different mentally. I just live in the moment and its unfortunate I missed the last 6 years!
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Y’all, I failed. I dropped off my kids with their dad ( I have 50/50 custody) and despair and loneliness set in. So, I gave in to the freaking wine b****. 
I didn’t set myself up for success either. I didn’t even give it any conscious thought, I just went.
Loneliness is a huge trigger for me, and I don’t have a huge IRL support system. But, I could have taken my dog on a walk, called my mom or my sister, texted my best friend, read a book, clean the house, bake a freaking cake. Really a million things. I didn’t get stupid drunk, just drank my bottle of red and went to sleep. But still, it kept me from waking up and working out, it kept me from a peaceful sleep, it kept me from my goal of changing my habits, my life, and myself.
I’m not beating myself up. Recognizing the behavior and the trigger, and how my brain is totally tired and unfocused today. I can do this. Tonight when I get home from work, I’m going to do a deep dive and gather a solid toolkit and give up the excuses.
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Ahh that slippery slope, that I always fall in to. Looking up a therapist today, and making a point to stay active and journal every day and put in the work. I said I wouldn’t beat myself up, but I have been. I’m feeling majorly like a loser and a failure and just so anxious and depressed about it all. I’m just so pissed and unhappy. 
Wow, that is really good that you can name one of the triggers. Mine were the same.
All of a sudden my thoughts began spiralling downwards : I am a bad person, why, you can see that, I am here alone, I am a shitty person. Blablaba. To stop this, I poured wine down the throat. Never made it better. I knew, yet the automatism ruled my behaviour until I was strong enough to have a look behind the fear. What comes after feeling fucking lonely? Now, I know that this is a feeling as every other feeling : transient. I can shower in self-pity but won’t take a bath in it anymore.
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Yes! The depression and anxiety spiral is the worst! I’m feeling better, but I know it takes me about 5 days to start feeling “normal” after a binge.
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