Been sick. Have also begun writing reasons down in a notebook for easier access, but I think I’ll try to keep this up for accountability and such.
Focusing on the addiction keeps me from doing things actually conducive to good health.
It makes me feel unworthy of my goals, which isn’t true.
I’m sick of feeling like I’m playing catch up on everything.
I’m sick of feeling weak. Of being helpless. Of being scared.
This is on me to save myself from, no one else is going to rescue me. It’s like depression. Same song different verse.
If I can’t help myself with the obvious issues I’m gonna find it harder to deal with the sneakier ones.
I have enough to worry about. I’ve worried enough to fill an extra twenty years. We’re downsizing. I expect you to be out of my office in a week, Addiction.
I have a place I wanna be, and here ain’t it.
No one grows as a person by using others.
To enjoy more moments like the one I just had, talking and laughing with my brother late at night.
To be the kind of friend my best friends deserve, and to believe I’m worthy of them.
To stop feeling like there’s something wrong with me. Like I’m something unfixable.
To be more trustworthy.
To stop going to bed disappointed with myself.
To keep up my emotional energy to deal with life.
There are things more important than me wrapped up in my head and this addiction.
I have the freedom to make my own choices without other people controlling this. This isn’t their fault that I’m still following this course.
I’ve been scared of changing. Like somehow it will make things unsafe for me by letting go of my habits. But this change is good.
If I stay how I am I’ll only get worse in all respects
I need to break the cycle of emotional constipation in my family, and the addiction is in the way.
The longer I succeed the more self worth I have.
There’s always something that can be done to improve a situation. Controlling this is one.
This addiction will push away other people and shame me.
If I want to expect this level of self control from other people I need it in myself.
If I don’t quit now then when?
If I’ve ever got to admit this to someone I’d like to accompany it with a “but I’m clean now”. People respect when they know you try.
I’ve had enough family secrets. I’m sick of them. I want some honesty and addiction supports lies.
I need to get over my expectations for failure.
I’m not as bad of a person as I think.
If I’m worth something later I’m worth something now. Wheat is wheat even while people mistake it for grass.
People are willing to reach out if I reach back. I almost didn’t today because of how I felt.
The way to happiness is through what actually matters.
I don’t like how distorted my view is after.
This is a great question and reminder.
Mine are:
When I stop caring is when I stop succeeding in everything.
I am not a failure. I can succeed.
There is a future out there for me if I just keep trying.
I want to be worthy for the goals ahead of me.
This is keeping me pacified and underconfident, comfortable in the rotting state my life is in.
I will never know peace like this.
I don’t really want this. I like the high, I like not caring. But I don’t actually like what I am addicted to. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
I am fighting, that is proof of my strength.
I want to stop being so wrapped up in my head.
Reasons for me today
I want to feel like myself again
I’m so done hurting myself all the time (I often lose my motor skills when drunk …)
I reeeeally want to do well at my new job and be worthy of all the responsibility that comes with it
This is an investment in my future happiness.
There’s nothing like working on goals to shove off depression.
I feel more like I own my body when I’m in control of it.
It’s a disgrace to life to give up fighting.
There are people and options and opportunities I need to try. If I always assume everything is a danger then I’ll never make progress. Progress is about risk. That means stepping into the uncomfortable.
As hard as it is to believe, I can make contributions to this world. How I behave affects the nature of those contributions.