Reasons for fighting


#42
  1. I want to build a better life, one with a brighter future.
  2. I want to prove that I can succeed.
  3. If I’m feeling lousy I don’t want to fall back on the addiction, because that’s digging myself deeper. Self destruction will only grant numbness, never peace. And peace is what I’m after.

#43
  1. Life is not good sometimes but there are good moments, and I want to be in a place to enjoy them to the fullest.
  2. I’m trying to learn good coping mechanisms. This is not one.
  3. When I give into my addiction I lose my morals, my way of thinking, who I am. I don’t want to lose me.

#44
  1. I had a lucid dream last night where I thought I gave in to the addiction and I was super anxious all day. I don’t want to feel like that.
  2. Others are hard to trust, so I need to be able to trust myself. The best way to start doing that is getting clean.
  3. We’re going to have a bunch of family over and it would be good to be clean through that.

#45
  1. I just fulfilled the stupid candyland request and I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor to the fullest extent so no subliminal self disgust at a personal failure is allowed until I’m done doing so.
  2. I recently updated one of my stupid stories and I want to get the next chapter out within a year for once.
  3. The worst of the addiction happens at night and it’s getting really freaking cold so I don’t want to do the walk of shame in the freaking cold. Screw that. I’m staying warm and cozy and away from my addiction.

#46
  1. I have a recorded Toy Story short I want to watch intrusive thoughts and self disgust free.
  2. I was wrong on the date for Candyland so that’s happening tomorrow and I’m hoping everyone likes my art and that I’m clean through it.
  3. I’m much more clearheaded like this and I really think I like it. Sometimes it’s rough, but mostly it’s good.

#47
  1. I don’t want more reasons to be anxious about night
  2. I’d like to be clean through Christmas. The easiest way to do that is to not be not clean all the way till and through then.
  3. I need to help mom right now.

#48
  1. I got myself out of an anxiety attack today without internalizing everything or anything. That’s the kind of healthy I want more of.
  2. This gives me more control over my life.
  3. I want to enjoy my chocolate orange without background radiation.

Ahh! I feel like I’m doing better. I really want to go cold turkey this time but I think that’s a bit too much pressure. Just as far as I can, and maybe a little more.


#49
  1. I might update a story within a few weeks rather than a few years for once and that’s the greatest thing ever?? Like this could be a new record for me.
  2. My mother is coming home from her scans tomorrow and I want to be clean the whole day.
  3. I’m going to try and get into some college courses soon. It’d be neat to start that clearheaded.

#50
  1. Going for week two, only four more days away.
  2. Holy frick I just wrote a chapter in two days and I’m flIPPING OUT. That would have never happened on addiction. If I can pull out the full rewrite in a day it would be a new record for my writing.
  3. My mother works so hard to keep our family together, I don’t want to hurt her heart any more.

#51

My health , my children an my marriage


#52

I like who I am and am becoming when I’m sober(I didn’t like the old me)…I might just be able to help someone else find a way out of the living hell of addiction…this is one of the only things I have ever found that I can place my entire confidence behind and stand by it


#53
  1. Because just once is never once. It isn’t a gift to myself for working hard, or a goodbye kiss as I send it away forever. It tears me down and leaves me dead inside and lonely in the morning, feeling used by that vixen addiction.
  2. I would want my brothers to stop if our roles reversed.
  3. I need good coping skills, and I barely have the motivation for them normally. The addiction takes a friggin chainsaw to that. I’m a baby adult trying to make my way in the world and I can’t do that if my ducks are not only not in line but run over by a semi. No duck killers allowed here. That’s major bad.

#54

Great responses, great prompt.

Today—

  1. I am so much more able to deal with the people I care about and the situations around me without defaulting to defensive, impatient or snarky behavior.
  2. I feel no— or way less- shame in being who I am. Not the heavy weight of hiding as well.
  3. No headaches.

#55
  1. I’m feeling super lousy, but I know if I give to the addiction I’ll feel so much worse, and it’ll be so much harder to get back up.

  2. With winter coming on its going to be harder to feel okay.

  3. I keep grabbing new projects for myself because I’m bored and I’d like to work on them with a mind I can call my own.


#56

A little better today.

  1. I believe tomorrow is my second week post first month. I’m not sure I’ve reached that before.

  2. I still need to do a rewrite and let’s be real, that’s not happening in relapse.

  3. Apparently both sides of my family are weaning out some bad behavior through generations. I’d like to stomp it out permanently, so I can’t fall to this.


#57
  1. I have anxiety, and if I keep this stupid addiction it’s just going to keep me up more and stress me out before bed and that’s just bad.

  2. My animal crossing villagers believe in me. xD I want to say it’s sarcastic but they’re supportive little buggers.

  3. My mother’s last chemo treatment didn’t work, so she’s going to be starting something new I think. That means new side affects, I’d like to help support her.


#58
  1. I’m considering going into psychology, and if I can’t handle myself I won’t be helping other people.

  2. I have a hard time leaving the house, feeling like I’m ready to leave the house. Not falling for the addiction’s trickery helps me feel more like I can.

  3. I ask for content, for peace. Buzzed isn’t what I’m going for and it keeps me from what I want.


#59
  1. I want to go to church without feeling guilty

  2. Fighting will help me build motivation and motivation helps me do things I actually want to do.

  3. I feel more in control without it. I need more control in my life.


#60
  1. So I can free my mind, and be me confidently without self judgement and to not be so damn irritable.

  2. So I can stop having my happiness be dependent to a stupid addiction instead of just feeling happy. To be self reliable

  3. So I can stop procrastinating, wasting my time on this addiction and feeling shame about the things I don’t do because of procrastination. Very metaphysical and a catch 22 really.


#61

Last night I had to fight really hard, but I won.

  1. I’m updating my hecking story and tomorrow I’m going to read those hecking comments and be happy. No background radiation.

  2. My mom needs help with getting things ready for the holidays. Gotta be there.

  3. I wanna make it to twenty days. That would be awesome. Just like three more days.