from “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism” by Chögyam Trungpa, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche -
“WE HAVE COME here to learn about spirituality. I trust the genuine quality of this search but we must question its nature. The problem is that ego can convert anything to its own use, even spirituality. Ego is constantly attempting to acquire and apply the teachings of spirituality for its own benefit. The teachings are treated as an external thing, external to “me,” a philosophy which we try to imitate. We do not actually want to identify with or become the teachings. So if our teacher speaks of renunciation of ego, we attempt to mimic renunciation of ego. We go through the motions, make the appropriate gestures, but we really do not want to sacrifice any part of our way of life. We become skillful actors, and while playing deaf and dumb to the real meaning of the teachings, we find some comfort in pretending to follow the path.”
This is me. Maybe not al the time. However, I thinl currently this is where I am at. Life is so busy right now, I find myself going through the motions, going to my meeting, reading…
Am I really THAT busy, or is it just Ego taking what I have learned and imitating it. Easier right now to imitate.
Setting in this.
On another note. I have found meditating (does this count) while on an exercise bike is easier to focus and listen, and observe and take away from meditation.
I just attended my first Recovery Dharma meeting online. I didn’t share and stood silent. It was very different to what I know of AA meetings. I liked the atmosphere. I have reservations to share in a language that is not my mother tongue.
from “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism” by Chögyam Trungpa, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche -
“Whenever we begin to feel any discrepancy or conflict between our actions and the teachings, we immediately interpret the situation in such a way that the conflict is smoothed over. The interpreter is ego in the role of spiritual adviser.”
from “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism” by Chögyam Trungpa, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche -
“If we ask ourselves, “What is wrong with evaluating, with taking sides?” the answer is that, when we formulate a secondary judgment, “I should be doing this and should avoid doing that,” then we have achieved a level of complication which takes us a long way from the basic simplicity of what we are. The simplicity of meditation means just experiencing the ape instinct of ego. If anything more than this is laid onto our psychology, then it becomes a very heavy, thick mask, a suit of armor.”
I find myself wanting to race through this book. A wise friend is having me try something new with my reading. Reading a little and setting with it.
My first thought when i read this, “OMFG this is me…I am broken” Then I realized…if its was jist me, this book wouldnt have been written…
Becauae I never met the author…I am a normal human being!
A meeting tonight, but I’m still mulling over the stuff of a meeting a few nights ago now…
From Wise Concentration
“The purpose of concentration is to train the mind to be focused and undistracted.” Of course.
“Most of us, in early meditation practice, are distracted by things around us.” Agreed.
“In our addictions, we nurtured the habit of distracting ourselves; for many of us, it has become a survival technique. Concentration meditation gives us the opportunity to meet this habit with kindness and patience rather than resistance.” Hmmmm…
“Concentration can be especially helpful in times of craving. Instead of getting lost in the delusion that we must have what we’re craving, we can trust that the craving is only temporary and refocus our attention…” Now you’re talking…
Not avoidance, but redirection. There’s a bunch of air traffic controllers running around in my mind with a whole new skillset to practice.
Life has gotten away from me, nothing serious…juat to many hours at work. Taking time for myself tonight, and refocusing on Dharma.
This stood out as something I need to set with
But we were not satisfied and we thought, “Since this one object makes my room so beautiful, if I get more antiques, my room will be even more beautiful.” So we began to collect, and the end result was chaos.
We re-read “Wise Intention” at last night’s mtg. This landed in me anew:
"There may be times when we don’t necessarily want to act in a wholesome manner. We may know what’s the right thing to do, but just don’t want to do it. It’s in these moments when we can focus on our intention. Maybe we aren’t ready to do the difficult thing, to quit a certain behaviour, to set a boundary, or forgive someone for whom we hold a resentment. But we can set the intention to do so, and investigate our willingness in meditation by repeating statements like “May I have the willingness to forgive… May I have the willingness to quit smoking (or skip that piece of cake, or stay off the internet tonight etc.)… May I have the willingness to make amends to my partner.”
I have pretty big blind spot here. When it comes to “accepting the things I cannot change”, I tell myself I do this. Except, there’s a part of my mind that when said things (or actions of others) are wrong, unjust, or otherwise deeply incongruent with my values, I feel like I am allowed to justifiably rage against them, even if only internally. When I go to these places in my mind, I see how close I am to where I also “justifiably” allowed myself to drink to deal with it all.
Truthfully? I still want to feel deeply stirred by injustice, inequity, poverty, (my list goes on).
May I have the willingness to respond to these with wise speech, wise action, and wise effort.
May I practice discernment and cultivate equanimity.
I really love this and appreciate you sharing it…and so eloquently and thoughtfully!! I have the same tendencies…so this will give me more to meditate on coming into the new year.
Sounds great! My attempts at these, though, have felt so much like I’m in a fitting room, trying them on as if they are clothes I could buy. Reaching for something external (sound familiar?) to compensate for my deficits. They haven’t stuck.
So, I’ve been turning to the pros for help unpacking this. A few gems:
I do know this: I could not be here, where I am today - walking away from the fitting room - without embracing my truth, that I need recovery on the daily.
Grateful.
I am watching a coworker struggle, life just isnt “going her way”. She asked how I always seem so content (she has obviously never read my venting here…lol)…and I pulled this out
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“WE can learn to rejoice in even the smallest blessings our life holds. It is easy to miss our own good fortune; often happiness comes in ways we don’t even notice.”
I needed to read this today. Day 2 back at my desk after 10 days away from it. I realized during the break just how much free-rein I give my inner critic (a first class asshole) when I’m working. No censoring whatsoever. Some days I feel like there’s a loudspeaker narrating my inadequacy, my every insufficient move.
Your quote reminded me of this:
“Most of us have been conditioned to be our own harshest critic from early on, especially during our fixations on substances and behaviours. We carry the shadow of that judge with us, even as we seek recovery, giving ourselves negative feedback and scrutinizing every effort we make, holding ourselves to impossible standards of perfection. Letting go of that inner critic allows us to be mindful in the present of the efforts we are making, mindful of the compassion and lovingkindness we’re learning to make a part of our practice and our lives.” (p.45)
If it gets bad, I can even beat myself up for beating myself up. But this is a choice, and I need to remind myself I can choose otherwise. Thank you for this.
(On keeping with the theme of gentleness for oneself):
“In meditation we discover our inherent restlessness. Sometimes we get up and leave. Sometimes we sit there but our bodies wiggle and squirm and our minds go far away. This can be so uncomfortable that we feel it’s impossible to stay. Yet this feeling can teach us not just about ourselves but also about what it is to be human. All of us derive security and comfort from the imaginary world of memories and fantasies and plans. We really don’t want to stay with the nakedness of our present experience. It goes against the grain to stay present. These are the times when only gentleness and a sense of humor can give us the strength to settle down.”
~Pema Chödrön
(From her book The Places That Scare Us)
