For my meditation the last couple of days I have been contemplating one of the false beliefs uncovered through my first noble truth inquiry. Essentially the false belief is:
I am special - or - I am deficient
Which I borrowed from Tara Brach because it summarised my thoughts neatly!
One of the main things that came up was the idea of uniqueness and the concept of self. On the one hand, we all have combinations of traits and experiences that make us unique. On the other hand, we all have times where we want to be special, or donāt want to be deficient, thatās very universal. Which is the opposite of being unique!
Some feedback I got from my local group included:
the idea of self gives us the idea of other and this divison causes conflict
we seek to attach to our sense of self and push away anything that challenges it
the self is not something fixed, it is always changing, as is everything, because impermanence is a fact of life
I know when I try and come up with an answer to the question: what am I? I can get in a spin. I see so much stuff like being true to your values, finding your purpose, it makes me feel lost. When I ask myself: Am I special? Or, am I deficient? the question of what am I? Is one that pops up.
The Recovery Dharma book says, on the cause of suffering (p. 14) āclinging to impermanent solutions for suffering results in cravingā - so when I seek to define myself, to believe that I am special or deficient, I am looking for an answer that doesnāt exist. It will always change. Stepping back from the defining myself, values, purpose etc - really I am just one person (or being) in a world of millions more, at one point in time and spaceā¦
I am thinking of checking one out. I might have missed it, but donāt seem to see any in this area (or many in the province at all) but I am sure there are some. Although Iām sure itās ok if I access international ones as well. I havenāt had a chance to listen much to the audiobook so Iām hoping to find some time to do that. Iāll need to set aside ābreaksā in my workday to do so
Thatās how I see it playing out for me too. I might enquire about a mentor as time goes on. Iām sure itāll take a few weeks for me to build up the confidence to speak up, share etc. Iām not applying any pressure to the situation, just doing what feels right at the time. I started saying to myself āyou must speak at the next meetingā and then I quickly realised this is the type of thinking Iām trying to stop
@Salty From my very limited experience it doesnāt seem to matter where youāre from. I was on a London meeting but the attendance was probably 40% international. They did ask that cameras were switch on which is understandable, but I didnāt feel any pressure to speak. Iāve noticed there are a few women only meetings aswell if youād prefer that.
Iāve woken up with a stinking head ache so the morning meditation in front of the light box could be a struggle. Sticking to the routine tho
Yea I think you can jump on any, just pick a time that works for you. My local group isnāt listed in the main list, I found them on Facebook and got the details there.
This is interesting. The idea that seeking to define yourself is an example of searching for an impermanent solution. I define myself all the time, mostly negatively. In someways I think it really is the root of a lot of my problems. Falling into the thought processes of āalways, foreverā when really everything is temporary. Seeking a permanent definition of self in a constantly changing world will always lead to feelings of persistent disatisfaction with life.
Iām trying to focus on the recognising part, after so many years of not confronting pain itās challenging. I guess Iāve normalised these negative thought processes so much I often donāt recognise them for what they are.
Something I have also been thinking about! For me, it less comparison to others (although that does play a part), it is more how or what other people think of me.
If someone has a negative opinion of me it puts me into a real spin. Especially when that negative opinion is formed or voiced after I have, in my mind, been trying to do something that cultivates kindness and compassion. I suppose it is especially jarring, when I am doing something I think is positive, to be met with a negative reaction.
I tell myself āit doesnāt matter what other people think of meā. Logically, I know that not everyone will like me and thatās just life. But it doesnāt stop me caring what other people think. I believe this feeds into my difficulties saying no and my desire to people please. Ultimately, when I do this, I end up prioritising the needs of people who donāt really give a shit about me over the people I care about!
My morning meditation discussed Beginner Mind and used the āEmpty Your Cupā story as the example. I found it very useful and went for a walk after to try and make some sense of it. There are so many ways to interpret the story itāll take a while to unpack. I guess initially I think something like, in order see the truth we must view everything with an open mind.
From my RD meeting this morning: A Tara Brach (love her!) training piece:
My beloved child, break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart;
you stop feeding on the love which is the well-spring of your vitality.
The time is come. Your time to see, to celebrate, to live, to trust the goodness that you are.
Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you.
And if one comes, even the name of truth, forgive it for its unknowing.
Do not fight. Stop the war and let go.
And breathe into the goodness that you are.
~ Bapu-ji
Just attended my first RD meeting. Thanks for the links. Very good. I do AA but also do a lot of reading elsewhere. I really appreciated the experience.
If anyone is interested in doing bookwork/study on either Recovery Dharma or The Eight Step Recovery book (Valerie Mason-John), let me me know!
I didnāt think I was going to make my 2nd meeting today. I am so tired. I did and of course it was totally worth it. That group is doing Eight Step Recovery, but itās almost over and itās so good!
I did my first noble truth inquiry and then had some difficult emotions so have taken a break for the last week or so. I would like to pick it back up, but need to give myself a couple more days just to settle back in. Had a couple of weeks off CBT (my therapist was away) which set me back a bit there and Iāve got all confused between RD and CBT. Hopefully back on track with CBT and then will get onto the RD book!
We read through the Five Precept Inquiries today, just read through them and I really struggled not to climb deep into myself and disassociate. I am going to work through with a āwise friendā but I fear neither of us are far enough along to handle it together and should maybe bring in a mentor.
I am interested to hear if you were working through it alone @siand . I have heard that doing it on your own, with a mentor or wise friend, can be brutal. I think I need someone to both āgroundā me and āleadā me to go deeper without drowning.
I tried to do the First Nobel Truth questions the other day and struggled. I couldnāt work out what exactly it meant by a behaviour. I know that sounds a bit silly, but I couldnāt quite grasp it, along with how the subsequent questions expanded on these behaviours. I tried looking online for an example but didnāt find much.
When it says behaviour, does it mean a specific event or action rather than a consistent behaviour? I think perhaps the reason Iām struggling is that Iām looking at it more as on going behaviours, like say, being selfish, as opposed to single events like, a time I was horrible to someone.
The questions seem to make more sense if I were to say - this specific thing that I did, what the affects were, is there a pattern, was it due to trauma/pain etc.
If thatās what it is, itās going to be tough reliving some of that stuff
