Recovery Dharma: TS Sangha

[siand]

I will send you what I’ve done if that’s helpful. I thought about behaviours as a group e.g. behaviours relating to low self-esteem (doubting myself, self-sabotage, people pleasing etc).

Editing to add an example of the format I used which helped organise my thoughts on this, and some narrative which came from contemplation and discussion.

@EarnIt @anon28001181 I have been chatting to someone in my group after Sunday meditation class. I guess he is my mentor although we’ve not really spoken about it like that. He leads the sessions for my local group.

I think what I’ve done also blurs into the second noble truth a bit. I’m not really sure though as above I’ve just taken a break from it while I wait for this rocky patch to pass.

[Hailstrom]

That’s great, thank you. When I look back at what I wrote before it was just a jumble, but the structure you have used is really helpful. I think I approached it without any real order or framework so it was too confusing. My notes are just a load of words scribbled down.

[Hailstrom]

I’m not usually fond of these ‘look what you were doing on this day…’ posts that smart phones do, but today was quite fun. 3 years ago today I was in Bagan, Myanmar. And I was sober. I mean, it all came crashing back down when I arrived back in the UK, but something changed while I was there. It was the beginning of my weight loss journey and in some ways the beginning of my sobriety journey too. It’s definitely when I started to take it seriously and wanted to change.

[siand]

Some notes from my local meditation group this morning, which was talking about sitting through difficult times.

The progress we make isn’t a straight line - sometimes it’s easier to sit than others. That’s how progress works, there are ups and downs. But when we hit a down it can be easy to justify not sticking with it. We can use difficult times to strengthen our practice (as we can use good times!), to help us develop insight and compassion.

Through meditation we develop clarity and focus. That is the goal - it is not about feeling good or bad. Difficult circumstances provide an opportunity to explore and melt away the walls of our delusion. Delusion means not seeing things are they are - taking the appearance of something as the real thing. The basic teachings of the Buddha are that we don’t see things as we are, we see them as they appear and that delusion is the basis of suffering.

Through our suffering we can create more suffering, through the narratives we create and the way we respond. That cycle is samsara. By sitting, meditating and seeing things as they are, we can start to break that cycle.

I know for me, when I go through difficult times, I can really build up resistance to meditation (and other things that are good for me). It is very easy to let the ‘nope’ take over and sink into the cycle of samsara.

Something we’ve been talking about through meditiation is this idea of tightening and then letting go, building focus and finding clarity. That’s something we meditated on this morning - ‘when we relax our tight grip, we find infinite space that is open, inviting and comfortable’. We need to let go to find that time and space, I have found this with the inquiry practice. Just setting it down has given me the opportunity to explore my meditation practice, to sit with myself and see what comes up.

[Maria]

question. do you attent recovery dharma meetings online? If so can you recommend a time and group that fits our time zone?

[Maria]

Thank you. I have those access, but was specifically looking for this

[Maria]

See you wizard! you are fast! thank you. I will check it out! for coming months that is my breathwork meditation group night but I have the option and will check it out! It keeps coming back with me, so I have to do something with it then right.
Have a good night. I heard there is change of a KanaalRat storm in our little country.

[siand]

The Daily Non-Dukkha meetings sound good. I believe 2pm UK time so it depends what you have on through the day. Our friend @EarnIt goes to them

[siand]

Good point! I suppose rather than saying that part of progress is having ups and downs, I should say that part of life is having ups and downs. As per the first noble truth, there is suffering. And the important bit is that the point of meditation is not to feel up, or stop feeling down, but to develop non-judgemental, compassionate awareness.

And I really like the idea of gaining insight from resistance. Fostering an attitude of curiosity rather than attachment. I think that is how I will break down the avoidance, and I guess I just have to accept that some days it will work, others it won’t! Will keep coming back to it and remember that long held habits and attitudes take time to break, just as new ones take time to form.

[Maria]

Great thanks. Do you know how to enter? @EarnIt

[siand]

I think all the zoom details should be on the Recovery Dharma website - https://recoverydharma.org/meeting-list

[siand]

I would be interested in starting to work through the eightfold path part of the book while I take a little break from the inquiry. Start tomorrow and work through them, one a week?

Editing to say, seen the DND zoom does book work on a Thursday, so maybe we could discuss that here after?

[EarnIt]

Yes! The Non-Dukkha Sangha is seven days a week at 2pm GMT (8am my time!). It’s just a really great group of people from all over the world. I love my sangha.

Meeting ID: 93271063033
Passcode: 1234

[Maria]

Thank you!

[siand]

I will be on for the speaker meeting tomorrow

[EarnIt]

I just ordered my Tibetan singing bowl. I wanted to buy a Mala, but I feel like I need to touch it. Same with a meditation cushion/chair.

[siand]

Oh cool, I love these! Or the sound of them anyway, I don’t have one.

[EarnIt]

I didn’t share in my meeting this morning. So, here’s a little share for you.

When I was around 11 (interestingly, the same time I started obliterating my brain with alcohol), I started to investigate beliefs outside of Christianity. We had a mobile library that would come to the school. The town I lived in outside of L.A. had a tiny little school, not really big enough for a library. Needless to say, all the books in the Book-Mobile were donations, no age limit. It was a a community library. I actually read Helter Skelter in the 4th grade - Thanks Book-Mobile for my first bouts of insomnia!

Anyway, apparently a “new-ager” had donated plenty of books. I found books on past lives, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, etc. My parents didn’t pay much attention to us. If I was reading, I wasn’t making trouble and HEY, “Readers are Leaders!” So, I was reading through these books and my preteen brain decided it made a lot of sense. I decided to share this with my mother. She promptly declared that I was going to Hell and all this could lead to was evil and sin. Don’t even get me started on the hypocrisy of THAT.

It was around the same time that I started questioning/confronting my grandfather, Reverend Ezra Coppin about the essence of a punishing God, whereas I saw a benevolent being and really didn’t believe in Hell, like AT ALL. I was like, “Hey, he already sacrificed his kid! What kind of a dude IS this??”

Parents and grandparents matter, so I pushed this all back inside for a long time. I did study Religions of the East in my Catholic high schoo,l. I wish I could remember how they tweaked those beliefs. I was never Catholic, it’s just a good school choice if you are in the heart of Los Angeles. No more tiny towns for us!

Now, I feel liberated. I have been so separated from the majority of my Christian friends due to this election and them baring their stripes, in lieu of more colorful terms. I do believe so much more than what is confined in one holy book. Humans are so egotistical to believe that they know it all. I want to laugh maniacally when anyone says, “God intended…”

If you are feeling it, you can Google “GrandDad,” as he like to be called.

Have a great day, my friends. Namaste!

[siand]

Still haven’t listened to this, but I had something today that confirms for me it is much needed.

Today was good. Actually it was pretty great. I made some breakthroughs on some stuff I’ve been struggling with, made some time to do things I enjoy, had a potential job offer. Got home from a walk where I felt brimming over with joy, gratitude and warmth. Checked emails, saw some potential (not definite) setbacks. All of a sudden all my progress was a total waste of time, nothing ever goes right. Very woe is me, why can’t I just be happy for more than half a day…

I know that really, any setbacks if they do materialise will be minor. I may have to change direction, but my whole idea is about responding to local needs, so there is no set end point anyway. Regardless of that, there is no right way, everything is impermanent! So time isn’t wasted, it passes. Sometimes things happen as we expected but often they don’t!

Because I started writing this stuff down as I was feeling bad, it took away it’s power pretty quickly. Just experiencing a normal emotional response and not allowing it to become a major narrative about me and my place in the world.

Looking forward to the RD DND book study meeting tomorrow.

[Hailstrom]

That sounds like some good recognising and acknowledging there I’m glad you were able to refocus on the positive aspects of your day.

I struggle with that fear of losing time quite a bit, whether it be in the past or present. I’m very judgemental of where I am in life and how I’ve held myself back. Feelings that I’m not where I should be, failure etc. It’s been on my mind quite a bit these past couple of days infact. And I’ve struggled with my meditation quite a bit too although I have persisted.

I had a moment on Tuesday infact. I received a flurry of emails and DMs at work and very suddenly felt awash with negative emotions. I’m usually pretty calm when it comes to work, but for whatever reason it really triggered me emotionally. I felt myself light up, anxiety tingles in my hands, quite unexpected and unusual. It was difficult to shake off, and honestly, it took quite a while to settle, but I was encouraged by my response. It wasn’t to push it away or fight it, but to stop and acknowledge it. And to recognise that it is temporary. It’s all about these small improvements.

I think I might rewatch that video myself this afternoon.