I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God’s power to face the person I’ve feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free.
Daily Reflections, p. 107
We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us. In our drinking years, we suppressed emotion and created other personas to avoid facing ourselves; we created double lives. Nearly every alcoholic says that they weren’t comfortable in their own skin, which is a graphic way of saying, “I’m not comfortable being me!” Once we get sober and commit to this new way of living, the evolution to whom we really are begins. By taking the steps, we are given a way of unloading many of the burdens we carried for so many years. As we shed away the layers of guilt, shame and self-pity, we begin to gain a sense of self-esteem we never experienced before. The once angry selfish person starts to become kind and caring. We are encouraged to help others at every turn, and this gives us a sense of purpose in life that we never thought possible. By moving in the direction of becoming the best version of ourselves, we also move closer to completely accepting ourselves, which by any measure, is one of the greatest freedoms in one’s life. I don’t ever want to go back to that life of wandering and endless searching for purpose and meaning. I am so thankful the program gave me such a gentle way of looking deep within myself, and now that I am solidly planted in the middle of the program, I actually like whom I have found.
have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
I woke up Saturday morning after the newcomers meeting with the answer absolutely clear: Religion was something taught me, acquired, an external experience, while spirituality welled up from within, and required no education, no Torah or Bible, no shaman or priest. I believe my Higher Power led me to this explanation, as it was too clear and bright idea for so early in the morning!
Thank You for Sharing, p. 199
Most of us come into the program with a twisted or nonexistent sense of spirituality. Many of us had formal religious teaching, but our belief systems were jaded by circumstances or manifestations of our disease. For me, my spiritual journey only began after I forgot everything I had learned. I distinctly remember thinking in early sobriety that the program was a little over the top on this God thing. In my thinking, I tried it, but it didn’t work. My life was a mess, and I was surely going straight to hell. Then, I heard someone say that, “Religion is for people who were afraid to go to hell; spirituality is for people that have been there.” Bingo! I had certainly been to hell, and spirituality seemed to me to be a way of living life. I could wrap my head around spirituality. As I see now, that was the beginning of my 2nd step willingness to believe. Once I started looking, spirituality was all around me, especially in the rooms of AA. Your smiles, laughter and love were clearly spiritually driven, and I wanted in. By dropping my preconceived notions and my indoctrinated blinders, spirituality started to take hold of my heart, mind, soul, and whom I was as a person. Today, spirituality translates into a belief in God, but it is so much more. I no longer see things through a lens of “happening to me;” I now believe that difficult life circumstances are “happening for me.” Spirituality has become a way of seeing life through care, kindness, and a contentment that everything is going to be alright.
have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to each other.
"Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."
Richard Carlson (Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff)
Recently, I heard someone share that he used to worry too much what others thought of him, but then his sponsor pointed out how infrequently that actually occurs (people thinking of him). In early sobriety, after a whining phone call to my sponsor, he said to me, “Ed, there are over 3 billion people on this planet, and at any given time, not one of them is thinking of you.” Of course he was right, and I had another tool to adjust my distorted perceptions. We are so blessed to learn in our 3rd step, and then later in steps 4-7, that “self” is the origin of all our discomfort in life. Quite simply, we don’t see ourselves as we should, and our selfish nature clouds our assessment of others. “Judgmental” is a curse word in recovery, either towards others or ourselves. It is still perplexing to me that I can be so non-judgmental towards others, but I still pick on myself relentlessly. Unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others will take us down every time. Thankfully, I can snap myself out of this negative mindset by reaching out to help others. I have heard many ways to traverse through debilitating “self” in the program, such as prayer or writing affirmations on post-it notes, but for me, there is no better way out of self than to help another. It really comes down to two words – “be nice.” Only by being kind to ourselves can we fully be of service towards others.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to each other.
Overcoming attachment does not mean becoming cold and indifferent. On the contrary, it means learning to have relaxed control over our mind through understanding the real causes of happiness and fulfillment, and this enables us to enjoy life more and suffer less.
Kathleen McDonald, “How to Meditate”
All of us have made the mistake of letting materialistic gain get in the way of sustained happiness. I heard in a meeting once that the definition of fear is potential loss; loss of something you have, or loss of something you want. When we get overly attached to things, fear of loss is certainly an inevitable byproduct. We easily find ourselves falling into the trap of finding the next thing to fix us, which means we have lost contentment in what we already have. Alcoholics are like trout – always going after the next shiny thing, even knowing there is probably a hook attached to that lure. In the program, we learn that it takes a conscious effort to quit chasing the fix, and rather, to focus on what we can give to others. Despite knowing that “things” are not a long term answer to our happiness, we still lose our priorities. After enough pain and discomfort, we are driven back to those values that bring sustained happiness, like helping others, care and kindness. We will all come to a crossroads in our sobriety, usually through some form of anguish due to our unrealistic attachment to things or people, and we can only hope our spiritual bank is full enough to lead us back towards finding sustained contentment.
have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Happiness and joy dear friend. So you see a nice brand new shiny car in the garage whilst walking to work and think If i could have that car it will make me happy, not it will make me joy,you work hard and do overtime and save money until one day you can afford that car, you worked hard for it after all you deserve this happiness, you are filled with joy. A few years later the engine leaks so you get it fixed then you get a flat tyre and you get that fixed a stone hits the window and you watch a little crack get bigger every day,oh joy!! that goddam car has bought you nothing but bloody misery. Happiness never lasts in material things but you can always carry joy in your heart.
How’s your man settling back in, pm me if you don’t want to derail your thread, I always feel guilty posting on here bc you’ve got very wise and interesting things to say.
I don’t mind the thread getting derailed. It always gets back on track. Please do not ever feel guilty posting on here. Just one alcoholic talking to another, that’s how the program works. I’m old and I forget things, you’ll have to remind me who you’re asking about?
Sadly there’s been so many. The last guy that relapsed still hasn’t shown back up but I’ve been texting back and forth. Trying to getting back in here where he’s safe. I told him I am willing to work with him. He just needs to be willing himself.
The guy before him relapsed on a Wednesday and was dead Friday evening. A sad state of affairs. The disease of alcoholism is nothing to take lightly. It is powerful, baffling and cunning.
And there lies the problem, I’ve found myself playing god lately and it only ends up giving me resentment, I’m learning that people have to ask for help until then they are not my concern, it’s really hard to cope with TBH.
I see people all the time Paul that come in and say they want help, but are not willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober. The clients that are funded through the county or state (felony drug court) get in here and then they just want to sit around and watch TV and smoke cigarettes and eventually relapse.
I have quite a few clients that are private pay and they’re the ones that go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps of either AA/NA.
One of my sponsees that I’m very proud of came in and bad shape and tore up two and a half years ago. he has now bought a house, got married , went to school and earned his class A license to drive a semi truck(Lowry where you’re from, I think that’s what it’s called) and hazmat endorsements and is leading a beautiful life. It’s awesome Paul he still calls me every night just to let me know how he’s doing and to talk about any issues that he might be having. I love the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, but there is work that has to be done for the promises to come true.
People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, curious eyes of a child–our own two eyes. All is a miracle.
Thich Nhat Hanh, "Miracle of Mindfulness”
My first grand sponsor would end every conversation with, “Don’t leave one second before the miracle.” In early sobriety, that annoyed the heck out of me. I had no idea what it meant, and it just sounded like a catchy phrase. Now, having many years of sober life experiences, I see how profound that bit of advise really was. The first miracle most of us experience is that we place our debilitating and crushing disease of alcoholism into remission. Every one of us is shocked that we could possibly live life without alcohol, but we soon find that it is truly possible once we tap into a Power greater than ourselves. As we stay sober and shed the baggage of life, our life perspective begins to change, and we begin to see the marvels that unfold around us each and every day. We learn to appreciate the small things in life, those moments we used to miss or take for granted. Each of us gets to define a Higher Power of our own understanding, but we can also develop our own definition of a miracle. For me, it’s anything that brings wonder, gratitude or appreciation. I lived in darkness far too long, and I now choose to come into the light and magnificence of God’s universe. I truly believe we are all interconnected, which plays out vividly in our program, and this is nothing short of a spiritual marvel. Today, let your kindness and the love of the fellowship inspire a miracle.
have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
That word “serenity” looked like an impossible goal when we first saw the prayer. In fact, if serenity meant apathy, bitter resignation, or stolid endurance, then we didn’t even want to aim at it. But we found that serenity meant no such thing. When it comes to us now, it is more as plain recognition — a clear-eyed, realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength.
Living Sober, p. 19
Like so many others, I came into the program completely lost with twisted values. I thought the job, her, or materialistic gain were the path to happiness. I found momentary happiness in gaining those things, even achieving goals, but those shallow values always led me back to discomfort and wanting more. As we stay sober, we begin to realize that peace, happiness and serenity are the true aspirations in life. But where does one find serenity? We hear that it’s an inside job, which sounds good, but for people that have numbed out internal feelings for years, finding serenity is challenging. We get a taste of it each time we walk into an AA meeting as that sense of belonging washes over us. We exhale and know we are in the right place. But for lasting serenity, we need to look deep inside ourselves in places we suppressed for years; It was just too painful to look at ourselves and misgivings. Then we are encouraged to take the steps, and as we peel away the rotten layers, we begin to find a small sense of peace. We begin to accept ourselves and gain hope where there was once none. However, the key to lasting serenity is giving yourself to others; you can’t keep it unless you give it away! I am so thankful that the program opened up my mind to the possibilities of serenity, and I have grown to relish this spiritual gift.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." --Mother Teresa
Life brings us endless opportunities to express love and kindness, but we are usually too self absorbed to act. Each time I have performed some random act of kindness, I always get more out of it than the recipient. In fact, it usually ends up to be some form of a spiritual experience. One would think that after tasting such a feeling, one would consistently continue this path. For me, it takes a conscious effort most of the time to extend myself to a stranger, with no expectation of anything in return. These are values we learn in the program, but despite knowing we should “practice these principles in all our affairs,” we still can easily let our self-centeredness prevail. In my chosen profession, especially during patient care, I learned the immense benefit of a kind word, a smile or holding someone’s hand. Later, when I would cross paths with those people, they would always thank me most for those simple reassurances during their crisis. Being committed to this program and wanting to commit to helping others, it follows that we would bring kindness to all aspects of our lives. You never know when some random act of kindness, even something as small as a friendly smile, will have a significant impact on someone’s troubling day. Kindness is contagious, and I hope we all catch it. We are all capable of being those angels in other’s lives, and I pray each day for the willingness to truly extend myself to others.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
