"Sometimes when I think I am having a bad day, I am really learning a hard lesson, cheap. And sometimes, when I think I am having a good day, I am really in trouble and just haven’t recognized it yet. I’m really no judge at all of what kind of day I’m having." "Good Days and Bad Days,"
Brentwood, Tenn., April 1991, AA Grapevine
On face value, the aforementioned quote seems odd, but in fact, it is very prophetic. No one likes bad days or moments, but those seem to be the best way for us to learn. Learning from our mistakes drives the point deep into our consciousness. We often hear people share at meetings about their plights in life, and we nod with approval, because that could very well be us. What you rarely hear at meetings is being “thankful” for some current challenge someone is dealing with. But as time passes, those difficulties always turn into a life lesson of personal or spiritual growth. I heard someone share once about that fateful day at the Mayflower Hotel in Akron Ohio when Bill W. had to decide to go into the bar or make a phone call. He had just had a very bad day, and a promising business venture he had been working on completely unraveled. He decided to make a phone call rather than hit the bar, and so our program began. What would have happened if Bill W. had a good day prior to that fateful choice? It’s not a stretch to think that AA could have died before it even got started. So, bad days are painful, but if we embrace them, our perspective can change from self-pity to hope and acceptance. I would prefer all good days, but if life always deals me four aces, I will have learned nothing. I’m grateful for all the difficulties and challenges I face in life, for without them, I would not be where I am today, both emotionally and spiritually.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquility takes its place.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 62
Everyone talks about the importance of the 4th step, but without the 5th step, the 4th would have little impact. Sharing our flaws and deep dark secrets with another person, usually a sponsor, is one of the most liberating things we can do in recovery. Unloading life’s baggage allows us to become who we really are. If we keep things bottled up inside us, there is little room for growth. It’s imperative to trust the step process and this key element in recovery. Our 5th steps can be very emotional, as they should be, but we aren’t having emotional breakdowns, we are having emotional breakthroughs. It’s amazing to think that by sharing our stories with another that we would experience so many benefits to us emotionally and spiritually. For me, it was a life changing experience. Those things I was so ashamed of no longer had their death grip. I felt physically lighter and more a part of the program. The 5th step promises (page 75) all started to come true, and I could truly look the world in the eye. I was less fearful of people and what they might think of me. As I reflect back, this was a huge turning point in my spirituality, and at that moment, I think I finally dropped all reservations about God and truly let him into my heart and mind. I am so thankful that the program guided me through this remarkable process of healing, for without it, there was no chance of me finding lasting happiness and peace.
Have a beautiful day and sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
I need this atm, did my first step 4 last night and I had to get on my knees and let God take over. I’ve only done one person but decided to start with what I think will be the tougher ones and work down my list. I did cry and I can honestly say you better have a step 1,2 and 3 in place before you do 4 and 5 bc your going to need all the help you can get. Cheers Mr Ed. Have a great day
Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety.
Daily Reflections, p. 71
In every frustration I have experienced in life, it was a direct result of my placing expectations on something or someone. However, this realization only came after taking the steps and truly looking at my behavior and selfish mindset. When we walk through the 3rd step, primarily in pages 60-63, we discover that self is the root of all our troubles. This concept did not come easily for me, and like most others in the program, I had to trudge through some pain and discomfort to accept that self (me) was the problem. In our 3rd step prayer, we pray, “Relieve me of the bondage of self,” but what does that mean, and how do we get there? If I am rigorously self honest, the only times I’m restless, irritable or discontent, is when things aren’t going “my way.” I now know, I can’t do his will my way, and it’s ridiculous to try. We relieve ourselves of the bondage of self by giving ourselves to others, with no expectation of anything in return. There are many definitions of “God’s will,” but I’ve always liked simply practicing the opposites of our character defects through loving thoughts and actions. We usually learn the hard way that we must leave the results, outcomes and expectations up to God, because if we don’t, our peace and serenity will surely pay the price. I know that I can get instant relief from “self” by simply helping another alcoholic. The road to my happiness is paved by helping others, and today, I fully accept that my peace and serenity are directly proportional to how willing I am set aside expectations and to give myself to others.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friend and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
Take heed that when effort is too strenuous it leads to strain and when too slack to laziness. So make a firm determination that you will adopt the middle way, not allowing yourself to struggle or to slacken, but recognizing that faith, energy, mindfulness, concentration, and wisdom are the fruits of a calm and equable way.
Theragatha
When I came into the program, all I wanted to do was to stop the nightmare of addiction. As I got sober and planted myself in the middle of the program, I regained some hope and aspiration of what may lay ahead. I started to live life over, and I found myself over committing. However, as the drama of life slowed down, I began to appreciate moments of peace, and this became my goal in life. A quiet mind and peaceful heart seemed attainable, but I was still too stuck in the societal push to always achieve. It doesn’t take long to realize that even if you are winning the rat race, you are still a rat. We learn in the program to try and find balance in life, but we have no idea how to stay off the roller coaster. Alcoholics are full tilt people, and we do everything to excess. Slowing ourselves down and finding balance is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery. We learn the art of mindfulness, which is one of the best ways to find balance. One way I learned to practice mindfulness was to try to follow my hands throughout the day. Being in the present brings a sense of balance. I can handle “right now,” as long as I stay out of the past or future, and to try not and control every outcome. For me, meditation is another essential tool for slowing life down and finding emotional balance. If not for the program, I would have never learned the blessings of balance and being in the here and now, and most importantly, enjoying the many graces each day has to offer.
Have a beautiful day and sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Perhaps for some, ‘How It Works’ has become a tired, overworked bit of dogma, an opportunity to daydream. But not for this alcoholic. I get more out of those words with each passing day. The words don’t change, but I do." ‘How It Works’ Works for Me,"
Paradise, Calif., October 2003, Beginners’ Book:
Getting and Staying Sober in AA
We read a portion of Chapter 5, “How It Works,” at every meeting, but most of us just tune it out. This passage was chosen to be a regular part of our meetings for a reason – it’s profound! Of course the listing of our twelve steps is the most powerful reason to read this portion of Chapter 5, but there are so many other insightful suggestions. The word honest or honesty is listed three times in the first paragraph alone. It is clear that without honesty, we can’t stay sober, but sadly, there are many that have to find that out the hard way. We also read that, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” This is not rocket science; all we have to do is play follow the leader. Millions of people have recovered from alcoholism and gone on to live happy and productive lives by committing to this process. We don’t have to recreate the wheel or come up with our own solutions. It’s all there in the book with terms like, “exactly” or “precisely” to guide us. We also read that, “Half measures avail us nothing,” which basically means that we need to fully commit. We have to work all sides of the triangle – Unity, Service and Recovery. Our addiction was a full time job, so our recovery needs to be just as important. As a gift to yourself, the next time you are at a meeting, and they are reading “How It Works,” close your eyes and reflect on each thought. Every time I do this, Chapter 5 comes alive and becomes profoundly relevant again.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 79~
In our drinking histories, we have unbelievable wreckage to the point that most of us don’t believe we could ever undo the damage. Even the thought of cleaning up our life’s mess causes us to be overwhelmed and have anxiety attacks. We know we should make things right, but most of us gave up long before we got to the program. Then we come into the program and get sober, and at every meeting we read the 12 steps, including the amends steps 8 and 9. I recall shuddering at this possibility, but I compartmentalized it as something to take care of way off in the future, if at all. However, something amazing transpires as we begin to take the steps. The “impossible’s” in life become “possible’s.” My sponsor had me categorize my 8th step into now, soon, and never. Once I did the now’s, the soon’s moved to the forefront. Surprisingly, once I did the soon’s, the never’s, the ones with significant personal consequence, didn’t seem as daunting. In fact, it was my experience that the harder the amend, the better the outcome, and it usually ended up as some sort of spiritual experience. Our book tells us that we can’t shirk at our responsibilities, even if it results in personal consequences. It’s important to note that each situation is different, and in the spirit of never hurting another, amends should be discussed with a sponsor before they are completed. I am so glad I was able to make those amends to people I had harmed, but it would not have been nearly as thorough without the program closing that “personal consequence” loophole that my subconscious would have used to avoid cleaning up the damage I inflicted on others.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime."
Dale Carnegie
Never underestimate the power of a kind gesture. A simple smile, compliment, or encouraging word may very well save someone’s life, but at a minimum, it could turn a bad day into something more tolerable. Thankfully, our program guides us to help others, which includes other alcoholics and anyone else in our lives. As we take this journey in recovery, we become transformed into a much better version of ourselves, and care and kindness becomes engrained in us. We have all had that moment when we realize that after working the program, the program begins to work us. We carry the love and spirit we find in the hallowed rooms of AA into all areas of our lives, and our life perspective completely evolves into one in which we can see the world through gratitude. In early sobriety, I heard the St. Francis Assisi philosophy to try and do something nice for others without them knowing. As I tried this altruistic gesture, I realized how difficult it was, and that I was so programed to keep score (I’ll do this, but I expect that). It was an epiphany for me to recognize that I got so much more, both spiritually and emotionally, out of placing no expectations on kindness. Life presents endless possibilities to express love, care and kindness, but I know it is up to me to have the courage and willingness to practice these principles in all my affairs.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
on that basis I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for how much you have helped me in my recovery, I may have mentioned before that you probably don’t even know the part you have played and the fact I wanted you to be my online sponsor says it all.
"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 84
The aforementioned passage on page 84 is probably one of the most important, yet least utilized tools, we have to deal with our character defects. This four stage process is virtually foolproof! Usually, the mere act of asking God to remove the difficulty is enough, but calling our sponsor or another alcoholic almost always closes the deal. Admitting our part and making necessary amends are crucial to relieving the discomfort caused by our negative words or actions, but this passage is a great reminder. And, as is the case in everything we do, the answer to get out of self is to reach out and help another. I read this many times before I realized how meaningful this could be to my handling of life issues and reactions. For many years, I always focused just on the program code of “love and tolerance,” which was the passage right after this character defect removing suggestion. When we couple the four stage process here on page 84 with our code of love and tolerance, we are sure to be able to handle nearly any situation in life with grace and dignity. Why is this so important? If we are truly honest with ourselves, we will see that whenever we were uncomfortable in life, we can trace it back to some character defect that we let get away from us. We could have cut down that discomfort by following this simple suggestion on page 84. Note to self…
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
…One alcoholic helping another. Just know this Paul, you have help me stay sober more than you’ll ever know and for that I am a forever grateful. Love you my brother, thank you.
"The Secret is, there is no Secret! Working the Steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, helping others, and above all, keeping God and sobriety first have kept me sober almost five years now. I always had heard that things in plain sight are the hardest to find!"
“The Secret,” Vandalia, Ill., February 2001, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Millions of people have recovered in our program from a hopeless state of mind and body. Everything has been simplified for us, so no one can complain our program is too complex. We can be complex individuals, and certainly the disease is complex and baffling, but our recovery is laid out for us in very simple terms – Unity (meetings and fellowship), Service (commitments and helping others) and Recovery (the steps). With that said, so many of us still try to complicate this thing by dragging in our personal bias, pride or ego. Sadly, we have all seen so many people slip, because they stopped doing the things that got them sober. Life gets good quickly, and so many fall into the “I’m healed” trap. I’ve always liked the saying that, “Don’t let the life AA gave you, get in the way of your AA life.” Today, I do all the little things I did when I first got sober to maintain my recovery. However, that wasn’t always the case, and I came close to paying the ultimate price. Life got very good, and it was easy to find excuses to not go to a meeting or stay active with newcomers. My serenity was circling the drain! For me, being “stark raving sober” was incentive enough for me to dive back into the program. I would not wish that on anyone, but alcoholics usually have to experience this type of pain or discomfort for themselves. I have been given all the keys to a happy and contented life, but it still up to me to continue to believe in and practice the program process. Only through this “design for living” can we keep the door open to spiritual growth and lasting contentment.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
“Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 568
We learn in our 2nd step that we didn’t have to necessarily believe, but we did need the “willingness” to believe in a power greater than ourselves (pg. 47). When I initially went through my first 2nd step, I didn’t give it much thought, all I knew was that I couldn’t keep living the way I was living. Little did I know that this opening of my mind and beliefs would be the basis for an incredible life. I was one of those stubborn alcoholics that didn’t believe that my Higher Power had anything to do with my day-to-day living, and my defiance was certainly borderline “belligerent denial.” Thankfully, you pulled me out of the darkness with your unlimited care and compassion. I didn’t believe, but I believed that you believed, and that was enough of a window to develop my own spiritual beliefs. “I thank my Higher Power for bringing me to AA, but more importantly, I thank AA for bringing me to my Higher Power.” This willingness to believe has been the cornerstone of so many of our journeys through recovery. I now know and firmly believe that I would not have stayed sober if not for my evolving belief in my Higher Power. I am so grateful to AA for walking me through spiritual growth with your overwhelming love, gentleness, kindness and example. You showed me through your kind and loving actions, not through fear based preaching, that belief in a Higher Power would change my life. I’ve always liked the saying that, “He preached a good sermon, and sometimes, he even used his words.” Today, life has become so much easier to live, and I owe all my contentment to AA and a strong faith in my Higher Power.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
"From the moment I pulled open the doors to my very first meeting, I felt something different, something good was going to happen. Those doors, which at the time I believed to be the heaviest ever made, allowed me to walk into a new way of life."
“Attitude Adjustment,” New York, N.Y., January 2006, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
When I walk into a room of AA today, I literally exhale and feel I’m in the exact right place, at the exact right time. Quite simply, you get me. Home isn’t just where you live; home is where they understand you. I love seeing and feeling the pulse and energy of meetings rise as the room fills with loving friendships and recovery. I almost have to laugh at myself about my initial intense hesitancy to walk through those 1500 pound doors. Ironically, I thought if I walked into AA, my life would be over. How wrong I was! My life truly began when I came into AA, and literally everything good in my life happened after I got sober. How blessed we all are to have a fellowship that loves us with rooms in which we can share our lives. Even as a newcomer, as uncomfortable and insecure as I was, I knew that I belonged in the fellowship. You made me laugh. You made me cry. You made me think, and you made me feel. You held my hand as I trudged through a kaleidoscope of overwhelming emotions that I had been bottling up for so long. You made me feel like everything was going to be alright, despite my fearful mind telling me otherwise. In early sobriety, my sponsor told me to go to meetings until I wanted to go to meetings. It didn’t take long for me to completely fall in love with the laughter and loving spirit we experience at nearly every meeting. Today, I look forward to meetings. So, when I get there, please save me a smile and a hug, and I will do the same for you.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
“I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.”
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37
For the first 25 years of my life, my perceptions were jaded by miserable life experiences. As a defense mechanism to the menacing world around me, I began to see life through caution, skepticism, anger, but most prevalently, I looked at the world through fear (fear of failure, fear of not being liked, etc.). I saw life through dirty filters, and I didn’t know it. It is never surprising to me to hear others share this same negative outlook when they come into the program. It’s no mystery why we drank; we had to numb out the chaos in our head and our pessimistic mind frame. Then, we come into the program, and we begin to shed our old way of life and our stinking thinking. When taking steps 4-10, we see how destructive our actions, thoughts, and behaviors were to not only ourselves, but anyone around us. Miraculously, once we clear away our dirty filters, we begin to see life differently through a much healthier prism. Seeing life through gratitude, acceptance and spirituality, opens us up to giving and receiving love. I remember when I crossed that invisible line, and realized I was actually worthy and deserving of love. That turning point only came after taking the steps and writing and believing in gratitude lists. It is now very clear to me that what we think upon grows, so I know that finding and appreciating gratitude is essential to any possibility of me maintaining a positive life.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
I used to think I was a victim of circumstances and now I realise that without the consumption of alcohol on my part or of others that those circumstances wouldn’t have happened, I have character defects that twisted my path in life but even when I walked a perfect line the devil that is alcohol would always block my way. And a good day to you Mr Ed.
“Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living.”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125
All of us that have committed to this program of recovery have had one life realization after another. Recovery is a journey of discovery, and as we evolve, the depth, meaning and understanding of our disease and ourselves continually grow. We can look back to our early sobriety and recognize that our healing only began after understanding that we were in the depths of a progressive death spiral. It was essential for our recovery to comprehend the full nature of our disease, which was physical, mental and spiritual. In order for us to move forward in life, we needed to have a complete awareness of our selfish nature and how that brought us so much discomfort. This insight into our soul allows us to develop better values, philosophies, opinions and standards. Once our belief system is cleaned up, we see how applying these new norms to life can bring lasting peace and happiness. However, it is our actions that dictate our true character. We hear it all the time, “We can’t think our way into right living; we have to live our way into right thinking.” I am so glad that you directed me toward a design for living that requires “right actions.” I am not the person I was when I first got sober, thank God, and I know my transformation came from the principles of AA, which always encouraged me to “do the right thing.”
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to we kind to yourself and to others.
"If I want to be a leader, I have to do more than just find out in which direction the mob is moving and then get out in front of it … Leadership involves significant sacrifice of personal goals and ambitions. A person really needs to have Tradition Two right at the center … Personal pettiness just has no place in leadership."
“I Wish You Well,” Humbolt, Saskatchewan, February 1996, AA Grapevine
One of the many gifts I received in sobriety was that I was able to achieve a relative degree of success in my chosen profession. That success would not have been possible if I hadn’t gotten sober and applied the program to my life and work environment. As difficult as it was at times in a dog-eat-dog world, I tried to bring the principles of the program into the workplace. It was a game changer for me to stop keeping score at work, and to just try and be of maximum service to my co-workers and the public. When I kept the mindset of service at the forefront, my frustrations with others diminished. Being of service is another way of saying “teamwork.” Another concept that I tried to achieve at work was complete honesty, which meant that I had to give 100% all the time, especially when no one was looking. The sum total of how I applied the program at work could be characterized into one concept – self sacrifice. Self sacrifice is the basis of any successful team. We have to be willing to forgo personal gain for the good of others, which is exactly what we do in AA. It’s not about me; it’s all about what I can do for you. I didn’t come into AA thinking I was going to build leadership qualities, but that is what happens to all of us if we commit to a spiritual path. There were many times I questioned why I was put into such a high position of responsibility, especially considering my rocky past; then I would realize I was there to bring AA philosophies, such as care and kindness, into a potentially unsympathetic and less then loving environment. We AA’s cast off an aura of kindness that draws others to us whether we want to lead or not, and this gives us all a wonderful platform to demonstrate our loving program.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
“Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, standing, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen. To know that the mind is empty is to see…Using the mind to look for reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for reality is awareness. Freeing oneself from words is liberation.”
– Bodhidharma
How blessed we are to have tools to quiet our minds. The program teaches us to live life one day at a time, which means to stay in today. We learn that living in yesterday or tomorrow can lock us in negative emotions such as regret or worry. We can’t change the past, and the future hasn’t happened yet, so it would be pointless to waste any time or energy on them. For me, I see living in regrets of the past or worry about the future as a form of insanity. When they pop up, I do a quick 2nd step prayer in my head and simply say, “Please God, restore me to sanity,” and this is usually all I need to come back into today. Mindfulness, which is being in the here and now, is a form of meditation. A complete awareness of those things around us allows us to see the beauty in God’s universe. This consciousness opens the door for us to see the good in others as they are right now, not what we might have prejudged or projected them to be. A quiet mind is also key to a peaceful heart, and that is something I never thought possible until I found a deep faith in God. I am so grateful that the program helped me simplify life into today, and I know that with your love and support, I can handle anything, right here and now.
Have a beautiful day in recovery my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
