Another great message. Thank you Mr Ed.
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November 10th
"No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Billâs Story, pg. 8
Itâs quite remarkable that a poor kid from Kansas like me would relate so much to a busted New York stockbroker from the 1930âs. Reading Billâs story, and passages like the one above, resonated in my heart and soul. His graphic writing painted a solid picture of gloom and hopelessness, a plight which I was all too familiar. Before the program, I was locked in loneliness and despair, and for me, the only way out was to check out of life. I was consumed by self-pity and depression, and I didnât see any way out of that prison. It was such a relief to read how Bill had come out of the same darkness I was in, and that he had found sobriety and a sense of peace that I so desperately wanted. I certainly wouldnât have portrayed my disease as quicksand, but it described it perfectly. My disease was all consuming, and I was digging a deeper and deeper hole in life. Now, I hear miraculous stories of recovery at every meeting, and I hear new found descriptions of life that I relate to so much. Your language of the heart became my way of seeing the world around me. I love that those in the program have no problem wearing their emotions on their sleeves, because that is when I connect the most; I readily see the overwhelming gratitude brimming from your lives. We owe Bill W., and all the founders, a huge debt of gratitude for starting a program in which we can so easily connect through written words, and more importantly, the loving language of the heart. 
Have a great day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
5 Likes
November 11th
"I am a student of life just trying to learn how the universe works. The most powerful lesson I have learned is that it all happens inside me. My perception of any situation is in my control â I have a choice about which way my mind will react."
âHow the Universe Works,â Pinellas Park, Fla., November 2006, AA Grapevine
We all find immense freedom when we come to the realization that we have virtually no control over people, places, and things. We may try to manipulate a situation to our advantage, but this type of behavior brings the inevitable frustrations of misguided expectations. Once I learned that I only had control of âmy ownâ thoughts and actions, my perception of the world began to change. If I accepted that I had almost no control of the people around me, life became so much easier to live. However, I also realized that I could influence my immediate environment with a positive attitude and genuine care for others. Attitude, care and kindness are contagious, and they speak to the deep seeded human nature in all of us to belong. So, my perception dictates my attitude, and my attitude forms my reality. We have complete control of our thoughts and actions, but unfortunately for many alcoholics, we sabotage our thoughts with self-pity, resentment, pessimism, or any of the other negative character defects. It is so vital to our sobriety and happiness that we change the way we think and act. Clearing away the wreckage of our past allows us to see life through a cleaner lens. I am so grateful the program guides me to look for happiness from within, and that inner peace translates into a healthier perception of the world around me.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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November 12th
âThe most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.â
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 152
As I reflect back on my life, I often think that if I hadnât lived it myself, I wouldnât have believed it was true. Today, I absolutely love the life the program has given me. Granted, there were many challenging moments in sobriety, but they never came close to being as bad as my head âfearedâ they would be. No matter what happened, I always had the loving support of my program family that always gave me the perspective, gratitude, or attitude adjustment I needed. The fellowship gave me the courage to follow all my dreams and to become the person I was always meant to be. You taught me to see the good in others and in all situations, and this opened my eyes to countless life lessons and so many spiritual experiences. I came into the program to stop the living hell of my addiction, but I found so much more. As we slither through the doors of AA, we have no idea that we are about to be handed life on a silver platter. Every one of us that truly and honestly commits to this process will have a profound psychic and personality change that will transform the way you look at life. Where I once had darkness, I now have the care, love and kindness of the fellowship. I used to be a lonely and lost wanderer, but now my life has deep meaning and purpose. Quite simply, the road to my happiness is paved by helping others, and that is a mystery of life I would have never found without the encouragement of the fellowship.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
5 Likes
November 13th
"Drinking is no longer a problem, but my thinking sure is. Writing a gratitude list puts the brakes on negative thoughts, turns me back toward the light, and helps me to see the beauty in everyday life.
âTools for Life,â New York, N.Y., January 2006, Beginnerâs Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Once the obsession to drink is lifted, we are left with ourselves and our twisted thinking. For me, it took years of practicing the program before I could honestly say that my thought process was healthier or restored. My stinking thinking had to die a hard death, right along with my pride and ego. We live years of selfish behavior and thinking, often trashing the ones we love along the way, so it will take years to clean up our broken thought process. Healing usually begins once we find the awareness that our self-centeredness is the cause of most of our discomfort. We bang the highchair if we donât get our way, and we wonder why we donât get the outcome we demand. Taking the steps is essential to a new way of thinking, but applying these principles to our everyday life is where the rubber hits the road. I am so thankful that I heard early in sobriety to write a gratitude list and to keep it in my wallet. As my newcomer drama unfolded, I could slow the circus down in my head by seeing and finding gratitude. You rightfully told me that if I couldnât find gratitude, I wasnât looking hard enough. Itâs so remarkable that the simple act of finding gratitude can alter our perceptions so significantly. If I look at life through a prism of gratitude, acceptance and faith, I am given the gift of peace and serenity, and an overwhelming feeling of oneness with you, and all of Godâs universe.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
5 Likes
November 14th
âIt is not that anger and desire are inherently evil or that we should feel ashamed when they arise. It is a matter of seeing them as the delusions that they are: distorted conceptions that paint a false picture of reality. They are negative because they lead to unhappiness and confusion.â
Kathleen McDonald, âHow to Meditateâ
Before the program, I was driven by anger and only seeing the world through my victim eyes. I was in survival mode so long, I didnât know any other way to live. I wrongfully thought âsheâ or âitâ would fix me. I would get momentary relief from my insecurities, but more often than not, I would be left with the mess of dishonesty or some foolish pursuit of a quick fix. Being stuck in a world of âwants and needsâ left me with one frustration after another. Itâs sad that so many of us have to experience the extended pain of a warped perception of what is genuinely important in life. Our book tells us that self is the root of all our troubles, but this is a concept I did not completely comprehend until I committed myself to the steps and helping others. Helping others was my best answer to getting outside of my selfish and self-centered thoughts and actions. I am so grateful that I have been blessed to have found sobriety and an amazing clarity of what is really important. Anger and desire still creep into my consciousness from time to time, but this usually subsides once I go to a meeting or work with another alcoholic. Today, my life is full of small blessings that I cherish and appreciate so much more than the shallow existence I once had prior to the gift of the program.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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November 15th
"I use notes to remind me to seek my Higher Power ⌠On my desk, in front of my computer is the note: 'Good morning, this is God, I will be handling all your worries and concerns for today. I will not need your help!"
âNote to Self,â Buffalo Grove, Ill., November 2013, AA Grapevine
When I came into the program, like so many others, I struggled with the God concept. Crawling out of the darkness of our bottoms, it is difficult to see any faith or hope of a better life. With such a sad outlook on life, spirituality takes a back seat to blinding self-pity. Slowly, by watching and listening to the miracles unfold in the rooms of AA, we begin to allow the thought of a Higher Power to creep into our consciousness. For me, I needed to adopt tangible actions to bring this nebulous concept of God to life. I would leave doors open a little longer to let God in too. I would strap in the passenger seat for my Higher Power. Whenever I found change (coins), I would pick them up and thank God for my sobriety and everything I have today. Some thirty years later, I am still doing those small things to keep me connected to God and stay right sized. Iâve also had the Serenity Prayer posted prominently at my office or home for as long as I can remember. My belief and faith in God continues to evolve, and as I allow this transformation, life continues to get more beautiful. The longer we stay sober, and live through the ups and downs of life, the more our faith grows into an unwavering sense of contentment. I know without reservation that Godâs plans for me have always been better than my own. I no longer get wrapped up in outcomes, results and expectations, but instead, I thank God for whatever blessing he has prepared for me. Things donât happen to us; they happen for us!
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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November 16th
"The Italians have a neat way of telling someone âI love you.â Their expression is âTi voglio beneâ â âI wish you well.â It just seems to put things on a tangible level ⌠Quite often my prayer is nothing more than this little Italian phrase, âTi voglio bene.â" "I Wish You Well,"
Humbolt, Saskatchewan, February 1996, AA Grapevine
In the depths of my disease, I didnât feel deserving of love. In fact, I tried to sabotage relationships out of guilt and shame. I thought that I was capable of loving others, but until I could accept myself, any love I expressed was muted by my insecurities. What I thought was love was more of an unhealthy dependency. Thankfully, the program helped me clear away the debris of life, and in so doing, I was able to accept and love myself. I always thought loving yourself was a sign of conceit, but I now recognize it as essential to being able to fully love others. We are so blessed to have a program whose basis and code is one of love and tolerance. We hear long timers say it all the time, âItâs all about love and service.â We have so many ways of expressing our love in the program, whether it be a simple hug at a meeting, or taking someone through the steps. As long as I place no expectations on that love, I now see that truly letting yourself love someone can be a spiritual experience. Life gives us endless opportunities to convey our love and kindness, and this is a gift we all too often take for granted. Today, I love life, I love this program, and I love all of you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for this spiritual experience that is imbedded in every demonstration of our loving program.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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Love you brother and I wish you well 
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Love you too Paul. Thank you for being you. I since the miracles of the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous seem to be working in your life. The promises are coming true. Proud of your recovery my friend. Keep up the good work Paul and continue to be a shining beacon here on Talking Sober for us all. Wishing you continued peace and serenity in your sobriety.
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November 17th
âWe begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.â
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 92
This passage from the 12&12 is in regard to step 10, but it could also apply to all the steps. As we take the steps, and we uncover, discover, and discard, our self realization opens us up to much healthier relationships with ourselves and others. If we are honest with ourselves, we have had a part in nearly every failed relationship, including lost friendships. The awareness that we have a part in resentments towards others gives us an opportunity to âlet goâ of that debilitating emotion. Only by looking at our part can we have any empathy towards the other person, and the fact that they too are emotionally lacking. Like so many other alcoholics that come into the program, I was filled with so much resentment, anger and fear, that there was no way of truly loving another. We build walls around our emotions that limit our ability to genuinely express or receive love. Once I committed to clearing the wreckage of my past, I felt a shift in my psyche and willingness to feel everything, good and bad. It was both exhilarating and frightening to let myself feel everything, but I recognized that this was the only way I could fully love another. It is quite remarkable how we can change the way we look at others and the world by first looking deep within ourselves. I am so appreciative that the program gives us a way to walk around life in a healthier way, and a pathway of seeing the good in others.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
5 Likes
November 18th
"The welcome I received in AA was real. Neither my youth, my race, my newness, nor my foreignness concerned them. All they appeared to see was that I finally admitted my powerlessness over alcohol. That was enough for them."
âWhat Do I Like Best?,â Port of Spain, March 2003, Beginnerâs Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
There have been many times that I have sat in large meetings and marveled at the wide diversity of people drawn to our program. We come in all shapes and sizes, nationalities, backgrounds and levels of prosperity. Our common bond of wanting to get sober is so strong, that it really doesnât matter whom or what you are. Iâm not sure where I would have been if not for the openness and welcoming atmosphere of the program. Nowhere in life had I ever felt more safe or less judged. The second I say my name and that Iâm an alcoholic, immediate trust is built from all those that share this common addiction. From this link and desire to stop drinking comes the basis of many deep friendships and steadfast support. If you would have told me before the program that I would bare my soul at meetings and openly discuss things I had suppressed and compartmentalized, I would have said you were crazy. But, that is exactly what we do, and through this healing process, we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It is nothing short of amazing the amount of trust and respect that is generated from the simple cornerstone of admitting we are powerless over alcohol and that we want to stop the nightmare of addiction. Itâs a blessing to belong.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
5 Likes
November 19th
âLaughter, like a drenching rain, settles the dust, cleans and brightens the world around us, and changes our whole perspective.â
Jan Pishok
I often get asked by my nonalcoholic friends why I still go to so many meetings. Itâs pointless to begin to explain the undeniable spirit we have in the rooms of AA. Even if we tried to explain the reasons for still going to meetings after 3 years of recovery, they wouldnât fully comprehend, nor would they relate. For me, I continue to go to so many meetings for the love, laughter and perspective. Hilarity has always been one of the greatest draws for me to attend meetings. I canât ever recall going to a meeting and not laughing. Our twisted humor and complete willingness to self deprecate keeps us all amused at ourselves. Recognizing the ridiculousness of our behavior through humor is an emotional breakthrough. As we relate to the absurdity of othersâ stories, and the way they spin it with wit and satire, we heal our own wounds of regret. Laughter is the sound of healing and recovery. He who laughs, lasts. There is a Yiddish proverb that says, âWhat soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.â They say that youâre not fully dressed without a smile, but more importantly, a day is not lived well without laughter. I came to the program crying inside for something I knew not, but it didnât take long for me to see that what my life was missing was the continuous music of laughter. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for playing so many years of healing and beautiful music.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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November 20th
When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide. When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable and discontent. It is always my choice.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 317
The words willing or willingness are mentioned in our book well over 300 times (3rd edition), so you would think that we would all readily see the importance of this concept and apply it in all that we do. But, like the stubborn alcoholics we are, we have to test the minefield of self will over and over. I remember early in sobriety someone saying that, âHe wasnât sure what Godâs will was, but he was sure what it wasnât.â Being in the initial stages of my spiritual development, that was good enough for me. For the most part, we know whatâs the âright thingâ to do, but the gaps in our broken thought patterns and perspective need to be filled with more evolved and enlightened messages we learn in the program. After a while, doing the wrong thing is flat out uncomfortable. We work the program, but then the program starts working us. Selfish, dishonest or uncaring actions make us restless, irritable and discontent. Pain is the best facilitator of alcoholic learning; we have to experience the pitfalls of negative behavior for ourselves. Once we fully accept that not doing the right thing inevitably leads to shame, guilt or anguish, our consciousness automatically guides us back to Godâs will. This personality and psychic change is essential to our recovery, but it is also the key to our contentment. I came to the program hating what I had become, but I am so grateful the program shaped me into the better person I am today.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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Wow this one hit the spot !
Thanks Ed for these wonderful posts.
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November 21st
âQuite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. I have since been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. I would not go back to it even if I could.ââ
Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 42 - 43
We often hear in the program that my worst day in sobriety was better than my best day when I was drinking. Iâm not a complete believer in this exaggeration, but I do see that my life got infinitely better once I came into the program. Certainly, eliminating the nightmare of addiction makes life better, but the program gave me so much more. The fellowship gave me a complete design for living that cleaned up my mind, body and spirit. Prior to the program, I would destroy relationships through selfish and self-centered actions, but you taught me how to interact in a healthy way with others and to build lasting friendships. You took my cynical and angry outlook on life and molded it into one of gratitude, care and kindness. The program gives the ultimate gift in life, and that is the discovery that to be happy, all we have to do is dedicate ourselves to help others. The greatest gift of the program has been my growing spirituality. My deep faith and belief in God has made life so much easier to live. Someone once shared that, âI would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isnât, than live my life as if there isnât, and die to find out there is.â My warm loving relationship with God makes each and every day a journey of discovery, and no matter what happens, I know I will be alright.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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November 22nd
âWe were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort."
Alcoholics Anonymous, There Is A Solution, pg. 25
For most of us, our disease took us to an unbelievably dark place in which we had completely destroyed our lives. Our instincts drove us to a place of denial; denial of our disease, but also denial of the complete wreckage we had caused in our lives and all those around us. Rather than face our âintolerable situation,â our alcoholic mind would slip into the ultimate forgetter mode. We couldnât face what we had become, nor could we face living sober with these haunting memories. Then, we all have our first spiritual experience, and that is when we walk through the hallowed doors of AA. From our very first meetings, we discover that AA is a spiritual program, though we have no idea how to get there. At first, I didnât believe, but I believed that you believed, and that was enough to get me started. Thankfully, like most newcomers, I was so beaten down that I had just enough willingness to open my mind to new possibilities; my way was certainly not working. The moment I accepted help, I began my surrender that I now realize was essential to my recovery. From this simple surrender came the most remarkable gifts - a spiritual journey, a sense of peace, and an all pervasive love I never thought possible.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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November 23rd
The problem is not materialism as such. Rather, it is the underlying assumption that full satisfaction can arise from gratifying these senses alone. Unlike animals whose quest for happiness is restricted to survival and to the immediate gratification of sensory desires, we human beings have the capacity to experience happiness at a deeper level which, when achieved, can overwhelm unhappy experiences.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama
As a newcomer, nearly all my dreams were materialistic. I had baggage from being raised poor, but there were also societal norms that defined success by how much stuff you had or how much money you made. I thought the car, house, high paying job and other materialistic elements were the ticket to my happiness. My entire existence before the program was trying to push that boulder up the hill. Only after I got sober did I start inward reflection. You taught me that life is an âinside job.â If I was honest with myself, I knew that focusing on outside gains only gave me temporary satisfaction. Sustained happiness only came after processing those spiritual blockages in steps 4-10, and then the daily maintenance of steps 10-12. Life is still life, and we will inevitably face difficulties and challenges that rock us to our core. When this occurs, âweâ walk through discomfort and lean into the program and our faith. If we are right with God, ourselves, and others, all roads lead back to a place of peace and happiness.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
6 Likes
November 24th
The wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.
12 & 12, p. 88
We are all works in progress, and we certainly never graduate from learning and growing. If we donât change, our sobriety date will! Thankfully, the wise insight of our founders directs us toward continual emotional and spiritual growth. Throughout the writings of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, it was very clear that they humbly recognized their human frailties and the necessity to continue self reflection. One of lifeâs greatest challenges is to discover whom you really are. The second greatest challenge is to find happiness in what you discover. Our program provides us a clear design for living and a path to find our happiness. However, this journey requires an honest reflection of ourselves, and most importantly, a recognition of our debilitating character defects. Only after honest reflection of oneâs flaws can you face the necessity of change. Our instincts are to hold onto our shortcomings, like pride and ego, so letting go of these weaknesses is a constant battle. Over time, and with support from those in the program, a life of self reflection has made me the person I had always hoped I could become, but I know that I have a long way to go and will always be a work in progress.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
5 Likes
November 25th
"Lifeâs formidable array of pains and problems will require many different degrees of acceptance ⌠Sometimes, we have to find the right kind of acceptance for each day. Sometimes, we need to develop acceptance for what may come to pass tomorrow and, yet again, we shall have to accept a condition that may never change. Then, too, there frequently has to be a right and realistic acceptance of grievous flaws within ourselves and serious faults within those about us, defects that may not be fully remedied."
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., March 1962, âWhat Is Acceptance?â, The Language of the Heart
In the depths of my disease, âacceptanceâ didnât exist. I walked around life filled with anger, fear, resentment and self pity. I wallowed in the plight of being the victim, and as I was spiraling down, I was destroying everything I cared about. To say the least, I had a shallow existence, and I couldnât possibly accept myself, others, or the circumstances around me. After years of this twisted reality, the filters in which I saw life were skewed beyond recognition. The program taught me that in order to accept people, places and things, I would need to acknowledge and receive spiritual help. However, before I could fully accept God into my heart and soul, some serious house cleaning would first be required to clean out my dirty filters. As difficult as it was at times to face myself, and to take the necessary action like making amends, I am so grateful to the program for teaching me the invaluable lesson of acceptance. Accepting myself and others has made life so much easier to live. I now see life through a lens of acceptance, gratitude, and spirituality, and through this new perspective, life has become one of hope and limitless possibilities.
Have a beautiful day in sobriety my friends and remember to be kind to yourself and to others.
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