Thanks Ed needed this one todayš
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Wow! Thereās so much useful information in this post tonight. Thank you, Big Ed!!
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February 12th
"Let us continue to search our own minds for the hidden places where we still deny love. Perhaps we learned loveless attitudes from our parents, or from experiences in the past. Wherever we picked up judgmental attitudes, they do not serve us now. They do not serve God or the creation of a new world, and serving God is our only goal. To serve God is to think with love. In prayerful request, let us give up all thoughts that are not of love."
āMarianne Williamsonā
Most of us come into the program with an extreme amount of emotional baggage. Much of that damage was done living in a dysfunctional family. Many of us have settled with the acknowledgement that our parents did the best they could with what they had, but they probably did some serious damage. Perhaps it was generational, but more than likely, they too had dysfunctional upbringings. Sadly, passing on emotional and physical abuse becomes a haunting cycle in families. When we take the steps, we begin to see how profoundly we are impacted by circumstances around us. Breaking the cycle of dysfunction and abuse may be one of the most consequential benefits of our fellowship. Only by processing my own baggage did I become keenly aware that āeverythingā I did and said would have a profound impact on my children. I had to learn to love my children the most, when they deserved it the least. Having children taught me absolute unconditional love. I may not always approve of my kidās behavior, but I will always love them unconditionally. This too is the relationship I have with God. We are all Godās kids, and though He may not condone our behavior, He forgives us and loves us unconditionally. We all have lived some form of trauma, some more than others, so it is vital to process these issues in order to live a healthy life and to be able to fully love others. 
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February 13th
āSomeone once wrote: āHappiness is always a by-product. You donāt make yourself happy by chasing happiness. You make yourself happy by being a good person.ā The happiest people I know are people who donāt even think about being happy. They just think about being good neighbors, good people. And then happiness sort of sneaks in the back window while theyāre busy doing good.ā
āRabbi Harold Kushnerā
In early sobriety, I would marvel at how contented the oldtimers looked. They would just sit back in meetings and smile. I wasnāt sure what they had, but they seemed to have the answers to life. I now recognize that as being a by-product of a lifetime of service. When we make that transformation from being ātakersā to āgivers,ā remarkable things happen. Our perception of the world around us evolves, and we begin to see the good in others. When we give of ourselves, we begin to appreciate all the small blessings life has to offer. When I had less than a year of sobriety, I got a fortune cookie that said, āThe road to your happiness will be paved by helping others.ā I had just started sponsoring others, and was very active in the program, so the timing of that message was perfect. That simple saying has become very prophetic and a guiding force in my life. Lasting contentment is an inside job, and one we can only find through service towards others. Being of service not only leads to happiness, it has also been the answer to the noise that goes on in our heads. When those character defects start dancing around in our minds, one of the best solutions is to help others. We come into the program to stop drinking and using, but we end up finding a life of serenity, peace, and happiness that none of us thought possible.
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February 14th
Today is a day of opportunities. I am open and ready to find them all, knowing that I am receiving all the guidance I need to move forward and be happy.
āRuth Fishelā
Life is a self fulfilling prophecy, and we can only be as happy as we allow ourselves to be. For many years, I sat in self-pity and sadness. Feeling sorry for myself, and playing the victim, was all I knew. At that time, the only answer for me was to numb out, and I did that as often as possible. However, numbing my feelings with alcohol and drugs eventually led to even more destruction and self-pity. When the relentless darkness of addiction led to constant suicidal thoughts, I was graced with enough desperation to enter the rooms of AA. Gradually, and by applying the program, I was able to shed the spiritual blockages that I had created. Life opened up for me, and I was able to see things as they truly were. I could finally see the beauty of a crystal blue sky, appreciate sunsets, and feel the immeasurable joy of giving. The fellowship gave me hope, where I previously had none. Hope is an amazing thing, and from it stems endless opportunities and possibilities. Hope can make the impossible, possible. Each time I attend a meeting, I hear a message of hope and gratitude. When we see miracles unfold before us so regularly, and we see lives change so dramatically, we canāt help but believe that this too could happen in our lives. I know with the support of the fellowship, and my deep faith in God, each day is ripe with some new opportunity to grow emotionally and spiritually. Today, I try to let hope, acceptance, and gratitude be the picture frame of my life.
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Very nice thanks today is feb 13. Married in 2009, separated working on divorce since 2012 or so. Normally this is the day i drink. But this site helps. Thanks. @Edmund
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Glad you are not drinking @Scorpionking1118 and that the Talking Sober forum helps.
I post early evening here in my time zone( PST) for the next day, so that my friends in England that are 8 hours ahead and others throughout the world can wake up and read something that might be thought provoking and have a positive influence on their recovery.
My wish is that youāll find this post beneficial and productive in your own recovery as well. Good job again on the not drinking, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a timeā¦
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So awsesome of you thanks again!
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February 15th
"Today, I will remind myself as often as necessary that I am not a victim, and I do not need to be victimized by whatever comes my way. I will work hard to remove myself as a victim, whether that means setting and enforcing a boundary, walking away, dealing with my feelings, or giving myself what I need. God, help me let go of my need to feel victimized."
āMelody Beattieā
Wallowing in self-pity is one of the most counterproductive emotions we have. Feeling sorry for oneself is part of human nature, so it takes a conscious decision to snap out of that mindset. We all recognize that staying the victim and sitting in self-pity never gets us anything but more sadness, yet we all still fall so easily into this abyss. I am so grateful that the program gave me such clear direction on how to process the emotional baggage I had carried through life. By thoroughly taking the steps and applying them in my life, I was able to clear away those dirty filters in which I perceived my existence. Helping others was also essential to my well being and a principal way to get out of my own head. It was also critical for me to face deep resentments, which included admitting my part, making an amends when warranted, and forgiving. Another aspect of climbing out of the victim hole was the confidence the fellowship encouraged and nurtured in me. If we walk around life with insecurities, we are drawn into self-pity. On the other hand, if we can walk with confidence, dignity and grace, self-pity melts away and has no place to fester. I am so thankful that the program loved me until I could love myself, and through this kind gesture, I no longer have to be crushed by self-pity and other debilitating emotions.
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February 16th
"None of us has the power to make someone else love us. But we all have the power to give away love, to love other people. And if we do so, we change the kind of person we are, and we change the kind of world we live in."
āHarold Kushnerā, in Handbook for the Heart
I had to experience all the work, trials, tribulations and benefits of the program for myself. If someone told me in early sobriety that I was incapable of fully loving, I would have discarded that notion as nonsense. Then, as I took each step and processed life, I began to feel emotions deeper than I ever had before. These deeper emotions shocked and overwhelmed me. At first, feeling emotions was so uncomfortable; I thought I was always on the verge of snapping or breaking down. However, I trusted you and the process, and I let these new emotions flow in and through me. In early recovery, I remember making a conscious decision that I wanted to feel everything, both good and bad. I realized that if I shut off negative emotions, I would also shut out the positive, such as fully loving another. Bill Wilson once said, āWhen brimming with gratitude, oneās heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love.ā The programās gift of understanding and realizing that gratitude opened the door for me to love and forgive myself, also enabled me to more completely love others. The love within our fellowship is undeniable, and we are able to carry that kindness out into our daily lives. Iām convinced that if each of us make a commitment of kindness, that collectively we can change the community and people around us. AA has brought a level of love and kindness to the world that is nothing short of miraculous, and I feel so privileged to be a part of that spiritual gift.
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January 17th
"How then can we let our wills dominate our impulses? The key word is wait. Whatever happens, we must put some space between the hostile act directed toward us and our response. We must distance ourselves, take time to think, talk it over with friends, and wait until we are ready to respond in a life-giving way. Impulsive responses allow evil to master us, something we always will regret."
āHenri Nouwenā
Our book tells us to pause when agitated or doubtful (p. 87), and this small suggestion could be the difference between irrevocable conflict or peaceful resolution. Hitting the pause button before reacting was something that I only learned through the program, but I wish I would have learned this at a much earlier age. Reacting, without thinking it through, caused so much unnecessary havoc in my life. My Irish temper and short fuse was a formula for disaster. As I reflect back, I was punishing myself for, and by my own anger. Impulsive reactions scare and alienate people, and destructive behavior usually drives people away. It is clear to me now that letting my character defects (self-will) redline only cause me harm. Pausing before reacting enables me to lean back towards Godās will. In todayās society, restraint of tongue and pen is not enough; we have to show restraint before hitting āsendā in emails, texts, or any other social media. I have found a sponsorās second opinion to be a godsend when it comes to emotional responses. For me, emotional responses end up being snarky or biting, which results in having to make yet another awkward amend. I was a slave to my anger for a very long time, but the fellowship freed me from this debilitating character flaw. Life has become so much easier to live when Iām not leaving a debris field behind me, and I owe it all to the program.
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February 18th
āToday, help me, God, to let go of my resistance to change. Help me to be open to the process. Help me believe that the place Iāll be dropped off will be better than the place where I was picked up. Help me surrender, trust, and accept, even if I donāt understand.ā
āMelody Beattieā
It is interesting that so many of us come into the program with hostility towards open mindedness. You would think that the realization that, āMy way doesnāt work,ā would easily pave the way for openness to new ideas and ways of living life, yet so many of us die on that hill of obstinacy and stubbornness. Iām so grateful that the program encouraged me to be open to a new perspective on virtually every aspect of my life. Being open minded to spirituality was probably the most important factor of my recovery, and the launch pad for nearly every positive change that would soon unfold within me. Through a belief in the program process, came a small belief in a Power greater than myself that could solve my problems. However, as most of us, I hung on to old ideas and notions of how I should think and act. Not being open to change only trapped me in self-will, which ultimately always led me back to discomfort. Only after a litany of self-will propelled mistakes pummeled me into submission, did I find the freedom of completely surrendering to God. Before we fully accept that Godās plan for us is so much better than our own, we alcoholics usually have to learn the hard way and experience hardship for ourselves. God has never given me more than I can handle, but he has always given me everything I need. Today, I donāt fear the future, because I know God will be there waiting for me.
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February 19th
"I am learning how to cope with life, people, and situations, not as I want them to be, but as they really are."
āReality Can Be Uncomfortable,ā Millburn, New Jersey, July 1971, Emotional Sobriety II
One of the greatest challenges in life is to realize and find out whom we really are. The next greatest challenge is to find happiness in what you find. Our program gives us the courage and blueprint for living that allows us to become whom we were always meant to be. As we clean those dirty filters that we used to view life, we get a new lens to see things from a much healthier perspective. When we see things through a prism of gratitude, acceptance, hope and spirituality, we begin to see things as they really are. Only by seeing the good in others, was I able to come to terms with the fact that I canāt change people, nor do I need to. For me, judging others and taking peopleās inventories was an exercise in futility, and this only led to frustration and disappointment. Accepting people, places and things, and the knowledge that I canāt control others is an empowering freedom. I now know that I canāt change others, and it would be wrong of me to try to rob them of their journey towards finding their own truths. The only thing I can do is to manage my own personal level of acceptance of that person, place or thing. Itās quite surprising how much peace we can find in simply accepting things as they are, and not trying to control and dictate all the outcomes.
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February 20th
Today, I will not run from myself, my circumstances, or feelings. I will be open to myself, others, my Higher Power, and life. I will trust that by facing today to the best of my ability, I will acquire the skills I need to face tomorrow.
āMelody Beattieā
In our active addictions, we were lost ships at sea. Life had no meaning or purpose, and we certainly didnāt want to face whom we were or what we had become. I am thankful that I was still in a fog in early recovery, because the depth and weight of the steps would have been too daunting. Had I realized the immense introspective aspect of the steps, I may have just given up and hit the door. Thankfully, my sponsor took a methodical approach to the steps and prompted me through gentle encouragement. I did my 4th and 5th step at around 90 days, which in hindsight was the exact right time. I hated myself and what I had become, so facing my truths took some prior healing and a more thorough 3rd step surrender. Taking all the steps the first time was very cleansing and therapeutic, but as we all find out, there was still much work to be done. The introspective journey of the fellowship has continued for me over the years, and though it can be frightening at times, growing into a better person has been a ride worthwhile. Without question, my spiritual journey has been the most life transforming. One of the greatest gifts of the program has been that the longer I stay sober, the closer I get to God. The closer I get to God, the more beautiful life has become. We donāt need to be better than anyone else, but hopefully with Godās guidance, we can be better than the person we were yesterday.
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So beautifulā¦The longer I stay sober the closer I get to Godā¦Amenā¦The more beautiful life has becomeā¦Amenā¦Thank you friend!
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February 21st
"The inner energy that is love connects all the parts of us - our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual selves."
āPowerful Simplicity,ā California, March 1984, Emotional Sobriety II
There are many forms of love, but the love in our fellowship may be one of the purest. Whether itās a warm smile and handshake from a greeter, kind encouragement, or hugs from our fellowship friends, the love of AA is unmistakable. The love in our program comes in many shapes and sizes, but it always seems to be there when we need it most. I had to learn the hard way that I shouldnāt expect affirmation from work or anywhere else outside the program; if I allow it, our fellowship will give me all the love and affirmation I need. Before the program, I would not have thought that laughter was a form of love, but now that I have experienced it in our rooms, I see it as a loving form of healing. I often try to settle in before a meeting, and try to tap into the spirituality created by your loving energy. When I do this, I feel the interconnectedness of all of us. Iām not sure if itās the recognition that we are all Godās kids, or if itās the feeling of spirituality within all of us, but I know and sense that extraordinary energy. So often in my sober life, I have been able to step back and simply say to myself, āI almost missed this!ā Without the program, and without the love of the fellowship, I would have been doomed to a life of darkness and despair. With you, I have been able to experience things I never thought possible and an overwhelming love that defies description.
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Youāre absolutely right! Thereās nothing like the love in the fellowship. Iāve met the most genuine caring and loving women that will be there for me no matter what. I could go all week without speaking to any of them and as soon as I walk in that room, Iām flooded with love. We go out to dinner after the meeting and spend hours catching up. I wish I would have sought out recovery earlier in life.
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I know exactly how you feel Lisa. For the first time in my life I have genuine, caring, and loving friendships that have no hidden agendas. All of my friendships/relationships are men and women in a recovery program and we are there for each other through thick and thin. I have established friendships with an extended group of men that I call my mentors. We are always doing things together outside of the rooms like fishing, going on retreats. Being there for doctor appointments for support. I drove a gentleman the other day to get LASIK eye surgery on both eyes. One of my friends called me the other day that had a flat tire and we had taken it down to get it fixed. The same thing has happened to me also when I called him when I had a flat. We drop what weāre doing and the hand of Alcoholics Anonymous reaches out anytime one of us needs help. The one common thread that we have is that weāre all members of Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous and that is a beautiful thing. I owe my very existence to the rooms and those relationships that we have formed.
P. S. My sponsor invited me to a meeting in the morning at the park. A lot of heavy hitters and old timers will be there including my grand sponsor which was close friends with Joe and Charlie. My grand sponsor sponsor was Dr. Bob Smith. I cannot wait to hear some of the stories. It will be the first time meeting him. Iām so excited Iām not sure if Iāll be able to sleep tonight. I am sure we will be going out to breakfast after the meeting.
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Wow! That meeting in the park sounds awesome. Iām sure youāll have a great time.
Iāve only been around the rooms for about a year and was quiet the first 6 months but the past 6 months have been amazing. Getting to know everyone on a deeper level is the best. They always offer to help when Iām in need and Iām shocked by their kindness. Itās nice making some true friends that I know will be there for a lifetime. What a blessing.
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