"The inner energy that is love connects all the parts of us - our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual selves."
“Powerful Simplicity,” California, March 1984, Emotional Sobriety II
There are many forms of love, but the love in our fellowship may be one of the purest. Whether it’s a warm smile and handshake from a greeter, kind encouragement, or hugs from our fellowship friends, the love of AA is unmistakable. The love in our program comes in many shapes and sizes, but it always seems to be there when we need it most. I had to learn the hard way that I shouldn’t expect affirmation from work or anywhere else outside the program; if I allow it, our fellowship will give me all the love and affirmation I need. Before the program, I would not have thought that laughter was a form of love, but now that I have experienced it in our rooms, I see it as a loving form of healing. I often try to settle in before a meeting, and try to tap into the spirituality created by your loving energy. When I do this, I feel the interconnectedness of all of us. I’m not sure if it’s the recognition that we are all God’s kids, or if it’s the feeling of spirituality within all of us, but I know and sense that extraordinary energy. So often in my sober life, I have been able to step back and simply say to myself, “I almost missed this!” Without the program, and without the love of the fellowship, I would have been doomed to a life of darkness and despair. With you, I have been able to experience things I never thought possible and an overwhelming love that defies description.
You’re absolutely right! There’s nothing like the love in the fellowship. I’ve met the most genuine caring and loving women that will be there for me no matter what. I could go all week without speaking to any of them and as soon as I walk in that room, I’m flooded with love. We go out to dinner after the meeting and spend hours catching up. I wish I would have sought out recovery earlier in life.
I know exactly how you feel Lisa. For the first time in my life I have genuine, caring, and loving friendships that have no hidden agendas. All of my friendships/relationships are men and women in a recovery program and we are there for each other through thick and thin. I have established friendships with an extended group of men that I call my mentors. We are always doing things together outside of the rooms like fishing, going on retreats. Being there for doctor appointments for support. I drove a gentleman the other day to get LASIK eye surgery on both eyes. One of my friends called me the other day that had a flat tire and we had taken it down to get it fixed. The same thing has happened to me also when I called him when I had a flat. We drop what we’re doing and the hand of Alcoholics Anonymous reaches out anytime one of us needs help. The one common thread that we have is that we’re all members of Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous and that is a beautiful thing. I owe my very existence to the rooms and those relationships that we have formed.
P. S. My sponsor invited me to a meeting in the morning at the park. A lot of heavy hitters and old timers will be there including my grand sponsor which was close friends with Joe and Charlie. My grand sponsor sponsor was Dr. Bob Smith. I cannot wait to hear some of the stories. It will be the first time meeting him. I’m so excited I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I am sure we will be going out to breakfast after the meeting.
Wow! That meeting in the park sounds awesome. I’m sure you’ll have a great time.
I’ve only been around the rooms for about a year and was quiet the first 6 months but the past 6 months have been amazing. Getting to know everyone on a deeper level is the best. They always offer to help when I’m in need and I’m shocked by their kindness. It’s nice making some true friends that I know will be there for a lifetime. What a blessing.
It truly is a blessing. I know the more I get out of self and be of service, helping others, the greater chance I have at staying sober. I truly believe the fellowship is a gift from my Higher Power. One day at a time my friend. Good night Lisa.
"Sometimes, AA comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith. Since both ways have proved bitterly disappointing, they have concluded there is no place whatever for them to go."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 28
None of us came in on a winning streak, and faith was usually the last thing on our minds. Perhaps we were raised with some form of religion, but our addictions wiped those thoughts away. For me, I had given up on faith long before I came into the program. I thought I was going to hell by the time I was ten, so why bother? I can also clearly see that it would be impossible for any of us to reconcile our drinking debauchery with formal religion. Thankfully, our fellowship is not a religious program; it is a spiritual way of living and thinking. The issue of religious dogma versus spirituality comes up often for those in early sobriety. I heard a description recently that breaks this difference down perfectly. “Religion is man’s effort to prove to God how good they are. Spiritually is the humbleness to allow God to show you how good He is.” We are blessed to be able to start our spiritual journey with a clean slate, and to be able to shape a Higher Power of our own understanding and comfort level. The unfolding of each of our spiritual paths is a personal one, but one that needs to be experienced to fully appreciate. I love when I see the light come on in someone’s eyes as they begin to gain faith. We can greatly appreciate that our program is all inclusive, never exclusive, of each of us and our own spiritual beliefs, paths, and pilgrimage through life.
"Change is the characteristic of all growth. From drinking to sobriety, from dishonesty to honesty, from conflict to serenity, from hate to love, from childish dependence to adult responsibility – all this and infinitely more represent change for the better. . . Only God is unchanging; only He has all the truth there is."
As Bill Sees It, p. 76
Needless to say, most of us coming into the fellowship need to make drastic changes in what we had become. Our moral compasses were virtually nonexistent, and the lines between right and wrong became blurred beyond recognition. We lived double lives, and honesty became an inconvenience. If we were responsible in any way, it was usually to put up a front, or just a way to continue our active addictions. Everything we were, and everything we did, had selfish motives. For most of us, our pathetic lives created relentless self-loathing voices in our heads. Coming into the program, we are told we only need to change one thing – everything! When we became willing enough to change, and we opened our hearts to a spiritual solution, our gradual transformations astonishingly unfolded. If we don’t change, our sobriety dates surely will. Only fools and the dead never change. As we take this journey to find whom we really are, we slowly become that person we were always intended to be. Growth in recovery is like a parking meter; it requires lots of change. Thankfully, there is very little left of that pathetic person I was when I first got sober, and through change, I found peace. Only through deep introspection and a total evolution of old thoughts and ideas can we find that quiet place of complete self acceptance.
"When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul!"
–Rabbi Harold Kushner–
Before the program, the thought of a spiritual way of living never crossed my mind. In fact, I related spirituality only to religious dogma and ritual. To me, religion, God, and spirituality were all synonymous. I am so thankful that the program guided me through the maze of misconceptions I had created about God and spirituality. Quite simply, spirituality is a way of living a life of service, humility, care, and kindness. It certainly contains faith in God, but spirituality is more of how we live our lives on a daily basis, and how we interact with others. Building our spiritual bank by being kind and loving to others is without question the most important thing we can do to protect us from that first drink, but it can become so much more. At first, we incorporate spirituality in our lives to stay sober, but it inevitably transcends into a direct path to overwhelming gratitude. Spirituality can completely change your perspective on life. I relate so much to our saying that, “I opened two gifts from God this morning – my eyes!” Recently, after completing his 5th step, someone I worked with commented that the world seemed to have just opened up. This too was my experience with taking the steps. It was as if I had lived life in black, white and grey, and then I came out of the darkness into a world of God’s splendor. Life itself can become a spiritual experience if we allow it, and all we have to do is to open our hearts and minds to the wonders around us.
I’m glad they help @Lotusflower it really helps me to get out of self and be accountable. One of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. Exposing my heart and soul along with sharing what I have been taught in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you for being here, reaching out, and staying connected. One alcoholic helping another is a beautiful thing.
"Leave the mind in its natural, undisturbed state. Don’t follow thoughts of “This is a problem, that is a problem!” Without labeling difficulties as problems, leave your mind in its natural state. In this way, you will stop seeing miserable conditions as problems."
–Lama Zopa Rinpoche–
The paths in life have many obstacles, but we soon discover that the obstacles are the path. I would not wish the misery I experienced in my active addiction on anyone, but I now know it had to happen exactly that way to get me to whom and where I am today. When life difficulties come up today, instead of immediately hitting the panic button, I try to calm myself, usually do some self reflection, and try to accept this as an opportunity to grow. When those I work with call with life challenges and drama, I walk them through their part, but often end with, “Congratulations, you’re knocking on the door of a spiritual experience.” One thing is certain, and that is – What we think upon, grows! If we dwell on negativity, that will magnify in our minds. If we let our mind project out too far, we can turn a little issue into a perceived overwhelming and crushing problem. The most any of us can handle is what is in front of us right here, right now. What happens tomorrow is not real yet, and besides, we have no business trying to control outcomes and expectations; we surrender this to God each morning, when we turn our life over to Him. For many of us, financial worries become our biggest “problems.” Ironically, if you think money can solve the problem, it wasn’t really a problem. Money costs too much! If we have faith that God’s plan for us is better than our own, life challenges don’t seem to be so daunting.
"When special feelings come your way, let them flow into your heart. When miracles try to find you, don’t hide. When special people come along, let them know what a blessing they are. Let your smiles begin way down, deep inside."
–Collin McCarthy–
When I reflect back to when I was still drinking, it saddens me to realize how much of life I squandered. Viewing life through a pessimistic and cynical outlook placed a veil of gloom over everything I experienced. I missed out on so much of what life had to offer. There have been many benefits of coming into the fellowship, but an open mind to the virtues and blessings in life have been one of its greatest gifts. Like so many others, I had shut down and suppressed my feelings with alcohol and other crutches. Being able to have and express emotions, especially for men that are taught to hold them back, has been challenging and painful, but every bit worth feeling. There are very few experiences better than being able to freely love others. From the love of the program comes an awareness of “God shots” that can stop us in our tracks. Is it odd, or is it God? I choose God. If we allow it, spiritual experiences will present themselves throughout our daily lives, but it often takes a quiet mind and peaceful heart to see them. I am so grateful to all the men and women that came before me in the program that modeled a new and beautiful way of living life on a spiritual path. I believe in angels, and I’m quite certain the rooms of AA are filled with them.
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger."
–Buddha–
Anger, which is just another level of resentment, is one of our most debilitating character defects. Without the program, I would have had no awareness that my anger was only hurting me, and pushing people out of my life. Having to be right all the time was exhausting! However, knowing anger only hurts me, and trying to control it, are two distinctly different things. Overcoming our human nature, which relentlessly draws us to our self-centeredness, is a constant battle. People can be annoying, wrong or overbearing, but no matter how hard we try, we can’t change others. There are two types of business – my business and none of my business. Trying to control others is “none of my business,” yet I still regularly engaged in this futile exercise of frustration. I can’t think of one occasion, and there have been many, that my anger ever helped the situation. On the contrary, my anger usually inflamed the situation and ultimately led to some form of an amends. Thankfully, the program gives us so many tools to deal with anger and resentment. For me, it had to start with the awareness that anger and resentments had such a debilitating impact on me, which only came after thoroughly taking steps 4-7. Life becomes so much easier to live when we stop fighting everyone and everything. Practicing God’s will, which is the opposite of our character defects, can be our saving grace, and one of the best ways to find lasting contentment, peace, and serenity.
I did pray, I had to pray bc without God I know I would have drunk and with god I knew I did not control the show but before anger came my fear, OK they are none of my business but their business began to affect my business and this led to a threat of my security and relationships and questioned my beliefs in God and a program designed to help others. And yes everyone else has moved on and because of this resentment I am now the only one hurting, no one knows I’m hurting but I am. These are all very difficult things to put into practice on a daily basis and emotionally draining but the only thing I can take from my current situation is I now have the strength to remain sober. This my friend is a success story.
All we need to do is allow more joy and love into our experience. We need to really choose it, to allow ourselves to feel it, paying attention, choosing to be alive and to be kind; allowing ourselves to feel and to be nurtured by the natural order of the Spirit of God. When we choose and allow it, the dramas fall away and dissolve.
–Patricia Sun–
An exercise a sponsor often gives someone in early sobriety is to have them write down a list of their hopes and dreams. As newcomers, these lists usually contain mostly materialistic things, such as money, houses, new cars and her/him. Once sober and entrenched into the fellowship, those dreams move inward to things such as peace, serenity and happiness. A primary objective of life is to find peace and contentment, and that path almost always includes being of service to others. Happiness and joy are an inside job, and most certainly require a chosen mindset of gratitude. There is a serenity to a life lived in gratitude; a quiet peace. Through living the principles of the program, we gain an epiphany that lasting happiness doesn’t come from getting something we want, but rather recognizing and appreciating what we already have, such as sobriety, friends, loved ones, and trust in God. Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s exactly the way you want it; it means you’ve decided to see past life’s imperfections. When we open our hearts to love, care and kindness, we instantly find a degree of acceptance of whatever may unfold. In life, the joy is in the journey, but it’s incumbent upon us to open our hearts to life’s grace and blessings.
In each of our lives, for whatever reason, there are times that we are faced with things that just don’t make sense to us. And the more we struggle to understand our hardships, the less any of it makes sense. I have found that in every challenge and obstacle that we are faced with there can be good that can come from it! While it’s almost never easy to identify, I assure you that it is there lying dormant just waiting for us to release it! I urge everyone to spend your days looking for positives in your life.
–Josh Hinds–
I would not want to have anyone go through the anguish and agony of addiction, but that is what it took for me to open my heart and mind to spirituality. Only though this deep pain did I gain the necessary willingness to change my life. Now, many years later, I clearly recognize the immense value in walking through hardships. The most profound and indelible life lessons usually arise from difficulties or pain. “Pain and suffering are truly an alcoholic’s best friend, because they are the only things sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego.” No one likes being in discomfort, but “this too shall pass,” and when we get to the other side, there is usually that cathartic realization of a life lesson learned. Of course, there may be times that the reason does not surface immediately, and at those moments, we would be wise to lean back into our faith and trust that God’s plans have always been better than our own. As we walk through each difficult situation, we gain a little more faith. After awhile, our faith grows to the point of complete acceptance, and we come to understand that everything will be alright. I feel so blessed that our fellowship has walked me through so many challenging issues, and through them, I have developed a faith that makes life so much easier to live.
"Most of us do follow, in our personal lives, the Twelve suggested Steps to recovery … We do this from choice. We prefer recovery to death. Then, little by little, we … conform because we want to."
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., January 1947, “Will AA Ever Have a Personal Government?”, The Language of the Heart
In the beginning, we work the steps, but it doesn’t take long before the steps start working us. As we make that conscious decision to practice the principles of the steps in our daily lives, we begin that amazing transformation into becoming the best version of ourselves. I don’t really think about it, but if someone asks me what step I’m working, my answer should be, “All of them!” The longer I stay sober, the more I see that each step is interconnected and related. It’s a package deal, and when taken in a holistic approach, the steps intertwine into a beautiful mosaic and healthy way to live life. I am so thankful that our program has given us the steps to a life of joy and contentment, and I am just as grateful that I have been given the gift to show others this key to life. I firmly believe an honest effort at taking the steps will help you get and stay sober, so it pains me to see others find excuses to drag their feet on this life-threatening proposition. Taking the steps is not a race, but it should be methodical and without delay. There is no reason to impede your happiness, which is why Dr. Bob took over 5,000 people through all 12 steps before they even left the hospital. I heard in a meeting that, “The definition of insanity is: Belonging to a 12 step program and not practicing the 12 steps.” So, take a walk with God; He will meet you at the steps.
