"Lord, make me a channel of thy peace–that where there is hatred, I may bring love–that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness–that where there is discord, I may bring harmony–that where there is error, I may bring truth–that where there is doubt, I may bring faith–that where there is despair, I may bring hope–that where there are shadows, I may bring light–that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted–to understand, than to be understood–to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen."
12 Steps and 12 Traditions. page 99
Some say that this beautiful prayer by Saint Francis of Assisi is our 11th step prayer. To me, it is reassuring and a good reminder of what I want to be in life. This prayer encapsulates so many of the blessings of our fellowship that we all come to cherish. In short, it is a blueprint for happiness, and ideals we should all strive toward. Of course, these ideals are lofty and challenging to achieve at times, but they are all attainable if we commit to the recovery process and principles of the program. Our transformations into becoming better people start with finding our truths, deep faith, and living with spirituality in our hearts. I am so grateful that the fellowship guides us to a place of love, kindness, and whom we were always intended to be.
"Every time a problem arises, the essential thing is to immediately become aware that the problem comes from our selfish mind, that it is created by self-cherishing thoughts. As long as you put the blame outside yourself, there can be no happiness."
–Lama Zopa Rinpoche–
If we are honest with ourselves, nearly every time we feel distraught or uncomfortable, we can usually trace it back to some character defect that we let get away from us. Our character defects are all some form of “self-will,” so the root of most pain in life is “self.” This is addressed extensively in our book when we read about step 3 (pages 60-63). However, getting out of self may be one of the most challenging things we can do. As one of our old timers likes to say, “I may not be much, but I’m all I ever think about.” Human nature draws us back into self, so we need to reprogram our consciousness toward God’s will. But what is God’s will? God’s will are the opposites of our character defects. For instance, if resentment is our shortcoming, then forgiveness, care and kindness would be God’s will. Once we fully accept that self is our main problem, it is so much easier to accept responsibility for whatever life throws at us. When we are accountable for our actions, life itself becomes a lesson learned. We are never a failure unless we blame someone else, or never learn from our mistakes. The awareness of a damaging self, coupled with a design for practicing God’s will, can make each day a fulfilling and rewarding experience.
"I have a quiet place within me where I can rest today, I have a quiet place where I can go that offers peace, comfort and healing. It is as close as this moment… as close as a breath. This place is mine whenever I want it." --Ruth Fishel–
Before the program, if someone told me that I could have a quiet mind and a peaceful heart, I would have told them that pigs will fly before that ever happens. The chaos in my brain was nonstop, and I certainly never felt at ease about anything without the help of a social lubricant. When I realized I was walking around life three drinks shy of comfortable, I crossed that invisible line into an oblivion that we know all too well. I had no idea that I had a serious spiritual malady or void, nor did I believe spirituality would be the answer to my drinking or life discontent. The fellowship not only guided me through the deep chasm between active addiction and recovery, it guided me toward a spirituality that would give me a life beyond anything I could have hoped. As we take the steps, and shed all those spiritual blockages we had been carrying, we begin to feel glimpses of an unknown peace and quiet within. Sadly, especially for those addicted to drama, some confuse this sense of contentment in life as boredom. For me, I’ll take contentment over that crazy roller coaster. It is such a blessing in life to be able to quiet the mind enough to appreciate what we have today, rather than obsess about what we didn’t get yesterday, or we may want tomorrow.
The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death.
–Alcoholics Anonymous, p. xxvii–
Our fellowship is nothing short of remarkable, and it has rewritten the approach to the disease of alcoholism. Alcoholics for centuries were seen as incurable moral delinquents destined for a pitiful existence and total insanity. The structure of AA goes against any principle of organizational management, yet it has grown into one of the largest and most successful organizations on the planet. There have been many times in my sobriety that I have wondered if it was all divine intervention. How could a book be so healing and relevant across generations? Why is AA so successful where medicine had failed so miserably? Whatever the case, I now feel like we have been chosen to carry the message to others. The miracle of recovery transcends all aspects of life, and if we commit to applying these principles in all of our affairs, we are virtually guaranteed a better life. When life becomes “being of service,” an amazing transformation occurs deep within us. Adding to others lives, rather than just taking, is so much more rewarding and fulfilling. The spirit in our fellowship is all pervasive and inspiring to all who allow this undeniable energy to flow in and through us.
it’s nothing short of a miracle. Some days I get so frustrated bc I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t give some of this away and I have no one to talk to and help. Blessing Mr Ed
"The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes."
–Pema Chodron–
When I think back at how much self-loathing overwhelmed me before the program, it’s hard for me to even recognize that sad and lonely existence. Ironically, I walked around life with a tough exterior and persona of confidence, but on the inside, I was dying! I related so much when I heard in our rooms that “we are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.” Seeing life through low self esteem creates a darkness about virtually everything. Falling into the abyss of self pity came so easily; I wallowed in it even though there were angels all around me trying to show me how to climb out of that hole of my own creation. It took me months in recovery before I started to become comfortable looking people in the eye. It’s no mystery I couldn’t face others, because I couldn’t even look at myself. I literally avoided mirrors. The occasional stutter that haunted me slowly faded away. The overwhelming bad memories that had so much power over me were finally being processed in a healthy way. As I shed all that baggage, I was able to build my confidence and self awareness. Now, when I meet a broken newcomer that can’t look anyone in the eye, I see this as a golden opportunity to give back what was so freely given to me. Loving a newcomer back to health is a gift to them, but an even greater gift to the legacy of our fellowship.
I avoided mirrors and I wouldn’t look people in the eyes, they say your eyes are the gateway to a person’s soul and nobody needed to see mine. All you would see was the devil staring straight back with a big grin on his face saying ‘I’m keeping this one’
Take a look today and my sobriety may well blind a person , Good day Mr Ed
I totally understand Paul, my soul at one time was filled with evil and hatred.
Due to the miracles of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 steps, my sponsors, willingness along with staying teachable and a lot of emotional fucking hard work, our lives are no longer like that. Spiritual Awakening is a beautiful thing.
So proud of your progress Paul. Keep up the good work my friend, stay focused and determined and the promises will keep coming true.
Always keep this in mind Paul, we are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done.” These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.
Have a beautiful day in recovery, love you my brother.
"In this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by heavy setbacks. Our old-time attitudes of ‘all or nothing’ will have to be abandoned."
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., March 1962, “What Is Acceptance?”, The Language of the Heart
We hear at nearly every meeting, “progress not perfection,” yet we struggle all the time with life’s imperfections. We can be our own worst enemy. In fact, we are probably without a doubt the most negative influence in our own existence. No one can second guess us more than ourselves. This alter ego in our head is relentless and damaging to any notion of finding lasting serenity. I named my alter ego, and I often have to tell that guy to just shut the hell up. As we take the journey through recovery, we begin to build expectations on who and what we should be. Expectations of ourselves and others are merely resentments under construction. In the first year of sobriety, life usually gets so much better than what we were living, so this new life becomes an expectation. When the road narrows, as it always does, we tend to hit the panic button and let our head take us back into darkness. How many of us have questioned God for our plights, when in reality, these hardships usually turn into some life lesson or spiritual experience. Today, I am so grateful to be a work in progress, and to be hopeful that I will be better than the man I was yesterday.
"My perception of any situation is in my control – I have a choice about which way my mind will react. I try my best to look for positive solutions; I take my problems to my sponsor or I let my friends at a meeting know what is going on inside me."
“How the Universe Works,” Pinellas Park, Florida, November 2006, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
Before the program and living the steps, being able to see life as it really was with any semblance of a healthy perspective was nonexistent for me. I saw life through faulty filters I had created to compensate for a very dysfunctional upbringing. I felt doomed to a life of despair and hopelessness, and the only temporary relief came from the bottle. As I reflect back, it’s clear to me that the dirty filters I manifested kept me from seeing the world and others as they truly are. Because our perceptions become our reality, my reality was jaded by my own twisted thinking. Coming into the program, we learn we are responsible and accountable for our thoughts and actions. However, reshaping how we think requires an honest commitment to the steps and process outlined in our program. Once we clear away the wreckage of our past (clean our dirty filters), our perceptions of life can become much more positive. It is cathartic once we clearly see that we can’t possibly have a positive life with a negative mind. I know I will only be as happy as I allow myself to be, and for me to find contentment today, I must “cut the bonds of all those yesterdays or useless panic about tomorrow.”
You’re welcome Courtney. Glad to see you’re doing well. Congratulations on your 400 consecutive days embracing sobriety. Proud of you my friend. I know some days it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Stay focused and determined and keep up your amazing progress. Wishing you peace and serenity on your journey.
"At the end of each day … I hope that I can say a short prayer of gratitude for another day of sobriety. Anything else good that happens is a bonus."
“Life–It Happens,” White Rock, British Columbia, May 2005, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
If we stay sober, we will surely encounter many fulfilling and rewarding experiences. However, we must never take our sobriety or the life AA gave us for granted. All too often we see fellow members forget where they came from, and they lose sight of the amazing miracle of recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. My sponsor often says, “Never let the life AA gave you, get in the way of your AA life.” In order to stay grounded and right sized, I adopted a simple routine of “thanking God for sobriety and everything I have today” any time I see or find change (coins). If you too adopt this practice, you will begin to find coins in the strangest places at just the right times. Of course, I stack the deck and leave coins everywhere (my floorboard in my car, nightstand, etc.). Each day, I try to reflect on this simple question – “What if I woke up today with only those things I thanked God for yesterday; what would I have?” Many of us in the fellowship will live a charmed life or mindset, but none of that is sustainable or possible without sobriety. Time and again, I have learned the hard way that I need to stay connected to the program and to be of service. My peace, happiness, and serenity all begin and end with my commitment to staying sober, one day at a time.
"In despair, I had cried out, ‘Now I am willing to do anything. If there is a God, will he show himself?’ And he did. This was my first conscious contact, my first awakening. I asked from the heart, and I received."
AA Co-Founder, Bill W., July 1960, The Language of the Heart
All of us have had at least one very significant spiritual experience, and that was when we asked for help or walked into the hallowed rooms of our beloved program. Very few of us will ever experience the room filling with white light, like it did for our founder Bill Wilson, but that hasn’t prevented us from having a profound spiritual journey with the same outcome. I’m glad that Bill had such a spontaneous and significant spiritual experience, but part of me wishes he would have not written about it. Far too many of our members are waiting for the burning bush or a similar incident, and they judge their experiences against the one Bill had. For me, I’ve come to understand and appreciate that it’s the small things in life that seem to matter the most. Throughout the day, I get constant reminders of God’s grace and gifts to us all. If you let it, life itself can become a spiritual experience. Opening our eyes, mind, and heart to the world around us when in a state of gratitude changes our entire perspective on life. I am so thankful the program encourages me to be open to all things spiritual, and through this open mindedness, I find a remarkable way to see and experience life. Today, I know if I try to walk with God, I will always find my true destination.
"I’ve got a brand new feeling, gratitude – a feeling that has visited me more and more frequently – sometimes with the rush of cleansing tears – sometimes with just a serene flow of mental thank-you’s for some small, God-given bonus in a routine day."
“A Rush of Gratitude,” Minneapolis, Minnesota, April 1983, Spiritual Awakenings
When I was in my active addiction, “gratitude” was not exactly in my vocabulary. The most I could hope for were moments of temporary satisfaction surrounded by a lot of sadness and despair. I was controlled by anger, fear, and self-pity, which was a miserable way to live a pathetic life. In early sobriety, it was easy to gain some degree of gratitude for just being able to stop the nightmare of addiction. However, as the honeymoon wound down and life issues unfolded, I started to slip back into those negative emotions that tortured me for so long. Writing gratitude lists helped get me out of my funk, as well as going to meetings and hearing shares of hope. For me, the one thing that has always brought me back to a place of gratitude has been helping others. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I can change my mood by simply being of service. It works every time, and that is not an exaggeration. An old timer at one of my home groups (he passed at 102 years old with 46 years of sobriety) often said, “The joy of living, is the joy of giving!” There are so many gifts the program has given us, but none greater than the inspiration to give yourself to others. Today, I am so grateful for so many things, and most are merely those small blessings that just make me smile or give me hope.
"When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a little on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple in the cloud color.” I don’t try to control a sunset, I watch it with awe as it unfolds."
–Carl Rogers–
Accepting ourselves and life’s imperfections is an amazing gift of our fellowship. Before the program, we perceived life in a negative skeptical way, or we just missed priceless moments entirely. We selfishly wandered through life wallowing in our own self-pity. The most selfish packages in the world are active alcoholics all wrapped up in themselves! As we engage in our pilgrimage towards spirituality and faith, our perceptions and attitudes also evolve. We start to see things that we ignored or never noticed, like family chatter around the dinner table, or a child’s laughter off in the distance. The sky literally gets bluer, and food even tastes better. We begin to look for the good in situations and people rather than always trying to find the negative. We realize that “control” is an illusion destined for a state of frustration and disappointment. There is a great deal of freedom knowing we can’t change people, places, and things, and finally accepting them as they are. We all have our own personal journey through life, and it would be selfish of us to not let others find their own path, pain and all. Today, I try to come from a place of “acceptance,” and through this simple mindset, life becomes a landscape of God’s masterpiece.
"Regardless of what happened before or what may happen tomorrow, what is the very best thing I can possibly do, right now?"
“A Life Without Problems,” Santa Monica, California, May 2007, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
Our current situation does not control our future; it is only a starting point for something better. There are no endings, just new beginnings that spring up from the endless well of hope in our fellowship. The more I let my mind take me to the past or the future, the less I have time to appreciate today. How often do we miss opportunities to express our love towards others, simply because we aren’t in the moment? I hope I never miss another sunset, opportunity to laugh, or see the wonder of life, because my head is elsewhere. When I focus on the here and now, I always seem to accomplish more and procrastinate less. I know that what I do today becomes the seeds of tomorrow, but I also know I’m no longer in charge of the results and outcome. If it doesn’t go my way, as it usually doesn’t, I’ve learned to fall back into faith and trust that God’s plan for me has always been better than my own. They say that, “Today is a gift, and that’s why they call it the present.” I’m so thankful that the program has guided me to a place in which I can cherish each moment, and appreciate each blessing life has to offer.
, Good day Mr Ed 