"If we expend even five percent of the time on Step Eleven that we habitually (and rightly) lavish on Step Twelve, the results can be wonderfully far-reaching."
Bill W., The Language of the Heart
The value of Step 11 can’t be overstated. The benefits of practiced meditation are endless, whether it be traditional eastern influenced, cardio exercise, quiet time by your yourself, or whatever form of meditation you practice. Without question, as the language in the Step outlines, it absolutely improves our conscious contact with our Higher Power, but it does so much more. If prayer is asking or talking with God, then meditation is listening. Mediation also opens our consciousness to the messages and connection to the world around us. Practiced meditation seems to slow everything down to a manageable pace. Some of the benefits of meditation that is often underutilized are its emotional and physical healing properties (reduce anxiety, lower blood pressure, etc.). We can meditate on challenging issues in life, and answers seem to come almost mystically. It is completely understood that traditional meditation is difficult for the busy mind of an alcoholic, but it is worth the effort and practice. Remarkable results await for those that make the commitment to fully practicing Step 11.
I’ve been ignoring my step 11 not with prayer but I rarely meditate, yesterday though I got just a 10 minute guided one in and TBH just that short amount of time was enough to relax me, recharge me and let me feel closer to my inner me. Moral of the story - find time for yourself and you find more time for others.
I’ve just read through your post and I can really relate to that I came out of detox and am now 20 days sober I still find it difficult with the temptation tho
"Sobriety is nothing like I thought it would be. At first it was one big emotional roller coaster, full of sharp highs and deep lows. My emotions were new, untested, and I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to deal with them. I cried when I should have been laughing. I laughed when I should have cried. Events I thought were the end of the world turned out to be gifts. It was all very confusing. Slowly things began to even out. As I began to take the steps of recovery, my role in the pitiful condition of my life became clear."
Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, 4th Edition, page 316
For so many of us, this story in the Big Book rings true. After numbing out our emotions for so many years, we are often overwhelmed when these suppressed feelings finally erupted to the surface. I am so thankful that AA had the 30, 60, 90-day, 6 and 9-month milestone chips, which always seemed to coincide with a rush of uncontrollable emotions that had been buried for so long. The Steps helped me navigate through the emotional minefield I often found myself. Over time, my emotions subsided to a manageable point. Eventually, I became so grateful to actually feel life, with all its highs and lows. I want to feel it all, and I hope I never miss another “moment,” or opportunity for a life changing spiritual experience. The program gives us tools to deal with the lows, and the emotional highs became spiritual moments to appreciate. One of the greatest gifts of the program is the ability to not only see things with your eyes, but to also see things through your heart.
"Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit can be likened to you taking poison and expecting that someone else would die from the effect. Forgiveness is about setting the prisoner in your heart free only to discover that all along, you had been the real prisoner."
–Tope Popoola–
In Step 4, we learn some of the most valuable life lessons we could possibly learn. As soon as we realize that holding onto our resentments only hurts us, we are born into a new freedom. If we hold onto resentments against others, they have conquered us, because, They are living rent free in our head. So how do we get rid of those resentments? Well, we have to face them with an understanding that we probably played some role in that conflict, usually a significant part. I now know that if I’m pissed off at someone, I need to pray for them, ask God to remove the resentment, admit my part, make an amend if warranted, and finally, forgive. Forgiving is not condoning behavior, it is clearing your heart of cancerous hate. To officially put that resentment to bed, it has always helped me to immediately be of service to others. The best way to acceptance, and to get out of our own head, are simple acts of kindness and altruistic gestures towards others.
"What about the practice of these principles in all our affairs? Can we love the whole pattern of living as eagerly as we do the small segment of it we discover when we try to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety? Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? …Can we actually carry the A.A. spirit into our daily work?"
12 Steps and 12 Traditions, pg. 111-112
One of the most difficult goals we have in AA is to practice these principles in all our affairs. It sounds simple until we try to put it into action, and we discover that the outside world is still dog-eat-dog, and often, very unforgiving. We may struggle at first with this new lifestyle, but it doesn’t take too long before we reap the benefits of rigorous self honesty and a positive attitude that is guided by faith, love, and tolerance. For many of us, we have to slowly gain back the trust that was lost after our repeated betrayals and irresponsibility during our drinking sprees. After a period of time, and dedication to practicing the steps in our daily lives, we find that people are actually drawn to our new gratitude and spirit for life. We become pillars in people’s lives, and the ones they can count on during duress. A magical gift of this program is the transformation into
someone that our family, friends, and co-workers can depend on for accountability, care, and kindness.
"My personality is made up by the way I think, by the way I feel, my attitude and outlook upon life, people, places and things in general. That is what determines my personality. I came here restless, irritable and discontent, filled with shame, fear, guilt, and remorse. If I can change from that to peace of mind, serenity and happiness, I have undergone a profound change in my personality.
AA Speaker Scott L, Nashville
In the Spiritual Experience Appendix II, it defines a spiritual experience as a “…personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.” So, when we get to Step 12, we need look no further than our change in personality as our spiritual awakening. So many of us overthink the Step process rather than just trusting its simplicity to change our lives. If we truly commit to the Steps, a personality change is inevitable, so by definition, a “spiritual awakening” has entered your heart and mind. In addition, the depth, understanding and faith in a Power greater than ourselves becomes so much stronger as we entrench ourselves in the principles of the program, and we surround ourselves with others on a similar spiritual journey. Our strengthened faith grows into a new found place of comfort in our lives. It still amazes me that as a result of the program, my goals in life evolved from purely materialistic into those that lead to lasting inner peace and happiness. Serenity is truly an inside job.
"When we are born, we start with a beautiful empty mind ready to be given our beliefs, attitudes, habits and expectations. Most of our true learning comes from watching the actions of others. As we watch our family or relatives, whatever their actions and values are, so will be the children’s values and acts. If we see our families living a just and peaceful way of life, so then will the children. If we see our family shouting, arguing and hateful, so will it be for the children. The cycle of life - baby, youth, adult and Elder is all connected. If the older ones have good values, it will be connected to the children."
–An Indian Chief–
When I read the passage above, it struck me that it is a metaphor for the program. When we come into the program, we are still children emotionally. We stopped growing emotionally once our addiction began, usually at a young age. Our transformation begins once we begin to live the values and principles we learn in AA, usually from those with more recovery time. Soon, our supportive interaction in meetings transcends to all areas of our lives. Our home groups become a new family, and the elder statesman with decades of time, become those peaceful old timers that teach and demonstrate a better way to live our lives. We are all a product of the environment we live in, and the people we interact. Going to meetings in a healthy atmosphere will assuredly bring peace to our heart, mind, and lives. So too can we make a profound impact on those around us by our own actions, and through this understanding and new way of living, we can methodically clear away the damage of our past alcoholic existence.
"The remedy? Well, let’s have a hard look at ourselves, and a still harder one at A.A.'s Twelve Steps to recovery. When we see how many of our fellow A.A.'s have used the Steps to transcend great pain and adversity, we shall be inspired to try these life-giving principles for ourselves.”
As Bill Sees It, Maudlin Martyrdom, p. 238
There is no doubt in my mind that the 12 Steps have made a profound impact in my life. In fact, everything that I am today is a direct result of practicing those Steps in daily living. Thankfully, there is very little left of the person I was when I entered our fellowship. Not too long ago, my wife read to me some journal entries she made when I was still drinking, and it was painful to hear! I can’t believe how selfish I was and hurtful to a woman that loved me so much. I’m blessed to have had the opportunity to become a better person for her and my children. When I began actively practicing Step 12, helping others, the magic of the program accelerated throughout my life. One of the true blessings of helping others is to see up close their rapid healing and transformation into becoming a better person. We don’t always recognize the changes in ourselves, but we are reminded when we see the remarkable evolution and changes within others in the program who can now walk with so much honor and dignity. I frequently try to remind myself about the 10% - 90% rule: We learn 10% by going through the book and steps with a sponsor; the other 90% is learned by taking others through the process.
"Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."
–Richard Carlson (Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff)–
Thank God we are taught to live in today. I can handle just about anything today, or at this moment. The second I start comparing my life to others, complain about my existence, let fear take over, or live in tomorrow, any chance of a happy and peaceful today is lost. Living in today and appreciating the little things in life makes living so much more enjoyable. I now know that perfectionism is a character defect that keeps me from attaining peace of mind, and it blocks me from enjoying right now. I also realize my perfectionism and “need to be right” stemmed from years of low self esteem and insecurities from a troubled childhood. It’s so much easier to live each day by accepting that we are all flawed children of God that need to learn valuable and transformative life lessons. Our mistakes and imperfections are the portals of discovery. I have lost so many moments in life due to my perfectionism and not living in today. Today, I try to practice mindfulness (being in the moment), and this has brought much needed balance and enjoyment to my life.
"In the nick of time, and by God’s grace, each of us has been enabled to develop a growing sense of the meaning and purpose of life.”
Bill W. Language of the Heart
Before the program, I had no sense whatsoever of my purpose in life. I was adrift in a storm of conflict, fear, resentment and self-pity. In fact, I was not sure life was even worth living, especially when I was in the depths of my disease. It did not take long before the program changed my negative attitude about life. As I began to help others, the true meaning of life came into focus. It was also clear that a life lived by our code, “love and tolerance,” would reap many benefits. After years of practicing our spiritual principles, I now believe we are all spiritual beings having a very difficult human experience; a life experience designed to heighten our emotional and spiritual consciousness. To me, the meaning of life is to practice kindness, compassion, and helping others in order to gain a higher level of spiritual enlightenment. My purpose in life is quite clear – to carry the message of recovery to those inflicted and to help others wherever I can.
"I am a student of life just trying to learn how the universe works. The most powerful lesson I have learned is that it all happens inside me. My perception of any situation is in my control – I have a choice about which way my mind will react."
“How the Universe Works,” Pinellas Park, Florida, November 2006, AA Grapevine
We are a product of our perception and actions. If we have a negative perception of the world around us, negativity is sure to follow. We can never have a positive life with a negative mind! On the other hand, if we act in a positive spirit, our thinking and perception becomes a reflection of that mindset. We are what we think; we are what we do (actions); and we are what we feel. We are 100% accountable for our own thoughts and actions, and those will dictate how we feel. So in essence, our emotions are really up to us and our willingness to do what we know is essential to our freedom and happiness. Once I learned these valuable life lessons, I learned that I could shape my life and emotions so much better. We all spent too much time in darkness. We owe it to ourselves, our family, and friends to be the best version of ourselves, and that simply begins with care, kindness, and helping others.
"Sobriety – freedom from alcohol – through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps, is the sole purpose of an AA group."
Bill W., The Language of the Heart
When I first read the 12 Steps, I was not totally convinced that they would have any effect on my life. I did, however, believe that “your” lives had gotten better, so I was at least willing to try. That profound impact didn’t hit me until the 4th and 5th Step. After reading my 4th Step to my sponsor, I literally felt lighter and more connected to the program. The next quantum leap came after making my amends, and seeing the “promises” come to fruition. The 10th and 11th Steps changed my daily consciousness, and I truly had a spiritual awakening. Step 12 opened the door to a lifetime of happiness, built by helping others, and applying the principles of the program to my daily living. I’ve been around long enough to witness countless life transformations; not only in sobriety, but an entire psychic change, perspective, and approach to life to all those willing to fully apply this process. Today, I completely trust and believe in the program and process, and I am so thankful that I get the gift of carrying the message, and sharing it with others. When it comes to the steps, the best way to teach them is to practice them through our own example.
"Although no one can go back in time and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
–Carl Bard–
One of the most precious things the program has given me is the ability to start my life over. We get a whole life do-over. I now see that we get to live more than one life in one lifetime. I feel like I am on my third life, and the longer I stay sober, the more beautiful life becomes. I also hold precious that I no longer have to live in regrets of the past; we can’t write the next chapter of our life, if we keep rereading the last one. Through the program, life has become one big possibility, and the only thing that can hold me back are the fears I now know are false evidence appearing real (FEAR). One of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is to continually fear you will make one. The program has given so many of us the courage to step outside our comfort zone and become whom we were always meant to be. I now live by the philosophy to “leave it better than you found it,” this day, this year, this life. We should all try to make a difference and be somebody that makes others feel like they are somebody. Let love and kindness be your guide to happiness and a future full of endless possibilities.
"I don’t just hear the slogans anymore; I feel them when I speak them … They take hold of me; they change the course of my day if I let them."
Grapevine, November 2002
I sometimes wonder where I would have been if not for the slogans and sayings in our program. I’ve heard it’s said that our sayings and slogans are the handrails for the steps. “One day at a time,” the grandfather of all slogans, was the key to my early sobriety. I could stay sober today, one minute at a time. “Play the tape,” which means don’t romance the drink and play it out to its ultimate conclusion, was also a game changer for my constant obsession in early recovery. For me, a drink will always take me to some form of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, and any other outcome is a lie. I would highly recommend that you pick and apply some of the AA slogans and sayings to your life. A couple of my favorites are: “The mind is like a bad neighborhood; you never want to go there alone” (get and use a sponsor!), and “Don’t let people live rent for in your head” (Don’t carry resentments!). There are numerous sayings, and it is up to each individual to choose and apply the ones that resonate the most to our everyday living.
“The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”
–Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking–
The ways to happiness outlined in this quote correlate nicely with our Steps. Our 4th Step is a fact-finding and fact-facing process that looks at our resentments (hate) and fears (worries about the future). If we practice the 3rd Step through a daily surrender, life becomes so much easier to live. When we practice the 6th and 7th, we simplify our life by not letting our character defects redline into destructive reactions or behavior (live simply). Our 12th Step encourages us to help others (give more) for fun and for free (expect less). So, the key to a happy life is to practice these principles in all our affairs. When life hits me in the face, or laziness kicks in on going to meetings, I ask myself one simple question – How free do I want to be? My peace, happiness and freedom from debilitating selfishness is all up to me. I hope the next time someone asks me what Step I’m working, that I can honestly answer, “All of them,” because that is truly the blueprint for sustained peace and serenity.
"A Thankful Heart - I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love . . . For all of this, I have a full and thankful heart.”
Daily Reflections, p. 93
As we make our morning surrender, it would be an opportune time to reflect on all the blessings we have in our lives. If we can’t find something to be grateful for, we aren’t looking in the right places. Look within! Like so many of us, I have been given a great life to live, but what I cherish most, is the love I have for all those people in my life that I have shared this spiritual journey. I have been blessed with peace and contentment, but what I value most is the courage to love, and the restored self esteem that allows me to accept love. I came into the program seeking sobriety, but I have been given an appreciation for life that I never thought possible. I hope and pray that all those suffering from our disease give the AA process a chance to open their hearts to the many blessings in life.
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, Working With Others, pg. 102~
Our founders stumbled across the simple act of one person helping another as the only proven method to stop drinking. Up until that time, we were tagged as insane, incurable, or morally weak, and we were sentenced to a life of institutions or being completely destitute. The early pioneers of our program would go literally anywhere to find another alcoholic to help, because they knew that was the only thing that would keep their alcoholic disease in check. There was up to a 75% success rate at that time compared to the less than 5% today. There are many factors in why I stayed sober, but a prime reason is a strong commitment to help others and to be of service. One service commitment in particular had a profound impact on me, and that was taking panels to places like LA skid row, indigent rehabs, and prisons. I don’t know if any of those I came in contact stayed sober, “but I did!” I hope I never lose sight of one of the most important principles, helpings others, because it truly saved my life.
"We have to grow or else deteriorate. For us, the ‘status quo’ can only be for today, never for tomorrow. Change we must; we cannot stand still."
Bill W., The Language of the Heart
In early sobriety, I heard that only one thing changes, “everything!” Since I readily accepted that I was a twisted mess of fear, self-pity and anger, the proposition to change was wholeheartedly welcomed; I just didn’t know how. Continual change came as I evolved in the program and in spirituality. I would cling to sayings such as, “If nothing changes, nothing changes,” or “If I don’t change, my sobriety date will!” However, as I stayed sober, and the inevitable life successes transpired, I began resting on my laurels, and I stopped growing. As I reflect back now, I can clearly see that my serenity was circling the drain. I became stark raving sober. Thankfully, I was able to ride out the storm without paying the ultimate price, but the people around me ended up paying the cost for my pride and arrogance. When I rededicated to the program, my emotional and spiritual growth returned, and so too did my serenity. Today, I have to regularly remind myself to not let the life AA gave me get in the way of my AA life.
can’t remove all of them. Lesson learnt. Have yourself a great day Mr Ed.