"In A.A., we found that it did not matter too much what our material condition was, but it mattered greatly what our spiritual condition was. As we improved our spiritual outlook, money gradually became our servant and not our master. It became a means of exchanging love and services with those about us."
As Bill Sees It; Servant, Not Master, p.259
Money costs too much! If we chase the almighty buck, like we chased our addiction, the loss is often catastrophic to our emotional well being. However, we often canât help ourselves, and societal norms help push us off that materialistic cliff. Once my focus changed to a life of spirituality and inner healing, my drive to âget moreâ gradually subsided. Happiness, peace, and serenity became my new goals in life, and those emotions were all attainable through the principles I found in the fellowship. Once I realized that chasing âmoreâ was a doomed proposition, the fear of economic insecurity began to evaporate. For me, my materialistic gains in life only came after I gave up the chase. Life is ironic! I heard someone share profoundly at a meeting that, Today I am a rich man, and maybe someday l will have some money. Being rigorously honest, caring, and unselfish, things I only fully developed in the program, became my guide to life successes. How blessed we are to have tools to navigate through the perils and enslavement of money and materialistic things.
"When, with Godâs help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 122
Bill W. once described fears as termites corroding our foundation. This parasitic visual really does describe the debilitating nature of our fears. We learn in our 4th Step that our fears were running our lives and dictating our decision making. All of our fears stem from âfuture tripping,â basically worrying about things that havenât happened yet. Our pessimistic mind portrays the future as the worst case scenario, which almost never happens the way we let our fears take us mentally and emotionally. Mark Twain once said, âIâve had many tragedies in my life, and a few of them actually happened.â Fears are unnecessary worries about the future that cast a huge shadow over todayâs peace. The future hasnât happened yet, so itâs pointless to spend any energy worrying about it; itâs a form of insanity. When my fears pop up, I do a quick 2nd Step in my head and simply say, âPlease God, remove this insanity.â That simple prayer is usually just enough to redirect my mind to a more positive mindset and put me back into today.
"Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him.
Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, pp. 93-94
Pain and desperation are an alcoholics best friend. Why? Because they are the only things sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego! As much as I dislike going through any type of emotional pain or discomfort, I know that this too shall pass; it always does. Everything has a beginning, middle and an end. If Iâm in pain, Iâm in the middle, closer to the end. I also know and accept that my painful experiences in the past have all turned out to be some life lesson learned, usually leading to some type of spiritual experience. The result for me is that as difficult life situations occur, the more faith I develop. I often remind those I sponsor that we donât have emotional breakdowns; we have emotional breakthroughs. Another way to look at it is that emotional pain is just fear leaving your body. So, if Iâm in pain, I know that I am knocking on the door of a spiritual experience; I just have to maintain faith that in the end, I will be okay. We are in faith or fear. Today, I choose to live in faith and trust that Godâs plan for me has always been better than my own.
"Why canât the Twelve Steps work to release me from this unbearable depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer: âIt is better to comfort than to be comforted.â Suddenly I realized what the answer might be. My basic flaw had always been dependence on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and confidence. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionists dreams and specifications, I fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.â
As Bill Sees It, Free of Dependence, p. 63
Sadly, the disease of alcoholism is very related to so many other mental and biological issues. So many of us struggle with degrees of depression, and that includes our founder Bill Wilson. Those that have been afflicted share about the intense darkness and inability to see any way out of their depression, even if they may have worked through depression before. In that state, checking out seems like the only answer, but that is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I canât begin to say I completely understand the depths of depression, but my heart goes out to all those that are tortured by this chemical imbalance. I nearly lost someone to depression whom I love with all my heart, so I would literally do anything for someone who is suffering. Our book on page 133 makes it very clear that we should not hesitate to utilize outside help when deep emotional issues such as depression occur. Asking for help is essential to our recovery, and this lifesaving proposition can also translate out to all areas of our lives.
"I believe the peace I get from an effective Tenth Step is what God feels like."
AA Grapevine, December 1996
Know God; Know peace. No God; No peace. Our 10th Step promises (bottom of page 84 and top of page 85), tell us that this is the point in which our sanity is restored. It also tells us that this is when the obsession often leaves us - âWe will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.â But the 10th Step can be so much more, and when done regularly, it can change your entire consciousness. There are many descriptions of the 4th dimension, but a dedicated daily 10th Step is sure to bring you a deeper conscious contact with God. When we can clear away all our spiritual blockages, we will assuredly feel a better nearness with God and our fellows. The 10th Step gives us a daily platform to be whom we are supposed to be, and an avenue to accept the beauty in each day that we can so easily miss when consumed by our own selfish self-centeredness. The 10th Step guides us out of self, a better appreciation of life, and a path to becoming the person we were always meant to be. I never envisioned that one of the greatest achievements of my life would be lasting contentment and peace of mind.
Before we speak we should THINK about what we are going to say. Will it be:
Thoughtful
Honest
Intelligent
Necessary
Kind
We often regret what we say by not thinking before we speak. If we speak in anger, we will make the best speech we will ever regret! You taught me that I donât have to show up for every fight Iâm invited, which for me, was a completely different way of approaching conflict. If we are to truly practice our code of âlove and tolerance,â we would be wise to be thoughtful and kind in word and deed. In Al-Anon, they have a saying that works well to express yourself â âSay what you mean, mean what you say, but donât say it mean.â In our program, we have another saying to help monitor our words â âA wise man speaks when he has something to say; a fool speaks when he wants to say something.â Of course, the Golden Rule applies to what we say too - speak to others as you would want them to speak to you. It really comes down to two simple words, âbe nice.â
"In making amends, we should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile or scraping. As Godâs people, we stand on our feet; we donât crawl before anyone.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p.83
Without question, for me, the 9th step results had the most surprising and unexpected benefits of any of the steps. In nearly every occasion, I went in thinking it wouldnât go well, and it inevitably ended up going fine or much better than I could have imagined. In fact, most of my amends resulted in some form of a spiritual experience. The freedom I gained from making amends was nothing short of remarkable. It took great courage to humble myself before others while making my amends, but it was well worth it. However, as the amends passage above states, âwe donât crawl before anyone.â We do the best we can with amends, but if the other person is not receptive, we donât grovel or push. We try to make it right, but there are times that the demands become demeaning, in which case, we would be wise to check with our sponsor for a second opinion. If we stay humble and considerate, the amend is more likely to have a positive outcome. One thing is certain - do not overlook the 9th Step; we have to clean up the wreckage of our past, because our life depends on it.
"In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting. By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgment, and criticism, and instead to listen and hear. I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it, those who put action into the program. . . I heard that I should forget about yesterday and instead concentrate on today and staying away from the first drink today â right now. I tried it and it worked.
Came To Believe, p. 42
As most of us, I had severe reservations that AA could help me from my obsession to drink. I had tried to stop on my own so many times, I truly thought I was hopeless. By some minor miracle, I was able to accept that âmy wayâ wasnât working. I had the âGift of Desperationâ (G.O.D). Once that surrender was made, I became âopenâ to a new way of living. Openness, which is being open to new ideas and beliefs, and a cornerstone of our recovery, was an essential mindset completely foreign to me. However, wanting a new way of living means nothing if itâs not put into action. Our recovery and happiness are directly proportional to how active we practice the principles of the program in every day living. We also need to accept that we canât rest on our laurels; staying open to learning and growth keeps us engaged in the program and helps maintain lasting peace and serenity.
"I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterdayâs baggage too. I must balance todayâs books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So, I ask myself if I have erred and how can I avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory."
Daily Reflections, p. 287
When I came into the program, I was literally being crushed by the volume of baggage I was carrying around. At that time, I saw no way of getting out from under it, and I certainly didnât want to share any of it with others. From the podium, I heard countless speakers wade through their troubled pasts with what I perceived as great ease and honesty. I wanted that so badly! Slowly, you helped me unpack my baggage, one small piece at a time. Once I was able to process my past, I was ready to start each day anew with a much healthier attitude. Today, I try my best to not create another debris field behind me, and Iâm able to process each day by being open and honest with others I trust. The icing on the cake of course is my constant discourse with God that concludes each day with a nightly inventory. It is a true blessing that we have found a fellowship that loves us until we can forgive and love ourselves.
"Sometimes, the body can speak an eloquent language all its own. I see and feel that in meetings. So coming to regular meetings of AA is a priceless experience for me on a great many levels â mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and now possible physical. Listening quietly is already a joy to me, and if it calms me down and lowers my blood pressure in the process, thatâs just another great reason to keep coming back."
Thank You For Sharing, p. 13
For most of us, the mere act of stepping into an AA meeting brings an immediate sigh of relief. Literally, after the first handshake at the door, I can exhale away all my stress. Once the sharing starts, whatever is going on in life seems to fade into a manageable notion. Our focus quickly shifts from our own petty selfishness to concern and thought for others. We empathize and relate to the speaker or shares, and we often find ourselves laughing at ourselves. When I was new, I noticed that most of the people had a smile and glow about them; it was almost as if they had found the secret to life. Now, as I have put together some time, Iâm usually one of those contently smiling in meetings. I truly do believe we have found the secret to life, and it all starts with altruistic service, and the loving fellowship in the rooms of AA.
"The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 82
The debris field we left in our wake was nothing short of devastating. As our drinking progressed, nothing was immune from our selfish and destructive behavior. We are so blessed to have a program that guides us in cleaning up the wreckage of our past. But, even after we make our direct amends, and we continue to make living amends, those we hurt donât always return to a place of trust. Trust is like a book; it takes years to write, but only a few minutes to burn. We often carry extreme guilt that is debilitating, so we must diligently find our own path to self forgiveness. Our 9th step promises proclaim, âWe will not regret the past, not wish to shut the door on it.â For some of us, a few regrets remain years into sobriety; self-forgiveness can be an allusive obstacle to recovery. It is vital for us to recognize that we arenât that person any longer, and we need to find peace within ourselves through kindness, caring, self-forgiveness and loving service to others.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are." --Mother Teresaâ
Our program tells us to practice humility, but that is so much easier said then done. Society judges us by our career, how much stuff we have, what we drive, or where we live. Societal norms direct us away from any notion of humility, so how do we reconcile this new way of living? Well, we must, or we will see the same fate we once lived when our disease was full tilt. Humility is not thinking less of ourselves; itâs thinking of ourselves less. In our rooms, itâs wise to leave our egos at the door and be an equal amongst others. The second we think we are better than others, we are on our way to a slip. Reputation is what others think of us, but character and humility are what really define us. Humility comes in many forms, but remaining teachable is the essence of it all; be a student amongst students, and cherish emotional and spiritual growth. For me, practicing humility is a constant battle, but I know it is essential to my recovery and healthy interaction with others. Loving service is our guide to humility.
QUOTE OF THE DAY;"When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. --Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions, p. 91â
We often find that our pride and ego inject us into unwanted conflict. Once harsh words are spoken, we canât put the genie back in the bottle. If we act out on our anger, âtheyâ have conquered us. Every minute I spend angry, I waste 60 seconds of happiness. Thank God that our book tells us to ââŠpause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.â (p. 87). The simple act of pausing when faced with conflict can make a huge difference in our continued relationships with others. Another great acronym is WAIT â Why Am I Talking. I no longer have to show up for every fight Iâm invited, and I now know no one can make me angry without my permission. For this Irishman with a short fuse, this became a turning point in my life. Life became so much easier when I started to look for the good in everyone and everything, rather than arching up in defense of petty nonsense. I feel so blessed to have a fellowship that gives us such simple and effective tools for living.
QUOTE OF THE DAY;"You donât help anyone by trying to impress them; you impress someone when you try to help them." August 1982, AA Grapevine
For years, many of us sat on a barstool or couch reliving the glory days or embellishing on trivial accomplishments of our past. What we were really doing was trying to cover up our insecurities with false impressions. Endlessly, we chased praise and acknowledgement from others, but we could never reach anything near enough to cover our underlying shame of whom we had become. Then we walk into the rooms of AA, and we find that what matters most is how much we can help each other. In life, we look back to learn from our mistakes, we look forward with encouragement and hope, but look to today to find those endless opportunities to help another. Our kindness and caring for others is done without expecting anything in return, and by any measure, this is truly remarkable. Someone asked me recently when I crossed the line into loving, not mistrusting others. After reflection, I realized it was when I committed to complete honesty and regularly helping others. When we help others, our God consciousness elevates and the magic begins.
As I was growing up in the streets of Venice, it wasnât at all evident to me that a life of being sympathetic and compassionate would be essential to my happiness. In my neighborhood, being overly trusting or gentle was a sign of weakness and would open you up to ridicule or bullying. Fortunately, the program has gradually taught me to be kind and loving, which in turn has changed my whole perspective on life in a way I never dreamed possible. I like myself today, and that is something that alluded me for many years. Being of service has become a way of life, and Iâm certain I gain as much, if not more, than those I help. I know my serenity and happiness are directly proportional to my level of commitment to being kind, compassionate, loving and altruistic to all those in my life. Most importantly, I fully know that service, one of our three legacies (Unity, Service and Recovery), is essential to my sobriety and continued spiritual growth.
QUOTE OF THE DAY;"Now we try to put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives. When we do that, we find it solves our problems too; the ensuing lack of fear, worry and hurt feelings is a wonderful thing."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, pg.116~
Nearly all of us came into the program with one goal - to stop the nightmare of our alcoholic addiction. Once here, we find so much more. We soon find out that a simple kit of spiritual tools is laid at our feet, but it is up to us to use and put them into action. Our spirituality doesnât guarantee a better life, though that generally happens; what it does offer is a âsimpler way of living life.â With spiritual guidance, conflict and other life issues are now much easier to handle and process. Life is no longer waiting for the storm to pass; itâs about learning how to dance in the rain. With deep faith in a Higher Power, our fears (future tripping) erode, and life takes on more purpose and meaning. I now see life through a lens of hope, acceptance, gratitude and spirituality, which has made life so much more enjoyable. How blessed we are to have tools for living that donât leave a debris field in our wake. Instead, we leave an impression of integrity, accountability, kindness and compassion.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives." Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 86
This passage is one that I hold dear to my heart, and is a quiet prayer I say to myself every day. It reminds me to live in today and to take my Higher Power with me throughout the day. I do little things like thanking God for my sobriety whenever I see any coin, or leaving each door open a little longer so my Higher Power can come in with me. Small reminders of His presence keep me right sized throughout the day. The Awakening prayer also reminds me that self-pity is one of my major character defects. If I let self-pity linger in my thoughts and emotions, it can become debilitating and a dark shadow on everything in my existence. This prayer also emphasizes that rigorous self-honesty is the key to life and freedom from so many negative emotions. Lastly, this prayer cautions me that âselfâ is the root of all my potential conflicts with my fellows, as well as a significant spiritual blockage. Today, when I ask God to direct my thinking, I know that it will guide me through whatever challenge unfolds before me.
So as soon as I wake up I say the same 3 prayers, The Lords prayer, the third step prayer and a little 2 liner asking for strength not to drink bc I am powerless after the first drink. I then do a morning gratitude list and a morning inventory. 315 mornings in a row I have done this and hopefully by the end of today it will be 315 days going to bed sober. It works if you work it. Good morning Mr Ed
QUOTE OF THE DAY;"The fellowship in AA is unique. Ties are made overnight that it would take years to develop elsewhere. No one needs a false front. All barriers are down. Some who have felt outcasts all their lives now know they really belong. From feeling as if they were dragging anchor though life, they suddenly sail free before the wind."
Lois W., February 1950, âIt Might Have Been the TimeâŠâ Best of the Grapevine, Vol. 2
Assimilating into meetings as a newcomer is a daunting challenge for most of us. We have to overcome the intense low self esteem that so many of us have as we hit our bottoms. We generally feel undeserving of love, and we built walls around our emotions to shield us from our unbearable truths. However, what made coming into our fellowship easier were the simple acts of greetings at the door, taking chips, recognition through clapping and laughter, and the overwhelming love expressed by others, especially towards newcomers. We would all be wise to remember our own newcomer self doubts, and return the care and kindness we received that welcomed us home. Now, I can walk into any room of AA and feel welcome and immediate relief. Because we share the common bond of past desperation, we develop close friendships quickly. I would do anything for my AA brothers and sisters, and I know they would do the same for me. My trust for others in AA starts with our common spiritual journey, and it grows through our love and laughter expressed at every meeting.
