QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Life is meant to be lived by facing the challenges it brings. Otherwise, I’m not living, just existing. God didn’t give me this gift of sobriety to sit in a rocking chair, imagining myself some wise old woman who has arrived somewhere. There is no easier, softer way. . . The teaching I receive in AA about courage and love helps me to continue to grapple with the challenges of life as they are given to me, one day at a time.
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 320
When I got sober, I finally reached a point in which I wanted to live life fully. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! I knew I had wasted so many experiences during my drinking, so I was thrilled to have a “life do over.” As long as I kept God and sobriety my highest priorities, anything was possible. Throughout my recovery, I have been bewildered by the avoidance of life by so many of our members. I firmly believe we get sober to live life to the fullest, and to be the best example of the program we can possibly be. We should be wary of hiding out in the program and not finding balance in our lives. It always blows me away when sponsees sheepishly ask if it’s okay to pursue some life dream. The answer is a resounding “yes;” live a full life! However, it is still vital that we continue to attend meetings, help others, be responsible, and to practice the steps in our everyday lives as we follow our dreams. Anything is possible for the obsessive compulsive, overachieving alcoholic that practices the principles in all their affairs. After all, one of the things that AA stands for is Achieve Anything.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us."
12&12, p. 105
When you told me to pray in early sobriety, I really didn’t see the point. I had been raised in a religion in which prayer became ritualistic, and we robotically said the words without real personal attachment. Prayers were what we did to atone for our sins, but as a child, I could never make a connection between prayers and bad actions. Once in the program, I was able to develop a Higher Power of my own understanding rather than the child’s perception of God that I had carried into adulthood. My fearful child’s understanding of God was rooted in fire and brimstone, which is a far cry from the all loving, all forgiving God I believe in today. As I developed a personal relationship with God, so too my prayers became personal. I was no longer a ship adrift at sea. The more I prayed and meditated, the more connected I felt to God’s universe and everything in it. Mark Twain once said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.” Through prayer, meditation and helping others, life now has complete meaning and purpose. I no longer question my journey, or why I am here; it had to happen just the way it did to get me to where and whom I am today.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how." As Bill Sees It, In The Sunlight At Last, p. 313
In our program, we get to define a Higher Power of our own understanding, but you don’t have to stop there. We can also define a spiritual experience of our own understanding. However, we often do ourselves a disservice by setting the bar too high, and we wait for the burning bush, or the room to fill with white light like it did for Bill W. Our book defines a spiritual experience in Appendix II as “a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.” Step 12 states that we will have a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. It is those things, but for me, it is so much more. Any moment in life that changes your perspective and attitude in a positive way, such as extreme gratitude or a God shot coincidence, can be a spiritual experience. It is a spiritual experience, if you allow it to be a spiritual experience, and no one can take that away from you. My favorite spiritual experience is any moment in life in which I can simply say, “I almost missed this!” So, the message here is that you get to define a spiritual experience of your own understanding, and if you do, life itself can become a spiritual experience.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"By going back in our own drinking histories, we showed them that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression."
12&12, p. 23
To me, this passage in our 12&12 in Chapter 1 is vital to a thorough 1st step. For many of us, the mere act of walking into our first meeting and surrendering to our disease was the foundation of our first step and recovery. But, so many of us succumb to the cunning nature of our disease that tells us that we weren’t that bad, or we could handle “one” drink. This never works, and we end up crawling back to the program with our tail between our legs. There are many reasons that this occurs, but one is a less than thorough 1st step. As it states in this passage, we need to go back into our drinking histories to see the fatal progression of our disease. During this written exercise, I usually tell sponsees to focus on the incidents with negative ramifications, which highlights the second half of step 1 - that our lives had become unmanageable. This critical assignment displays its profound nature when we later burn it (send it back to hell where it belongs), and the result usually takes on some form of spiritual experience for the person that thoroughly faced their own truths. The 1st step is the foundation of our recovery, and we need to make sure we eliminate any reservations whatsoever that we are alcoholics. Any other notion is just a flat out delusion that will kill us.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Vision is, I think the ability to make good estimates, both for the immediate and for the more distant future. Some might feel this sort of striving to be heresy against “One day at a time.” But that valuable principle really refers to our mental and emotional lives and means chiefly that we are not foolishly to repine over the past nor wishfully to daydream about the future. As individuals and as a fellowship, we shall surely suffer if we cast the whole job of planning for tomorrow."
As Bill Sees It, Vision Beyond Today, p. 317
Living one day at a time has been a godsend, but it does not absolve me of the responsibilities of life. We would be foolish to disregard completely any form of planning in our lives. We still have to take the action, but the results, expectations, and outcomes are all left up to our Higher Power. For me, that is part of my daily 3rd step – turning my “life” over to the care of God (the results and my expectations). It’s like the story about the man that pleads with God that he has frsaken him, because he did not win the lottery. God’s response was, “My son, meet me halfway, buy a ticket!” I firmly believe we get sober to get a second chance at life; a chance to live out all our dreams. With that said, dreams require planning and footwork to come to fruition. However, we must be careful to temper our expectations; expectations are resentments under construction. Live today but have a vision for tomorrow. Vision can make sense of today and give much hope for tomorrow.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn’t quite belong."
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90
So many alcoholics have shared that they weren’t comfortable in their own skin, or that they felt deep loneliness. We could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. We later learn that this emptiness, the hole in our gut so to speak, was a spiritual void in our lives. One of the great attractions of our fellowship is that our common bond seems to break down those barriers that used to prevent us from connecting with others. I now know in my heart of hearts that I never have to be alone ever again. If I stay close to the program, I will always have access to a sanctuary of love, care, and kindness. The second I reach out to another alcoholic, I get a meaningful sense of belonging. Immediate trust is built knowing that we are both on the same journey of sobriety, enlightenment, and becoming a better person. I know that I have been truly blessed to have become a recovering member of this fellowship; a fellowship that has filled my once lonely heart with love, serenity, and care.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:". . . there are only two sins; the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being, and the second is to interfere with one’s own growth."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 542
It is fairly self evident that we are responsible for our own growth. But, we are usually our own worst enemy, and we regularly impede our growth by acting out on our character defects. If we stay active in the program, our spiritual and emotional growth will generally evolve on its own, but we need to stay out of our own way (avoid self will – character defects run riot). However, as the above passage states, interfering with others growth is just as bad. Unfortunately, our selfishness in early sobriety can present in ways that is disruptive to others’ growth, such as talking during meetings or questioning a particular meetings format and norms (group conscious). Thankfully, as we get more serious about the program, we become more mindful of our disruptive actions and act accordingly. We come to fully realize that we are absolutely on a “life or death errand.” Eventually, we swing to the other side of the spectrum of selfishness and make a firm commitment to service and aiding others in their growth. It is truly remarkable to think how much we all change and grow in such a short period of time. In fact, after a few years, there is usually very little left of that sad, torn up newcomer that walked into the rooms of AA.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"The best intentioned of us can fall for the ‘two step’ illusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off and things go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A. doesn’t pay off after all. We become puzzled and discouraged."
12&12, p. 113
As the road narrows through our journey of recovery, and our pink cloud fades to a gray mist, we often slip into a period of uncertainty. It’s inevitable that our natural endorphins subside when life issues arise. Thankfully, we can plug right back into the program and use our tools for living. For me, nothing takes me out of a funk more than working with others. I’ve always believed that coming off your pink cloud is reality, but we can also get right back on after “the crisis” subsides, as it always does. I know that it raises eyebrows when I say I’m still on a pink cloud after so many years, but it’s possible through a positive attitude and allowing ourselves the privilege of getting back on the cloud rather than wallowing in self pity. All too often, we focus on wants rather than needs, which only sets us up for disappointment and frustration. Our pink cloud is nothing more than an attitude of gratitude; our attitudes are contagious – are yours worth catching? Strong faith and acceptance also guide us back to gratitude. We can shape each day through attitude and perspective, and since we only have today, why not make it a good one? Live in gratitude.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."
– Melody Beattie –
It has been an absolute blessing that the program has taught us the virtues of gratitude. In early sobriety, we were often told by our sponsors to write a gratitude list when we were on the pity pot. It’s amazing to see how quickly we can change our mood simply by focusing on gratitude, or the small blessings in life. What we think upon - grows! If we focus on what we don’t have or want, the feeling of self pity gets magnified. In contrast, if we focus on the good things we have in life, and we all have something to be grateful, that feeling of gratitude is magnified. Life is all about perspective, attitude, and faith. If I’m in a bad space, I know I don’t have to look any further than the guy staring at me in the mirror. A bad attitude will permeate my entire life, and sadly, anyone else’s around me. The key is to catch myself, say a quick prayer, and to create a mini gratitude list in my head. Through these simple tools, I can’t remember the last time I had a negative mindset for very long. The gifts of this program are there for the taking, but it’s up to us to put them in motion. Let gratitude be the picture frame for your life.
Dear God,
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, and might nots that find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life, all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. Amen. - Iyanla Vanzant
Human nature can be so self defeating that our own personal doubts can become self perpetuating. A famous coach once said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right!” Our attitudes toward life become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we come into the program, our self esteem is so beaten down that our confidence is virtually non existent. From those depths, a positive outlook must be slowly nurtured. As we improve our self worth through esteemable actions (like service to others), we slowly gain that confidence back. However, the residue of doubt often lingers, and we still need encouragement to follow our dreams and move forward. Faith can move mountains, but self doubt creates them. Thankfully, we hear enough stories in AA that inspire us to believe “maybe I can too.” I firmly believe that all of us can achieve our dreams, but only if we have faith and are willing to do the work. So, follow your dreams, make your dreams bigger than your fears, and know that God didn’t put those dreams in your heart if he didn’t also give you everything you need to achieve them.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible."
Declaration of 30th Anniversary International Convention, 1965
I can’t imagine where I would be in life if it weren’t for the warmth and kindness of AA. From our very first meetings, we hear the basic premise of our program being one person helping another. Knowing that foundation, we can’t help but feel welcome. We are also told that helping others is essential to our recovery, and that newcomers are the lifeblood of the program (If that’s the case, then old timers are the arteries!). We come into the rooms lost souls filled with despair and hopelessness, but through simple acts of kindness, such as a handshake, smile, encouraging word, or laughter, we begin to feel the miracle of AA fellowship. We are slowly indoctrinated into the concept and philosophy of being of service and helping others, and through this, we find a sense of hope we thought lost forever. Over time, reaching out to others becomes an automatic way of life, and we find this to be the bright spot in our lives. AA has built a wonderful reputation in society, and we are all walking examples of its altruistic nature. I am so proud that I have had the privilege and honor to be a part of such a loving fellowship.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting. By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgment, and criticism, and instead to listen and hear. I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it, those who put action into the program. . . I heard that I should forget about yesterday and instead concentrate on today and staying away from the first drink today – now. I tried it, and it worked."
Came To Believe . . ., p. 42
“Contempt prior to investigation” kept so many of us from coming to AA, and it almost killed us. We had a false idea of the program and often put labels on it like cult or losers. Then, after getting beaten into submission, we virtually had nowhere else to go. We all come to that jumping off point where we have no choice but to surrender to a process and program we don’t really understand or comprehend. Now, if we listen, we will hear bits of our story at each meeting, and we will begin to hear the message. An open mind is critical to our recovery and survival. I tell those I work with to avoid the threes C’s - don’t criticize, condemn or complain. When we let these character defects seep into our life, our attitude immediately becomes negative, and we close ourselves off from learning. An open mind, and an upbeat outlook on life, are essential to our growth. True happiness does not come from a set of circumstances, but rather a positive set of perspectives and attitudes.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did."
Alcoholics Anonymous, We Agnostics, Page 52
So many of us come into the program disconnected from God. We may have had some formal religious upbringing, but life circumstances caused us to drift away. Certainly, our drinking had a great deal to do with our lost faith, and we often blamed God for our plight. Some of us even felt that no God would allow us to fall into such a dark place in life. Then, we enter the program and we see how spirituality, faith, and a belief in a Higher Power had changed so many lives in a positive way. I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I didn’t necessarily believe, but I did recognize that “your belief” was bringing you a sense of peace that I desperately wanted. Slowly, we drop our preconceived doubts, and we let God into our hearts and minds. As soon as we make a full surrender, life becomes so much easier to live. When we stop fighting, we allow serenity to replace uncertainty, faith to replace fear, and happiness to replace a wretched dark existence. In short, a strong belief in a God changes one very important thing - everything!
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"All of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."
Dale Carnegie
An absolute true blessing of the program has been the concept of living life one day at a time. In so doing, we can live in and appreciate each moment. All too often, human nature takes us to an unknown future, thoughts of the past, or some other emotional disturbance. However, we can guide our feelings and emotions by our thoughts and actions of today. When we make the most of right now, we pave the way for better feelings tomorrow. When we practice mindfulness (living in the moment), we can see and cherish the little things in life that truly make us whom we are and what we feel. If we allow it, spiritual experiences can be any moment in life that changes our attitude and perspective in a positive way. We can only be receptive to these moments if we live in the here and now, rather than some uncertain future or broken past memory. I am so thankful that the program has taught me to live in today and to enjoy all the blessings life has to offer.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:". . . that we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all." 12 & 12, p. 192
As we get sober and get our lives back, we must never forget where we came from, or the complete darkness of our disease. The second we start to take our sobriety for granted, we are on our way to a slip. Part of not taking our program for granted is practicing humility, which is fundamental to our continued growth and recovery in the program. The essence of humility is to stay teachable in all of life; be a student and seeker of truth. If we are truly committed to minimizing our character defects, the practice of humility is essential. However, we must still stand on our own two feet and walk with confidence. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but to think of yourself less. When I am in faith and demonstrating the virtues of this program, such as care and kindness, humility becomes a natural and welcome outcome. Humility also brings a sense of wellbeing and gratitude for today.
As our founder once said about humility, “The most we can hope for is patient progress.” I hold dear this journey toward humility and faith, because I know the benefits are transcendent and unlimited.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 20
The recovery success rate in early AA was over 75%, but the success rate now is less than 5%. There are many reasons they were more successful in the beginning of AA, but one was the utter and complete commitment they had to helping others. In early AA, they would literally go to any lengths to help other alcoholics. Today, we are still committed to helping others, but that dedication is not nearly the same level. We can never minimize or partially ignore that the basic foundation of our program is one alcoholic helping another. All aspects of the program are important, but none is as vital as this basic proposition. Helping others is the key to a happy and serene life, and the benefits far exceed just staying sober. Working with another is the best way to insure our immunity from drinking, but it is also the best way to get out of “the bondage of self.” I feel so blessed to have the honor of helping others, for it has brought me some of the greatest satisfactions in life. I hope I never lose the motivation to reach out to newcomers and others, because I know that my life truly depends on it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"The wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong." 12 & 12, p. 88
When we begin the steps, most of us don’t like what we find. We learn that we were selfish, self-centered, resentful, and full of fear. We discover that we truly left a debris field in our wake that was filled with pain, emotional destruction, and disappointment. It takes a while to process our circumstances and behavior, but if we commit and apply the steps thoroughly to our lives, we emerge as new people, and for the most part, free of regrets. As we peel away our resentments against ourselves and others, we begin to see the good in all. We face our character defects and earnestly try to minimize them in our daily lives. We learn that making amends is critical to releasing buried guilt and shame. So what is the pay off of all this introspection? It’s that moment you realize that you’re enough, and that you accept yourself, faults and all. Accepting yourself is the greatest freedom one can find from deep, inner self reflection. Without the program, I doubt I would have ever found lasting peace, or ever completely accepted myself. I will be forever grateful that AA led me to the healing process of taking the 12 steps and applying them to my life.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~
A sound bite I have often heard at meetings is that “All the answers are in the book.” I too believed this in early sobriety, but as I gained more life experiences and came across other people with complex mind issues, I learned that outside help was critical for some. I now cringe when I hear others share disparagingly about antidepressants (they are mood altering, not mind altering) or other similarly prescribed medicines. That’s the kind of sharing that could drive someone to suicide, and we should be very cautious before we overrule the advice of another’s medical doctor. Instead, we should embrace our founders counsel on page 133 (also mentioned on page 134), and we should provide love and support to our fellow members that suffer from a chemical imbalance or other condition that causes their mental health issue. We have buried too many AA friends that lost their battle to depression or other psychological hardships, so we know that these afflictions are crippling and deadly to some in our meetings. Mental health issues are real and possibly fatal, so we should go out of our way to support those in need.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"I stumbled up the steps and came into this room, and some guy was up front talking, but I couldn’t hear what he said. A couple of guys shook my hand. Another one put his arm around my shoulder, and a third one gave me a cup of coffee. These guys had never seen me before – they didn’t know me from a bag of beans – but all of a sudden I felt they liked me. An elementary thing, you say? Of no importance? Nonsense! When you’ve been lost, lonely, forgotten, rejected, it’s the most important thing in the world to have somebody shake your hand."
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], p. 157
We never get a second chance to make a first impression, so it is so important that we welcome newcomers with care and kindness. If someone new is not immediately welcomed with warmth, that might be the small excuse their disease needs to keep that person in the nightmare of active alcoholism. Reaching out to others not only begins the connection to the program for that new person, it is critical to our own sobriety. Each one of us, including those with less time, can welcome others into the fellowship. Anyone is capable of extending a warm handshake, smile, kind word, or a cup of coffee to a fragile newcomer. If a meeting doesn’t have a greeter, ask the secretary if you can take on this vital responsibility. We never know when a simple handshake, or welcoming words, could potentially save someone’s life. It’s the small acts of kindness that seem to matter the most in life, so we should all embrace these loving opportunities.
