QUOTE OF THE DAY:"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit."
12 Steps & 12 Traditions, pg. 98
When I first got sober, not in my wildest dreams did I think that my recovery would include self reflection, prayer, and meditation. Thankfully, I had an encouraging sponsor who took me through the steps at an accelerated pace, which allowed me to clear away many of the spiritual blockages that I had carried through life. All of the steps required self examination, but it was steps 4-10 that mitigated my spiritual impediments the most. Once those spiritual blockages were removed, I was able to reach a much higher conscious contact with God. Then, and only then, was I able to fully appreciate the 11th step and the gift of meditation. Meditation allows us to slow down the whirlwind of the alcoholic mind. In deep meditation, we reach a level of consciousness that for me, can only be described as âpure love and contentment.â It is a euphoric state of interconnectedness with Godâs universe. Each of us is different, but the benefits of practiced meditation are undeniable! The tools for living are there for the taking, but itâs up to us to use them.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"It is necessary to cultivate some discipline of mind, for an undisciplined mind always finds excuses to act selfishly and thoughtlessly. When the mind is undisciplined, the body is also undisciplined, and so is speech and action.â
Anguttara Nikaya
Our minds will always find an excuse to go to the path of least resistance. Itâs in our nature, and it takes discipline and commitment to take contrary action. One definition of insanity is âKnowing the right thing to do, but not doing it.â This is especially true when it comes to the program of recovery. We know what actions keep us sober and growing, but we slack off or rest on our laurels. One of the tools I use each day is the simple "On awakeningâ prayer on page 86, which always seems to get me going in the right direction. It also helps to remind myself of the unlimited benefits of giving of myself to others, and to also ask myself one question â âHow free do you want to be?â Each of us must find whatever will motivate us to go to meetings, call/talk to a newcomer, do some program reading or writing, a nightly 10th step, or any of the other many program suggestions. I canât let my mind find an excuse to do something else; I try to go into autopilot, and donât give myself a choice when it comes to those things I know I need to do in life. If itâs important, weâll find a way; if itâs not, weâll find an excuse.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people brings happiness."
Rabbi Harold Kushner
In the depths of my disease, I didnât really comprehend how much I had shut down my feelings. I would have glimpses of emotions, but the second they became uncomfortable, I was reaching for the bottle to numb out. There were other factors in life, like a broken heart and childhood abuse, that also distorted my emotions or willingness to feel. As I came into the program and began recovery, feelings started to hit me like a ton of bricks. It was strange, and uncomfortable, but overall, I embraced this new way of living. After taking the steps, I was more caring and empathetic towards others, and I found this to be a new high. I was also able to love more deeply, and gradually, I was able to truly accept and feel deserving of love. Today, I want to feel everything. I would never trade away the numbed out darkness I once had for the wonderful and amazing cascade of emotions that I experience today. I am the happiest I have ever been in life, and I know that only comes when I allow myself to feel, love, and genuinely care for others.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us."
Alcoholics Anonymous, We Agnostics, page 55
In early sobriety, so many of us struggle with the concept of God having anything to do with our daily living. Some of us came in with a modicum of belief in God, but that connection was jaded by our drinking habits. None of us came in on a winning streak, so a spiritual disconnect was typical and expected for most newcomers. In fact, our Book even tells us that over half of those that came into AA were atheist or agnostic. So how do we find that Great Reality deep down within us all? For me, from that beautiful language of the heart spoken at every meeting, God spoke through those amazing people in the program. I wanted their peace and serenity, and I was slowly willing to open my heart to the secret they had found. Once I dropped my fears and barriers to belief, the trust in an all loving and forgiving God was overwhelming. When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear! Life has become so much easier to live with a strong faith in God, and I canât imagine living a life without it. I have the program to thank for guiding me through the Great Reality, and that reality is that a loving God dwells in all of us.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Life is meant to be lived by facing the challenges it brings. Otherwise, Iâm not living, just existing. God didnât give me this gift of sobriety to sit in a rocking chair, imagining myself some wise old woman who has arrived somewhere. There is no easier, softer way. . . The teaching I receive in AA about courage and love helps me to continue to grapple with the challenges of life as they are given to me, one day at a time.
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 3], p. 320
When I got sober, I finally reached a point in which I wanted to live life fully. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired! I knew I had wasted so many experiences during my drinking, so I was thrilled to have a âlife do over.â As long as I kept God and sobriety my highest priorities, anything was possible. Throughout my recovery, I have been bewildered by the avoidance of life by so many of our members. I firmly believe we get sober to live life to the fullest, and to be the best example of the program we can possibly be. We should be wary of hiding out in the program and not finding balance in our lives. It always blows me away when sponsees sheepishly ask if itâs okay to pursue some life dream. The answer is a resounding âyes;â live a full life! However, it is still vital that we continue to attend meetings, help others, be responsible, and to practice the steps in our everyday lives as we follow our dreams. Anything is possible for the obsessive compulsive, overachieving alcoholic that practices the principles in all their affairs. After all, one of the things that AA stands for is Achieve Anything.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us."
12&12, p. 105
When you told me to pray in early sobriety, I really didnât see the point. I had been raised in a religion in which prayer became ritualistic, and we robotically said the words without real personal attachment. Prayers were what we did to atone for our sins, but as a child, I could never make a connection between prayers and bad actions. Once in the program, I was able to develop a Higher Power of my own understanding rather than the childâs perception of God that I had carried into adulthood. My fearful childâs understanding of God was rooted in fire and brimstone, which is a far cry from the all loving, all forgiving God I believe in today. As I developed a personal relationship with God, so too my prayers became personal. I was no longer a ship adrift at sea. The more I prayed and meditated, the more connected I felt to Godâs universe and everything in it. Mark Twain once said, âThe two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.â Through prayer, meditation and helping others, life now has complete meaning and purpose. I no longer question my journey, or why I am here; it had to happen just the way it did to get me to where and whom I am today.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how." As Bill Sees It, In The Sunlight At Last, p. 313
In our program, we get to define a Higher Power of our own understanding, but you donât have to stop there. We can also define a spiritual experience of our own understanding. However, we often do ourselves a disservice by setting the bar too high, and we wait for the burning bush, or the room to fill with white light like it did for Bill W. Our book defines a spiritual experience in Appendix II as âa personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.â Step 12 states that we will have a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. It is those things, but for me, it is so much more. Any moment in life that changes your perspective and attitude in a positive way, such as extreme gratitude or a God shot coincidence, can be a spiritual experience. It is a spiritual experience, if you allow it to be a spiritual experience, and no one can take that away from you. My favorite spiritual experience is any moment in life in which I can simply say, âI almost missed this!â So, the message here is that you get to define a spiritual experience of your own understanding, and if you do, life itself can become a spiritual experience.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"By going back in our own drinking histories, we showed them that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression."
12&12, p. 23
To me, this passage in our 12&12 in Chapter 1 is vital to a thorough 1st step. For many of us, the mere act of walking into our first meeting and surrendering to our disease was the foundation of our first step and recovery. But, so many of us succumb to the cunning nature of our disease that tells us that we werenât that bad, or we could handle âoneâ drink. This never works, and we end up crawling back to the program with our tail between our legs. There are many reasons that this occurs, but one is a less than thorough 1st step. As it states in this passage, we need to go back into our drinking histories to see the fatal progression of our disease. During this written exercise, I usually tell sponsees to focus on the incidents with negative ramifications, which highlights the second half of step 1 - that our lives had become unmanageable. This critical assignment displays its profound nature when we later burn it (send it back to hell where it belongs), and the result usually takes on some form of spiritual experience for the person that thoroughly faced their own truths. The 1st step is the foundation of our recovery, and we need to make sure we eliminate any reservations whatsoever that we are alcoholics. Any other notion is just a flat out delusion that will kill us.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Vision is, I think the ability to make good estimates, both for the immediate and for the more distant future. Some might feel this sort of striving to be heresy against âOne day at a time.â But that valuable principle really refers to our mental and emotional lives and means chiefly that we are not foolishly to repine over the past nor wishfully to daydream about the future. As individuals and as a fellowship, we shall surely suffer if we cast the whole job of planning for tomorrow."
As Bill Sees It, Vision Beyond Today, p. 317
Living one day at a time has been a godsend, but it does not absolve me of the responsibilities of life. We would be foolish to disregard completely any form of planning in our lives. We still have to take the action, but the results, expectations, and outcomes are all left up to our Higher Power. For me, that is part of my daily 3rd step â turning my âlifeâ over to the care of God (the results and my expectations). Itâs like the story about the man that pleads with God that he has frsaken him, because he did not win the lottery. Godâs response was, âMy son, meet me halfway, buy a ticket!â I firmly believe we get sober to get a second chance at life; a chance to live out all our dreams. With that said, dreams require planning and footwork to come to fruition. However, we must be careful to temper our expectations; expectations are resentments under construction. Live today but have a vision for tomorrow. Vision can make sense of today and give much hope for tomorrow.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didnât quite belong."
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90
So many alcoholics have shared that they werenât comfortable in their own skin, or that they felt deep loneliness. We could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. We later learn that this emptiness, the hole in our gut so to speak, was a spiritual void in our lives. One of the great attractions of our fellowship is that our common bond seems to break down those barriers that used to prevent us from connecting with others. I now know in my heart of hearts that I never have to be alone ever again. If I stay close to the program, I will always have access to a sanctuary of love, care, and kindness. The second I reach out to another alcoholic, I get a meaningful sense of belonging. Immediate trust is built knowing that we are both on the same journey of sobriety, enlightenment, and becoming a better person. I know that I have been truly blessed to have become a recovering member of this fellowship; a fellowship that has filled my once lonely heart with love, serenity, and care.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:". . . there are only two sins; the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being, and the second is to interfere with oneâs own growth."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 542
It is fairly self evident that we are responsible for our own growth. But, we are usually our own worst enemy, and we regularly impede our growth by acting out on our character defects. If we stay active in the program, our spiritual and emotional growth will generally evolve on its own, but we need to stay out of our own way (avoid self will â character defects run riot). However, as the above passage states, interfering with others growth is just as bad. Unfortunately, our selfishness in early sobriety can present in ways that is disruptive to othersâ growth, such as talking during meetings or questioning a particular meetings format and norms (group conscious). Thankfully, as we get more serious about the program, we become more mindful of our disruptive actions and act accordingly. We come to fully realize that we are absolutely on a âlife or death errand.â Eventually, we swing to the other side of the spectrum of selfishness and make a firm commitment to service and aiding others in their growth. It is truly remarkable to think how much we all change and grow in such a short period of time. In fact, after a few years, there is usually very little left of that sad, torn up newcomer that walked into the rooms of AA.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"The best intentioned of us can fall for the âtwo stepâ illusion. Sooner or later the pink cloud stage wears off and things go disappointingly dull. We begin to think that A.A. doesnât pay off after all. We become puzzled and discouraged."
12&12, p. 113
As the road narrows through our journey of recovery, and our pink cloud fades to a gray mist, we often slip into a period of uncertainty. Itâs inevitable that our natural endorphins subside when life issues arise. Thankfully, we can plug right back into the program and use our tools for living. For me, nothing takes me out of a funk more than working with others. Iâve always believed that coming off your pink cloud is reality, but we can also get right back on after âthe crisisâ subsides, as it always does. I know that it raises eyebrows when I say Iâm still on a pink cloud after so many years, but itâs possible through a positive attitude and allowing ourselves the privilege of getting back on the cloud rather than wallowing in self pity. All too often, we focus on wants rather than needs, which only sets us up for disappointment and frustration. Our pink cloud is nothing more than an attitude of gratitude; our attitudes are contagious â are yours worth catching? Strong faith and acceptance also guide us back to gratitude. We can shape each day through attitude and perspective, and since we only have today, why not make it a good one? Live in gratitude.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."
â Melody Beattie â
It has been an absolute blessing that the program has taught us the virtues of gratitude. In early sobriety, we were often told by our sponsors to write a gratitude list when we were on the pity pot. Itâs amazing to see how quickly we can change our mood simply by focusing on gratitude, or the small blessings in life. What we think upon - grows! If we focus on what we donât have or want, the feeling of self pity gets magnified. In contrast, if we focus on the good things we have in life, and we all have something to be grateful, that feeling of gratitude is magnified. Life is all about perspective, attitude, and faith. If Iâm in a bad space, I know I donât have to look any further than the guy staring at me in the mirror. A bad attitude will permeate my entire life, and sadly, anyone elseâs around me. The key is to catch myself, say a quick prayer, and to create a mini gratitude list in my head. Through these simple tools, I canât remember the last time I had a negative mindset for very long. The gifts of this program are there for the taking, but itâs up to us to put them in motion. Let gratitude be the picture frame for your life.
Dear God,
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, and might nots that find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life, all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough. Amen. - Iyanla Vanzant
Human nature can be so self defeating that our own personal doubts can become self perpetuating. A famous coach once said, âIf you think you can, or you think you canât, youâre right!â Our attitudes toward life become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we come into the program, our self esteem is so beaten down that our confidence is virtually non existent. From those depths, a positive outlook must be slowly nurtured. As we improve our self worth through esteemable actions (like service to others), we slowly gain that confidence back. However, the residue of doubt often lingers, and we still need encouragement to follow our dreams and move forward. Faith can move mountains, but self doubt creates them. Thankfully, we hear enough stories in AA that inspire us to believe âmaybe I can too.â I firmly believe that all of us can achieve our dreams, but only if we have faith and are willing to do the work. So, follow your dreams, make your dreams bigger than your fears, and know that God didnât put those dreams in your heart if he didnât also give you everything you need to achieve them.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible."
Declaration of 30th Anniversary International Convention, 1965
I canât imagine where I would be in life if it werenât for the warmth and kindness of AA. From our very first meetings, we hear the basic premise of our program being one person helping another. Knowing that foundation, we canât help but feel welcome. We are also told that helping others is essential to our recovery, and that newcomers are the lifeblood of the program (If thatâs the case, then old timers are the arteries!). We come into the rooms lost souls filled with despair and hopelessness, but through simple acts of kindness, such as a handshake, smile, encouraging word, or laughter, we begin to feel the miracle of AA fellowship. We are slowly indoctrinated into the concept and philosophy of being of service and helping others, and through this, we find a sense of hope we thought lost forever. Over time, reaching out to others becomes an automatic way of life, and we find this to be the bright spot in our lives. AA has built a wonderful reputation in society, and we are all walking examples of its altruistic nature. I am so proud that I have had the privilege and honor to be a part of such a loving fellowship.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting. By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgment, and criticism, and instead to listen and hear. I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it, those who put action into the program. . . I heard that I should forget about yesterday and instead concentrate on today and staying away from the first drink today â now. I tried it, and it worked."
Came To Believe . . ., p. 42
âContempt prior to investigationâ kept so many of us from coming to AA, and it almost killed us. We had a false idea of the program and often put labels on it like cult or losers. Then, after getting beaten into submission, we virtually had nowhere else to go. We all come to that jumping off point where we have no choice but to surrender to a process and program we donât really understand or comprehend. Now, if we listen, we will hear bits of our story at each meeting, and we will begin to hear the message. An open mind is critical to our recovery and survival. I tell those I work with to avoid the threes Câs - donât criticize, condemn or complain. When we let these character defects seep into our life, our attitude immediately becomes negative, and we close ourselves off from learning. An open mind, and an upbeat outlook on life, are essential to our growth. True happiness does not come from a set of circumstances, but rather a positive set of perspectives and attitudes.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did."
Alcoholics Anonymous, We Agnostics, Page 52
So many of us come into the program disconnected from God. We may have had some formal religious upbringing, but life circumstances caused us to drift away. Certainly, our drinking had a great deal to do with our lost faith, and we often blamed God for our plight. Some of us even felt that no God would allow us to fall into such a dark place in life. Then, we enter the program and we see how spirituality, faith, and a belief in a Higher Power had changed so many lives in a positive way. I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I didnât necessarily believe, but I did recognize that âyour beliefâ was bringing you a sense of peace that I desperately wanted. Slowly, we drop our preconceived doubts, and we let God into our hearts and minds. As soon as we make a full surrender, life becomes so much easier to live. When we stop fighting, we allow serenity to replace uncertainty, faith to replace fear, and happiness to replace a wretched dark existence. In short, a strong belief in a God changes one very important thing - everything!
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"All of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."
Dale Carnegie
An absolute true blessing of the program has been the concept of living life one day at a time. In so doing, we can live in and appreciate each moment. All too often, human nature takes us to an unknown future, thoughts of the past, or some other emotional disturbance. However, we can guide our feelings and emotions by our thoughts and actions of today. When we make the most of right now, we pave the way for better feelings tomorrow. When we practice mindfulness (living in the moment), we can see and cherish the little things in life that truly make us whom we are and what we feel. If we allow it, spiritual experiences can be any moment in life that changes our attitude and perspective in a positive way. We can only be receptive to these moments if we live in the here and now, rather than some uncertain future or broken past memory. I am so thankful that the program has taught me to live in today and to enjoy all the blessings life has to offer.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:". . . that we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all." 12 & 12, p. 192
As we get sober and get our lives back, we must never forget where we came from, or the complete darkness of our disease. The second we start to take our sobriety for granted, we are on our way to a slip. Part of not taking our program for granted is practicing humility, which is fundamental to our continued growth and recovery in the program. The essence of humility is to stay teachable in all of life; be a student and seeker of truth. If we are truly committed to minimizing our character defects, the practice of humility is essential. However, we must still stand on our own two feet and walk with confidence. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but to think of yourself less. When I am in faith and demonstrating the virtues of this program, such as care and kindness, humility becomes a natural and welcome outcome. Humility also brings a sense of wellbeing and gratitude for today.
As our founder once said about humility, âThe most we can hope for is patient progress.â I hold dear this journey toward humility and faith, because I know the benefits are transcendent and unlimited.
