QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 20
The recovery success rate in early AA was over 75%, but the success rate now is less than 5%. There are many reasons they were more successful in the beginning of AA, but one was the utter and complete commitment they had to helping others. In early AA, they would literally go to any lengths to help other alcoholics. Today, we are still committed to helping others, but that dedication is not nearly the same level. We can never minimize or partially ignore that the basic foundation of our program is one alcoholic helping another. All aspects of the program are important, but none is as vital as this basic proposition. Helping others is the key to a happy and serene life, and the benefits far exceed just staying sober. Working with another is the best way to insure our immunity from drinking, but it is also the best way to get out of āthe bondage of self.ā I feel so blessed to have the honor of helping others, for it has brought me some of the greatest satisfactions in life. I hope I never lose the motivation to reach out to newcomers and others, because I know that my life truly depends on it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"The wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong." 12 & 12, p. 88
When we begin the steps, most of us donāt like what we find. We learn that we were selfish, self-centered, resentful, and full of fear. We discover that we truly left a debris field in our wake that was filled with pain, emotional destruction, and disappointment. It takes a while to process our circumstances and behavior, but if we commit and apply the steps thoroughly to our lives, we emerge as new people, and for the most part, free of regrets. As we peel away our resentments against ourselves and others, we begin to see the good in all. We face our character defects and earnestly try to minimize them in our daily lives. We learn that making amends is critical to releasing buried guilt and shame. So what is the pay off of all this introspection? Itās that moment you realize that youāre enough, and that you accept yourself, faults and all. Accepting yourself is the greatest freedom one can find from deep, inner self reflection. Without the program, I doubt I would have ever found lasting peace, or ever completely accepted myself. I will be forever grateful that AA led me to the healing process of taking the 12 steps and applying them to my life.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~
A sound bite I have often heard at meetings is that āAll the answers are in the book.ā I too believed this in early sobriety, but as I gained more life experiences and came across other people with complex mind issues, I learned that outside help was critical for some. I now cringe when I hear others share disparagingly about antidepressants (they are mood altering, not mind altering) or other similarly prescribed medicines. Thatās the kind of sharing that could drive someone to suicide, and we should be very cautious before we overrule the advice of anotherās medical doctor. Instead, we should embrace our founders counsel on page 133 (also mentioned on page 134), and we should provide love and support to our fellow members that suffer from a chemical imbalance or other condition that causes their mental health issue. We have buried too many AA friends that lost their battle to depression or other psychological hardships, so we know that these afflictions are crippling and deadly to some in our meetings. Mental health issues are real and possibly fatal, so we should go out of our way to support those in need.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"I stumbled up the steps and came into this room, and some guy was up front talking, but I couldnāt hear what he said. A couple of guys shook my hand. Another one put his arm around my shoulder, and a third one gave me a cup of coffee. These guys had never seen me before ā they didnāt know me from a bag of beans ā but all of a sudden I felt they liked me. An elementary thing, you say? Of no importance? Nonsense! When youāve been lost, lonely, forgotten, rejected, itās the most important thing in the world to have somebody shake your hand."
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], p. 157
We never get a second chance to make a first impression, so it is so important that we welcome newcomers with care and kindness. If someone new is not immediately welcomed with warmth, that might be the small excuse their disease needs to keep that person in the nightmare of active alcoholism. Reaching out to others not only begins the connection to the program for that new person, it is critical to our own sobriety. Each one of us, including those with less time, can welcome others into the fellowship. Anyone is capable of extending a warm handshake, smile, kind word, or a cup of coffee to a fragile newcomer. If a meeting doesnāt have a greeter, ask the secretary if you can take on this vital responsibility. We never know when a simple handshake, or welcoming words, could potentially save someoneās life. Itās the small acts of kindness that seem to matter the most in life, so we should all embrace these loving opportunities.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"No one can express love and self-pity at the same moment; showing concern for others helps us to see how foolish we have been."
Dayton, OH, April 1962,āEver Been on a Dry Drunkā, Best of Grapevine, Volume 1
I know without any reservations that the road to my happiness is paved by helping others. My serenity, peace, and happiness are directly proportional to my willingness to actively work with others in their pilgrimage of recovery. Our founder, Bill W., stumbled across the key to staying sober by simply reaching out to help fellow alcoholics. But he also found the key to unlock the torture of self pity, and all other forms of self that take us to a place of emotional darkness. The loving act of reaching out to assist others is an immediate fix to get out of āself.ā This expression of kindness is also the highest esteemable act we have readily at our disposal, and itās the best way to improve our own self worth and purpose. When we reach out to support and comfort people in general, we are undoubtedly assisting that person, but the person we are helping the most is ourselves. If we commit to giving of ourselves, we get to stay sober, we remain relatively free of self, and we can slowly begin to love and accept the person we become. Thank you Bill W. and Dr. Bob for finding the keys to living a happy, joyous and free life.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: ***"To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him. Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.ā - Thomas Merton
What if you woke up today with only those things you thanked God for yesterday? What would you have? The Higher Power I believe in needs no thanks, but he does shed a tear for us when we sit in self pity and canāt find gratitude in life. Gratitude is one of the greatest emotions God has given us to fully appreciate all the blessings life has to offer. Thankfully, writing a daily gratitude list has become common practice for us in the program, especially for those that are new to this journey of discovery. The mere act of accepting and realizing gratitude is usually enough to redirect a negative mindset. I am so appreciative that the program has taught me to try and find gratitude in the small things in life. There are always things and moments we can be grateful; however, we need to lift the barriers of the negative alcoholic mind to get there. Being grateful can alter your entire perspective and attitude about the way we look and feel about Godās universe. Life is about choices; today, I choose to accept, realize, and feel the warmth of gratitude.
some days I need reminding that this is God given and I should be grateful. As the days pass my prayers and my thank yous become automatic with no real feeling and meaning like they did in the early days.
Yes, cheers Mr Ed, I have a lot to be grateful for. Including your wise words.
Iāve got 2 quotes. 1st is from someone in my aa group last week:
āstick with it, youāll feel like a weight has been liftedā
That had such an effect on me. At no point had I really considered just what a weight and burden being drunk is. The lies, the paranoia, the anxiety, endless apologies, hangovers etc etc. It really has been hard work being drunk. 8 days sober now and quite frankly life already feels much easier.
2nd quote from a Facebook post i read. Iāve already put the whole post on here because it sums up drunken life so well. Hereās a great line Iāve picked out or it:
āSobriety isnāt something I have to do, sobriety is something I get to doā
Happy Thursday everyone
QUOTE OF THE DAYāIn this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.ā
Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 70 ā 71
We know whose inventory we take, right? In early sobriety, I was reminded that I shouldnāt work 24 steps; my 12 and your 12 too! When we focus on ourselves, we continue to move forward in recovery and spiritual growth. When we focus on others, we set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. We can never change another person, and it is pointless to try. There is a line in a beautiful prayer called āLetting Goā that states, āTo let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.ā Some might say itās hard to hold on, but it takes real courage and faith to let go. I wasted years of my life thinking I could change others to fit my way of thinking. This was especially true of family members. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I could only change my level of acceptance of people, I became more tolerant of otherās behaviors. By focusing on making me a better, kinder person, life seems to come easier, and it always seems to work itself out. If you want to change the way people act around you, change the way you act around people.
QUOTE OF THE DAY"I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, oneās heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know."
As Bill Sees It, p. 37
A sense of gratitude can greatly influence every aspect of our life. When in a mindset of appreciation, our entire attitude and perspective are impacted in a positive way. Donāt make the mistake of waiting until you are miserable to practice gratitude. When practicing appreciation of what we have, things that used to bother us, donāt bother us as much, or not at all. Where we used to find fault, we now find the good, no matter how small. It is so interesting that we can change our lives so dramatically through simple gratitude. Not only does a positive attitude change us personally, it influences all those we come in contact. A smile is contagious, and a kind word can be just enough to bring someone out of a bad mood or dark place. As we feel grateful, we exude a spirit of hope and promise. Gratitude helps us find love and to feel its blessings at a deeper level, just as expressing love helps us see and feel thankful. Itās hard for me to imagine the shallow life I had before the program that was so void of appreciation of the small blessings in life. Today, I choose to focus on gratitude and caring, rather than misery or self pity. What we think upon, grows, so let your mind live in gratitude.
Wanted to share with everyone an incredible speaker meeting featuring Bob Darrell from Las Vegas Nevada U.S.A. in ReykjavĆk Iceland 2006. Similarities in our lives are astonishing. The longer I listened the more the tears flowed. Forever humbled and grateful to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"I spent most of my life worrying about myself, thinking that I was unwanted, that I was unloved. Iāve learned since being in AA that the more I worry about me loving you, and the less I worry about you loving me, the happier Iāll be. . . I have learned that the more I give, the more I will have; the more I learn to give, the more I learn to live.ā
Experience, Strength and Hope, p. 218
In early sobriety, my first sponsor gave me Chuck Cās book, āNew Pair of Glasses.ā I was enthralled by this simple book that was transcribed from a series of AA pitches at a menās retreat. One of the things that absolutely stood out in my mind was Chuck Cās description of walking into a room and not caring what others thought of him; what was important was what he thought of them, and that he loved them. The moment I read that and gave it some reflection, that became a primary goal in recovery and life. For far too long, I was a prisoner to āpeople pleasing,ā rather than finding my own truths that eventually led to being accepting of myself. Iām so pleased that I took that journey towards an incredible freedom I had never experienced. Iām still a work in progress, but there are many days that I go to a meeting, and get overwhelmed by the love I feel for those in the fellowship. When that occurs, I am completely free of caring about what you think of me. The more I commit to helping others, the more I gain this sense of love and freedom. I no longer try to love to be loved. Love should never be conditional; being able to love another is the true gift. I canāt help but think, āI almost missed this!ā
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"So it is necessary for all of us to accept whatever positive gifts we receive with a deep humility, always bearing in mind that our negative attitudes were first necessary as a means of reducing us to such a state of that we would be ready for a gift of the positive ones via the conversion experience. Your own alcoholism and the immense deflation that finally resulted are indeed the foundation upon which your spiritual experience rests."
Accepting Godās Gifts, As Bill Sees It, p. 168
Because we tore ourselves down so completely, and lost virtually everything of value in our lives, then, and only then, could we fully appreciate the gift of sobriety and all the other blessings life has to offer. So many of us took things for granted or were completely oblivious before we received the Gift of Desperation (G.O.D.). When we are able to wake up from the nightmare of active alcoholism, our perspective thankfully changes to one of deep gratitude and an appreciation of living free of addiction, which also includes the gift of calming the storm of the alcoholic mind. As we continue to shed our spiritual blockages (steps 4-10), our humility and gratitude grows to the point of a much deeper consciousness and connection with God. If we open our hearts and allow it, our overwhelming gratitude for life can open the door for limitless spiritual experiences. I never would have thought that I needed to go through hell to get to a place of peace and serenity, but this was the path I had to take. Whatever calamity, challenge, or disappointment besets us, it had to happen just that way in order to get to whom and where we are today.
QUOTE OF THE DAY;"Walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things we put in Godās hands were better than anything we could have planned."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 100
We have all heard to write down our dreams in early sobriety. Inevitably, we all sell ourselves short. Godās plan for us is so much more than our own. Generally, our dreams in the beginning are materialistic. The longer we stay sober, the more inward our dreams become. Charles Swindoll once said that, The secret lies in how we handle today, not yesterday or tomorrow. Todayā¦that special block of time holding the key that locks out yesterdayās nightmares and unlocks tomorrowās dreams. We learn that each and every day can reveal the small miracles in life. Serenity, peace of mind, being loved in the fellowship, and genuinely caring for others are just a few of the amazing benefits that unfold on our odyssey through our new found life in recovery. I have been sober long enough that I have been blessed to be able to live out my dreams, but I suspect God has some other dream or mission for me just waiting to be fulfilled. However, I also know that dreams are only possible if I practice Godās will, stay out of the way, and remain in the middle of our fellowship by serving others.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up. Sometimes we had to search persistently, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p.55
When I came into the program the first time, my reservations about religion became an excuse for me to go back to drinking. My disease was lying in wait ready to take advantage of my closed off mind. I had to live the nightmare for two more years before I was beaten down enough to be āwilling to believe.ā So many other alcoholics will suffer or die for this very reason. Iāve always identified with our saying - I came; I came to; I came to believe. The vast majority of those of us that succeed in this fellowship have opened their minds to other possibilities and developed a deep faith in God. For me, the process took years to fully develop and required a lot of meetings, spiritual research, service, and reading, but I am so glad that I took the pilgrimage to a greater enlightenment. Some things have to be believed to be seen! The passage on page 55, āSometimes we had to search persistently, but he was there,ā resonated with me and inspired me to look deeper into my own consciousness. I was also inspired by the happiness and sense of peace in those in the program that seemed to have a deep faith in God. The āGreat Realityā truly is deep down within us all, we just have to be open minded and stop fighting an awaiting and incredible spiritual awakening that will enrich and save our lives.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"The alcoholic slip is not a symptom of a psychotic condition. Thereās nothing screwy about it at all. The patient simply didnāt follow directions."
William Silkworth, MD, January 1947
We hear ākeep coming backā at every meeting, either in the shares or at the end of our closing prayer. Iāve always appreciated that we live in a program that doesnāt shoot its wounded, but I fear we give our disease a loophole to take us out. We say we are in the we donāt drink no matter what club. We also say, āIt works, if you work it,ā but we merely pay lip service to this critical principle. To maintain sobriety, it is vital that we accept that this is a program of action. Itās not for those that need it or want it, it is for those that ādo it.ā If our disease is centered in our mind, then recovery is centered in our feet! The path is crystal clear as outlined in the Big Book, and it really just comes down to playing a game of follow the leader. Despite the precise and concise instructions, so many of us slack off and end up slipping. We donāt have to make slipping part of our recovery, and we certainly donāt need to improve our stories. Quite simply, to stay sober, it is essential that we commit to and follow a set of clear cut instructions and steps as outlined in our book, one day at a time.
QUOTE OF THE DAY;"As drinking alcoholics, we all ran from life and toward death. When we join AA, we reverse the process - we give ourselves to life as it is, rather than as we would like it to be."
February 1973, Self-Pity Can Kill, Best of Grapevine, Volume 1
Before I got sober, I was in a living hell and felt trapped to a life of misery. I couldnāt stop drinking, and I couldnāt keep living the way I was living. To me, the only way to free me of that mental pain was to check out of life. When I walked through the doors of AA, it truly was a matter of life or death. At that time, I didnāt know what was keeping me from checking out, which would have been a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I now know that this was to be one of many spiritual experiences in my early sobriety. It was quite clear to me that AA saved my life. My new life truly began that first day I stopped drinking. Every story has an ending, but in life, every ending is a new beginning. Because I see the program as choosing life over death, I have great appreciation for the fellowship and take it very seriously. I still have fun and practice rule 62, āDonāt take yourself so damn seriously,ā but I always keep one eye on the fact that someone in the room is hurting and needs to hear the solution to their living nightmare.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:"Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 percent sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger and pride."
As Bill Sees It, All or Nothing?, p. 6
In early sobriety, I found great comfort in reading page 449 (3rd edition, page 417 in 4th edition). Before the program, I was paralyzed by overwhelming emotions. I walked around in uncertainty, anger or self-pity most of the time. Reading page 449 helped me slow my racing mind and gave me a small degree of peace. However, it was not a panacea, and I often found myself in situations that I could not ājust accept and move on.ā There are times in life, like grief, that need to be processed. With the help of those in the program, and deep faith, we can get through anything. Faith is like electricity; we canāt see it, but we can see the light the moment we hit the switch. It is inevitable that we will be faced with difficulties, and when they occur, it would be best to have our house in order. Outside clutter only compounds stress, hence, a well practiced step 10, 11, and 12 are crucial to our ability to get through lifeās difficult or traumatic events. Today, after many years in the program and being able to witness so many miracles in others and myself, I have complete faith in God and the AA process. Like Bill W., I know Iām not completely free of crippling emotions, but now I know I can lean into the many tools of the program and endless support to navigate through just about anything.
