Hi, my name is Sarah and I had my last drink last night. Ive never hit rock bottom, but I know I’ve been drinking too much. Every night I’ve been going to bed drunk. I’m hiding from everything, numbing pain. Ive never been controlled by anyone or anything so I don’t understand how I’ve let alcohol control me. I know I must make the change, so here I am…I’ve downloaded the app, joined this community and yours is the first post I have read. I just wanted to say thank you for the words in your posts, you explain everything so clearly. I will be following daily.
Thanks again x
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Welcome to the forum Sarah. So glad you found us. This is definitely a good thread to follow. Big Ed gives an amazing explanation and all his posts are very relatable. I look forward to following your journey.
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Hi Lisa, thank you so much for taking the time to welcome me, I really appreciate it. I have spent the night reading lots of posts and I know they will help me. As soon as I made my first journal entry it was like something had clicked.
Thanks again 
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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY "So it is necessary for all of us to accept whatever positive gifts we receive with a deep humility, always bearing in mind that our negative attitudes were first necessary as a means of reducing us to such a state of that we would be ready for a gift of the positive ones via the conversion experience. Your own alcoholism and the immense deflation that finally resulted are indeed the foundation upon which your spiritual experience rests."
Accepting God’s Gifts, As Bill Sees It, p. 168
Because we tore ourselves down so completely, and lost virtually everything of value in our lives, then, and only then, could we fully appreciate the gift of sobriety and all the other blessings life has to offer. So many of us took things for granted or were completely oblivious before we received the Gift of Desperation (G.O.D.). When we are able to wake up from the nightmare of active alcoholism, our perspective thankfully changes to one of deep gratitude and an appreciation of living free of addiction, which also includes the gift of calming the storm of the alcoholic mind. As we continue to shed our spiritual blockages (steps 4-10), our humility and gratitude grows to the point of a much deeper consciousness and connection with God. If we open our hearts and allow it, our overwhelming gratitude for life can open the door for limitless spiritual experiences. I never would have thought that I needed to go through hell to get to a place of peace and serenity, but this was the path I had to take. Whatever calamity, challenge, or disappointment besets us, it had to happen just that way in order to get to whom and where we are today.
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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime."
Dale Carnegie
Never underestimate the power of a kind gesture. A simple smile, compliment, or encouraging word may very well save someone’s life, but at a minimum, it could turn a bad day into something more tolerable. Thankfully, our program guides us to help others, which includes other alcoholics and anyone else in our lives. As we take this journey in recovery, we become transformed into a much better version of ourselves, and care and kindness becomes engrained in us. We have all had that moment when we realize that after working the program, the program begins to work us. We carry the love and spirit we find in the hallowed rooms of AA into all areas of our lives, and our life perspective completely evolves into one in which we can see the world through gratitude. In early sobriety, I heard the St. Francis Assisi philosophy to try and do something nice for others without them knowing. As I tried this altruistic gesture, I realized how difficult it was, and that I was so programed to keep score (I’ll do this, but I expect that or want credit). It was an epiphany for me to recognize that I got so much more, both spiritually and emotionally, out of placing no expectations on kindness. Life presents endless possibilities to express love, care and kindness, but I know it is up to me to have the courage and willingness to practice these principles in all my affairs.
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Hi Sarah, welcome. I’m glad you found Talking Sober. This community was instrumental for me getting and staying sober. A God send if you will. You will find a lot of incredible forms and people here that are willing to reach out and help you along the way. Glad to hear you had your last drink. I’m going to tell you it’s not going to be easy but I promise you it’ll be worth it… My sponsor asks me regularly how free do I want to be. He also reminds me that I’m just seconds and inches away from drinking and losing my will to live.
What works for me is attending meetings and working the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous in all aspects of my life and speaking with my sponsor daily. Working with newcomers and sponsoring. I open my toolbox up and use the tools that I’ve learned in the program even when I don’t want to on a daily basis due to the fact that alcohol is powerful, baffling and cunning and just waiting for me to let my guard down. I stay involved in the fellowships, my home group, serve on H& I, I’m a resident manager for sober living home. I’ve been blessed with many friendships that are also mentors in my life now. These are just some of the tools that are used to combat alcoholism and addiction.
Proud that you have taken your last drink. Please remember to take it easy, be good to yourself and take life one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes throughout the day it’s even one breath at a time, that’s how we get through the day without drinking. Stay involved on Talking Sober and keep reaching out. Congratulations on that last drink and again welcome my friend, you’re in a good safe place.
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Hi Edmund thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me and for your positive words, it means a lot. I have just written my 3rd journal entry and feeling pretty positive (although I’ve had a nightmare of a day!) Nice cup of tea & an early night for me as back to work tomorrow after the Christmas break. I look forward to letting you know my progress. Goodnight God Bless x
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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 84
The aforementioned passage on page 84 is probably one of the most important, yet least utilized tools, we have to deal with our character defects. This four stage process is virtually foolproof! Usually, the mere act of asking God to remove the difficulty is enough, but calling our sponsor or another alcoholic almost always closes the deal. Admitting our part and making necessary amends are crucial to relieving the discomfort caused by our negative words or actions, but this passage is a great reminder. And, as is the case in everything we do, the answer to get out of self is to reach out and help another. I read this many times before I realized how meaningful this could be to my handling of life issues and reactions. For many years, I always focused just on the program code of love and tolerance, which was the passage right after this character defect removing suggestion. When we couple the four stage process here on page 84 with our code of love and tolerance, we are sure to be able to handle nearly any situation in life with grace and dignity. Why is this so important? If we are truly honest with ourselves, we will see that whenever we were uncomfortable in life, we can usually trace it back to some character defect that we let get away from us. We could have cut down that discomfort by following this simple suggestion on page 84. Note to self.
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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "The Secret is, there is no Secret! Working the Steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, helping others, and above all, keeping God and sobriety first have kept me sober almost five years now. I always had heard that things in plain sight are the hardest to find!"
“The Secret,” Vandalia, Ill., February 2001, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Millions of people have recovered in our program from a hopeless state of mind and body. Everything has been simplified for us, so no one can complain our program is too complex. We can be complex individuals, and certainly the disease is complex and baffling, but our recovery is laid out for us in very simple terms Unity (meetings and fellowship), Service (commitments and helping others) and Recovery (the steps). With that said, so many of us still try to complicate this thing by dragging in our personal bias, pride, or ego. Sadly, we have all seen so many people slip, because they stopped doing the things that got them sober. Life gets good quickly, and so many fall into the I am healed trap. I have always liked the saying that, don’t let the life AA gave you, get in the way of your AA life.Today, I still do all the little things I did when I first got sober to maintain my recovery. However, that wasn’t always the case, and I came close to paying the ultimate price. Life got very good, and it was easy to find excuses to not go to a meeting or stay active with newcomers. My serenity was circling the drain! For me, being stark raving sober was incentive enough for me to dive back into the program. I would not wish that on anyone, but alcoholics usually have to experience this type of pain or discomfort for themselves. I have been given all the keys to a happy and contented life, but it still up to me to continue to believe in and practice the program process. Only through this design for living can we keep the door open to spiritual growth and lasting contentment.
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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 568
We learn in our 2nd step that we didn’t have to necessarily believe, but we did need the willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves (pg. 47). When I initially went through my 2nd step, I didn’t give it much thought; all I knew was that I couldn’t keep living the way I was living. Little did I know that this opening of my mind and beliefs would be the basis for an incredible life. I was one of those stubborn alcoholics that didn’t believe that God had anything to do with my day-to-day living, and my defiance was certainly borderline belligerent denial. Thankfully, you pulled me out of the darkness with your unlimited care and compassion. I didn’t believe, but I believed that you believed, and that was enough of a window to develop my own spiritual beliefs. I thank God for bringing me to AA, but more importantly, I thank AA for bringing me to God. This willingness to believe has been the cornerstone of so many of our journeys through recovery. I now know and firmly believe that I would not have stayed sober if not for my evolving belief in God. I am so grateful to AA for walking me through spiritual growth with your overwhelming love, gentleness, kindness and example. You showed me through your kind and loving actions, not through fear based preaching, that belief in a Higher Power would change my life. I’ve always liked the saying that, He preached a good sermon, and sometimes, he even used his words. Today, life has become so much easier to live, and I owe all my contentment to AA and a strong faith in God.
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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY: "From the moment I pulled open the doors to my very first meeting, I felt something different, something good was going to happen. Those doors, which at the time I believed to be the heaviest ever made, allowed me to walk into a new way of life."
Attitude Adjustment, New York, N.Y., January 2006, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
When I walk into a room of AA today, I literally exhale and feel I’m in the exact right place, at the exact right time. Quite simply, you get me. “Home isn’t just where you live; home is where they understand you.” I love seeing and feeling the pulse and energy of meetings rise as the room fills with loving friendships and recovery. I almost have to laugh at myself about my initial intense hesitancy to walk through those 1500 pound doors. Ironically, I thought if I walked into AA, my life would be over. How wrong I was! My life truly began when I came into AA, and literally everything good in my life happened after I got sober. How blessed we all are to have a fellowship that loves us with rooms in which we can share our lives. Even as a newcomer, as uncomfortable and insecure as I was, I knew that I belonged in the fellowship. You made me laugh. You made me cry. You made me think, and you made me feel. You held my hand as I trudged through a kaleidoscope of overwhelming emotions that I had been bottling up for so long. You made me feel like everything was going to be alright, despite my fearful mind telling me otherwise. In early sobriety, my sponsor told me to go to meetings until I wanted to go to meetings. It didn’t take long for me to completely fall in love with the laughter and loving spirit we experience at nearly every meeting. Today, I look forward to meetings. So, when I get there, please save me a smile and a hug, and I will do the same for you.
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Quote of the Day: “I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.”
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37
For the first 25 years of my life, my perceptions were jaded by miserable life experiences. As a defense mechanism to the menacing world around me, I began to see life through caution, skepticism, anger, but most prevalently, I looked at the world through fear (fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, etc.). I saw life through dirty filters, and I didn’t know it. It is never surprising to me to hear others share this same negative outlook when they come into the program. It’s no mystery why we drank; we had to numb out the chaos in our head and our pessimistic mind frame. Then, we come into the program, and we begin to shed our old way of life and our stinking thinking. When taking steps 4-10, we see how destructive our actions, thoughts, and behaviors were to not only ourselves, but anyone around us. Miraculously, once we clear away our dirty filters, we begin to see life differently through a much healthier prism. Seeing life through gratitude, acceptance, and spirituality, opens us up to giving and receiving love. I remember when I crossed that invisible line, and realized I was actually worthy and deserving of love. That turning point only came after taking the steps, and writing and believing in gratitude lists. It is now very clear to me that what we think upon grows, so I know that finding and appreciating gratitude is essential to any possibility of me maintaining a positive life.
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Quote of the Day: "Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living."
12 Steps and 12 Traditions pg. 125
All of us that have committed to this program of recovery have had one life realization after another. Recovery is a journey of discovery, and as we evolve, the depth, meaning and understanding of our disease and ourselves continually grow. We can look back to our early sobriety and recognize that our healing only began after understanding that we were in the depths of a progressive death spiral. It was essential for our recovery to comprehend the full nature of our disease, which was physical, mental, and spiritual. In order for us to move forward in life, we needed to have a complete awareness of our selfish nature and how that brought us so much discomfort. This insight into our soul allows us to develop better values, philosophies, opinions, and standards. Once our belief system is cleaned up, we see how applying these new norms to life can bring lasting peace and happiness. However, it is our actions that dictate our true character. We hear it all the time, We can’t think our way into right living; we have to live our way into right thinking. I am so glad that you directed me toward a design for living that requires right actions. I am not the person I was when I first got sober, thank God, and I know my transformation came from the principles of AA, which always encouraged me to do the right thing.
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Quote of the Day: "If I want to be a leader, I have to do more than just find out in which direction the mob is moving and then get out in front of it … Leadership involves significant sacrifice of personal goals and ambitions. A person really needs to have Tradition Two right at the center … Personal pettiness just has no place in leadership."
“I Wish You Well,” Humbolt, Saskatchewan, February 1996, AA Grapevine
One of the many gifts I received in sobriety was that I was able to achieve a relative degree of success in my chosen profession. That success would not have been possible if I hadn’t gotten sober and applied the program to my life and work environment. As difficult as it was at times in a dog-eat-dog world, I tried to bring the principles of the program into the workplace. It was a game changer for me to stop keeping score at work, and to just try and be of maximum service to my co-workers and the public. When I kept the mindset of service at the forefront, my frustrations with others diminished. Being of service is another way of saying “teamwork.” Another concept that I tried to achieve at work was complete honesty, which meant that I had to give 100% all the time, especially when no one was looking. The sum total of how I applied the program at work could be characterized into one concept – self sacrifice. Self sacrifice is the basis of any successful team. We have to be willing to forgo personal gain for the good of others, which is exactly what we do in AA. It’s not about me; it’s all about what I can do for you. I didn’t come into AA thinking I was going to build leadership qualities, but that is what happens to all of us if we commit to a spiritual path. There were many times I questioned why I was put into such a high position of responsibility, especially considering my rocky past; then I would realize I was there to bring AA philosophies, such as care and kindness, into a potentially unsympathetic and less then loving environment. We AA’s cast off an aura of kindness that draws others to us whether we want to lead or not, and this gives us all a wonderful platform to demonstrate our caring fellowship.
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Quote of the Day: “In a world of noise, confusion and conflict, it is necessary that there is a place of inner silence and peace, not the peace of mere relaxation but the peace of inner clarity and love.”
–Thomas Merton–
How blessed we are to have tools to quiet our minds. The program teaches us to live life one day at a time, which means to stay in today. We learn that living in yesterday or tomorrow can lock us in negative emotions such as regret or worry. We can’t change the past, and the future hasn’t happened yet, so it would be pointless to waste any time or energy on them. For me, I see living in regrets of the past or worry about the future as a form of insanity. When they pop up, I do a quick 2nd step prayer in my head and simply say, “Please God, restore me to sanity,” and this is usually all I need to come back into today. Mindfulness, which is being in the here and now, is a form of meditation. A complete awareness of those things around us allows us to see the beauty in God’s universe. This consciousness opens the door for us to see the good in others as they are right now, not what we might have prejudged or projected them to be. A quiet mind is also key to a peaceful heart, and that is something I never thought possible until I found a deep faith in God. I am so grateful that the program helped me simplify life into today, and I know that with your love and support, I can handle anything, right here and now.
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Quote of the Day: "No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill’s Story, pg. 8
It’s quite remarkable that a poor kid from Venice like me would relate so much to a busted New York stockbroker from the 1930’s. Reading Bill’s story, and passages like the one above, resonated in my heart and soul. His graphic writing painted a solid picture of gloom and hopelessness, a plight which I was all too familiar. Before the program, I was locked in loneliness and despair, and for me, the only way out was to check out of life. I was consumed by self-pity and depression, and I didn’t see any way out of that prison. It was such a relief to read how Bill had come out of the same darkness I was in, and that he had found sobriety and a sense of peace that I so desperately wanted. I certainly wouldn’t have portrayed my disease as quicksand, but it described it perfectly. My disease was all consuming, and I was digging a deeper and deeper hole in life. Now, I hear miraculous stories of recovery at every meeting, and I hear new found descriptions of life that I relate to so much. Your language of the heart became my way of seeing the world around me. I love that those in the program have no problem wearing their emotions on their sleeves, because that is when I connect the most; I readily see the overwhelming gratitude brimming from your lives. We owe Bill W., and all the founders, a huge debt of gratitude for starting a program in which we can so easily connect through written words, and more importantly, the loving language of the heart.
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Quote of the Day: "I am a student of life just trying to learn how the universe works. The most powerful lesson I have learned is that it all happens inside me. My perception of any situation is in my control – I have a choice about which way my mind will react."
“How the Universe Works,” Pinellas Park, Fla., November 2006, AA Grapevine
We all find immense freedom when we come to the realization that we have virtually no control over people, places, and things. We may try to manipulate a situation to our advantage, but this type of behavior brings the inevitable frustrations of misguided expectations. Once I learned that I only had control of my own thoughts and actions, my perception of the world began to change. If I accepted that I had almost no control of the people around me, life became so much easier to live. However, I also realized that I could influence my immediate environment with a positive attitude and genuine care for others. Attitude, care, and kindness are contagious, and they speak to the deep seeded human nature in all of us to belong. So, my perception dictates my attitude, and my attitude forms my reality. We have complete control of our thoughts and actions, but unfortunately for many alcoholics, we sabotage our thoughts with self-pity, resentment, pessimism, or any of the other negative character defects. It is so vital to our sobriety and happiness that we change the way we think and act. Clearing away the wreckage of our past allows us to see life through a cleaner lens. I am so grateful the program guides me to look for happiness from within, and that inner peace translates into a healthier perception of the world around me.
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Quote of the Day: "The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 152
As I reflect back on my life, I often think that if I hadn’t lived it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it was true. Today, I absolutely love the life the program has given me. Granted, there were many challenging moments in sobriety, but they never came close to being as bad as my head feared they would be. No matter what happened, I always had the loving support of my program family that always gave me the perspective, gratitude, or attitude adjustment I needed. The fellowship gave me the courage to follow all my dreams and to become the person I was always meant to be. You taught me to see the good in others and in all situations, and this opened my eyes to countless life lessons and so many spiritual experiences. I came into the program to stop the living hell of my addiction, but I found so much more. As we slither through the doors of AA, we have no idea that we are about to be handed life on a silver platter. Every one of us that truly and honestly commits to this process will have a profound psychic and personality change that will transform the way you look at life. Where I once had darkness, I now have the care, love and kindness of the fellowship. I used to be a lonely and lost wanderer, but now my life has deep meaning and purpose. Quite simply, the road to my happiness has been paved by helping others, and that is a mystery of life I would have never found without the encouragement of the fellowship.
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Quote of the Day: "Drinking is no longer a problem, but my thinking sure is. Writing a gratitude list puts the brakes on negative thoughts, turns me back toward the light, and helps me to see the beauty in everyday life."
Tools for Life, New York, N.Y., January 2006, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Once the obsession to drink is lifted, we are left with ourselves and our twisted thinking. For me, it took years of practicing the program before I could honestly say that my thought process was healthier or restored. My stinking thinking had to die a hard death, right along with my pride and ego. We live years of selfish behavior and thinking, often trashing the ones we love along the way, so it will take years to clean up our broken thought process. Healing usually begins once we find the awareness that our self-centeredness is the cause of most of our discomfort. We bang the highchair if we don’t get our way, and we wonder why we don’t get the outcome we demand. Taking the steps is essential to a new way of thinking, but applying these principles to our everyday life is where the rubber hits the road. I am so thankful that I heard early in sobriety to write a gratitude list and to keep it in my wallet. As my newcomer drama unfolded, I could slow the circus down in my head by seeing and finding gratitude. You rightfully told me that if I couldn’t find gratitude, I wasn’t looking hard enough. It’s so remarkable that the simple act of finding gratitude can alter our perceptions so significantly. If I look at life through a prism of gratitude, acceptance, and faith, I am given the gift of peace and serenity, and an overwhelming feeling of oneness with you, and all of God’s universe.
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