Quote of the Day: "No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill’s Story, pg. 8
It’s quite remarkable that a poor kid from Venice like me would relate so much to a busted New York stockbroker from the 1930’s. Reading Bill’s story, and passages like the one above, resonated in my heart and soul. His graphic writing painted a solid picture of gloom and hopelessness, a plight which I was all too familiar. Before the program, I was locked in loneliness and despair, and for me, the only way out was to check out of life. I was consumed by self-pity and depression, and I didn’t see any way out of that prison. It was such a relief to read how Bill had come out of the same darkness I was in, and that he had found sobriety and a sense of peace that I so desperately wanted. I certainly wouldn’t have portrayed my disease as quicksand, but it described it perfectly. My disease was all consuming, and I was digging a deeper and deeper hole in life. Now, I hear miraculous stories of recovery at every meeting, and I hear new found descriptions of life that I relate to so much. Your language of the heart became my way of seeing the world around me. I love that those in the program have no problem wearing their emotions on their sleeves, because that is when I connect the most; I readily see the overwhelming gratitude brimming from your lives. We owe Bill W., and all the founders, a huge debt of gratitude for starting a program in which we can so easily connect through written words, and more importantly, the loving language of the heart.
Quote of the Day: "I am a student of life just trying to learn how the universe works. The most powerful lesson I have learned is that it all happens inside me. My perception of any situation is in my control – I have a choice about which way my mind will react."
“How the Universe Works,” Pinellas Park, Fla., November 2006, AA Grapevine
We all find immense freedom when we come to the realization that we have virtually no control over people, places, and things. We may try to manipulate a situation to our advantage, but this type of behavior brings the inevitable frustrations of misguided expectations. Once I learned that I only had control of my own thoughts and actions, my perception of the world began to change. If I accepted that I had almost no control of the people around me, life became so much easier to live. However, I also realized that I could influence my immediate environment with a positive attitude and genuine care for others. Attitude, care, and kindness are contagious, and they speak to the deep seeded human nature in all of us to belong. So, my perception dictates my attitude, and my attitude forms my reality. We have complete control of our thoughts and actions, but unfortunately for many alcoholics, we sabotage our thoughts with self-pity, resentment, pessimism, or any of the other negative character defects. It is so vital to our sobriety and happiness that we change the way we think and act. Clearing away the wreckage of our past allows us to see life through a cleaner lens. I am so grateful the program guides me to look for happiness from within, and that inner peace translates into a healthier perception of the world around me.
Quote of the Day: "The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 152
As I reflect back on my life, I often think that if I hadn’t lived it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it was true. Today, I absolutely love the life the program has given me. Granted, there were many challenging moments in sobriety, but they never came close to being as bad as my head feared they would be. No matter what happened, I always had the loving support of my program family that always gave me the perspective, gratitude, or attitude adjustment I needed. The fellowship gave me the courage to follow all my dreams and to become the person I was always meant to be. You taught me to see the good in others and in all situations, and this opened my eyes to countless life lessons and so many spiritual experiences. I came into the program to stop the living hell of my addiction, but I found so much more. As we slither through the doors of AA, we have no idea that we are about to be handed life on a silver platter. Every one of us that truly and honestly commits to this process will have a profound psychic and personality change that will transform the way you look at life. Where I once had darkness, I now have the care, love and kindness of the fellowship. I used to be a lonely and lost wanderer, but now my life has deep meaning and purpose. Quite simply, the road to my happiness has been paved by helping others, and that is a mystery of life I would have never found without the encouragement of the fellowship.
Quote of the Day: "Drinking is no longer a problem, but my thinking sure is. Writing a gratitude list puts the brakes on negative thoughts, turns me back toward the light, and helps me to see the beauty in everyday life."
Tools for Life, New York, N.Y., January 2006, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Once the obsession to drink is lifted, we are left with ourselves and our twisted thinking. For me, it took years of practicing the program before I could honestly say that my thought process was healthier or restored. My stinking thinking had to die a hard death, right along with my pride and ego. We live years of selfish behavior and thinking, often trashing the ones we love along the way, so it will take years to clean up our broken thought process. Healing usually begins once we find the awareness that our self-centeredness is the cause of most of our discomfort. We bang the highchair if we don’t get our way, and we wonder why we don’t get the outcome we demand. Taking the steps is essential to a new way of thinking, but applying these principles to our everyday life is where the rubber hits the road. I am so thankful that I heard early in sobriety to write a gratitude list and to keep it in my wallet. As my newcomer drama unfolded, I could slow the circus down in my head by seeing and finding gratitude. You rightfully told me that if I couldn’t find gratitude, I wasn’t looking hard enough. It’s so remarkable that the simple act of finding gratitude can alter our perceptions so significantly. If I look at life through a prism of gratitude, acceptance, and faith, I am given the gift of peace and serenity, and an overwhelming feeling of oneness with you, and all of God’s universe.
Quote of the Day:"It’s not that anger and desire are inherently evil or that we should feel ashamed when they arise. It is a matter of seeing them as the delusions that they are: distorted conceptions that paint a false picture of reality. They are negative because they lead to unhappiness and confusion."
Kathleen McDonald, “How to Meditate”
Before the program, I was driven by anger and only seeing the world through my victim eyes. I was in survival mode so long, I didn’t know any other way to live. I wrongfully thought she would fix me. I would get momentary relief from my insecurities, but more often than not, I would be left with the mess of dishonesty or some foolish pursuit of a quick fix. Being stuck in a world of wants and needs left me with one frustration after another. It’s sad that so many of us have to experience the extended pain of a warped perception of what is genuinely important in life. Our book tells us that self is the root of all our troubles, but this is a concept I did not completely comprehend until I committed myself to the steps and helping others. Helping others was my best answer to getting outside of my selfish and self-centered thoughts and actions. I am so grateful that I have been blessed to have found sobriety and an amazing clarity of what is really important. Anger and desire still creep into my consciousness from time to time, but this usually subsides once I go to a meeting or work with another alcoholic. Today, my life is full of small blessings that I cherish and appreciate so much more than the shallow existence I once had prior to the gift of the program.
Quote of the Day: "I use notes to remind me to seek my Higher Power … On my desk, in front of my computer is the note: ‘Good morning, this is God, I will be handling all your worries and concerns for today. I will not need your help!’"
Note to Self, Buffalo Grove, Ill., November 2013, AA Grapevine
When I came into the program, like so many others, I struggled with the God concept. Crawling out of the darkness of our bottoms, it is difficult to see any faith or hope of a better life. With such a sad outlook on life, spirituality takes a back seat to blinding self-pity. Slowly, by watching and listening to the miracles unfold in the rooms of AA, we begin to allow the thought of a Higher Power to creep into our consciousness. For me, I needed to adopt tangible actions to bring this nebulous concept of God to life. I would strap in the passenger seat for my Higher Power. After saying to myself, “after you,” I would leave doors open a little longer to let God in before me. Whenever I found change (coins), I would pick it up and thank God for my sobriety and everything I have today. Some thirty years later, I am still doing those small things to keep me connected to God and to stay right sized. I’ve also had the Serenity Prayer posted prominently at my office or home for as long as I can remember. My belief and faith in God continues to evolve, and as I allow this transformation, life continues to get more beautiful. The longer we stay sober, and live through the ups and downs of life, the more our faith grows into an unwavering sense of contentment. I know without reservation that God’s plans for me have always been better than my own. I no longer get wrapped up in outcomes, results and expectations, but instead, I thank God for whatever blessing he has prepared for me. Things don’t happen to us; they happen for us!
Quote of the Day: "The Italians have a neat way of telling someone ‘I love you.’ Their expression is ‘Ti voglio bene’ – ‘I wish you well.’ It just seems to put things on a tangible level … Quite often my prayer is nothing more than this little Italian phrase, ‘Ti voglio bene.’"
“I Wish You Well,” Humbolt, Saskatchewan, February 1996, AA Grapevine
In the depths of my disease, I didn’t feel deserving of love. In fact, I tried to sabotage relationships out of guilt and shame. I thought that I was capable of loving others, but until I could accept myself, any love I expressed was muted by my insecurities. What I thought was love was more of an unhealthy dependency. Thankfully, the program helped me clear away the debris of life, and in so doing, I was able to accept and love myself. I always thought loving yourself was a sign of conceit, but I now recognize it as essential to being able to fully love others. We are so blessed to have a program whose basis and code is one of love and tolerance. We hear long timers say it all the time, “It’s all about love and service.” We have so many ways of expressing our love in the program, whether it be a simple hug at a meeting, or taking someone through the steps. As long as I place no expectations on that love, I now see that truly letting yourself love someone can be a spiritual experience. Life gives us endless opportunities to convey our love and kindness, and this is a gift we all too often take for granted. Today, I love life, I love this program, and I love all of you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for this spiritual experience that is imbedded in every demonstration of our loving program.
Quote of the Day: "We begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 92
This passage from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, is in regard to step 10, but it could also apply to all the steps. As we take the steps, and we uncover, discover, and discard, our self realization opens us up to much healthier relationships with ourselves and others. If we are honest with ourselves, we have had a part in nearly every failed relationship, including lost friendships. The awareness that we have a part in resentments towards others gives us an opportunity to let go of that debilitating emotion. Only by looking at our part can we have any empathy towards the other person, and the fact that they too are emotionally lacking. Like so many other alcoholics that come into the program, I was filled with so much resentment, anger, and fear, that there was no way of truly loving another. We build walls around our emotions that limit our ability to genuinely express or receive love. Once I committed to clearing the wreckage of my past, I felt a shift in my psyche and willingness to feel everything, good and bad. It was both exhilarating and frightening to let myself feel everything, but I recognized that this was the only way I could fully love another. It is quite remarkable how we can change the way we look at others and the world by first looking deep within ourselves. I am so appreciative that the program gives me a way to walk around life in a healthier way, and a pathway of seeing the good in others.
Quote of the Day: "Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends – this is an experience you must not miss. We know you won’t want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 89
As the above 12th step promises illustrate, I came into the program to stop the nightmare of drinking, but I got so much more. As I look back upon my incredible journey through recovery, I would not have believed it had I not lived it myself. I never imagined it would have been possible to actually accept myself, or that I would no longer have that empty hole of loneliness and self doubt. An interesting dichotomy of our program is that we have to give it away to keep it. Helping others is transformative, and for me, it’s the key to a happy life. There are few things more satisfying than watching others recover, and to see them discover the many miracles this program has to offer. Through this outpouring of love, we forge lifetime friendships with people that would literally do anything for us, and us for them. By a simple act of reaching out our hands to newcomers, we step onto a path toward peace of mind, serenity, and a life we never dreamed possible.
Quote of the Day: "Laughter, like a drenching rain, settles the dust, cleans and brightens the world around us, and changes our whole perspective."
Jan Pishok
I often get asked by my nonalcoholic friends why I still go to so many meetings. It’s pointless to begin to explain the undeniable spirit we have in the rooms of AA. Even if we tried to explain the reasons for still going to meetings after years of recovery, they wouldn’t fully comprehend, nor would they relate. For me, I continue to go to so many meetings for the love, laughter, and perspective. Hilarity has always been one of the greatest draws for me to attend meetings. I can’t ever recall going to a meeting and not laughing. Our twisted humor, and complete willingness to self deprecate, keeps us all amused at ourselves. Recognizing the ridiculousness of our behavior through humor is an emotional breakthrough. As we relate to the absurdity of others stories, and the way they spin it with wit and satire, we heal our own wounds of regret. Laughter is the sound of healing and recovery. He who laughs, lasts. There is a Yiddish proverb that says, What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. They say that you’re not fully dressed without a smile, but more importantly, a day is not lived well without laughter. I came to the program crying inside for something I knew not, but it didn’t take long for me to see that what my life was missing was the continuous music of laughter. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for playing so many years of healing and beautiful music.
Quote of the Day: "When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide. When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable and discontent. It is always my choice."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 317
The words willing or willingness are mentioned in our book well over 300 times (3rd edition), so you would think that we would all readily see the importance of this concept and apply it in all that we do. But, like the stubborn alcoholics we are, we have to test the minefield of self will over and over. I remember early in sobriety someone saying that, he wasn’t sure what God’s will was, but he was sure what it wasn’t. Being in the initial stages of my spiritual development, that was good enough for me. For the most part, we know whats the right thing to do, but the gaps in our broken thought patterns and perspective need to be filled with more evolved and enlightened messages we learn in the program. After a while, doing the wrong thing is flat out uncomfortable. We work the program, but then the program starts working us! Selfish, dishonest, or uncaring actions make us restless, irritable, and discontent. Pain is the best facilitator of alcoholic learning; we have to experience the pitfalls of negative behavior for ourselves. Once we fully accept that not doing the right thing inevitably leads to shame, guilt, or anguish, our consciousness automatically guides us back to God’s will. This personality and psychic change is essential to our recovery, but it is also the key to our contentment. I came to the program hating what I had become, but I am so grateful the program shaped me into the better person I am today.
Quote of the Day: "Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems. I have since been brought into a way of living infinitely more satisfying and, I hope, more useful than the life I lived before. My old manner of life was by no means a bad one, but I would not exchange its best moments for the worst I have now. I would not go back to it even if I could."
Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 42 - 43
We often hear in the program that my worst day in sobriety was better than my best day when I was drinking. I am not a complete believer in this exaggeration, but I do see that my life got infinitely better once I came into the program. Certainly, eliminating the nightmare of addiction makes life better, but the program gave me so much more. The fellowship gave me a complete design for living that cleaned up my mind, body, and spirit. Prior to the program, I would destroy relationships through selfish and self-centered actions, but you taught me how to interact in a healthy way with others and to build lasting friendships. You took my cynical and angry outlook on life and molded it into one of gratitude, care, and kindness. The program gives the ultimate gift in life, and that is the discovery that to be happy, all we have to do is dedicate ourselves to help others. The greatest gift of the program has been my growing spirituality. My deep faith and belief in God has made life so much easier to live. Someone once shared that, l would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t, and die to find out there is. My warm loving relationship with God makes each and every day a journey of discovery, and no matter what happens, I know I will be alright.
Quote of the Day: “The head of the house ought to remember that he is mainly to blame for what befell his home. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime. But he must see the danger of over-concentration on financial success. Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, “The Family Afterward” p. 127
As a newcomer, nearly all my dreams were materialistic. I had baggage from being raised poor, but there were also societal norms that defined success by how much stuff you had or how much money you made. I thought the car, house, high paying job, and other materialistic elements were the ticket to my happiness. My entire existence before the program was trying to push that boulder up the hill. Only after I got sober did I start inward reflection. You taught me that life is an “inside job.” If I was honest with myself, I knew that focusing on outside gains only gave me temporary satisfaction. Sustained happiness only came after processing those spiritual blockages in steps 4-10, and then the daily maintenance of steps 10-12. Life is still life, and we will inevitably face difficulties and challenges that rock us to our core. When this occurs, “we” walk through discomfort and lean into the program and our faith. If we are right with God, ourselves, and others, all roads lead back to a place of peace and happiness.
Quote of the Day: "The wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong."
12 Steps & 12 Traditions pg.88
We are all works in progress, and we certainly never graduate from learning and growing. If we donât change, our sobriety date will! Thankfully, the wise insight of our founders directs us toward continual emotional and spiritual growth. Throughout the writings of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, it was very clear that they humbly recognized their human frailties and the necessity to continue self reflection. One of life’s greatest mysteries is to uncover whom you really are. The next greatest challenge is to find happiness in what you uncover. Our program provides us a clear design for living and a path to find our happiness. However, this journey requires an honest reflection of ourselves, and most importantly, a recognition of our debilitating character defects. Only after honest reflection of one flaws can you face the necessity of change. Our instincts are to hold onto our shortcomings, like pride and ego, so letting go of these weaknesses is a constant battle. Over time, and with support from those in the program, a life of self reflection has made me the person I had always hoped I could become, but I know that I have a long way to go and will always be a work in progress.
Quote of the Day: "Life’s formidable array of pains and problems will require many different degrees of acceptance … Sometimes, we have to find the right kind of acceptance for each day. Sometimes, we need to develop acceptance for what may come to pass tomorrow and, yet again, we shall have to accept a condition that may never change. Then, too, there frequently has to be a right and realistic acceptance of grievous flaws within ourselves and serious faults within those about us - defects that may not be fully remedied."
Alcoholics Anonymous Co-Founder, Bill W., March 1962, “What Is Acceptance?”, The Language of the Heart
In the depths of my disease, acceptance didn’t exist. I walked around life filled with anger, fear, resentment, and self pity. I wallowed in the plight of being the victim. As I was spiraling down, I was destroying everything I cared about. To say the least, I had a shallow existence, and I couldn’t possibly accept myself, others, or the circumstances around me. After years of this twisted reality, the filters in which I saw life were skewed beyond recognition. The program taught me that in order to accept people, places, and things, I would need to acknowledge and receive spiritual help. However, before I could fully accept God into my heart and soul, some serious house cleaning would first be required to clean out my dirty filters. As difficult as it was at times to face myself, and to take the necessary action like making amends, I am so grateful to the program for teaching me the invaluable lesson of acceptance. Accepting myself and others has made life so much easier to live. I now see life through a lens of acceptance, gratitude, and spirituality, and through this new perspective, life has become one of hope and limitless possibilities.
Quote of the Day: "God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 133~
In early sobriety, I thought that the program had all the answers to life. It certainly addressed my addiction and all the emotional baggage I had carried for so many years. I found happiness and peace that I never thought possible. At times, I would hear people share about depression or being bipolar, but at that time, mental illness was treated like a dirty little secret. The impression I got from oldtimers was that you could find everything you need in the book and program. At 20 years of sobriety, as my life felt like it was crumbling around me, I started slipping into depression. Luckily, we as a society had evolved, and I knew I could and should seek outside help. Therapy and medication (mood altering, not mind altering) got me through this difficult patch, and in hindsight, it made me a better person. Like this passage on page 133, I will never hesitate to guide another to seek outside help or to take medications when warranted and prescribed. Quite literally, this encouragement could mean the difference between someone’s life or death.
Just waking up, not quite ready for the day yet. My sister’s a sleepy head and still not awake yet. Wanted to say hi and wish everyone a beautiful day in recovery.
Quote of the Day: “I stumbled up the steps and came into this room, and some guy was up front talking, but I couldn’t hear what he said. A couple of guys shook my hand. Another one put his arm around my shoulder, and a third one gave me a cup of coffee. These guys had never seen me before – they didn’t know me from a bag of beans – but all of a sudden I felt they liked me. An elementary thing, you say? Of no importance? Nonsense! When you’ve been lost, lonely, forgotten, rejected, it’s the most important thing in the world to have somebody shake your hand.”
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], p. 157
To a newcomer who doesn’t know anyone and is filled with insecurity and fear, a greeter at the door is a game changer. I distinctly remember going back to meetings, and to my great surprise, the greeter would remember my name. Words can’t express how warming that simple gesture was for me. I was trapped in loneliness, but you slowly welcomed me back into the world with handshakes, smiles, and laughter. The expression “Let us love you until you can love yourself,” was something that this alcoholic needed desperately. I hated myself and what I had become, and quite frankly, I saw no way out. Then the miracle happens, and we join the fellowship. Almost immediately, we begin feeling accepted. It’s okay that we slithered in with tons of baggage, because we all had it! The program teaches us to laugh at ourselves and to not take everything so damn seriously, and through this, we step out of the darkness into the radiating light of our fellowship. I hope I never forget how much those early handshakes and kind words meant to me, and I pray for the willingness to pay this love and kindness forward for the rest of my life.
Quote of the Day: "If there are challenges to be met today, I remember other days when what seemed impossible was made possible."
“Never Sober Today Before,” Huntington, West Virginia, August 2006, Beginner’s Book: Getting and Staying Sober in AA
Saint Francis Assisi once said that, “First we do what’s necessary, then we do what’s possible, then we can achieve the impossible.” That quote is an analogy of our program, and once we do what’s necessary, which is that we take the steps and practice the program, life becomes a buffet of possibilities. I was in such a dark place in my addiction that I didn’t feel deserving of love. That perceived impossibility of finding or deserving love, or any sense of peace or sustained happiness for that matter, lead me to suicidal thoughts. Then I come into the warm embrace of the program, and you loved me back to health. You also taught me to stop trying to find love, but instead, to express love and appreciate the gift of giving. It is clear to me now that if we “expect” to find love and affirmation through relationships, work, or any of the other day-to-day occurrences, we are probably setting ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. I learned that I could get all the love and affirmation I needed through the fellowship, and as long as I reached out, I could always rely on the care and kindness of the program to get me through hard times. Today, my life is full of love and genuine acts of kindness, both given and received, and that is just one of my many impossibilities the program has made possible.
