Quote of the Day: "In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity. Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willing and able to change."
Daily Reflections, p. 15
As I was growing up and being socialized and indoctrinated into the thought that you needed to do whatever it takes to get ahead, my life took a detour I would not wish on anyone. During that futile pursuit, I sold my soul and stepped on whoever challenged me. Needless to say, that approach to life lead me down a path of personal destruction. My selfish ways and narrow perspective on life were a one-way ticket to the hell of addiction. My anger controlled me and pushed everyone away. Anger is the wind that blows out the light of reason. I was a hot mess! If I was honest with myself, which I was incapable of prior to the program, I would have realized that behind my anger, fear was always lurking. Thank God we learn in our fellowship that our character defects and shortcomings are the root of all our discomfort in life. Negative emotions can always be traced back to some or many of our character defects. They say a âshortcomingâ is like a flat tire; a âcharacter defectâ is like driving on it. We need to fix ourselves, or weâll be driving on our rims. The key is to limit our own discomfort by trying to keep our defects of character from red-lining. It starts with acknowledging we have them, but the only true answer is to regularly ask God to remove them.
Quote of the Day: "How truth makes us free is something that we A.A.'s can well understand. It cut the shackles that once bound us to alcohol. It continues to release us from conflicts and miseries beyond reckoning; it banishes fear and isolation. The unity of our Fellowship, the love we cherish for each other, the esteem in which the world holds us - all of these are products of the truth which, under God, we have been privileged to perceive.â
As Bill Sees It, âTruth, the Liberator,â p. 70
One of the first things I heard as a newcomer was that If my lips were moving, I was probably lying. Now this was nothing earth shattering to me, because I knew I was living a double, if not triple life. I couldnât keep track of all my lies and deceit, much of which caused a great deal of embarrassment and shame. Mark Twain once said, âIf you tell the truth, you donât need to remember anything.â Now you tell me! The basis of our recovery has to start with honesty. We begin that process by admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. We try, as best we can, to be honest with ourselves and others, which is a basic principle of the 1st step. As we learn to be honest, we begin to find our own truths. Without question, the evolution to find your hidden truths is complicated, frustrating, and even painful. For any type of lasting contentment, it is essential that we discover whom we really are, and what drives us. Most of us donât like what we find in our own âtruths,â but thank God the program guides us into becoming whom we should have been all along. Selfishness becomes genuine care for others. Fear becomes faith. Anger and resentment become love and kindness. Our transformations are nothing short of miracles. My gratitude for the fellowship is overwhelming, and it starts with an appreciation that you helped me find honesty, my truths, and whom I really am.
Quote of the Day: "Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him, for we know that the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity."
12 Steps & 12 Traditions, pp. 93 & 94
We hear in the program that pain and suffering are an alcoholics best friend. Why? They are the only thing sharp enough to cut through our pride, ego, and laziness. If we are to be totally honest with ourselves, we know this to be true. You only have to think back to our last bottom to see how much pain we needed before we were ready to make a change. For me, this has played out throughout my life. Sometimes we just need to eat a little pain sandwich with a side of humility to get the message that my way doesnât work. As much as I hate knowing it, or saying it to others, our pain is a stairway to some form of a spiritual experience. That life lesson moment is waiting for us. As we walk through pain and discomfort in life, we usually gain a little more faith. Pain is inevitable, our suffering is not. When nurturing our faith and accepting this too shall pass, we come to learn that our hope and gratitude are merely waiting for us on the horizon. If itâs a relationship or person issue, which is more often the case, it helps to know that those who created yesterdayâs pain do not control tomorrowâs potential, my attitude, or life perspective. After experiencing the many difficulties life presents, I now realize that emotional pain was just fear leaving my body. I would not wish my past pains on anyone, but I would gladly let you have those overwhelming emotions I have when I am graced with the subsequent and inevitable spiritual experience.
Quote of the Day: "All those who suffer in the world do so because of their desire for their own happiness. All those happy in the world are so because of their desire for the happiness of others.â
-Bodhicaryavatara-
From day one, it was clear to me that AA was a program of giving. I think I even heard at my first meeting that âwe canât keep it unless we give it away.â Through a commitment to altruism, we gain recovery and contentment we never thought possible. Our happiness becomes part of the journey, not some distant destination. Gradually, we begin to appreciate the little things in life and come to realize our peace and serenity are truly an inside job. At first, I was envious of those who seemed to excel so quickly in sobriety. Since that time, I now realize that they probably worked really hard to get there, and more importantly, they were a walking testament to recovery and the blessings of the program. When I am in meetings and able to quiet my mind, it is crystal clear to me that we are all Godâs children, and our spiritual interconnectedness is undeniable. When I am in the right mindset, I canât help but feel love for all my brothers and sisters in the program, and to truly wish they fulfill their dreams and find their own happiness. The purpose of our program is to stay sober and to carry the message, but the very purpose of life is learning, helping others, and finding happiness. We are given a design for living, one that lets us view life through a lens of service, gratitude, hope, spirituality, and acceptance. I now firmly believe that this new spiritual design for living is a gateway to sustained contentment.
Quote of the Day: "Any of us can handle just one day; All each of us has to try at is our own job, our own family life. We donât have to try fixing up the whole world or understandingĂ what no theologian of any faith has ever understood. We simply stop messing in Godâs business⌠When we stop messing and worrying, we have turned our will and our lives over to God (or Good) as we understand (or donât understand) Him."
Came To Believe . . ., pg. 116
It is very interesting how we filter out information, and we hear what we want to hear. In my first attempt at the program, all I heard was you canât drink ever again. Itâs quite comical that I filtered out the most important part. One day at a time. We just donât drink today, or just right now. Breaking life down into just todayâs increments was a game changer. Not only was it essential to my recovery, it made life easier to face. It was cathartic to realize that I only had to deal with today, and that worrying about the future didnât take away tomorrowâs problems; it only took away todayâs peace. From this simple decision to live one day at a time, I began to appreciate the little blessings in my life. As my gratitude grew, so too did my faith in this God of my understanding that was still evolving in my consciousness. Being grounded in today, the here and now, allowed me to be the best version of myself and undistracted about pointless worry or focus on something that was definitely out of my control. I too discovered that my faith translated best when I made a daily surrender, which became my transition to living in today. Of course, I had to do it the hard way at first, running on self will and banging my head against the wall. However, over time, I have come to appreciate living in today and trying to stay out of my own way, which for me was another way of turning it over to God and trusting that Gods plan for me was better than my own.
Quote of the Day: "On his desk, Dr. Bob had a plaque defining humility: 'Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore; to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble.â
Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers, page 222.
The illusive pursuit of humility, for this alcoholic, is a never ending struggle. I know in my heart of hearts that lasting contentment is embedded in practiced humility, but human nature always seems to drag me back into the abyss of selfishness. Humility is the soil in which all other virtues grow. Dr. Bob was keenly aware that to reach true God consciousness, we needed to fully lay aside our pride and ego and to walk amongst Godâs children with the utmost care and humility. Itâs important to understand that humility means not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. However, knowing the definition and benefits of humility means nothing unless we apply it to our day to day living. An old timer at one of my meetings often says, âMore of you, and less of me; more of God and less of me!â I often say this simple yet prophetic mantra before I speak at meetings to remind me why Iâm there. We are all here to learn to love, remain teachable in all things, and to give back what was so freely given to us. I hope to one day be able to reach a consistent place of humility, but for now, I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey. My path to humility has been wrapped in love and care that I never thought possible, and for this, I owe it all to the warm embrace of the fellowship.
Quote of the Day: "God, help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.â
Melody Beattie
I heard at a meeting that there are three steps to becoming a loving person: love yourself, be yourself, forget yourself. When I heard that, it stopped me in my tracks. In a brief definition of loving yourself, many of my goals about myself were summed up. In my active addiction, I hated myself, had no idea whom I was, and I was self absorbed in endless self-pity. As I was getting sober and shedding the baggage I had carried through life, I realized I had some modicum of courage necessary to be whom I really was and was meant to be. You also taught me to take the program seriously, not myself. Laughing at my ridiculousness was so healing. It was so liberating to begin the voyage of self discovery and to begin that long process of accepting myself. Mark Twain once said, âThe worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.â Very early in sobriety, I heard that we never have to be alone again, and for someone like me that felt so alone most of my life, that simple share gave me hope. Little did I know that by helping others up the mountain, I was getting closer to the top myself. By seeing the changes in you, I acknowledge the changes in me. As I tried to walk in gratitude, I began to see the best in others, which ultimately brought out the best in me. Today, I do like whom I have become, and at some point in each day, I try to remind myself to pay me a friendly visit. I would encourage you to do the same, and do something positive today for your emotional and spiritual growth.
Quote of the Day: âI am learning, when looking for signs of spiritual awakening in myself, to look, not for bright lights or emotional upheavals ⌠but for sobriety, stability, responsibility, meaning, satisfaction, joy. These are the marks of the beginning of spiritual awakening.â
Hankins, N.Y., May 1967, From: âAAâs Steps Lead to â Spiritual Awakeningâ, Spiritual Awakenings
After being beaten into submission by my disease, and all the negative ramifications that resulted from my inebriated actions, a crease in the door opened for me to see a new way of living through the eyes of our fellowship. Slowly, the program taught me to drop my guard, learn to listen, and listen to learn. Itâs hard to keep an open mind with an open mouth, so for me, trying to shut off the debate team in my brain became a constant internal battle. It was also clear that I needed to make a conscious decision to move in the direction of altruism and to be less selfish in my thoughts and actions. In so doing, I found a blossoming spirituality and faith in God. As I immersed myself in meetings, it became very clear that AA was all about one alcoholic helping another, and by finally being open minded, that philosophy began to permeate my consciousness. As I allowed the gradual transformation from âtakerâ to âgiver,â I started to become the person I always wanted to be. Our book tells us to be of maximum service to God and the people about us (p. 77), so you encouraged me to be of service in all areas of my life, and you made it very clear that if I wasnât inconvenienced, it really wasnât service work. Through this simple commitment to be of service to others, I found freedom, confidence, gratitude, love and many other qualities that have given me an amazing way to live life with dignity, serenity and contentment.
Quote of the Day: "We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect. Each manâs theology has to be his own quest, his own affair."
As Bill Sees It, Spiritual Kindergarten, p. 95
We hear it all the time that AA is a spiritual program, not a religious one. However, due to our new found passion for life and overflowing faith in God, we can come across as a religious group or cult to newcomers. I too struggled at first with how much God was interjected into the meetings. I soon came to learn that spirituality was the key to everything and any hope of me changing for the better. Talking about the spiritual part of the program is like talking about the wet part of the ocean, or the round side of a basketball. Spirituality encompasses every part of oneâs life. However, spiritual progress isnât what gets us sober, itâs what keeps us sober. We can never forget to work all three sides of the triangle (Unity, Service, and Recovery). I heard someone share at a meeting that growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional, but growing spiritually is up to me. Thankfully, as I matured in the program, so too did my sense of spirituality. Bill W. was insightful in understanding that AA can only initiate belief in a Higher Power; the journey of spiritual exploration was up to each individual and a personal quest. I love that I have been able to form a belief system that covers me like a warm blanket on a cold night. Words canât express how much gratitude I have for a fellowship that has encouraged me to find faith in a God of my understanding, one that I now believe is all loving and all forgiving.
Quote of the Day: "We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldnât control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldnât make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldnât seem to be of real help to other people."
AA, p. 52 (The 8 bedevilments)
When I came into the program, it was very easy for me to accept that my life was unmanageable. As I got sober and my life improved, accepting unmanageability became a point of confusion for me. I was being responsible and had a degree of normalcy in my life, so how was this unmanageable? Then, I heard someone share about the bedevilments on page 52, and the light bulb went off. I was still consumed by insecurities, unexplained emotional upheavals, fears, anger, and doubts. I certainly couldnât manage my emotions. The book encourages us to use the same faith in God that helped us get sober in dealing with these life difficulties. Even though I had taken the 3rd step, I still wanted to control everything in my life. A friend at my home group once said, It was a shock to me that I was not God; I was sure that I was the West Coast District Manager of the Pacific Universe. The task of what I found to be this nebulous idea of turning my will and life over to the care of God alluded me until I finally had enough pain from trying to run the show. It was remarkable how much easier life became once I accepted that my will (my character defects) was the root of all my discomfort. By committing to practice Godâs will (the opposites of my character defects), my perceptions and attitudes about life and others changed dramatically. I no longer had to fear tomorrow, because I knew God would be there waiting for me. I have come to believe that one of the greatest freedoms the program gives us is the gift and awareness that we no longer have to try or need to control everything.
Quote of the Day: "Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we donât like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, weâre honest about it. If something isnât working out, we accept reality. But we donât dwell on the negative parts of our experience. Whatever we give energy to, we empower."
-Melody Beattie-
Before the program, I was stuck in a pessimistic and cynical mindset that trapped me in being the victim and in all consuming self-pity. I drank to blot out the dark reality I had created. I couldnât see things as they truly were, but instead, I saw things through my dirty life filters. When we are imprisoned by a negative perception of life, the blessing of hope fades into oblivion. When I came into the program, I was still entombed by my depressing thoughts that destroyed any chance of lasting happiness. It did not take too long for me to see that your lives had improved, and that you saw life so differently than I did. The program taught me that what I think upon grows, and so too was the perpetuation of negativity that surrounded me. My constant fear and worry was a complete illusion of control. Once I made a conscious decision to try to find the good in people and things, my whole outlook on life began to change. When you see things with an open heart not just your eyes, you see that beauty is everywhere. The mind reasons; the heart knows. With that said, life is real and very challenging at times, so I remind myself to not make permanent decisions based on a temporary passing storm. You can see life as a glass half empty, or half full, but there are days we just need to be thankful we even have a glass. Weâve learned that I can pull myself out of negative thoughts simply by focusing on the good things I have in life. You can think positively just as easy as you can think negatively. I now know and accept that attitudes are contagious, so I have to constantly ask myself is my attitude worth catching?
Quote of the Day: "Isolation sneaks up on us. We can mask it with familiar props that are not in themselves bad. We can isolate ourselves in an attempt to clean up our apartments (and then not do the cleaning); we can isolate ourselves in churches or in sleep; we can use family, sweethearts, compulsive working, television. The list is long. The nicest way to end it is the way you and I do: together. Reach out â people canât read your mind. Say ouch! Someone hears. Always.â
The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 1], pp. 84-85
Iâve always enjoyed our saying that isolation is the dark room where we develop our negatives. For this stubborn alcoholic, isolation almost killed me. My insistence on self preservation and reliance was a lonely existence. Coming into the program and assimilating into a âweâ environment was excruciating for this lone wolf. I would have rather stuck a pencil in my eye than ask another man for help. Luckily, I heard someone say that, âThe mind is like a bad neighborhood, you never want to go in there alone.â Growing up in Venice, I knew all about bad neighborhoods, so that resonated with me. You taught me that my obsessive compulsive mind was not my friend, because if it was, it would stop âspinningâ when I asked. By going to meetings and diving into our loving fellowship, we crawl out of the abyss of isolation and our obsessive thoughts. Through the program, I learned that faith can calm the chaos of a whirling mind, but more importantly, it can create hope. Faith is our greatest gift; its sharing with others becomes our greatest responsibility. So many in the program made a profound impact on my life, so I have tried to give that back. To the world youâre just one person, but to one person, you can mean the world. As we give to others, we also reinforce the necessity to ask for help for ourselves when in times of need. A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up, but those small acts of kindness do wonders for my courage to say âouchâ when Iâm the one thatâs down.
Quote of the Day: "Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness.â
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 14
One thing is certain, Iâve never learned anything while Iâm doing all the talking. Humility comes in many shapes and sizes, but I now try to ânot blowâ a perfectly good opportunity to âkeep my mouth shut.â A closed mouth gathers no foot, and for me, this is so profound. Lack of humility and a loose tongue have gotten me into trouble throughout my life. Humility is remaining teachable, and we have to accept that we canât learn what we think we already know. However, it took me some time in the program to have the epiphany of seeing the relationship and dependency of honesty and humility. Without complete honesty, there can be no humility. Without willingness, there can be no true rigorous self-honesty. So, as this passage points out, our approach to recovery and life is a package deal. Virtually everything in our program is interconnected, and success on one aspect depends on a commitment to other areas. Certainly, our selfish self-centeredness is at the heart of our character defects (self will), and if I am to have any chance at reaching my full potential in life, I know I need to fully commit to turning my will and life (results and expectations) over to God. My honesty and humility create the world I live in; if I commit to honesty and try to practice humility, I can literally change my perceptions and existence.
Quote of the Day: "Those who enjoy the greatest lives are not extraordinary people, or even ordinary people with something added. They are not necessarily the wealthiest or most professionally acclaimed. Those who sparkle with aliveness are ordinary people with nothing taken away. They have not lost their wonder of the moment. They cherish the presence of a friend; they marvel when a child takes their hand. They find a gift in each moment of living."
-Mary Manin Morrissey-
Most of us lived a shallow existence prior to our journey through recovery. We bought into societal doctrine and norms that placed the value of a person on the money they earn, or the power in their field. I heard someone share in early sobriety that, today I am a rich man, and someday Iâll have money. I wasnât sure how to get there, but I wanted in! Iâve come to learn that if you want to feel rich, just count those things you have in life that canât be bought. The true measure of a person can be measured by whats in their heart and how they treat others. The sooner we come to the realization that happiness is an inside job, the sooner we can make the necessary changes in our actions, attitudes, and perceptions that will shape us into the person we were always intended to be. For me, I just needed to surrender and get out of my own way. As long as I stood in my own way, everything in front of me seemed to be in the way. I am so appreciative of the program teaching me to find my happiness in giving myself to others. Only through love and service can I maintain any semblance of lasting contentment. I now know that kind acts are never wasted. We can make a profound impact on others through simple care and kindness with no expectation of anything in return. Our attitudes are contagious, and if you see someone without a smile, try giving them yours. Kind words, hugs, smiles, and laughter are free, and I now know that sharing them with others will bring immeasurable riches.
Quote of the Day: "Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 43
It has always amazed me that we tend to forget that our way didnât work, and only through the grace of a loving Higher Power did we finally find recovery from our addiction. We literally chant it at every meeting when we read chapter 5 (b. No human power could relieve our addiction, and c. God could and would if he were sought.), but after a while, we just pay this lip service. I have learned that it is not a matter of if, but when, I will be faced with a serious temptation to pick up a drink. Over the years, and certainly in early sobriety, I was faced with this deadly crossroad many times. Thankfully, you told me to fill my spiritual bank for that very moment. When you go to that spiritual ATM, you better hope it doesnât come up insufficient funds. However, even knowing we wonât have a mental defense against the first drink, we stubbornly continue with self will. Itâs remarkable that we are so willing to wallow in self pity rather than reach out to another, or do something to develop our spiritual growth. We are ridiculous; an alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating and being locked up in his own mind. As I had been building up a spiritual defense against the first drink, something miraculous happened - I stayed sober through it all! If itâs important to us, we will find a way; if itâs not, we willl find an excuse. I donât know if I am doing too much, but I am petrified enough of slipping to make sure not doing too little. After seeing so many people relapse and destroy their lives over and over, I am truly convinced that we only have a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
Quote of the Day: "Today is a beautiful day to be alive, to be the person you are. A beautiful day, simply, to be. Donât waste energy trying to possess or control. Donât let yourself be burdened by things that have happened in the past. Donât worry about being âright,â or about impressing anyone. Focus instead on creating things that have never before existed. On adding value to the lives of others. On finding ways to express the unique person that you are. Feel good by simply deciding to, rather than by abusing yourself or others. Look at everything that happens as an opportunity for growth. Accept and be thankful for the abundance that is yours. Dust off your dreams and find a way to follow them. Life is precious and beautiful. Every breath you take is an opportunity to live life to the fullest."
Ralph S. Marston, Jr.
I donât know if the gentleman that wrote this quote is part of our fellowship, but he certainly captured the essence of many of our journeys through recovery. We come into the program just wanting the nightmare of addiction to stop, but we end up finding the keys to life. Words canât truly express how grateful I am for this new way of living. I literally see life differently, and even though the circumstances may be exactly the same, my perspective is so much more gentle, accepting, and hopeful. Itâs counterintuitive to think that giving of yourself with no expectation of anything in return would give us so much, but that is one of the many miracles of the program. By being of service and trying to make otherâs lives better, I get an inner warmth that is indescribable and priceless. I thank you for taking my hand and walking me through this journey of discovery. You have shown me a way of living that has created new dreams, an abundance of love, and peace I never thought possible.
I posted on Reddit a while back about how I never felt sick enough to really accept that I had an eating disorder. Someone said
âPeople drown in oceans. People drown in lakes. People drown in bathtubs. It doesnât matter how much water they drowned in. They all still drowned.â
Quote of the Day: "We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 130
As I was crawling through early sobriety, there were many speakers I thought a bit lofty. I certainly wanted what they had, but they seemed entrenched in a God consciousness that I thought I had no chance of achieving. That ship had sailed away with all the debauchery and dishonesty of my addiction. I wanted to stop the nightmare that had become my enslavement to drinking, but the spiritual aspect of recovery frightened and confounded me. William Blake once said, I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three. I never thought that by simply planting myself in a circle of drunks that I would find God. You made it very clear that I needed to help others to stay sober, but that soon transcended into an amazing peace and mainline to an unwavering faith in a Higher Power. I love that we accept that this is a program of action. We canât get this through osmosis and just sit in meetings; we have to take inconvenient action. God can only do for me what He can do through me. I was at a meeting not long ago, and on the wall was a plaque that said, I try to preach the love of God, and sometimes, I even use words. I have always respected those in the program that walked the talk. They showed me the way in their actions, love, and kindness towards others. The unspoken word can be the most powerful message, but that must begin with our commitment of love and service towards others, both in and out of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
