Quote of the Day: "To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing in the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless."
–Gilbert K. Chesterton
Before the program, I was locked in a prison of selfishness. I had some caring and redeeming qualities, but for the most part, I was motivated by “what’s in it for me?” That shallow existence of self-centeredness only led me to self-pity and loneliness. Then I came into the program, and I started the transformation towards genuine care for others. As we begin to express kindness towards all, we alter our perspective and attitudes about life. We lose long standing resentments that only hurt us, and we discover the benefits of forgiveness. We saw how our fears controlled our decision making, and we saw how living in today made life so much easier to live. Faith made the impossible, possible. As we uncovered, discovered, and discarded, we began the journey to being the best version of ourselves. As our self-centered emotions become less erratic, we start experiencing the immense value of extending ourselves towards others. None of us came in on a winning streak, so it’s amazing to see how adjusted and happy our members become after such a short time. We start out hopeless, and with a little work and leaning into the program, we gain hope and see the endless possibilities in life. We are so blessed to get a second chance at life, and to truly be able to live more than one life in one lifetime.
Quote of the Day: "My stability came out of trying to give, not of demanding that I receive. Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God’s help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety."
The Language of the Heart, p. 238
When I first heard emotional sobriety, I thought what’s with the psychobabble, I just want to stop drinking. Once I got some distance from my last drink, it became very evident that my new problem was how to live sober. Sobriety was like living life upside down, so I had to learn how to cope with virtually everything. It didn’t help that the f-word, feelings, kept rearing its ugly head. I was okay with good feelings and emotions, but I was so mangled, most of my early feelings were surrounded around guilt, shame, fear, and self-pity. Thankfully, I trusted you and the process of recovery. As I shed the baggage of life that I carried into the fellowship, my ability to extend myself to others became more prevalent. Just as you told me, the more I gave myself to others, the more peace and serenity I would find. It didn’t take long for me to fully accept that my happiness, peace and serenity were directly proportional to how willing I was to give of myself. Difficult emotional situations can almost always be traced back to some character defect that we let get the best of us. So, if we’re honest with ourselves, and truly admit our part, we readily see that it is pride, ego, fear, envy, lust, resentment or any of our other shortcomings that cause our discomfort. The answer is simple - If you want to relieve yourself of the bondage of self, give yourself to others with no expectation of anything in return.
Quote of the Day: "Times change, people change, and language may change. But the disease of alcoholism does not change. It always kills."
AA Grapevine, February 1996
I pray that I never take my sobriety for granted. It has been many years since I lived the horrors of addiction, but many memories are still distinct in my mind; I hope I never forget how incredibly bad it got. Quite frankly, I never thought I would make it to age 30. The progressive nature of our disease is truly insidious, and it’s shocking to see how far down we can go before we turn for help. The disease hasn’t changed, but times have. The world has changed dramatically since I first got sober, especially with technology and social media. We didn’t have cellphones back in the day, but that didn’t seem to prevent us from making the calls we needed to make. We looked up meetings in printed directories rather than an easy accessible “app” on the phone in our pocket. We now have internationally accessible Zoom meetings, and recorded AA speaker sites on the internet. However, some things have stood the test of time. Our book has not changed, and our traditions keep us moving in the right direction. There is still love and warmth in our fellowship, and people sharing from the heart at every meeting. I know if I go to a meeting, there will be laughs, handshakes, hugs, and a cup of coffee waiting there for me. When I came into the program, you told me I would never be alone, and you were true to your word for all these years. I love that the spirit of AA is timeless and enduring. I know that if I don’t change, my sobriety date will, but the basic principles of the program live on for all of us as a beacon of guiding light.
Good morning my friend, grateful and hopeful that I can be a positive influence in another alcoholic/addicts life on their journey of recovery. Top of the morning to you Paul, have a beautiful Friday
Quote of the Day: "God help me not to walk backwards through life. Keep me from being so focused on what is past that I fail to savor what is present or imagine what is to come. Let me learn my lessons that I may not repeat my own history of mistakes. Let me reflect on past glories but with enough humility to know they are memories not mandates. Free me from lingering regret, anger too long carried, hurt that haunts my dreams and steals the joy from what I should now cherish as your healing gift. Turn my face forward, God, that I may better see you coming to meet me."
Steven Charleston
It was cathartic to finally learn and accept that the way I would see life was directly related to my attitudes and perspectives. What we think upon grows, so whatever emotion I’m allowing to flow through me will magnify in my mind. It’s common sense to accede that when angry or full of resentments, it’s impossible to be able to fully express love toward others. For the longest time, I justified my righteous anger, but I was just kidding myself into thinking I could still be genuinely sincere to others while carrying around so many resentments. The program taught me to face my anger and to honestly face my own part. In nearly every case, my part in a resentment was just as significant as the other person’s. Many times, I realized that the resentment I had toward that person was a mirror of myself and my own actions. One of my mantras when I feel anger welling up is, “Every minute I spend angry, I waste 60 seconds of happiness.” The program taught me that no one can make me angry without my permission, and you remind me to never put the keys to my happiness in someone else’s pocket. I am so thankful that the program encourages me to face and process my anger. I no longer have to be that pissed off Irishman with a short fuse ready to blow up at the smallest thing, and that’s an incredible freedom and gift of our fellowship.
Quote of the Day: "The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, p. 68
The amount of fear we carry is directly proportional to the amount of faith we have in God. The more faith we have, the less fear will rear its ugly head. Knowing this, you would think we would do anything to gain deeper faith in our Higher Power, yet so many of us continue to put up walls, or let spiritual blockages continually keep us from the freedom of complete faith. It took me a long time to realize that it took more courage to believe in God than it was to be obstinate and in belligerent denial of the existence of an all-loving, all-forgiving Higher Power. It also took me a long time to be able to openly profess my faith. I was more worried that I would offend your agnostic or atheist sensibilities. Having lived in faith for some time now, and seen first hand how much it has truly changed and shaped my life, I am no longer silent or apologetic about my unwavering faith in God. Time and again, He has shown me that his plan for me is so much better than my own. The fellowship taught me that when you ask God a question, you get one of three answers: yes, not now, or I have something better for you. I seem to get “I have something better for you” most of the time, but I have learned to cherish this blessing. When things don’t turn out my way, but ultimately something better occurs, my faith in God grows exponentially. Words can’t express how grateful I am to be in faith rather than to be controlled by fears.
Quote of the Day: "With every prayer and every thought of love, we release the light that will cast out darkness. One light alone seems small and weak, but no one’s light is ever alone, for all our lights are part of God."
Marianne Williamson
I have always been attracted to meetings that have a palpable energy. As our rooms fill up, and we see all the outward expressions of genuine concern for one another, there is an unquestionable kinetic energy driven by love and care. In those moments, the presence of God is undeniable. For me, I sense the interconnectedness of all of us as Gods children. This feeling of God-consciousness is one of the many descriptions of the 4th dimension that we are blessed to experience. Our paths to God-consciousness vary, but they usually all depend on some form of prayer and embracement of love towards others. I thank God for bringing me to AA, but more importantly, I thank AA for bringing me to God. In AA meetings, I often get a distinct feeling of the presence of an all-loving God. If you go to enough meetings, you can’t help but hear testimonial after testimonial of miracles unfolding in our lives. The light of God is truly contagious, and the more we give it away, the more we seem to get in return. They say a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle, it just lights up more of the room. This is so descriptive of our fellowship, and the light of Alcoholics Anonymous warms us like a cozy blanket on a cold night. My prayers consist of an open dialogue with God throughout the day, and this enables the presence and light of God to follow me wherever I go. We are blessed to have a program that allows us to shape a personal connection to God, and we are able to find what works best for us. When all else fails, know this Life is fragile, handle with prayer. (Dedicated to all those Prayer Warriors that regularly commit to praying for others, especially for those in pain or discomfort. From our heart to yours we love you!)
Quote of the Day: "Today, I will remember that God has not abandoned me. I can trust that God is leading, guiding, directing, and planning in love each detail of my life."
Melody Beattie
I am so thankful that the program encouraged me to have an open mind to spirituality. By the simple act of dropping my guard and not fighting the Great Reality (p. 55) deep down inside of me, I was able to grow and cultivate a loving relationship with God. I have come to learn that an open heart is never a lonely one. There is an expression in our program that sums up my appreciation of the God you nurtured in me - Know God; Know peace. No God; No peace. My life before faith was lonely and meaningless. Now, through a strong faith in God, my life has purpose. What used to set me off no longer has that power over me, and life just seems so much easier to live. I know I can’t go back in time and have a new start, but with God’s guidance, I can build today towards a whole new ending. I have had so many mentors throughout my sobriety, and I’m quite certain that God put them in my life at just the right moments. When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear! I have always appreciated those sponsors and mentors that told me where to look, or guided me in the right direction, but always gave me the dignity of making my own mistakes and discoveries. Every one of us has our own journey in life that will be filled with hardships, lessons learned, and moments of jaw-dropping wonder, achievement, and enlightenment. My job is to be responsible, accountable and to take action, but I know I must leave the results and outcomes up to God. I don’t know Gods plan for my future, but I completely trust that it is better than my own.
Quote of the Day: "I continue to attend AA meetings because anything I know about recovery seems to have a shelf-life of 72 hours."
“The Bottom of the Glass,” Providence, Rhode Island, Grapevine, March 2009, Voices of Long-Term Sobriety
It never ceases to amaze me how well a meeting can set me back on track. I could have had the worst day possible, attend a meeting, and immediately gain that much needed laughter and perspective. The spirit of our fellowship is magical, and for me, it cures a bad attitude like nothing else. Meetings are a check-up from the neck-up. My first sponsor told me to go to meetings until I wanted to go to meetings, and I’m so thankful that he had that insight. Meetings not only assist our recovery, they give us a respite from our head. For that hour to hour and a half, I know a meeting is a safe haven from the chaos percolating between my ears. All too often, we can get overly self absorbed, which can be a formula for disaster for anyone. They say the smallest package in the world is an alcoholic all wrapped up in themselves. Meetings remind me of my primary purpose, and that is to be of service to others, which for me is the best way out of my own head. However, we can’t get complete recovery by just going to meetings; we need to work all sides of the triangle – Unity, Service, and Recovery. Today, I love the life AA has given me. AA is not my whole life, but it certainly has made my life whole. I know that I will always be a work in progress, and I love that AA has such a gentle way of encouraging and nurturing my continued emotional and spiritual growth.
Quote of the Day: "I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do."
Helen Keller
If we don’t get sober to live a full life, what’s the point? I firmly believe we have been given one of the greatest gifs of life, and that is one of limitless hope. After having survived a living hell before the program, I know that anything is possible. However, I also know that it is up to me to make the changes in my life if I want to become the person I hope to be. If nothing changes, nothing changes. We hear it all the time that, “If you keep doing what your doing, you’ll keep getting what you’ve got!” To quote Bugs Bunny, “If nothing is going right, try going left.” We have to become new people with new attitudes and perspectives. Flushing our old life, and the twisted way we viewed it, was essential to our recovery. As we garner our new found hope into achievement, we have to find the courage to begin. Every accomplishment starts with the commitment to try. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. The worst mistakes in life are not trying or just giving up. Every person that has ever succeeded in life leaves a trail of failure behind them. Show me someone who never tries, and I’ll show you someone who never accomplishes much. Thankfully, our program gives us the courage to stand up to the “doubters.” Others can slow us down temporarily, but we are the only ones that can dash our dreams forever. The AA circle and triangle is an amazing “dream catcher,” and all we have to do is believe in the program, the encouragement of the fellowship, and that spirit to achieve that waits patiently in all of us.
Quote of the Day: "Peace is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present you will never find it."
Thomas Merton
We get sober one day at a time, but we live life one moment at a time. All we really have is right here, right now. What happened in the past is unchangeable; no matter how hard we try, we can’t change the past. It’s pointless to worry about the past, and if we do, we are only taking away from today. The most we can possibly hope for when it comes to the past, is to see it as a learning experience, and ideally, try to find some level of acceptance. Sadly, we are all hard wired to wallow in guilt, shame and regret, so it takes a continual conscious effort to find that essential acceptance and subsequent peace with what we did or said. The same is true about worry of the future. Worrying about the future doesn’t take away tomorrow’s difficulties, it takes away today’s happiness. When we let our minds wander away from today, we are surely going to miss the small blessings life has to offer. Each moment in life presents us with opportunities to learn and grow. Being in the moment can give us much needed clarity, and a chance for us to pay ourselves a friendly visit each day. We can’t be good to ourselves if we aren’t present to be there to receive “the gift.” When we plant ourselves in today, life itself has an opportunity to become a spiritual experience. With the help of the fellowship, I hope I never miss another beautiful moment, loving experience, or God’s grace.
Quote of the Day: "I no longer feel isolated, alone or without purpose. I feel like life is going somewhere, and I don’t feel like I have to know where."
Concord, California, May 2012, “Weapons Down,”, AA Grapevine
Prior to the program, I wandered around life with no purpose, direction, or meaning. I had virtually no tools for living a healthy, happy life. All I had were survival instincts and selfish wants that generally ended up hurting me and anyone in my life. Taking any type of direction was a lost cause, and I would more often than not just do the opposite. As I reflect back, it’s no mystery to me to see how my life completely unraveled. I am so grateful that our program founders simplified everything for us in steps, traditions, the circle and triangle, and clever, yet profound, sayings and slogans. I am also thankful that the fellowship doesn’t try to jam anything down our throats. “Here are some suggestions for you to take or leave; it’s up to you.” Being the stubborn alcoholics we are, we usually have to learn things the hard way, and step on that landmine for ourselves. For me, the steps were an absolute game changer. They helped me find God, clean up the wreckage of my past, and to live through a set of spiritual principles. At times in my sobriety when I drifted away from the program and steps, my serenity suffered severely. Being sober and not working a program regularly, is a living hell. As my sponsor says, “You’re stark raving sober!” If I’m not actively applying the steps in my life, all my insanities come flying back with a vengeance. Today, I try to do all the things I did in early sobriety, including applying the program principles to my life. The steps keep me right sized, and I hope I never forget where I came from, and how much I have changed as a result of taking positive action.
Quote of the Day: "Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." Og Mandino
Before the program, I was convinced that happiness was a by-product of what we have. I truly thought that the more stuff you had, the happier you’d be. Sadly, I had a limited moral compass when it came to getting what I wanted, which usually led to stepping on others to get it. I now know that a walled off heart, or clenched fist, never receives anything of value. The program has taught me that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather to be thankful for what we do have. We don’t pray to get what we want; we pray to want what we get. It’s impossible to give without receiving, just as it is impossible to receive without giving. It’s counterintuitive to think we gain lasting happiness by giving to others, but that is were we truly find lasting contentment. Our hardwiring is directed towards self preservation and selfish desires, so being of complete service to others has to be a conscious and ongoing effort. The day we learn that life doesn’t happen to you, but instead, it happens for you, is the day we begin our odyssey of enlightenment. I am so grateful the program reminds me to focus on today, and that what I do today will undoubtedly improve all my tomorrows. The road to my happiness has been paved by helping others, and this simple principle has brought me a contentment I never thought possible. Kindness is contagious, and we are so blessed to be able to spread the love and care of the fellowship in all aspects of our lives.
Quote of the Day: "In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind there are few." Shunryu Suzuki
The moment I think, “I have this thing,” is the moment I’m on my way to a slip. I’ve learned a great deal over the years about our program, but I always seem to have a new revelation or epiphany at just the right moment. In fact, the wisdom we gain after we think we know it all is probably the most valuable knowledge we can gain. An open mind is one of the essentials of sobriety (p. 468), but it is also critical to our emotional and spiritual growth. Remaining teachable is a primary essence of humility, and a cornerstone of our recovery. I love that I’m able to hear and learn new things at every meeting I attend. When I moved to south Orange County from Los Angeles, I thought I had a firm handle about our program, God, and spirituality. I was new to the area and knew no one, so I felt like a newcomer, but this soon transcended into the realization that I had much to learn. This area is a mecca of recovery, and each room has pillars of sobriety that have continued a tradition and culture of serious healing through the steps, Big Book study, and deep spirituality. I was apprehensive to move here and leave my support group, but it ended up reenergizing my program of recovery. By maintaining an open mind, I have grown, learned, and changed so much. I hope I can sustain the necessary humility to remain teachable forever. Through continual learning, the program has stayed fresh in my heart, and for this, I am eternally grateful.
Quote of the Day: "For most of us, the first years of A.A. are something like a honeymoon. There is a new and potent reason to stay alive, joyful activity aplenty. For a time, we are diverted from the main life problems. That is all to the good. But when the honeymoon has worn off, we are obliged to take our lumps, like other people. This is where the testing starts. Maybe the group has pushed us onto the side lines. Maybe difficulties have intensified at home, or in the world outside. Then the old behavior patterns reappear. How well we recognize and deal with them reveals the extent of our progress."
As Bill Sees It, After the “Honeymoon,” p. 216
After the initial confusion and fog of entering our rooms in those first days of recovery, we all cross into different stages of a sobriety honeymoon. For some, this honeymoon lasts years, but for most, something happens early on that reminds us that life is in session. Another aspect of our changing moods in that first year is the onset of suppressed emotions. All those emotions that we had anesthetized for so long come rushing back. These emotional upheavals are nothing short of overwhelming, and we find ourselves breaking down over the smallest things. I’ve come to realize that these emotions are completely normal. Emotional pain is just fear leaving the body! One of the blessings of our program is that we can jump right back on the honeymoon flying carpet once that life challenge passes by. The more faith I developed, the more life seemed to flow without extended drama from conflict. Issues still came up, but they didn’t seem to impact me as much as they used to. So, our realm of being in a sobriety honeymoon is dependent on our spirituality, which also has a direct correlation to our attitudes and perspectives on life. Each day we are faced with a decision to live in faith, gratitude, acceptance, and hope, but it’s up to us to make that spiritual and emotional choice.
Quote of the Day: "Still goaded by sheer necessity, we reluctantly come to grips with those serious character flaws that made problem drinkers of us in the first place, flaws which must be dealt with to prevent a retreat into alcoholism once again. We will want to be rid of some of these defects, but in some instances this will appear to be an impossible job from which we recoil. And we cling with a passionate persistence to others (defects, such as pride and ego) which are just as disturbing to our equilibrium, because we still enjoy them too much." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 73
There is very little explanation or direction in our Big Book on the 6th and 7th steps except for asking for the willingness and then saying the 7th step prayer. There is however, throughout the Big Book, many examples of how self and our character flaws caused discomfort in our lives. For me, seeing how my character defects negatively impact my life was critical to any hope of finding peace and serenity. If I am truly honest with myself, I can see how every time I am in discomfort, I can trace it back to some character defect that I let get the best of me. Being aware that these shortcomings exist and have a debilitating effect on us, is the first step in mitigating them in the future. To minimize our shortcomings, it is also vital to see the connection to step 3. When we turn our “will” over to the care of God, we are turning over our “self-will.” Our self-will are all of our character defects. “God’s will” are the opposites of all our character defects (ex. Dishonesty = self-will; Honesty = God’s will). So, that daily surrender to turn our will over to the care of God is directly related to our character defects, how we will conduct ourselves that day, and the comfort level we may experience.
Quote of the Day: "Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden, where the flowers are all dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring." Oscar Wilde
I am so grateful that I am entrenched in a fellowship that encourages so much love and support. When I walk into a room of AA, I often take a moment to let the feeling of love and genuine care wash over me. I may not even know you, but I know we share a common experience and commitment to recovery. This instant connection is the beginning of a blossoming friendship and the seeds to love and true caring for each other. Having taken the steps that allowed me to shed the negative perceptions of myself and others, my heart has been opened to find the good in others. Realizing we are all God’s children has also been a blessing, and a bridge to allowing love in all areas of my life. Genuine care and kindness is one of the purest expressions of love, and life presents us with endless opportunities to tap into this limitless emotion. When filled with love for others, it’s impossible to be controlled by hate or anger. Our deepening faith and spirituality is also central to allowing love in our hearts. As our perception of life softens, so too does our perception of others. We are all on this journey together, and I firmly believe God’s intention for us is to learn, grow, and nurture the love that is in all of us.
, Have another wonderful sober day.