Quote of the Day: "The inner energy that is love connects all the parts of us - our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual selves."
“Powerful Simplicity,” California, March 1984, Emotional Sobriety II
There are many forms of love, but the love in our fellowship may be one of the purest. Whether it’s a warm smile and handshake from a greeter, kind encouragement, or hugs from our fellowship friends, the love of AA is unmistakable. The love in our program comes in many shapes and sizes, but it always seems to be there when we need it most. I had to learn the hard way that I shouldn’t expect affirmation from work or anywhere else outside the program; if I allow it, our fellowship will give me all the love and affirmation I need. Before the program, I would not have thought that laughter was a form of love, but now that I have experienced it in our rooms, I see it as a loving form of healing. I often try to settle in before a meeting, and try to tap into the spirituality created by your loving energy. When I do this, I feel the interconnectedness of all of us. I’m not sure if it’s the recognition that we are all God’s kids, or if it’s the overflowing spirituality within all of us, but I know and sense that extraordinary energy. So often in my sober life, I have been able to step back and simply say to myself, “I almost missed this!” Without the program, and without the love of the fellowship, I would have been doomed to a life of darkness and despair. With you, I have been able to experience things I never thought possible and an overwhelming love that defies description.
Quote of the Day: "Change is the characteristic of all growth. From drinking to sobriety, from dishonesty to honesty, from conflict to serenity, from hate to love, from childish dependence to adult responsibility – all this and infinitely more represent change for the better. . . Only God is unchanging; only He has all the truth there is."
As Bill Sees It, p. 76
Needless to say, most of us coming into the fellowship need to make drastic changes in what we had become. Our moral compasses were virtually nonexistent, and the lines between right and wrong became blurred beyond recognition. We lived double lives, and honesty became an inconvenience. If we were responsible in any way, it was usually to put up a front, or just a way to continue our active addictions. Everything we were, and everything we did, had selfish motives. For most of us, our pathetic lives created relentless self-loathing voices in our heads. Coming into the program, we are told we only need to change one thing – everything! When we became willing enough to change, and we opened our hearts to a spiritual solution, our gradual transformations astonishingly unfolded. If we don’t change, our sobriety dates surely will. Only fools and the dead never change. As we take this journey to find whom we really are, we slowly become that person we were always intended to be. Growth in recovery is like a parking meter; it requires lots of change. Thankfully, there is very little left of that pathetic person I was when I first got sober, and through change, I found peace. Only through deep introspection and a total evolution of old thoughts and ideas can we find that quiet place of complete self acceptance.
Quote of the Day: "When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul!"
Rabbi Harold Kushner
Before the program, the thought of a spiritual way of living never crossed my mind. In fact, I related spirituality only to religious dogma and ritual. To me, religion, God, and spirituality were all synonymous. I am so thankful that the program guided me through the maze of misconceptions I had created about God and spirituality. Quite simply, spirituality is a way of living a life of service, humility, care, and kindness. It certainly contains faith in God, but spirituality is more of how we live our lives on a daily basis, and how we interact with others. Building our spiritual bank by being kind and loving to others is without question the most important thing we can do to protect us from that first drink, but it can become so much more. At first, we incorporate spirituality in our lives to stay sober, but it inevitably transcends into a direct path to overwhelming gratitude. Spirituality can completely change your perspective on life. I relate so much to our saying that, I opened two gifts from God this morning my eyes Recently, after completing his 5th step, someone I worked with commented that the world seemed to have just opened up. This too was my experience with taking the steps. It was as if I had lived life in black, white and grey, and then I came out of the darkness into a world of God’s splendor. Life itself can become a spiritual experience if we allow it, and all we have to do is to open our hearts and minds to the wonders and beauty around us.
Quote of the Day: "Leave the mind in its natural, undisturbed state. Don’t follow thoughts of “This is a problem, that is a problem!” Without labeling difficulties as problems, leave your mind in its natural state. In this way, you will stop seeing miserable conditions as problems."
Lama Zopa Rinpoche
The paths in life will have many difficulties and hurdles, but we soon discover that these challenges are the paths to spiritual growth. I would not wish the misery I experienced in my active addiction on anyone, but I now know it had to happen exactly that way to get me to whom and where I am today. When life obstacles come up today, instead of immediately hitting the panic button, I try to calm myself, usually do some self reflection, and try to accept this as an opportunity to grow. When those I work with call with life challenges and drama, I walk them through their part, but often end with, “Congratulations, you’re knocking on the door of a spiritual experience.” One thing is certain, and that is – What we think upon, grows! If we dwell on negativity, that will magnify in our minds. If we let our mind project out too far, we can turn a little issue into a perceived overwhelming and crushing problem. The most any of us can handle is what is in front of us right here, right now. What happens tomorrow is not real yet, and besides, we have no business trying to control outcomes and expectations; we surrender this to God each morning, when we turn our life (results) over to our Higher Power. For many of us, financial worries become our biggest “problems.” Ironically, if you think money can solve the problem, it wasn’t really a problem. Money costs too much! If we have faith that God’s plan for us is better than our own, life challenges don’t seem to be so daunting.
Quote of the Day: "When special feelings come your way, let them flow into your heart. When miracles try to find you, don’t hide. When special people come along, let them know what a blessing they are. Let your smiles begin way down, deep inside."
Collin McCarthy
When I reflect back to when I was still drinking, it saddens me to realize how much of life I squandered. Viewing life through a pessimistic and cynical outlook placed a veil of gloom over everything I experienced. I missed out on so much of what life had to offer. There have been many benefits of coming into the fellowship, but an open mind to the virtues and blessings in life have been one of its greatest gifts. Like so many others, I had shut down and suppressed my feelings with alcohol and other crutches. Being able to have and express emotions, especially for men that are taught to hold them back, has been challenging and painful, but every bit worth feeling. There are very few experiences better than being able to freely love others. From the love of the program comes an awareness of “God shots” that can stop us in our tracks. Is it odd, or is it God? I choose God. If we allow it, spiritual experiences will present themselves throughout our daily lives, but it often takes a quiet mind and peaceful heart to see them. I am so grateful to all the men and women that came before me in the program that modeled a new and beautiful way of living life on a spiritual path. I believe in angels, and I’m quite certain the rooms of AA are filled with them.
Quote of the Day: "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong, too. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? And shouldn’t we be properly angry with self-righteous folks? For us of A.A., these adventures in anger are sometimes very dangerous. We have found that even justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it."
12 & 12, p. 90
Anger, which is just another level of resentment, is one of our most debilitating character defects. Without the program, I would have had no awareness that my anger was only hurting me, and pushing people out of my life. Having to be right all the time was exhausting! However, knowing anger only hurts me, and trying to control it, are two distinctly different things. Overcoming our human nature, which relentlessly draws us to our self-centeredness, is a constant battle. People can be annoying, wrong or overbearing, but no matter how hard we try, we can’t change others. I can’t think of one occasion, and there have been many, that my anger ever helped the situation. On the contrary, my anger usually inflamed the situation and ultimately led to some form of an amends. Thankfully, the program gives us so many tools to deal with anger and resentment. For me, it had to start with the awareness that anger and resentments had such a debilitating impact on me, which only came after thoroughly taking steps 4-7. Life becomes so much easier to live when we stop fighting everyone and everything. Practicing God’s will, which is the opposite of our character defects, can be our saving grace, and one of the best ways to find lasting contentment, peace, and serenity.
Quote of the Day: "In each of our lives, for whatever reason, there are times that we are faced with things that just don’t make sense to us. And the more we struggle to understand our hardships, the less any of it makes sense. I have found that in every challenge and obstacle that we are faced with there can be good that can come from it. While it’s almost never easy to identify, I assure you that it is there lying dormant just waiting for us to release it. I urge everyone to spend your days looking for positives in your life."
Josh Hinds
I would not want to have anyone go through the anguish and agony of addiction, but that is what it took for me to open my heart and mind to spirituality. Only though this deep pain did I gain the necessary willingness to change my life. Now, many years later, I clearly recognize the immense value in walking through hardships. The most profound and indelible life lessons usually arise from difficulties or pain. Pain and suffering are an Alcoholics best friend, because they are the only things sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego. No one likes being in discomfort, but this too shall pass, and when we get to the other side, there is usually that cathartic realization of a life lesson learned. Of course, there may be times that the reason does not surface immediately, and at those moments, we would be wise to lean back into our faith and trust that God’s plans have always been better than our own. As we walk through each difficult situation, we gain a little more faith. After awhile, our faith grows to the point of complete acceptance, and we come to understand that everything will be alright. I feel so blessed that our fellowship has walked me through so many challenging issues, and through them, I have developed a faith that makes life so much easier to appreciate.
Quote of the Day: "Most of us do follow, in our personal lives, the Twelve suggested Steps to recovery … We do this from choice. We prefer recovery to death. Then, little by little, we … conform because we want to." Bill W., The Language of the Heart
In the beginning, we work the steps, but it doesn’t take long before the steps start working us. As we make that conscious decision to practice the principles of the steps in our daily lives, we begin that amazing transformation into becoming the best version of ourselves. I don’t really think about it, but if someone asks me what step I am working, my answer should be, All of them! The longer I stay sober, the more I see that each step is interconnected and related. It’s a package deal, and when taken in a holistic approach, the steps intertwine into a beautiful mosaic and healthy way to live life. I am so thankful that our program has given us the steps to a life of joy and contentment, and I am just as grateful that I have been given the gift to show others these keys to the kingdom. I firmly believe an honest effort at taking the steps will help you get and stay sober, so it pains me to see others find excuses to drag their feet on this life-threatening proposition. Taking the steps is not a race, but it should be methodical and without delay. There is no reason to impede your happiness, which is why Dr. Bob took over 5,000 people through all 12 steps before they even left the hospital. I heard in a meeting that, The definition of insanity is: Belonging to a 12 step program and not practicing the 12 steps. So, take a walk with God; He will meet you at the steps.
Quote of the Day: "Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that draws it. Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves."
Dhammapada
We are what we think, do and feel. What we think, and what we do, are completely up to us. What we think and do will dictate how we feel. So, our existence is ultimately shaped by what we think. What we think also becomes our perception, and our perception becomes our reality. If we are honest with ourselves, we can readily see that life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can’t possibly have a positive life with a negative mind; yet we slip into self-pity regularly by making excuses for not doing something we know we should/can do. Sadly, negative thoughts and emotions tend to magnify more easily then a positive outlook, so a conscious decision to try to be optimistic, or live in a mindset of gratitude, is essential. Having an awareness that our thoughts and feelings can so actively multiply in our heads, we can catch ourselves and try to switch gears to more positive thoughts, such as acceptance, or what we can do for others. For me, it is just as critical to “act as if,” and that usually starts with open body language and a smile. They say that we are not fully dressed without a smile, and I love that this simple gesture can be so infectious. Laughter is also transmittable and mood healing, which is why we love the levity at meetings so much. Our attitudes, positive or negative, are contagious, so we need to ask ourselves, “Is mine worth catching?”
Quote of the Day: "Sometimes, when friends tell us how well we are doing, we know better inside. We know we aren’t doing well enough. We still can’t handle life, as life is. There must be a serious flaw somewhere in our spiritual practice and development. What, then, is it? The chances are better than even that we shall locate our trouble in our misunderstanding or neglect of A.A.'s Step Eleven prayer, meditation and the guidance of God. The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing, if we try hard and work at it continually."
As Bill Sees It, The Step That Keeps Us growing, p.264
This passage in “As Bill Sees It” resonates with me on so many levels. It is clear that Bill still struggled with life, even though most people put him up on a pedestal. Life is in session, and hardship and down periods are inevitable for all of us. When these challenges arise, we would be wise to lean back into the program and to use our spiritual bank account. Just as life can be expected to throw us curve balls, so too can we expect that the answer lies deep within our spirituality. Whenever life slaps me in the face, I know I can always find solace in prayer and meditation. In prayer we ask the questions, and in meditation, we hear the answers. God’s whispers always seem so calming, and I can’t help but feel everything will be alright. Building faith takes time and life experiences, but it is one of the best journeys anyone can benefit from. Living in Step 11 can be one of the most influential ways one can grow emotionally and spiritually, and we owe it all to the fellowship.
Quote of the Day: "My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements."
Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 13 - 14
When you read the interaction between Ebby Thatcher and Bill Wilson on pages 13 and14, it is clear that Ebby was walking Bill through all twelve steps, even before the twelve steps existed. Ebby’s experience with the Oxford group had led him to a path of spirituality that provided relief from his chronic alcoholism, and he was rightfully excited to share this with his old drinking buddy. Bill had already given up on religion and God when it came to his drinking, but he could sense the enthusiasm in his old friend. In a moment of divine intervention, Ebby recommended that Bill find a Higher Power of his own understanding. This simple and universal suggestion became the genesis and foundation of the healing spirituality within our fellowship. Bill was soon to have a remarkable spiritual experience, and he never took another drink. So many of us have had similar experiences when it comes to finding and developing spirituality, but it is truly dependent on our ability to be honest, willing and teachable. There are many gifts of the program, but none greater than the gift of a loving relationship with a Higher Power of our own understanding.
Quote of the Day: "The beauty of sobriety is that sometimes I am the one supported, and other times the one supporting. One act helps destroy my ego, the other my self-centeredness. I need to practice both actions if I want to survive"
“Self-Support,” Los Angeles, California, July 2007, No Matter What: Dealing with Adversity in Sobriety
If we give more than we get, we will get more than we give. Before the program, this was a concept I didn’t understand. It seemed counterintuitive to think we would get more by giving more, but that has become a guiding principle in my recovery. The simple axiom that we can’t keep it unless we give it away is so telling. Giving of oneself can be the key to lasting contentment, but this philosophy is one that we usually grow into slowly. At first, it is essential for us to be willing to accept help. For most of us, especially men, asking for and accepting help is foreign and very uncomfortable. Once we see the true altruistic nature in kind gestures from others in the program, we also begin to see that this may be something we too could do. When we’re down, we know we need a meeting. When we are fired up about life, the meetings need us. The fellowship is a “we” program, and it is so encouraging to know we have an army of love just waiting for us when we need it most. One alcoholic helping another alcoholic is the hallmark of our recovery, but this transcends into so much more. Churchill said it best when he said, “We make a living on what we get, but we make a life on what we give!”
Quote of the Day: "Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. His recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God, however he may define Him." Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 99-100
We learn early on, usually the hard way, that is essential to get sober for ourselves. Family, jobs, or incarceration may be contributing factors, but none of those will sustain sobriety without a complete personal commitment by the individual to change their own life. No one else can get us sober, and no one else can make us pick up. The moment we think that our recovery is contingent on anything but our own willingness and action, that is the moment we are headed for a relapse. Besides, our families are usually done with us. When it comes to family, the damage we invoked is usually so destructive, it takes a long time to build back all that broken trust. Trust is like a book; it takes years to write, but we can burn it in a day. Actions, not words, are the primary factors in building back trust from loved ones. Once we learn and accept that our recovery depends on no one but ourselves, the spiritual journey of healing can commence. We are never alone in our fellowship, and a helping hand is only an arms length away, but it is always up to us to make the effort to accept this loving kindness. The program can give guidance, but our spiritual journey is a personal one, and we all must find what works best for us.
Quote of the Day: "Being rich isn’t about money. Being rich is a state of mind. Some of us, no matter how much money we have, will never be free enough to take time to stop and eat the heart of the watermelon. And some of us will be rich without ever being more than a paycheck ahead of the game."
Harvey B. Mackay
Being raised very poor and on public assistance my entire childhood (I was the food stamp kid), I always thought money and possessions would solve all my problems. Society also indoctrinates us into believing that we’re a failure without a high paying job and materialistic gain. Placing our own value on how much we have, or don’t have, can become a prison of our own twisted perception. Not having enough becomes feeling like you’re not enough. For me, some of my addiction stemmed directly from the inadequacies I fostered from being poor; these were memories I wanted to blot out. In the fog of my addiction, I created different personas, and as the book states, I was “living a double life.” It was so encouraging to come into a fellowship in which we leave our careers and status at the door. In the rooms, we are all equals, just trying to recover and find contentment. Our program emphasizes introspection of our emotions and actions, not how much money we can acquire. Money costs too much; it will suck the soul right out of you! The moment I realized that happiness was truly an inside job, was the moment my spiritual recovery started. As I got more active in the program and committed myself to helping others, I couldn’t help but feel I was gaining riches I never knew existed. The rooms of AA are filled with rich people, and I love that these emotional and spiritual titans enthusiastically welcome us to join them on there journey of discovery.
Quote of the Day: "Nothing could be sadder than to lose touch with ourselves in recovery; to have our connection to our Higher Power blocked by resentment; to be governed by old ideas we are only dimly aware of and that hold us back; or to be reduced by our fears to living sequestered from life. For the sunlight of the spirit to enter, the window must be kept clean, so the light can pour through."
“Safety Valve,” New York, NY, Grapevine, October 2010, Step By Step
Our Book tells us that alcohol is but a symptom, we need to get down to the “causes and conditions.” So what are those causes and conditions? For me, it is all the baggage we carry into the program that we are able to process by thoroughly taking steps 4-10. Most of us come to learn and understand that the baggage we process in the steps are all spiritual blockages. We may think we have a connection to our Higher Power, but we can’t keep a maximum connection with God until we fully clear away all those things festering in our head, primarily the wreckage of our past and damage inflicted by our character defects. If we are honest with ourselves, we can also see that our spiritual blockages prevent us from having complete and healthy relationships with others. It is human nature to build defense mechanism, or walls around our hearts and minds, to protect us from being hurt. If we trust the process, the steps are a great way of breaking down those walls, one brick at a time. I know that my early sobriety was contingent on my spiritual progress; now I know that spirituality is the most vital factor for me living sober and having a peaceful and happy life.
Quote of the Day: "The slogans are simple things … these AA tranquilizers do not solve our problems, but they can calm us down, remind us of a better way to proceed, and perhaps even put us in a mood to make better decisions."
“Using the Slogans,” Grapevine, New York, November 1958
They say that our slogans and sayings are the “handrails to the steps,” and just like any stairwell, you sometimes have to hold on tight or risk a tumble down the stairs. The slogans and sayings were a game changer for me in early sobriety. I couldn’t wrap my head around everything being read or said, but I could hang onto simple catchy phrases. Alcoholics are very clever and witty, so simplifying direction through sayings was a great way of making a lasting impression on me. Reaching out and accepting help came more easily after I heard, “Your mind is like a bad neighborhood; you never want to go in there all alone.” I also had initial reservations about religion and God in early sobriety until I heard, “Religion is for people that are afraid to go to hell; spirituality is for people that have been there.” I later realized I had a fear based child’s perception of God, and I needed a healthy adult’s understanding of an all-loving and all-forgiving God. Another significant saying for me was, “Don’t let people live rent free in your head.” I was a ball of resentment and anger, and I had entire cities living rent free in my head. In order to get sober and find any degree of peace, I needed to evict all that hate from my head. We all have our favorite saying and slogans, and I love that we get to pass these along to the next generations in our fellowship.
Quote of the Day: "Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 102
In early sobriety, as we are still drifting around on our pink cloud, chipping in to be of service at meetings comes easy. We are so excited about the possibility of staying sober, and the many prospects that could open up in our lives. As time passes, and the honeymoon period begins to fade, service work feels less important. This rut is a pitfall that could easily cost us our lives. The backbone of our fellowship is being of service and helping others, and without this element, we are surely doomed to a horrible relapse. If you want to go fast, walk alone; if you want to go far, walk with others. Have you ever noticed that those people with long term sobriety are all still actively in service? Successful people look for ways to help others; those that fail are always asking, “What’s in it for me?” We help others unconditionally, not because of whom they are, but because of whom we are or want to become. It is clear from the history of treating alcoholism that the essential component of our program, “one alcoholic helping another,” is the linchpin of lasting recovery. I know with complete certainty that “the road to my happiness is paved by helping others.” It’s also clear that our peace and serenity are directly proportional to our spirituality. My peace and serenity are an extension of my spirituality, and that spirituality is built on how willing I am to completely give myself to others. Where do you find your peace and serenity?
Quote of the Day: "Only by accepting my powerlessness over alcohol did I begin to discover the powers that alcohol had obliterated: God, health, truth, love, nature, fellowship, humor, creativity, and even simple daily kindness."
“In Your Bones,” Grapevine, Barrington, Illinois, June 2007
I’m not sure where I would be without sobriety and the fellowship, but I’m fairly certain I would have died a long time ago after years of darkness and self hatred. Words can’t really express how grateful I am on a daily basis for all the gifts of our program. Next to deep faith and a commitment to spirituality, I think a complete change in my life perspective has been one of the most valued benefits from our fellowship. Thankfully, there is very little left of whom I was when I first got sober; it’s as if I see life with a new set of eyes. The program process can completely change how we look at life, our perspective, and our attitudes. As we trudge through our recovery, we often forget how alone and miserable we were in our active addiction. Our new way of living becomes so ingrained, we start to take small blessings for granted like true friendships, camaraderie, laughter, and genuine love. One thing that always brings me back to a place of gratitude is to see newcomers that come into our fellowship completely beaten down, confused, and frightened; we were all there, and we know all too well the deep pain of hitting bottom. If we trust the process and stay long enough for the miracles to unfold in our lives, we can get to the place where we can honestly say, “I love life, this program, and all of you."
Have yourself a great day.