Quote of the Day: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition aspired, and success achieved."
Helen Keller
When I came into the program, I heard people share that they were grateful alcoholics. As I was just coming out of a complete nightmare and prison of addiction, I couldn’t believe anyone could possibly be happy about being an alcoholic. Now, I fully understand the concept of being a grateful alcoholic. It was so necessary for us to have complete pain and desperation in order to get to a point of willingness to change virtually everything in our lives, most notably our perception of ourselves and others. Pain and suffering are an alcoholic’s best friend, because they are the only things sharp enough to cut through our pride and ego! As we shed the debris and baggage of our past, our self esteem and confidence continue to grow. If we are committed to the process, we become whom we are supposed to be, or whom we were always meant to be. As I look back on my recovery, it’s clear that pain subsides once it’s done teaching me a lesson. Throughout sobriety, and especially in times of uncertainty, I remind myself that discomfort builds courage, and emotional pain is just fear leaving my body. I will be eternally grateful to the AA program for building the person I am today. Today, I am a grateful alcoholic.
Quote of the Day: "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone — even alcohol."
AA, p. 84
Prior to the program, most of our default reactions were to arch up at every little conflict or confrontation. It didn’t matter how big or small the issue; we had to be right. After taking the steps, especially steps 4 and 5, we learn that we usually had a part in the issue, and our reactions were often completely overblown. How refreshing it was to find out that I didn’t have to show up for every fight in which I was invited! If we refuse to engage, the issue is usually diffused quickly, and the other person is left astonished by a lack of response. If I’m honest with myself, those who anger me, conquer me, and I’ve let them hijack my emotional well being. Instead of inciting confrontation, what we have learned is to hit the pause button, and then ask God to direct our thoughts and actions. Life becomes infinitely easier when we find an outlet for our anger, an anger that usually originates from deeper emotional issues or past trauma. Anger lurks within, usually stemming from our insecurities, but we are hesitant to accept this reality. As our frustrations grow from the circumstances we face today, we would be wise to reach deep into our spiritual toolbox and lean back into our faith, and trust that God didn’t take us this far to abandon us. How blessed we are to have a program that heals our damaged spirit and guides us to a healthier and happier way to live.
Quote of the Day: "To those of you who walk in front of me in time, thank you for your time and patience. To those of you who walk behind me in time, I’m glad you’ve joined us in this newfound life. To those that have not yet arrived or have left for a time: we will keep a seat, a cup of coffee, and lots of love waiting for you."
A Seat, a Cup of Coffee, and Lots of Love," Voices of Long-Term Sobriety
The fellowship in our program is nothing short of amazing. We have a home and family in which everyone has standing and importance. We are all in various stages of recovery, yet we all readily reach out to each other to share our journeys. We don’t shoot our wounded and welcome everyone back that goes out to test their disease. We know that could be us, and we recognize and honor, “But for the grace of God go I.” It’s quite remarkable to see all walks of life and generations interacting with so much kindness and support for each other. What we have are rooms full of gratitude and love that invariably energizes our life and spirit. Like the quote, I too thank all those before me, all those beside me, and all those that are on their way to join us on this “Broad Highway” to a better life and God-consciousness.
Note - from the 5th Step promises on page 75: “We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.” Also, page 55, “…if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway.”
Quote of the Day: "Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives."
As Bill Sees It, Daily Acceptance, p. 44
Our struggles invariably come from our lack of acceptance of whatever circumstance vexes us. We get uncomfortable, because we aren’t getting something we want, or we’re not getting our way. We have tantrums when we can’t control the uncontrollable, which is virtually everything outside of ourselves. It’s ridiculous that we continually, and unhealthily, bang the high chair to excess and drive ourselves into an emotional battlefield. We all do it, which is crazy considering all the tools we are given in this program. The first and simplest tool is the Serenity Prayer, which we say so often. Sadly, we robotically say prayers to the point they lose their meaning and become merely lip service rather than a beautiful answer to our dilemma. Another tool is reading page 417 (4th edition), and slowly digesting this spiritual message. We can also share with our sponsor, share at a meeting, or pray and meditate to find some degree of acceptance. It is also very clear in our text, and practical experience, that reaching out and helping others is the best way out of a selfish mindset. The answer - give of yourself with no expectation of anything in return. I so love the simplicity of this program.
Quote of the Day: "In God’s economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is."
As Bill Sees It, In God’s Economy, p. 31
We can’t possibly believe that things will always go our way, yet we throw a fit every time something doesn’t turn out the way “we” planned. When things go sideways, we should learn to adapt and adjust, and generally speaking, we are usually fine with the new outcome. But our initial frustrations are not wasted in this process. In fact, we grow more from pain and frustration than virtually anything else. Our program teaches us to continue to put one foot in front of the other, and leave the results up to our Higher Power. When we turn our will and life over to the care of God in our morning 3rd step surrender, the “life” portion is turning over expectations, outcomes, and results; we are still responsible for the footwork, but we can’t get wrapped up in how it turns out. From years of sober experiences, I now know God’s plan is much better than my own little myopic and narrow minded outlook. Experiencing frustrations in life often builds character and humility, qualities we should all strive towards. So, we can embrace each day, and all that it has to offer, and know that even in failure, we are gaining much needed humility.
Quote of the Day: "When my life bottomed out, I had a bedroom of inspirational, self-help, recovery and motivational books. I was under the mistaken notion that, through lofty and insightful knowledge; I could ‘lift out’ of my disease. Instead, God allowed calamity, which led to agony. And it has been this pain which has delivered me so far. My sponsor once said, 'I’d like to believe that it would be a noble ‘light’ that would move me forward, but actually, it had to be a flame-thrower up my ass." Anonymous AA Member
Nearly all of us come into the program believing we needed to “learn” how to drink normally or “learn” how to stay sober. We had the delusion that self knowledge would be the answer. We wrongfully thought that all we needed were the playbook or answers to the test. It wasn’t long before we realized that we had “alcoholism” not “analyzism.” Our program is not a program of analysis; it’s a program of action. An ounce of action is worth more than a ton of assumption and speculation. “We can’t think our way into right living, we have to live our way into right thinking.” Our program isn’t for people that need it or want it; it’s for people that do it! Purposeful action is also key and creates opportunities, but never mistake meaningless motion for action. People learn in different ways. Some learn by being taught, while others learn by being shown. We alcoholics have to pee on the electric fence for ourselves, usually more than once. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Quote of the Day: "There will be love and laughter and a delicious sense of well-being down deep inside if you will abandon yourself to the business of recovery – not just recovery from the disease of active alcoholism, but deeper than that, recovery from a former self."
“There Can Be Love and Laughter,” Spiritual Awakenings II
Only one thing changes when we dedicate ourselves to the principles and practice of the program - “Everything!” Before we entered the rooms of AA, our spiritual malady ran deep within us and permeated all layers of our life. We were riddled with self doubt, self pity, self hatred and many other forms of self-centeredness. Then we enter the rooms, and we begin this beautiful transformation into a completely new way of life. Our laughter comes back, we gain a new sense of belonging, and we begin to focus more on others than ourselves. I am so thankful that you loved me until I could love myself; you literally loved me back to health. I am also very thankful for you teaching me that laughter was healing, and one of the most beautiful sounds of recovery. It’s quite remarkable to think that the mere act and commitment to help others would be so life changing. There is very little left of the old me, and for that, I will forever be grateful to our beloved fellowship.
Quote of the Day: "I’m usually about eighty percent of the problem - well, maybe sixty percent, but the major part, you can bet on that. If I can leave out the largest percent (me), there is hardly any problem at all!"
Houston, TX, June 1976, Emotional Sobriety: The Next Frontier
I used to say I was “temperamental,” 90% temper and 10% mental. If we honestly look at when we are down, angry, frustrated or any negative feeling, our twisted thought patterns are at the center. Our uneasiness is usually the result of not getting what we want, or fear that we will lose something we have. As this quote eludes, if we take self out of the equation, the problem dissipates or disappears all together. A primary answer is in the 3rd Step Prayer. “Relieve me of the bondage of self.” That could be one of the most powerful statements in our program. But how do we get there? It’s easy: Help others and “self” gets lost in the act of caring for another person. Self-will, which consists of all our character defects, will always let us down; the spiritual principles of the program never will. Instead of complicating life, it would be so much easier for us to use the spiritual kit of tools laid at our feet. A true gift of this program is the simple act of helping others being the answer to so many of our troubles.
Quote of the Day: "To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.”
As Bill Sees It, Faith and Action, p. 212
We have all witnessed many people “go out” that don’t fully embrace the principles of this simple program. The lucky ones make it back with a new found humility, and hopefully, more willingness. Unfortunately, most don’t, and they are sentenced to a life of misery before the inevitable horrific alcoholic death. There are others that hang on the fringe of the program, and they can stay sober for a while, but eventually, they will sadly go out too. We also can’t get this gift of sobriety by just sitting in meetings. Sitting in meetings without a sponsor and applying the steps to your life is like a dog running on a slick floor; a bunch of motion, but not going anywhere! Are you truly in a 12-step program, if you’re not using the 12-steps in your life? Make no mistake, this is a program of daily action. We can’t let the life AA gave us, get in the way of our AA life. Fully embracing the entire recovery package takes sacrifice and committed unselfishness. Setting aside our petty desires is essential to our humility and recovery. We simply can’t keep this thing unless we give it away. Today, I will not rest on my laurels, but instead, I will take contrary action and do something to enhance my recovery.
Quote of the Day: "In AA’s Eleventh Step I find that I build today the road I travel tomorrow."
Binghamton, N.Y., April 1968, “The Old Fear Had To Go” AA Grapevine
A primary reason for taking the steps is to develop and improve our conscious contact with God. First, we have to define a Higher Power of our own understanding and nurture that faith until we can turn our will and life over to God’s care. We then remove all those spiritual blockages we carry through life by taking Steps 4-10. Once we clear away the debris of our past, we gain a clear path to a fulfilling relationship with God and others. As we practice the 11th Step in our daily lives, we are building essential reserves in our spiritual bank. Our spirituality not only grows from prayer and meditation, it also grows exponentially from expressing care and kindness towards others throughout the day. We know we are all only an arms length away from a drink, so we better hope our spiritual bank has reserves to draw from. Is your spiritual ATM showing “insufficient funds?” I have faith tomorrow will be kind to me, because I’ve done the work yesterday, and I will try today. Whatever happens in life, I know I can tap into my spiritual bank to get me to a place of faith, peace and acceptance.
Quote of the Day: "The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves."
AA, p. 25
When we first came into the program, so many of us fought the idea that a Higher Power could have anything to do with our daily lives. Nor did we believe that a Higher Power could or would relieve our addiction. Thankfully, we were so beat up by life that we were willing to open our minds to the potential and existence of a God that could possibly help us. It doesn’t take long for us to recognize the undeniable miracles unfolding before us in those members that have completely transformed their lives through spiritual principles. Then, as our belief and faith grew, we began to understand and see the blessings unwrap in front of us each day. The more we let our God into our hearts, the more our perception about life changed for the better. Now, I can’t imagine a life without a strong belief and trust in God. Since I truly came to believe in a Higher Power, and I turned my will and life over to the care of God, my life has become infinitely easier to live and much more fulfilling. As my first grand sponsor used to say to me every time he saw me, "Don’t leave one second before the miracle!
Quote of the Day: "Peace is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present, you will never find it."
Thomas Merton
We don’t drink one day at a time, but we should also try to live life one day at a time. When we focus on the future, or dwell about the past, we are completely missing what is actually happening in our lives today. On the other hand, when we try to live in the moment, we can maximize our appreciation for life’s daily blessings. I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience, so when I live in the moment, I feel the spiritual connection of everything and everyone around me. It allows me to shape my day with a positive attitude and perception. As a poem published in the Grapevine once said, “I hope when today becomes yesterday, my regrets will be few, and when tomorrow becomes today, my memories will be pleasant.” Each day is an amazing opportunity to learn and practice love and kindness towards others, but we should also be kind to ourselves. If I live in the moment and allow a deepening spiritual perception of life and God’s universe, I know inner peace will be there waiting for me.
Quote of the Day: "As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63 (portion of the 3rd Step Promises)
Our commitment to fully take the 3rd Step is the beginning of a remarkable journey. As we tap into a power greater than ourselves, we begin to see life completely different. For the first time in many years, we begin to discover a sense of serenity that we never thought possible. Our nightmare of drinking and using turns into a semblance of a normal existence free of chaos and drama. Many of us see an overwhelming positive change in our lives immediately, but we all eventually see those changes if we stay committed to this program of action. Taking the 3rd Step and making that daily morning surrender is a powerful tool in finding peace in our lives. Quite simply, a strong belief in a Higher Power just makes life easier to live. When we accept a spiritual perspective, we also begin to accept life on life’s terms. We are still responsible and accountable for the action, but the outcomes are left up to God. I cherish the 3rd Step and all that it has to offer; it has made me a better person, and it has provided me peace of mind that I never thought imaginable.
Quote of the Day:"The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy."
-Thich Nhat Hanh-
There was an awkward young boy walking home from school one day with all his books, and some older bullies started picking on him. Another young man, who happened to be very popular at school, witnessed this cruelty and intervened to stop it. He helped the young boy pick up his books and walked him home offering kind words of encouragement; he had found a friend for life. That awkward young boy grew up to be a very good athlete and was given an award at his graduation for being the best scholar-athlete in the school. He didn’t thank his teachers or coaches, but instead, he thanked the young man that stopped some bullies from beating him up one afternoon. He described what a profound impact his kind words had on him that day. He said that he was in a very dark place and had planned on ending his life and sadness that afternoon. After the popular young man kindly stepped in to help him, it changed his entire perspective on life, and he no longer felt he had to end his emotional pain. That awkward young boy went on to have an amazing life and dedicated himself to helping others. You see, you never know when a small act of kindness may change someone’s life and have a ripple affect on so many of God’s children. There is a bit of that awkward young boy in all of us, just as there is a warm and loving heart that can encourage others through hardships.
Quote of the Day: "Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience."
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, pg. 75 (portion of the 5th Step Promises)
When we complete our 5th Step, many of us feel physically lighter and closer to the program and the people in it. It is typical to underestimate the 5th Step, and the impact of our past life on whom we are today. For many of us, our past haunts us, and we are in intense fear of exposing our shame. After unloading our wreckage, we truly can “look the world in the eye.” For some of us, the change is remarkable, and we literally transform into a different person. I heard a 5th Step recently, and a few days later after it sunk in, he said that he had a profound breakthrough and felt he was finally “done” (done with the need to drink and use – the obsession had left him). What an amazing process! For me, taking the 5th Step was unbelievably healing. I walked out of my sponsor’s house feeling as if I was walking on clouds, which I now readily recognize as having a profound spiritual experience. What’s the message - don’t delay your happiness; take the Steps and let the magic of the program transform your life for the better.
Quote of the Day: "Beaten into complete defeat by alcohol, confronted by the living proof of release, and surrounded by those who can speak to us from the heart, we have finally surrendered. And then, paradoxically, we have found ourselves in a new dimension, the real world of spirit and of faith. Enough willingness, enough open-mindedness – and there it is!”
Bill W., The Language of the Heart
When we come into the program, we are told that we need to “surrender.” For me, someone that came from the streets of Venice, the concept of surrender was difficult to swallow. My turning point was when I heard someone define surrender as “going over to the winning side.” Surrendering to the reality that this disease is unrelenting and progressive was essential to my recovery. I later learned that this concept of surrender transferred to living life, a life I was living on self will. I was constantly letting my character defects put me in a position of very uncomfortable emotional pain, and I was regularly dying on the hill of my own misguided and indignant righteousness. So, this gift of surrender, for me, has to be a daily affair. When I surrender my will and life over to the care of God each morning, my days seem to go better with more emotional balance. My new found openness and willingness to the idea of surrendering each day has allowed sustained peace and happiness in my life. As we surrender to infinite possibilities, we celebrate the infinite opportunities in the light of God’s grace.
Quote of the Day: "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
Frank Outlaw (originally published in a Texas newspaper feature called “What They’re Saying”, May 1977)
In the morning, “We ask God to direct our thinking” (p. 86). Why? Because who we are, and what we do, all begins with our thinking. Some say, take the mind, the body will follow. The same can be said in the reverse; take the body, the mind will follow - this falls in the category of, "You can’t think your way into right living; you have to live your way into right thinking.” This is a philosophy I had to adjust to in early sobriety until I gained more faith in God, and trust of the 12-step process. The initial aforementioned quote adeptly links our actions to habits, character, and ultimately, our destiny. Thank God in AA we are taught to practice our code, “love and tolerance,” which is a great backdrop for positive action that will shape our character and destiny to something we can be proud. Our true character is defined by how we act when no one is looking, which ultimately all comes down to our full commitment to honesty in both word and deed. I hope that as I take this spiritual journey through life that I can be somebody that makes others feel like they are somebody. If our thoughts, words, and actions define us, we would be wise to ask our Higher Power to guide us as we practice these principles in all our affairs.
Quote of the Day: "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile."
Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 66
In reflection, it is very clear to me that I wasted a great deal of my life carrying grudges and unnecessary anger. The chip on my shoulder was more like a rotting tree stump. It was a true blessing when the program taught me that carrying resentments only hurt me, not the person I was casting my dispersions. I heard it shared at a meeting that every minute I spend angry, I waste 60 seconds of happiness; this simple reminder became a guiding mantra for me. In facing my inventory, it was also clear to me that my outwardly bad attitude toward certain people was just a mirror of my own actions. What I was seeing in others was merely a reflection of myself! Slowly, I began to see things completely differently, and I was letting happiness permeate my life. There was so much freedom in releasing my resentments by using the simple tools of the program, such as admitting my part, praying for the person, sharing about it, or asking God to remove it. Now, I have a much healthier attitude about people, and because of that positive change, I more readily see the good in others. Today, I choose happiness over futile and destructive anger and resentment.
Quote of the Day: "By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression."
12&12, p. 23 (Step 1 exercise)
Until we can admit to our innermost selves without any reservations that we are alcoholics, we have no shot at long term sobriety. For this reason, some say the most important step is step 1. All the steps are vitally important, but step 1 is certainly the foundation of our surrender into recovery. By writing a chronology of our drinking history, as the above passage in the 12 & 12 infers, we can more readily admit we were alcoholics. This is also true as it applies to the associated negative ramifications of our drinking. Facing all the negative outcomes of our drinking makes it easier for us to admit unmanageability. I have heard it shared many times that they took step 1 when they walked through the doors of AA. For me, it was more necessary to build a stronger foundation, one in which I needed to carefully look at the toll my disease had wreaked havoc in my life. Today, I have no reservations about my disease, and its potential to ruin my life and happiness. Once we fully accept the fatal progression of the disease that lurks within us, it would be compete insanity to think that picking up a drink somehow makes sense.
