Quote of the Day: "As we made spiritual progress, it became clear that, if we ever were to feel emotionally secure, we would have to put our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have to develop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhood with all those around us. We saw that we would need to give constantly of ourselves without demand for repayment. When we persistently did this, we gradually found that people were attracted to us as never before. And even if they failed us, we could be understanding and not too seriously affected."
12 & 12, pp. 115-116
The concept of “service” was an absolute game changer for me. Being of service at meetings, and with fellow AA members, gave me an extreme sense of belonging and depth of purpose that I had never experienced before. When I extended this concept to all areas of my life, remarkable things happened. Taking the concept of service to work changed my attitude completely, and I become a much better employee. Self sacrifice and service (teamwork) are the keystones to leadership; people are drawn to those that have a positive attitude and are committed to service. With my wife, being of complete service and expecting nothing in return improved our relationship immensely (the 100%, 0% rule – give 100% and expect nothing in return). Giving and not keeping score in all areas of my life has improved my relationships with everyone and everything. The legacy of “service” has been an amazing gift of the program. The road to my happiness is truly paved by helping others.
Quote of the Day: "Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again."
Og Mandino
If we reflect back, I’m sure we could find an instance in which an act of kindness had a profound impact on our life. Sadly, we go through life so self absorbed that we miss moments to pay forward random acts of kindness. Life presents us with endless possibilities to express love, care, and kindness, but we need to make the commitment. Our 10th Step each night reminds us to continue to take personal inventory, which also includes a retrospective of the good things we do each day (God’s will – the opposites of our character defects). In extending kindness to others, we are representing a core value of our program - helping others. You never know when you may represent the first, or only example, to someone of our loving fellowship. On numerous occasions after I’m thanked for some act of kindness, my first spontaneous thought and reaction has been, “Don’t thank me, thank AA, they built me.” Being kind to others is another way to attract those in need to our loving fellowship. It takes little effort and only brief moments to be kind, but the result can last a lifetime, for both you and them.
Quote of the Day: "Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. When this happens, we approach true tolerance and we see what real love for our fellows actually means."
12 & 12, p. 92
Once we can accept ourselves, faults and all, our perspective on life changes. It is also vitally important to recognize how selfish and self centered we can be, and how that dictates our attitudes and decision making. Accepting ourselves and realizing that we were once very “self” driven, rather than “care” driven, opens a new highway to a more peaceful life. The walls that we built around our heart to keep others from hurting us slowly come down, one brick at a time. As our own emotional burdens dissolve, we start seeing the good in others. We love more deeply and appreciate the little things in life. What a blessing it is to be able to practice our code, “love and tolerance,” from the heart, and with absolute purity. For me, existing in life has become so much easier when I can walk among others with love and kindness in my heart, rather than disdain, anger, self-pity, and the fear that once dominated me. When we view life through a prism of acceptance and gratitude, it allows us to breath in God, and ultimately in the end, understand that everything will be okay.
Quote of the Day: "Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. . . . Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."
(A few of the 12th Step promises) AA, p. 89
Throughout my sobriety, people have asked me why I still go to meetings after so many years of not drinking. There are many reasons, but where do you start with that question? The primary reason for most of us is the acknowledgement that this disease of ours is only in remission, and if left untreated, it will come back to haunt us. For me, I love the togetherness, spirit, and watching others heal and grow right before my eyes. AA is rooms full of positive people trying to become better in all aspects of their lives. The depth of the friendships we forge is second to none. We would literally do anything for each other. Where else in this world can you find such caring camaraderie? It is also pointless to try and explain our commitment to helping newcomers and how much that means to our emotional and spiritual well being. It’s as if we have found the secret to life and all that it has to offer. As long as I stay close to the program, I will never be alone again. I know in my heart of hearts that if I continue to commit to teaching and practicing the 12 steps, I can achieve and embrace lasting peace and contentment.
Quote of the Day: "We must think deeply of all those sick ones still to come to A.A. As they try to make their return to faith and to life, we want them to find everything in A.A. that we have found, and yet more, if that be possible. No care, no vigilance, no effort to preserve A.A.'s constant effectiveness and spiritual strength will ever be too great to hold us in full readiness for the day of their homecoming."
As Bill Sees It, Day of Homecoming, p. 229
I shudder to think where I would be in life if not for the vision and commitment of our founders, and all the elder statesmen that came before me. They all saw that this program was well worth carrying on into the future, hence our traditions and principles were developed to protects its integrity for years to come. Now, it is our turn to carry on those customs and to demonstrate the immense healing power of one person helping another. As each newcomer walks through the door, they come into a well established fellowship that is ready to take them under their wing, and that is something worth preserving. The longer I stay sober, the more I’m attracted to meetings that uphold our traditions and are committed to making sure we pass this gift along in the state we accepted it. Maintaining our code of “love and tolerance, coupled with a kind and caring application of our traditions, are keys to a safe haven and welcoming environment for newcomers. It is so encouraging to see the light of our program carry on as a beacon to all those who need love and support.
Quote of the Day: "If we expend even five percent of the time on Step Eleven that we habitually (and rightly) lavish on Step Twelve, the results can be wonderfully far-reaching."
Bill W., The Language of the Heart
The value of Step 11 can’t be overstated. The benefits of practiced meditation are endless, whether it be traditional eastern influenced, cardio exercise, quiet time by your yourself, or whatever form of meditation you practice. Without question, as the language in the Step outlines, it absolutely improves our conscious contact with our Higher Power, but it does so much more. If prayer is asking or talking with God, then meditation is listening. Mediation also opens our consciousness to the messages and connection to the world around us. Practiced meditation seems to slow everything down to a manageable pace. Some of the other benefits of meditation that are often overlooked are its emotional and physical healing properties (reduce anxiety, lower blood pressure, etc.). We can meditate on challenging issues in life, and answers seem to come almost mystically. It is completely understood that traditional meditation is difficult for the busy mind of an alcoholic, but it is worth the effort and practice. Remarkable results await for those that make the commitment to fully practicing Step 11.
Meditation is what gets me through, and im not on 11 yet.
Its a wonderful tool. Without it I’m pretty lost. I need that conscious contact with my higher power. I need that connection. The few times I dont get that in the mornings I notice a huge difference in my day.
Thanks for sharing these.
Quote of the Day: "Sobriety is nothing like I thought it would be. At first it was one big emotional roller coaster, full of sharp highs and deep lows. My emotions were new, untested, and I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to deal with them. I cried when I should have been laughing. I laughed when I should have cried. Events I thought were the end of the world turned out to be gifts. It was all very confusing. Slowly things began to even out. As I began to take the steps of recovery, my role in the pitiful condition of my life became clear."
AA, 4th Edition, page 316
For so many of us, this story in the Big Book rings true. After numbing out our emotions for so many years, we are often overwhelmed when these suppressed feelings finally erupted to the surface. I am so thankful that AA had the 30, 60, 90-day, 6 and 9-month milestone chips, which always seemed to coincide with a rush of uncontrollable emotions that had been buried for so long. The steps helped me navigate through the emotional minefield I often found myself. Over time, my emotions subsided to a manageable point. Eventually, I became so grateful to actually feel life, with all its highs and lows. I want to feel it all, and I hope I never miss another “moment,” or opportunity for a life changing spiritual experience. The program gives us tools to deal with the lows, and the emotional highs became spiritual moments to appreciate. One of the greatest gifts of the program is the ability to not only see things with your eyes, but to also see things through your heart.
Quote of the Day: “If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.”
Mother Teresa
In Step 4, we learn some of the most valuable life lessons we could possibly learn. As soon as we realize that holding onto our resentments only hurts us, we are born into a new freedom. If we hold onto resentments against others, they have conquered us, because, “They are living rent free in our head.” So how do we get rid of those resentments? Well, we have to face them with an understanding that we probably played some role in that conflict, usually a significant part. I now know that if I’m pissed off at someone, I need to pray for them, ask God to remove the resentment, admit my part, make an amend if warranted, and finally, “forgive.” Forgiving is not condoning behavior, it is clearing your heart of cancerous hate. Forgiveness is saying to yourself that you refuse to let that person trap you in emotional hell, and that you deserve a peaceful and loving future. To officially put that resentment to bed, it has always helped me to immediately be of service to others. The best way to acceptance, and to get out of our own head, are simple acts of kindness and altruistic gestures towards others.
Quote of the Day: "What about the practice of these principles in all our affairs? Can we love the whole pattern of living as eagerly as we do the small segment of it we discover when we try to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety? Can we bring the same spirit of love and tolerance into our sometimes deranged family lives that we bring to our A.A. group? …Can we actually carry the A.A. spirit into our daily work?"
12&12, pages 111-112
One of the most difficult goals we have in AA is to practice these principles in all our affairs. It sounds simple until we try to put it into action, and we discover that the outside world is still dog-eat-dog, and often, very unforgiving. We may struggle at first with this new lifestyle, but it doesn’t take too long before we reap the benefits of rigorous self honesty and a positive attitude that is guided by faith, love, and tolerance. For many of us, we have to slowly gain back the trust that was lost after our repeated betrayals and irresponsibility during our drinking sprees. After a period of time, and dedication to practicing the steps in our daily lives, we find that people are actually drawn to our new gratitude and spirit for life. We become pillars in people’s lives, and the ones they can count on during duress. A magical gift of this program is the transformation into someone that our family, friends, and co-workers can depend on for accountability, care, and kindness.
Quote of the Day: "My personality is made up by the way I think, by the way I feel, my attitude and outlook upon life, people, places and things in general. That is what determines my personality. I came here restless, irritable and discontent, filled with shame, fear, guilt, and remorse. If I can change from that to peace of mind, serenity and happiness, I have undergone a profound change in my personality.
AA Speaker Scott L, Nashville, TN
In the Spiritual Experience Appendix II, it defines a spiritual experience as a “…personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.” So, when we get to Step 12, we need look no further than our change in personality as our spiritual awakening. So many of us overthink the Step process rather than just trusting its simplicity to change our lives. If we truly commit to the Steps, a personality change is inevitable, so by definition, a “spiritual awakening” has entered your heart and mind. In addition, the depth, understanding and faith in a Power greater than ourselves becomes so much stronger, as we entrench ourselves in the principles of the program, and we surround ourselves with others on a similar spiritual journey. Our strengthened faith grows into a new found place of comfort in our lives. It still amazes me that as a result of the program, my goals in life evolved from purely materialistic into those that lead to lasting inner peace and happiness. Serenity is truly an inside job.
Quote of the Day: "When we are born, we start with a beautiful empty mind ready to be given our beliefs, attitudes, habits and expectations. Most of our true learning comes from watching the actions of others. As we watch our family or relatives, whatever their actions and values are, so will be the children’s values and acts. If we see our families living a just and peaceful way of life, so then will the children. If we see our family shouting, arguing and hateful, so will it be for the children. The cycle of life - baby, youth, adult and Elder is all connected. If the older ones have good values, it will be connected to the children."
Indian Chief
When I read the passage above, it struck me that it’s an analogy for the program. When we come into the program, we are still children emotionally. We stopped growing emotionally once our addiction began, usually at a young age. Our transformation begins once we begin to live the values and principles we learn in AA, usually from those with more recovery time. Soon, our supportive interaction in meetings transcends to all areas of our lives. Our home groups become a new family, and the elder statesman with decades of time, become those peaceful old timers that teach and demonstrate a better way to live our lives. We are all a product of the environment we live in, and the people we interact. Going to meetings in a healthy atmosphere will assuredly bring peace to our heart, mind, and lives. So too can we make a profound impact on those around us by our own actions, and through this understanding and new way of living, we can methodically clear away the damage of our past alcoholic existence.
Quote of the Day: “Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you’ll begin to discover the perfection in life itself.”
Richard Carlson (Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff)
Thank God we are taught to live in today. I can handle just about anything today, or at this moment. The second I start comparing my life to others, complain about my existence, let fear take over, or live in tomorrow, any chance of a happy and peaceful today is compromised. Living in today, and appreciating the little things in life, makes living so much more enjoyable. I now know that perfectionism is a character defect that keeps me from attaining true peace of mind, and it blocks me from enjoying right now. I also realize my perfectionism and “need to be right” stemmed from years of low self esteem and insecurities from a troubled childhood. It’s so much easier to live each day by accepting that we are all flawed children of God that need to learn valuable and transformative life lessons. Our mistakes and imperfections are the portals of discovery. I have lost so many moments in life due to my perfectionism and not living in today. Today, I try to practice mindfulness (being in the moment), and this has brought much needed balance and enjoyment to my life.
Quote of the Day: "In the nick of time, and by God’s grace, each of us has been enabled to develop a growing sense of the meaning and purpose of life.”
Bill W. Language of the Heart
Before the program, I had no sense whatsoever of my purpose in life. I was adrift in a storm of conflict, fear, resentment, and self-pity. In fact, I was not sure life was even worth living, especially when I was in the depths of my disease. It did not take long before the program changed my negative attitude about life. As I began to help others, the true meaning of life came into focus. It was also clear that a life lived by our code, “love and tolerance,” would reap many benefits. After years of practicing our spiritual principles, I now believe we are all spiritual beings having a very difficult human experience; a life experience designed to heighten our emotional and spiritual consciousness. To me, the meaning of life is to practice kindness, compassion, and helping others in order to gain a higher level of spiritual enlightenment. My purpose in life is quite clear – to carry the message of recovery to those inflicted and to help others wherever I can.
Quote of the Day: “Sobriety – freedom from alcohol – through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps, is the sole purpose of an AA group.”
Bill W., The Language of the Heart
When I first read the 12 Steps, I was not totally convinced that they would have any effect on my life. I did, however, believe that “your” lives had gotten better, so I was at least willing to try. That profound impact didn’t hit me until the 4th and 5th Step. After reading my 4th Step to my sponsor, I literally felt lighter and more connected to the program. The next quantum leap came after making my amends, and seeing the “promises” come to fruition. The 10th and 11th Steps changed my daily consciousness, and I truly had a spiritual awakening. Step 12 opened the door to a lifetime of happiness, built by helping others, and applying the principles of the program to my daily living. I’ve been around long enough to witness countless life transformations; not only in sobriety, but an entire psychic change, perspective, and approach to life to all those willing to fully apply this process. Today, I completely trust and believe in the program and process, and I am so thankful that I get the gift of carrying the message, and sharing it with others. When it comes to the steps, the best way to teach them is to practice them through our own example.
Quote of the Day: “Although no one can go back in time and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
Carl Bard
One of the most precious things the program has given me is the ability to start my life over. We get a whole life do-over. I now see that we get to live more than one life in one lifetime. I feel like I am on my third life, and the longer I stay sober, the more beautiful life becomes. I also hold precious that I no longer have to live in regrets of the past; we can’t write the next chapter of our life, if we keep rereading the last one. Through the program, life has become one big possibility, and the only thing that can hold me back are the fears I now know are false evidence appearing real (FEAR). One of the biggest failures you can make in life is to be paralyzed into inaction from fear of failing. The program has given so many of us the courage to step outside our comfort zone and become whom we were always meant to be. I now live by the philosophy to “leave it better than you found it,” this day, this year, this life. We should all try to make a difference and be somebody that makes others feel like they are somebody. Let love and kindness be your guide to happiness, and a future full of endless possibilities.
Quote of the Day: “I don’t just hear the slogans anymore; I feel them when I speak them … They take hold of me; they change the course of my day if I let them.”
Grapevine, November 2002
I sometimes wonder where I would have been if not for the slogans and sayings in our program. I’ve heard it’s said that our sayings and slogans are the handrails for the steps. “One day at a time,” the grandfather of all slogans, was the key to my early sobriety. I could stay sober today, one minute at a time. “Play the tape,” which means don’t romance the drink, and play it out to its ultimate conclusion, was also a game changer for my constant obsession in early recovery. For me, a drink will always take me to some form of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, and any other outcome is a lie. I would highly recommend that you pick and apply some of the AA slogans and sayings to your life. A couple of my favorites are: “The mind is like a bad neighborhood; you never want to go there alone” (get and use a sponsor!), and “Don’t let people live rent for in your head” (Don’t carry resentments!). There are numerous sayings, and it is up to each individual to choose and apply the ones that resonate the most to our everyday living.
Quote of the Day: “Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.”
Alcoholics Anonymous, Working With Others, pg. 102
Our founders stumbled across the simple act of one person helping another as the only proven method to stop drinking. Up until that time, we were tagged as insane, incurable, or morally weak, and we were sentenced to a life of institutions or being completely destitute. The early pioneers of our program would go literally anywhere to find another alcoholic to help, because they knew that was the only thing that would keep their alcoholic disease in check. There was up to a 75% success rate at that time compared to the less than 5% today. There are many factors in why I stayed sober, but a prime reason is a strong commitment to help others and to be of service. One service commitment in particular had a profound impact on me, and that was taking panels to places like LA skid row, indigent rehabs, and prisons. I don’t know if any of those I came in contact stayed sober, “but I did!” I hope I never lose sight of one of the most important principles, helpings others, because it truly saved my life.
Quote of the Day: “In A.A., we found that it did not matter too much what our material condition was, but it mattered greatly what our spiritual condition was. As we improved our spiritual outlook, money gradually became our servant and not our master. It became a means of exchanging love and services with those about us.”
As Bill Sees It; Servant, Not Master, p.259
Money costs too much! If we chase the almighty buck, like we chased our addiction, the loss is often catastrophic to our emotional and spiritual well being. However, we often can’t help ourselves, and societal norms help push us off that materialistic cliff. Once my focus changed to a life of spirituality and inner healing, my drive to “get more” gradually subsided. Happiness, peace, and serenity became my new goals in life, and those emotions were all attainable through the spiritual principles I found in the fellowship. Once I realized that chasing “more” was a doomed proposition, the fear of economic insecurity began to evaporate. For me, my materialistic gains in life only came after I gave up the chase. Life is ironic! I heard someone share profoundly at a meeting that, “Today I am a rich man, and maybe someday I’ll have some money.” Being rigorously honest, caring, and unselfish, things I only fully developed in the program, became my guide to life successes. How blessed we are to have tools to navigate through the perils and enslavement of money and materialistic things.
Quote of the Day: “When, with God’s help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too. We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want.”
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 122
Bill W. once described fears as termites corroding our foundation. This parasitic visual really does describe the debilitating nature of our fears. We learn in our 4th Step that our fears were running our lives and dictating our decision making. All of our fears stem from “future tripping,” basically worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Our pessimistic mind portrays the future as the worst case scenario, which almost never happens the way we let our fears take us mentally and emotionally. Mark Twain once said, “I’ve had many tragedies in my life, and a few of them actually happened.” Fears are unnecessary worries about the future that cast a huge shadow over today’s peace. The future hasn’t happened yet, so it’s pointless to spend any energy worrying about it; it’s a form of insanity. When my fears pop up, I do a quick 2nd Step in my head and simply say, “Please God, remove this insanity.” That simple prayer is usually just enough to redirect my mind to a more positive mindset, and to put me back into today.
