It’s terrific that your employer has your back, so you can focus on your treatment.
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Doing amazingly well my friend. You keep working on your recovery. Grateful for good employers. Glad to hear that your employer is giving you the time needed to heal 
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Day 78.
Feels pretty surreal to have come this far.
Woke up feeling pretty sore but overall good. Did some morning yoga, now enjoying my coffee and breakfast. Going to practice some radical acceptance today. I can and I will do this.
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Day 79.
Tough nightmares last night, but not debilitating like they’ve been in the past, so i have that going for me at least.
Taking it one day at a time, yet I’m so excited for day 80 and then 3 months just around the corner! I feel like I’ve learned so much over the past ~80 days and even more in the past 5 weeks in PHP. Especially how I used weed as a coping mechanism for my trauma. It was the only tool that worked for me for a long time, but now I feel like I have so many more tools in my toolbox, I don’t need to reach for weed.
The cravings still pop up every now and then. Reminders that I’m not a former addict, I’m an addict in recovery. And that’s okay. My trauma hasn’t disappeared. But I’m learning how to grow around it. I will definitely have a scar, but the infection is clearing from my system. I just need to keep at it and keep taking my antibiotics (to really beat this metaphor to death lol).
Processing a lot of grief and sadness, but at least I’m moving away from the guilt and shame. ODAAT.
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Great to see you got the extension to your paid leave and that you have such an understanding employer. I’m also very happy to see you seem to be feeling a bit more optimistic again. Big hugs Reese and here is to making it to 80 ODAAT’s tomorrow 
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Day 80!!
I have a session with my individual therapist today. Continue on with the trauma processing and working through my stuck points. Feeling a little apprenhensive yet hopeful.
I talked with my aunt (bio father’s oldest sister) on the phone yesterday. She asked how i was doing and i told her honestly. I left out the harder details but I did admit that things were pretty horrible for me growing up. It kind of came tumbling out before I realized it, and it seemed like she kind of put the puzzle pieces together. She was sad of course but admitted that she did often wonder about that, and even said at one point, “I love my brother, but he’s a jerk and an asshole.” She was very kind and loving and supportive of me getting treatment. Even said that I was “a pretty cool guy, just the whole package.” I thanked her for being a safe person for me, which is no small feat. Really looking forward to her visiting this summer 
Lots to think about. Also reminding myself that treating my trauma is creating generational wealth. The best way I can honor my pain is to heal it.
ODAAT.
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YEAH to your 80 days! Way to go friend. So lovely to hear of your wonderful conversation with your aunt 
I love all of this! Keep working on it friend 
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Day 81.
Got my stepdown date from PHP to IOP: April 11, same as my niece’s birthday
Not much to say today. Today is a high physical pain day, but I’m gonna keep on keeping on.
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Day 82.
Individual therapy session today. I sure do have a lot of stuck points based on esteem. It’s sad to see all of these negative thoughts and self blame I have towards myself, written down on paper. If anyone else told me these things, or how they held themselves responsible for their trauma, I would reassure them and insist that wasn’t the case. And yet when it’s myself…
Idk. A lot to think about. A lot of grief and fear and sadness and disgust and anger. Things I’m learning to live with. Hoping that the shame and guilt will get a little smaller every day.
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It’s hard to take our own advice but I’m glad you are recognizing that. Br kinder with yourself. You are doing a wonderful job…just keep taking those steps in recovery 
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Day 83
Yesterday was very emotionally draining. Lots of deep and hard work in therapy. A lot of long-awaited grief flowing in. It’s time for me to feel it so that I can metabolize it.
Feeling some cravings, but recognizing that it’s more of a craving for escape. And escape hasn’t helped me, not really. I need to feel this to heal it.
Really weird to think about how I have a week left in PHP. I feel like I’ve been here forever. 7 days a week for 7 weeks is a lot. Looking forward to some days off and sleeping in.
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So proud of you doing the work and accomplishing your goals!
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Hi Reese, just checking on your thread and happy to see you are doing great! Well done friend! Xxx
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Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Hope you are doing well
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Hey guys, thanks for checking in on me!
I’m on Day 86. Wrapping up my last week of PHP and finishing up trauma processing therapy. I know that I’ll be in therapy long term, but now I can think about the reality of what happened without COMPLETELY freaking out.
Doing okay. Staying sober, staying busy, riding the waves of emotions. One day at a time.
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Day 87.
Getting really close to that 90 day mark. Super weird to think about.
Dreams have been bad and weird, but not completely terrifying and debilitating, so i have that going for me.
Gotta do some chores after program today.
Feeling so weird, but I don’t think it’s in a bad way?
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Wow so close to 90 days. So glad you are here to share your sober journey with us.
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Day 88.
Just a few days left of PHP. Been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions. Sleep is kind of troubled but I think it’s that I’m metabolizing this upcoming big change. Feeling some weed cravings to get that dreamless sleep, but I’m soooo close to 90 days, I don’t want to throw that away.
Taking it 5 minutes at a time today.
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Keep that goal in my nd and do whatever it takes to push forward…5 min at a time works…use your tools and self care to help you get through. Hope sleep comes to you this evening
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Day 89.
Finished my second to last day of PHP. Seems fitting that my last day will also be my 90 day milestone. Everything feels so surreal. I have really worked my ass off to come this far in my recovery, both in my sobriety and my trauma.
I had a session with my usual therapist this evening, and there is SO MUCH grief for Little Reese and everything that I did and didn’t experience as a young one. It’s genuinely a shock that I got out of my family of origin, both physically and mentally. It’s a shock that I’m even remotely okay, much less that I’m actually doing pretty damn good and working so fucking hard to heal.
Almost done. Then it’s on to IOP. Then transitioning back to work, first part-time, then back to full-time. Feeling a little anxious about how to navigate that, but I have time to figure it out, and it doesn’t help to worry about a future that doesn’t exist yet. I have time to plan. Right now: recovery.
One day at a time.
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