Happy Beltane / May Day, everyone! Grateful to be sober for this long.
Yesterday went well. Went to the temple for meditation, then to the dermatologist to get a spot on my leg looked at. The doc suggested to get it removed and biopsied, so I’ll have results from that in a couple of weeks. Therapy was also pretty good. Totally normal that I’m feeling anxious about work. The main thing is to take care of ME and put myself and my needs first, unapologetically. I can’t keep setting myself on fire to keep others warm.
Feeling a little anxious about IOP today after what happened on Tuesday. Hoping that the staff will ensure that boundary is not crossed again. Also feeling REALLY anxious about returning to work tomorrow, but I’m trying hard not to future trip. We shall see.
On the bright side, the museum that my oldest sister works at is putting on a traditional Korean performance tonight called Songs of the Moon. It’s free and I’ll definitely be going this evening after IOP. Something to look forward to.
Had a mostly productive day in IOP. Really enjoyed going to the museum and seeing the performance. Especially happy to see my oldest sister. She’s the best
Making some dinner. Lit a bunch of candles to celebrate Beltane. Going to do my routine of shower, yoga, Tarot, sleep. Work tomorrow. I’m anxious but I’m reminding myself that I will be OKAY!
Last night was riddled with stress dreams about returning to work, and showing me everything that could possibly go wrong.
Feeling anxious and apprehensive today. Today will be day 1 of my return. Gotta make sure to take the long way home so that I don’t pass by the pot shop. Guards up. Breathing.
Work went well! I felt the urge to Do The Best Possible but kept reminding myself that I need to take it easy. I made sure to clock out and LEAVE once my shift was done.
A lot of people (staff and residents) were SUPER excited to see me. I was really happy to see that, yet I also had to do a lot of, “Please don’t touch me, I’m pretty sensitive to physical touch right now,” and just saying that I was on medical leave and slowly transitioning back to working. People were understanding and respected my boundaries, so that was nice to experience.
I didn’t even feel the urge to smoke or “unwind” by getting stoned, and didn’t even realize it until now. So that is pretty cool.
Finishing up some chores and gardening, then dinner and my bedtime routine. Feeling optimistic. Hopefully my dreams are gentler to me tonight.
Really grateful to have had such a supportive workplace on my first 2 days back. Hoping that I can continue to advocate for and pace myself.
Slept VERY poorly last night with some very stressful dreams, but feeling surprisingly energetic (maybe it’s the iced coffee lol).
Plan today is to go to the buddhist temple and do some chores around the house. I might go to the gym, but the biopsy site on my leg is feeling really sore, so I guess we’ll see how I feel later in the day.
Sleep was utterly miserable last night. Tossed and turned constantly, and when I did actually sleep the nightmares were horrifying, just like the “good old days.”
Feelimg very unsettled this morning. Time to get ready for a session with my individual therapist and then go to IOP. I’m so fucking tired…
Hope therapy session and IOP went well. Sorry for the rough night. Know that getting high will not help you feel less tired. Sending you calming energy to get through today
Sorry you had a shitty nights sleep and were dealing with nightmares again. I hope your day went well even with being short on sleep and that you can get better rest tonight.
Yes! I agree with @BookDragon, magnesium is a must to me as well Reese. The only supplement Im taking on regular basis, for anxiety and sleep. And to say that I can sleep big time is an understatment I stopped taking it once or twice and after a week or so the difference was huge. Worth trying!
Felt like a very long day today. Ready to rest. A small part of me wants to “unwind” by getting stoned, but it’s quiet. Going to take a hot shower and play some video games instead. If I can keep myself busy until the pot shop closes, then I’m in the clear for another day. I don’t want to reset my counter.
Checking in during the middle of the night because i just feel so incredibly depressed. Can’t put my finger on it. Maybe I’m just stressing about being back at work. Not wanting to go back to how things were before. I don’t know. Going to try to sleep. I’m just feeling really down and exhausted to my core.
. Remember to be gentle with yourself and take things slow
I stopped taking it once or twice and after a week or so the difference was huge. Worth trying!