this is a good plan.
It is hard to get out of your head and that is when you talk to your family and people here to help you remember that you aren’t selfish and are a kind person.
Much love friend 
3 Likes
Day 226.
Been chugging along, still sober. Had some pretty intense using dreams last night, and I felt such fear and disgust and anxiety and disappointment in myself. Couldn’t believe that I just threw away over 200 sober days. The relief when I woke up was palpable.
Slept in today. Going to take it easy, try to go on a walk to get some sunshine. Have a good sober 24 hours, my friends.
6 Likes
Good to see you doing well and stacking up the days! Realistic dreams can be scary and overwhelming. Grateful that dream was a dream and you are not anywhere near throwing away your sobriety. Keep up the amazing work and hope you enjoyed the sunshine today
4 Likes
Catching up on reading here. Sending you thoughts for a beautiful day.
3 Likes
Day 230.
Not much to report. It’s been hot where I am, we’re in the dog days of summer. My sleep has been troubled due to the heat, and I’m constantly exhausted. Seeing and smelling people lighting up on these hot, bright evenings makes me feel jealous, like I wish that I could just be a casual weed smoker, that I could smoke a joint and go to sleep and be done with it. But I know that those days are behind me now.
Sigh. Still sober. One day at a time.
3 Likes
The heat is a bitch to deal with and does fuck with sleep. I do hope for cooler nights soon.
No need to go backwards…you have come so far and can keep going forward strong 
. ODAAT
2 Likes
Day 234.
Being doing okay. Had some bumps in the road. Friday night I left work really late due to some crisis, and had a panic attack when I got home due to being out so late after dark. Going to prioritize leaving on time this week.
Saturday was spent at my parents’ house with my whole family for “Leopalooza,” since 5 members of my family are Leo’s so we have one big party for their birthdays. It was fun and I was happy to be around everyone. I did feel a little panicked again on my way home, I think having the come down from being with my loved ones to being alone, and then having reminders of how Unwell my childhood was. Being with my family is both so healing and so triggering at the same time, because I see and experience what Little Reese was truly lacking in his home life growing up.
Yesterday was spent taking lots and lots of naps. I did get a chance to talk to my grandmother on the phone, since it was her birthday. She has dementia and is on hospice, but she remembered me and we were able to tell each other how much we loved each other.
Plans for today are chores and trying to take it easy. No therapy since it’s Labor Day in the US. I’m still here and still sober. Putting my sobriety first is THE most important thing for me, no matter how much I crave or long for an escape.
One day at a time. I can and will do this.
2 Likes
Oh how fun!
I am so sorry for all that little Reese has gone through but grateful that you now are able to be around a loving family and see what it means to have love and support in your life
1 Like
Day 235.
Actually went to bed at a decent time last night, so hallelujah for that. Getting ready to go to work. I need to make it my priority to leave on time today. Fingers crossed that I take care of myself and my needs.
2 Likes
Day 237.
Been a really stressful and overwhelming day at work today. All I want is to go home and light up and melt away my worries with weed, however temporarily. I’m feeling resentment towards my sobriety, resentful that my streak is so long and I can’t “just get high” anymore. Tonight feels like one of those nights where being sober is more of a chore than a choice.
Going to go home and immediately take a nap, and hope I don’t wake up until after the pot shop closes. Distraction, distraction, distraction. Just feeling pretty miserable. Horrible nightmares and then not great news from the doctor and then this crazy shift. I’m just so exhausted and done right now.
Ugh. One moment at a time.
1 Like
I am so sorry friend. A stressful day at work can feel exhausting enough but then our minds can go to our old ways of how we cope with them.
These methods did not offer us any comfort and for sure took over our lives to where we sought recovery to get our life back on track. It won’t always feel like a chore. Our recovery is a long road of healing.
Its been a while since you posted about your recovery - are you still working with a therapist?
It is ODAAT - I do hope that you get a good relaxing nap soon and feel better afterwards. Read around these threads and enjoy the “just for fun” ones for good distraction. You are not alone Sending you strenght and love!
2 Likes
Yes, still in therapy weekly, still seeing a psychiatrist every 4 months to keep up on my meds.
I’m feeling a lot better after taking a nap. Your words are very true. All I can do is keep on keeping on. I can and will do this. Thank you, friend.
2 Likes
Great to hear that the nap worked. It really is all about pushing through and keeping on. It will get easier. Glad you are still seeing therapist and psychiatrist. Sending much love and calmness your way. Hope you have a fabulous Friday 
1 Like
Day 239.
Still here, still surviving, still sober. It was an extremely stressful week as I’ve been going full force into my new position as the manager of the memory care unit in my facility. A good reminder that I need to slow down and pace myself.
Also been frustrating because this paycheck, my raise wasn’t reflected due to some mixup with payroll. I’ll be paid retroactively next paycheck, but it was still frustrating being assured that my raise is already in effect and then not seeing that when I got paid. Just trying to let go and remind myself that the money will be coming, just be patient.
In better news, I’ve been doing a lot of gardening and art therapy with my dementia patients. I’m really wanting to revitalize the memory care unit, and I think we’re doing pretty damn good so far. Sharing some pictures without faces/identities shown.
Trying to remind myself that moments like these are what matter. Going to spend this weekend relaxing and doing self care.
Have a good sober day, gang.
3 Likes
Beautiful pics… thank you for sharing. Love that you are doing this and wish you luck with the program.
Always a good reminder…glad you are focusing on it
2 Likes
I remember when there was a time you were worried you wouldn’t ever be able to return to your job . I want to say I’m so glad you did . You are doing great things for these people Reese.
2 Likes
Day 240.
Finishing up the day. I want to get back into posting on Sober Time more consistently. Reminding myself of how important and helpful this community is, even if I don’t have much to say.
Slept pretty much all day. I think sleep is my body’s response to stress and an attempt to “reset” after the difficult week I had. Took myself out to dinner and only ordered an NA ginger beer with my food (I love ginger anything). Came home, did some tidying up.
Today is both the full moon and the lunar eclipse. I lit a bunch of candles, cleansed my space with some of my Palo Santo, and did a Tarot reading for the eclipse. Even though I couldn’t see the eclipse from where I am, as I was doing the Tarot reading, the clouds dispersed and the full moon shone directly in my window onto my altar. It was a really beautiful feeling.
Going to do some yoga, journaling, meditation, sleep. Therapy tomorrow, which will be good. Very grateful that despite everything, I still have my sobriety.
Good night, sober fam
2 Likes
Day 241.
Feeling okay today. Had a phone call with a friend that I originally wanted to skip, but I practiced opposite action and ended up having a really good conversation with her. Just finishing up my coffee and some chores. Going to do yoga before I have therapy in about an hour. Trying to take care of myself.
1 Like
Finishing up today.
Had a pretty good one. Stayed home, finished cleaning the apartment, laundry, hair washing, etc. Therapy was good. Talked a lot about how I was socialized to not be allowed to say no in my family of origin, at the risk of punishment plus my “no” being completely disregarded. And how I’ve been transferring that into my adult/work life, when in reality it’s not only okay but also imperative that I learn how and when to say no.
Going to take a lot of work and practice to get into that.
Wrapping up now. Tarot, yoga, journaling, meditation, sleep. Tomorrow marks the start of a new week. I got this.
1 Like
Day 242.
The main goal of today is to observe over reacting. Need to constantly remind myself to take it slowly 
I got news from my doctor that I need surgery and they have me scheduled for October 1st. I asked if we can push it off to later, and they said that the next opening is late November which is later than they’re comfortable with. So now I need to tell my work that I’ll need to take 2 weeks off next month, when I’ve already taken SO much time off this year.
Sigh. Not much I can do about it. Once I get the letter from my surgeon about how and when I need this surgery, I’ll notify my boss. I’m out of PTO, but because I just renewed my lease I get a free month of rent, so I should be okay to miss a paycheck.
Fingers crossed for me, yall.
1 Like