Keep strong. Stay close with this group of amazing people who are dealing with the same challenges. I relapsed and it was bad. This group is helping me get to day 98. And we will help you!
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Congrats on day 304. 
I’m empty most of the days i hope its common in early recovery.
ODAAT
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Much love friend. Hope the therapy session helped. We are here for you too. Sending hugs and love your way.
I know sometimes we just do feel empty for no reason. Have to remember that this is a phase and this too shall pass. Much love Resse 
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I hear you, my friend. Emptiness is really familiar to me and most of the time I feel like that for no reason. I hope you’re gonna feel better soon.
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How are you feeling today?
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Day 305.
Doing okay today. Therapy was really helpful, as it usually is. I talked about how I didn’t know why I was feeling so empty and depressed and anxious lately, and why I was overworking myself again. My therapist pointed out that I had a traumatic experience in the ER and was likely subconsciously dealing with that while also unintentionally avoiding thinking about it. She really hit the nail on the head. We talked a lot about how I get so hesitant to accept any kindness or support, because I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my childhood, being cared for came with strings attached, so now as an adult, I get nervous when people are nice to me without expectation of some kind of return (whether it’s my family, colleagues, or the ER staff).
I also talked a little bit about how I feel like it’s unfair sometimes. Why do I get to have a good life with kind people, when Little Reese didn’t? Why did that child have to go through hell, while the adult that I am gets to be surrounded by love and kindness? And then I have to remind myself that I’m Little Reese, that I know how the story ends for him, that he gets out and gets safe. So I’m trying to practice sending kind thoughts and strength back in time to him. If that makes any sense, lol.
My therapist also cracks me up sometimes. I was talking about how my bio family often refused to get me medical help (mental, physical, or otherwise), and I said, “I don’t know, I feel like this is too strong a word, so I don’t want to say it was medical neglect.” And she said, “I would call it medical neglect because you’re describing the textbook definition of it, but go on.”
I feel…okay today. I went up bed and woke up on time. I’m going to make myself some breakfast and attempt some morning yoga, something I haven’t really been able to do since my surgery. I’m also really going to make a point to leave work on time. Work is a relatively healthy coping mechanism, but only if I’m there for the “prescribed” hours and not running myself ragged to avoid my feelings.
And finally, look at what snuck up on me:
Very grateful for what I have today. One day at a time.
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Ten months of getting better!
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Yay what a great day with 10 months. So glad the therapy is such a positive helping event.
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So very grateful for your loving therapist. Glad she is there to help you 
Well done on your 10 months friend. You are absolutely crushing this sobriety journey and doing so much healthy healing along the way! 
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Great sharing. And congratulations on 10 months! That is a fantastic accomplishment!
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Wow, congratulations for 10 months, that is truly amazing! Really inspiring that you’ve com such a long journey staying sober!
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Wow 305 (10 months) Amazing
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Day 306.
I’M SO SLEEPY okay time to get coffee and get ready for work. Doing okay, I’m just TIRED!!!
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Day 307.
I’m exhausted. Sleep was shit. The weather is rainy and gray and gross. One of my residents (hospice) just passed with her daughters by her side. It’s so draining, having to stay strong and be a support system for grieving families. I’m just. Exhausted to my bones. My boss saw my face and told me to take my break, so I’m gonna try to have a quick nap since I’m not hungry at all.
In the past I would be looking forward to smoking when I got home so I could unwind. Now that’s not an option for me. I know that I don’t want to challenge my sobriety whatsoever. I just feel empty. There are other coping mechanisms that I can definitely tap into. I’m just…drained.
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Hi @reeseycup Wow that sounds like a really tough day. And probably not easy to wind down and away from…just a little sharing but I try to lay down and just breathe deeply for 10 minutes… it’s not a perfect solution but it will help, sure does for me
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so sorry for the loss friend. All of that sounds very tiring and also emotionally exhausting. Glad you are not leaning on old habits to unwiind - we don’t need that in our lives. Sending you calm sleep vibes and hope you can rest and sleep well soon
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Day 308.
Tonight is a good friend’s birthday. She knows and is completely supportive of my sobriety, and has gone out of her way to make sure that I am comfortable and supported. She’s having a birthday party at a local karaoke bar. I’ve decided to go with several plans in place:
- A list of “dialogue options” for if/when anybody offers me a drink or a smoke
- Several apps and games downloaded on my phone, most importantly this one
- Keeping a ginger ale in my hand so that I have something safe to sip on
- Having an escape plan and allowing myself to leave the SECOND I get uncomfortable, not waiting it out
- Leaving cash at home (can only buy weed with cash where I live)
- Having a written list in my wallet as to why I’m sober
- Writing “308” on my hand to remind myself of how many days I have, and that I don’t want to reset to 0
- When in doubt, going to my friend for a little extra support and cheerleading, and knowing that she’s okay with me leaving early if I’m overwhelmed
- Not going outside with the smokers for any reason. If I go outside, it’s time for me to leave for the night.
I will make sure to keep yall posted here, and most importantly listen to my body and my emotions. If that means popping in for a single ginger ale and karaoke song, then leaving after 20 minutes, then so be it.
And hey, if at the end of my work shift I’m super not feeling up to it, then I’m not going, and my friend will understand.
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I absolutely love this post and how you are aware of the triggers and have made some great plans to keep yourself on track. Much love friend…hope you have a wonderful night and I look forward to hearing your update 
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Big success! Having all of my coping skills and plans ready was really helpful, but best of all was that I didn’t have to use any of them. No one pressured me, I didn’t feel uncomfortable, and it was overall just a nice time being with some old buddies and singing karaoke. My friend said it meant the world to her that I was able to come to her birthday, most of all because I was doing so much better overall. It was so weird ending the night after only spending $5 instead of $50, no headache or nausea, no hangover waiting for me tomorrow. There was a brief moment when the bar closed and we all went outside to wait for our rides, and I could smell the weed smoke, but I didn’t feel tempted to ask for a hit and no one offered me anything. It was just…nice.
I don’t think I’ll be going to bars on my own other than to celebrate really good friends, and I’ll make sure to have all of my skills readily available. I had some social anxiety that I’d normally treat by getting drunk or high, but I just powered through and realized that absolutely no one cared or even noticed. It was nice.
All that being said, I’m glad that I don’t have any other parties or anything in the near future, so I can just focus on myself and my sobriety again. Today was a good day, and I’m really grateful for my sobriety, my toolbox, and this community.
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