Relapse after 90 days 😕

Relapses
1

Dear all, i thought not to share, but need to come clean
Had a relapse after being sober for the first time, 90 days :sob: i think I lost the purpose, forgot how sick and addicted I am. I try making my sober life fun and worth living, but I tend to get bored so quickly, am so lovely, only few friends who never have time, No family here, living with my kids, father far away,
No Help or support. Everything tends to get overwhelming. In those moments Just feel like getting wasted. That didnt help thogh.
Signed up at Fitness Studio to keep me busy in the evenings. Idk, perhaps i find the purpose.
So sad, i had to reset my sober Countdown​:confused::confused::confused:
Im starting over again today hoping to carry on.
Lots of love.

28 Likes
2

I’m a newbie here. I don’t have any words of wisdom but i wanted to let you know I’m sorry and good luck on starting over!

11 Likes
3

Hi Karo, first of all congrats to 90 days of being sober, you did it and will do again with far more days after recent reset. Did you try to fill those critical moments with reading a book ? Because they’ll come and you should be prepared how to deal with those. Plus, what works for me, is to set some objectives and create a plan (or plans) how to achieve them. And yeah, we’re addicts, it’s a disease and we can’t win over alcohol. We can win only over our addiction. Take care and don’t be too harsh on yourself.

7 Likes
4

I can relate!! It’s easy to slip back into the bottle when you’re bored and feeling listless. In addition to fitness classes (nice choice, by the way!!) - what other things can you do to initially focus on “passing the time?”

I’ve found that the hours of 6-9 are my tricky times, so I overload myself with busywork (small but quick projects around the house), that keep me moving, and lots of alternative hydration options :slight_smile:

8 Likes
5

My experience i need people who understood what i was going through so for meetings were a must at that time no internet , but going to the gym maybe join a walking group keep your mind occupied wish you well

5 Likes
6

97 days was my longest without a solid program!
The whole 97 days I was craving and romanticising drinking

Today is different as I’ve realised I can never drink safely again and did the work

Have you tried a meeting ?

3 Likes
7

Dear All, thank you so much for the support! I have never expected so many kind wordsđŸ„° There ist an AA group but taking place only on Friday evenings, im usually so tired after the whole week working, or my Kids want something from me, but yes, i definatelly do need a programme and and some sober people that went through that hell. Perhaps online Meeting

I absolutely relate to the trigger hours 6 Till 9pm. Hope i will cover that with workout and be too tired afterwards

Im gonna start all over, i felt so terrible, depressed after that relapse episode. I cant even do that, i got fĂŒll time Job to cover, 2 teenagers needing my attention, pilot on weekends :confused: 1 wrong move and gonna loose it all. Did DUI yesterday :confused::confused::confused:

2 Likes
8

Sorry to hear that @Karo. Back in the saddle now; back on the journey.

I understand the feeling of being bored. I feel that way too. Boredom is a learning experience I suppose. I don’t have any advice about that, but I wanted to say I understand what you’re going through.

2 Likes
9

Thank you Matt, I will need to Work in that boredome sensation
I mean I dont even really understand it, my days are packed, weekends as Well, and I literally cant sit on my a** half an hour enjoying the relax. Instantly feeling bored, lonely. Thats ridiculous.

1 Like
10

It’s not ridiculous. It’s very common among people with ADHD. Restlessness and feeling as though you are being driven by a motor in your mind, always moving forward, never stopping. My mind is exactly the same.

It would be worth visiting your doctor to ask for an ADHD assessment. About 5% of humans have ADHD and it is equally distributed across genders and races.

It’s also worth learning about living with ADHD. One excellent source is the ADHD couple ADHD_love (the wife has ADHD and is a recovering alcoholic; the husband does not have ADHD):

These books (by reliable, research-informed ADHD specialists) are good too. Many of them are available in audiobook form:

ADHD is a gift, but it’s like owning a Lamborghini. Not everyone knows how to drive that car to its full potential. It takes learning and practice.

2 Likes
11

For a while now I have been doing some research and also came up with this possibility, all of it fits so perfectly
i tend to get super highly focused, like a machine. Its so tiring Matt, like I never come to peace. Alcohol helped me numb that feeling of restlessness, boredome, crazy drive. Thank you so much for the great tipps, I will give that issue some more Attention, i think its a big part of the problem


3 Likes
12

And yes it absolutely feels like a gift, i feel like I could just do anything, but at the same time so overwhelmed, seeking relief in alcohol :confused: so confusing.

2 Likes
13

This is called “hyperfocus” or “ADHD hyperfocus” - look it up and you will find many, many sources. (The ADHD_love channel talks about that too.)

I would say it is a big part of the solution. ADHD brains and people can do things non-ADHD brains cannot. Is it easy? No. But it is a fact, and it is a state of mind that we can use to thrive and live rich lives. I wrote about that here:

(It is also helpful for your parenting. One or more of your kids very likely has ADHD, just like you. It is helpful to help them see their unique capabilities as they grow into their teen and adult years. They will learn to see it with understanding instead of shame.)

2 Likes
14

That’s normal. I know it’s exhausting. It does not go away, but you do learn to live respectfully with it :upside_down_face: :innocent:

2 Likes
15

I do have an appointment with my 15yo daughter for ADHS Testing, I do have a feeling shes struggling with this condition
I believe you can achieve extraordinary goals with the condition, I made my Pilot licence in 1 years, was so driven, like crazy. As soon as the goal is achieved, or the thrill and dopamine ist gone, feeling drained again. I assume the lack of the thrill, edgy experience, lead me to the relapse. But I dont know any more where to get the thrill from. I started doing aircraft acrobatics, but I actually just wanna be able to relax and not feel that thrive for thrill and dopamine kick any more :confused:

2 Likes
16

Went yesterday to lake with the aim to relax, calm down and realizing, ive been changing Activity in 3 minute tact- sit, lay down, swim, smoke, book 1, book 2, Music, WhatsApp, nap
 couldnt take it an more.

2 Likes
17

Don’t give up!

2 Likes
18

Thank you, reaching day 1 again :person_facepalming:

3 Likes
19

Day one here too. :blush:

2 Likes
20

Prioritising your health I feel has a huge connection to remaining sober I have found. Joing a gym is a great idea and finding hobbies you enjoy to help with the boredom is a huge help. We live and learn.

3 Likes