Unfortunately I drank again, on and off for a week. I’m trying again now, I’m at a day and a half. I really want to succeed at this, I know that my life is simply incompatible with alcohol as under the influence I become a different person. Where normally I’m a polite and considerate person, I become obnoxious, rude and frankly boring. I get into run ins with bouncers and the police and make bad decisions.
Many of you have been sober for a long time and that is so inspiring. I hope that I too will follow in your footsteps.
I know I need to attend meetings but I am very anxious, I have quite high anxiety and depression and often suffer with panic attacks which really holds be back from socialising, I feel lonely so I drink to combat that, but then when I socialise I’m drunk and people don’t get to see the good side of me.
Anyway I suppose I am rambling but I wish you all the best and I hope to update you soon with a week sober.
Anxiety is very common in recovery. Many people in AA struggle with it - and in many other programs too; you could try Dharma Recovery for example, or another program, for a different approach! - so you are not alone.
There’s a lot of good posts about anxiety if you search the term. This one is insightful:
Don’t drink. It always makes it worse. Being anxious is part of life sometimes. There are techniques you can learn to live with the ups and downs of life, and still be sober. You can find your way - keep searching for help, keep asking, and never give up.
