A friend I had a falling out with and haven’t seen in months wanted to make an amends, which I really did too… She invited me to lunch and shopping. We get to a Mexican restaurant and she orders a mango margarita. My programmed brain, said “Oh! One for me too”. First of all, this isn’t her fault bc she isn’t not a drinker/drinking buddy or even aware of my situation. She’s one of my ONLY sober coffee, shopping, mani/pedi SOBER friends. So, we have just one and proceed to have a really fun lunch and day, which was otherwise alcohol free. My brain thought, well, I already have to “reset” so I might as well do it up?! Stopped at the store after parting ways with her, came home and one quickly turned into… Let’s just say allot more. I didn’t get “drunk” but I definitely didn’t stay sober. Lesson learned. I did “reset” today, lost my 4 days… But now I REALLY know, I can’t have just one. Even HOURS later, all by myself, I justified in my head getting more. I’m proud of my (almost) 4 days. Starting again, going for 5… Then not stopping! fingers crossed 
prayers sent 
positive vibes
Well don’t for getting straight back on the sobriety train just great in mind that your are likely to have some obsessive cravings for a few days. It seems that your have already learnt and taken someone away from this, your are likely to be found out with this friend again and she seems to be a good friends so I strongly recommend that you two get off this issues surrounding alcohol. Also next time your out have a soft drink in mind, that way you will not be put on the spot when asked what you would like to drink. Social situations are manageable even in early sobriety but only if we plan for all eventualities. 
Heck yeah good job on coming back and realizing, yeah rite around that 4 days are unconscious mind plays the tricks on us that were all good because we do actually start feeling good, so it’s like ok time to party again lol. But Everytime I learn ugh I feel like shit the next day and regret it and would be so depressed and just full of anxiety. You’ll get there 
I did the same thing yesterday. I thought I could handle one. I was at 12 days. And then before I knew it… I had drink after drink.
The best thing for us today us to forgive ourselves, be grateful for how far we DID make it, remember we’re only human, and start again 
Part of my brain even thought “I could just reset on Monday and have a ‘fun’ weekend”… I’m just trying to remember how terrible I’ll feel Monday if I do! Positive vibes your way
We CAN do it! I feel like crap today for sure. Getting back on track though. I’m trying to be gentle with myself today and not fall back down that self pity spiral.
One day one is one day won:heart:
I feel for your story I have had relapses a lot I cannot drink for three or four days and then something terminal will make me trigger drinking. Just last week a drunk so bad where I could not even function the next day my daughter had to help me out of the bed take a bath get dressed and then I didn’t drink for 2 days and then yesterday I went and bought three bottles of wine that is my poison is red wine go figure. I’ve been drinking now for 4 years I lost my husband after 20 years we were together since we were 17 and I miss him I’m going to be starting to go to counseling this week I just like this app I hope it helps me one thing about me I’m not in denial but I do need help I cannot do this by myself
Welcome here! Sorry to hear about losing your husband so early on. It must be tough, as grieving is. You have come to the right place. Good luck on the therapy. You deserve a sober and peaceful life with your kids 
Relapse was part of a two weekly cycle for me until I started putting a recovery plan in place
Tonight I’m off to an AA meeting where I’m brewing up and putting up a new shelf. I couldn’t think of anything else to do on a Saturday night now
I’ll get thoughts about the first drink once in the great while. But when I treat alcohol like bleach or poison it’s less tempting to pick up.it really does poison my spirit
The “I have to reset anyways do I might as well make it good” is the reason why I won’t have that first drink…even though I really want it.
I’ve actually said that phrase in one of my drinking dreams. In my dream I had a beer because I totally forgot I was sober (LOL) and after one chug I thought “oh shit, I forgot, I can’t believe I have to reset. Oh well, I might as well keep on drinking then”.
Gah.
I’m glad you’re back on the wagon. Just keep posting.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
Well… Update. I went for the screw it, I relapsed, might as well go all weekend. My ex/daughter’s dad, aka my toxic poison, contacted me this weekend. Even seeing his text sent me into a spiral. I feel like shit. Literally drank every night. I’m at 8 hours sober. God help me.
When I got sober, one of the tools I used was Antabuse. I was able to commit to sobriety in the morning, take my pill,and relax knowing that the physical act of drinking alcohol was off the table for me for the day.
I keep hearing not to do medication bc its in your medical file forever and you’re then “labeled”. It’s the only reason I don’t 
I have five DUI convictions - I abandoned any protection of my pride a long time ago! But seriously, if you are labelled by your medical providers, is that a bad thing? I can’t tell you how many times I have to tell a new doctor that I’m an alcoholic and I don’t want narcotics. What I find disheartening is even after telling them, they still give me a script for Oxys after a procedure “just in case”. I hand the script back to them before I leave, or have my partner do it.
Anyway, if you’re an addict/alcoholic, that’s important, it can be vitally important, for your current and future medical providers to know that fact. And really, it’s your pride and self judgement that is behind the shame of the label.
Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter. (Bernard Baruch)
Thank you very much Maria and I appreciate it I appreciate a lot like I said you already know how relapse is it’s not fun but I don’t deny it Don’t like going through it like I had to relapse last night and I hurt my cousin’s feelings very bad
And you are right we do have to forgive ourself even for relapsing but it’s just when you hurt other people are people don’t really want to be around you That’s the hard part
I think I’m going to try that that sounds interesting because you’re right You wouldn’t drink bleach
Hi Cammy ,it’s time to start loving and caring for yourself again always one day at a time.xoxo🙏