My wife didn’t leave me when I was using. But we were very distant from each other. We had no sexual relationship, no kissing except a peck here and there, basically no touching. We didn’t sleep in the same bed. This was not by my choice. She was angry at my use and I always thought if I got clean this would change. I thought I wasn’t the problem is was my using that was the problem. It has only been about 3 months in recovery but I expected some positive changes. Things have gone from bad to worse. It seems I can’t do anything right. Going to meetings is pissing her off. Having friends in recovery is a problem. I am tired of this battle. I don’t think we can ever find our way back. I have mentioned that it seems we have a loveless marriage and we should go our separate ways. I am having a hard time because she didn’t leave me when I was using how can I leave her now that I got clean. There is some love here. Definitely not in love. Very confused, sad and lost.
I think the best advice I read on here in the beginning months of Sobriety is don’t make any big life decisions for the first year… Specifically with relationships imo. I’m not sure how long you were in active addiction but I would imagine longer than 3 months. Try to give both of you some time to figure out how to be in a relationship after such a drastic change. Also, maybe you could suggest she goes to Al-Anon?
Hey. You want the best right? So does she. Give it time. We never became addicts so quick. Love you bro. Head up. Doing the right thing
I agree with Lionfish, dont make hasty decisions that you may regret later. One day at a time. Be strong my friend, best wishes to you and your wife.
I Belive that she is acting like that because now she is a neurótic, the result of all those fights and discutions over the years…it is your Job now to be patient and help her…
I feel I am in same boat…
Love is actions, not feelings. You can each feel whatever it is you feel about the other, but without actions, there is no love. Even if the passion and desire is gone, if you cherish her, and she respects you, each feels loved.
What this means is you can love her, inspite of how she is acting right now. If I might recommend something that helped me during a bit of a rough patch in my marriage, I recommend getting a copy of The Love Dare, and actually doing what it suggests for the prescribed 30 days. From what you’ve described, it can’t hurt, and may actually help.
If you don’t know what to do than just do nothing for now. Give it more time until you know for sure.