Just putting this out there.
Years ago I used to practice meditation. It was a life changer that also led to a couple of those brilliant “Ah ha!” moments people talk about. One that protected me from myself in a very dark moment and a later one that then filled in the void with bright meaning. Meditation brought clarity, mindfulness, depth. I got so comfortable I could literally blink and feel at peace in the moment. The sober way.
I got so comfortable with it I stopped actively practicing. It came so easy I thought it would be like riding a bike. That is so not true. I took it for granted. I’ve become so trapped in my own thoughts it is so much harder to let go than I remember.
I feel stuck on this and it hurts. Because I really, really miss it. Yesterday there was just this little flicker before the noise flooded in again, so the peace isn’t gone. But geez… it feels so far from where I started before getting caught up in whatever-the-hell.