Here I am, 90 days into a new phase of my life. Every day continues the longest sober stretch I have experienced since I started drinking regularly at around 20 years old, and I’m 38 years old now. I feel almost giddy at times about going through the holidays sober this year, heading toward my birthday at the end of January. My birthday has always been my own personal new year’s milestone, and to envision having some sober time under my belt by the time I hit 39 is pretty freaking exciting. At this point, I have started to reconcile some cognitive dissonance regarding a ODAAT philosophy while also planning for the future. It’s liberating to understand that I only have to worry about not drinking today, but I can still lead a life of intention toward making a better future. After all, it’s what we do now that gets us to where we will be next.
So, one of my fears is about how I will handle strife in the future. What happens when my dog dies, when someone I love is hurting, when some other personal tragedy strikes, or when the weight of the world feels heavy and I find myself depressed, in that low place I’ve been before? I have learned so much from becoming a part of the Talking Sober community, but the most important lesson is that I don’t have to drink. No matter what happens, I have the choice, the power, the ability to say no to that first drink. And that’s a choice I make today, and there’s a REALLY good chance I’ll continue to make that choice each day to come. Life is just better sober. Even with all the shit. It’s always going to be better sober, no matter what my brain tries to tell me sometimes. There is more opportunity for joy, for passion, for peace and calm (which I think I love most) and for satisfaction.
This morning as I was waiting to pick up groceries curb-side and half-listening to National Public Radio (it’s always on default in my car), a voice came on, and it’s simultaneous youthful and quite ancient sound caught my attention immediately. Her name was Anne and she was being interviewed by Sam Sanders on the program It’s Been a Minute. She said she was 99 years old and I found out later when I looked up the interview that she was a Holocaust survivor and had escaped Germany ending up in New York City as a teen. She said something like, “I am honored that you think I have something to contribute,” in her sweet voice – well, of course she does. I was interrupted briefly when the fella came to load my groceries, but I knew I had to hear what Anne had to say. I got on the road home, and she was talking about being in NYC during 9/11 and because her daughter works at NYU, she ended up comforting some distraught college students. Her words hit me - I couldn’t help the tears and feel the serendipity that I happened to be listening to the radio for the half hour it took me to drive and pick my groceries, on this day when I am reflecting on what got me to today. I want to share what she said, it’s so simple, and mirrors what is often said here at Talking Sober but coming from her 99 years of experience and wisdom, it really resounded. As I am going through some tough times lately, and when I have tough times in the future, I will remember what she said. Anne told these college students:
“You have to pick up the pieces of where you are so you can go on. We have to take inventory, take inventory of our lives and make a list of our strengths. Make a list of things that nobody can take away from us. I made a story that everybody has a toolbox. And make a list of what’s in your toolbox. And you’ll find that you have a lot of tools. You can read, you can write, you can talk, you can walk, you can breathe, you can make a difference, you can forgive, you can love, you have a lot of tools even if you think somebody’s taking everything away from you.”
In response to a question about whether Anne feels hopeful even now, during this year of struggle we are having in 2020, she replies emphatically saying yes, yes, yes, over and over, and explains, “Because there are seeds in the ground that will come up…A new life will blossom out of the ruins.”
Anne’s words were exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I felt that you all might appreciate them, too. Here’s a link to the program, the whole thing and all the people’s stories who were interviewed is worth a listen. Thanks for being a part of our collective journey here at Talking Sober. I am glad you’re here.
. It’s been such a pleasure having you around on TS. I always love your shares and this one is the best yet. So insightful. I will definitely book mark it and listen to Ann’s story.
Thank you for sharing!
