Welcome back. I always called myself a high functioning alcoholic. Kinda dawned on me a functioning human = not dead. That is a pretty low bar to set for yourself.
What got me sober:
being crazy active here. The time I spent drinking/drunk I spent here
filled my life with sober things. Every minute I wasnt working, I was doing something. It was planned out.
learned a new skill. I taught myself how to cook from scratch.
found a recovery program.
after 4 years sober, found my personal growth slowing, and my actions in recovery becoming dogmatic…so I changed to a different recovery program.
Good advice from @Thirdmonkey above. To that I’ll add something that was a game changer for me: psychiatric assessment. Turns out I have depression. Depression is very treatable, and with a proven treatment, my sobriety is much, much stronger. I am emotionally present for myself, conscious, not running and numbing - it is a big help.
Take care and don’t give up. Keep a learning attitude and don’t hesitate to try a different way, when you need a change. One day at a time
Have you tried AA meetings there are online ones too.
Read through other threads here using the search bar theres plenty to read and that may help you.
Here are some links that may be helpful - the first one has a good list of various programs, the second has some online links (though most programs have online options if you search around, even if they were listed here specifically):
Thanks Matt, that’s a really good suggestion. I’m in a career where coming out with depression or alcoholism would find me out of work, or at least create difficult loop holes to jump through, so I’ve sort of hesitated using “traceable” treatments. But the psychiatrist would probably be helpful.
No I haven’t, never knew there were online options actually. I have an inconsistent work schedule, so in-person meetings always felt like an obstacle. Thanks for that tip!
Totally understand. There’s taboo topics all over the place. We’re evolving to a world where mental health gets the attention and respect it deserves, but in the meantime, people aren’t sure how or if they can talk about their mind and their feelings.
Very, very often, drugs (including alcohol) and other addictions are “self-soothing” a mental or emotional pain. The addiction starts usually when we’re young, we find something that makes us feel less bad. It’s an addiction and it’s hollow and a soul-sucking lie, but at first, it seems good.
Ultimately - to be direct - it’s pretty simple. Getting sober - getting healthy - is about making choices. If a place is really anti-mental health, then it might not be a place to stay. You move on and you find a new job. (Keep in mind that there’s not many people at work who need to know your health care stuff - including mental health care. And also: it’s often the case that the problems we imagine having, after looking for help, are more in our imagination than in real life.)
Either way, your priority is getting healthy. (Getting healthy = not using, not drinking. It also means building a life where you have replaced those things with healthy things.)
Ask yourself: what would you do if this was your top, top priority?
Would you go to a program? Would you go daily, even multiple times a day, as needed? Would you seek mental health and physical health assessments? Would you do inpatient rehab? (and ask your employer health plan about their coverage options for that) Would you check in daily here on Talking Sober?
You need to make a choice and take action, and stick with it. If you do that, you will get to where you want to be.
Wow, appreciate that whole feedback, think you hit the nail on the head. I have this deep-rooted anxiety knowing that the only way out is to finally confront the demon… unfortunately that would take exactly what you said, stopping my career, getting legitimate help like going to a rehab center, and making it a priority. Hard to do when I have to support a family and pay the bills.
Feel like all I’m doing is trying to change a tire while the car is moving, too afraid to stop the fucking car.
But I know there can be a good compromise between both routes, and I need to seriously look into the approach you shared.
There are so many forms of addiction. There are survivors of all forms here. I have great advise for cocaine, meth, or alcohol. My advise might not resonate with your addiction.
I do relate to hiding behind the illusion of functioning. @Thirdmonkey nailed that one.
When it got harder for me to function is when I got desperate enough to change. Nothing worked for me until I hit that place.
Thanks for sharing. I am still on the road and can relate. Good advice, thanks all of you!
Just want to add something that helps me a lot I learned on TS: Fake it till you make it. I made and still make little changes towards the best sober me I want to be and become. When I cave I hop on the sober train again. I keep on moving and find more and more motivation. Sometimes it doesn’t stick. I learned to accept that as part of my personal road. I stay on the road. And when I get off-road - I go back. Back to sobriety. Every sober day is a win, that’s why I love ODAAT.
I re-read this and see that alcohol and depression is your battle.
Mine too. I still battle depression sometimes. Nothing like when I was drinking. I came here and read a lot. I took a deep look at myself, and started changing all the things that were keeping me stuck. My biggest problem was my thinking.
Self deception. The illusion of functioning. The illusion that I couldn’t have fun without a drink. I had to change my thinking.
I started spending my beer money on positive things that occupied the time I spent drinking. I stayed away from people places and things associated with drinking. Those were the things that helped me the most. I spent a lot of time here reading.
I could have used rehab, but I also felt like I couldn’t afford it or take the time.
I did all this while maintaining a full-time career and caring for my disabled daughter. I had to take 1 week vacation from work to attend detox but the others I did after work in the evenings. Sobriety takes a lot of hard work but it’s definitely worth it. I live by the saying…my recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last.
