I haven’t been to the doctor in years. I think my last checkup at the doctor was my 6-week postpartum visit 3.5 years ago. I have been scared to death of visiting any doctor as I wanted to play dumb and pretend that I wasn’t jeopardizing my health and that I can quit when the time is right.
Well last Monday before NYE, hungover as hell, I felt as if I was on the verge of fainting/passing out. I always had low blood pressure growing up and so was use to feeling faint when standing up too fast. But this was from serious binge drinking and from there my anxiety took over. I had 3 days of panic attacks knowing I HAD to go to the doctor.
I went that Wednesday and cried the entire time I was there talking to the doctor, I was so nervous, my palms were sweaty, my heart was racing. My blood pressure was through the roof! I cried even more when they said they were going to do blood work as well - I was certain it was going to come back with liver disease or acute failure.
The doctor gave me a prescription for Xanax and another anti-anxiety medication as I told him about my job, my life, my current on-going battle to separate from my husband. But in the end I pulled up my big girl pants and had my blood work drawn.
I was a wreck for hours waiting for my blood results back… I kept logging in to the patient portal for my doctor to see if the results had been posted and I found my doctors notes about me… and there’s no hiding it, although my blood work is fine, all notes lead to suspicions of my drinking - HBP due to drinking, anxiety due to drinking.
I have a follow-up in 2 days. I am on day 5 of being sober. I can feel the pit of anxiety growing bigger and bigger and bigger every minute I get closer to my follow-up appointment. Why am I so scared???
It’s cause I have to own it now. No more hiding. Wish me luck for Thursday.
I’m glad you’re ok. Health anxiety is a terrible thing, especially when we have been mistreating our bodies. Try to relax. The fact that you are scared is a sign to remind yourself to stay sober. I had a lot of the same hangover symptoms you did while drinking. I could literally feel the blood pumping through my veins…heart palpitations…sometimes hallucinations, anxiety depression…the list goes on. Just take care of yourself for the next few days. I’m sure you will be just fine 
Hey! First off…HUGE congratulations on your sober time AND going to the doctor. I also suffer from spiraling thoughts associated with my health and understand how monumentous it is to actually schedule and attend an appointment. That is something to be proud of❤️
Second…it’s kind of nice that the cat is out of the bag though isn’t it? You don’t have to even pipe up about the problem. You get to be the rockstar that has already started sobriety (which doctors freaking love) and who is ready and willing to start addressing their health head on (which…again…doctors love) we all have pasts and we have all done things (even doctors). Being the person who is taking agency over their choices and their futures is all we can ever hope to be. You’re doing amazing work. Your doctor can probably help with support in this area and would be happy to. Most of what they deal with is watching people kill themselves at varying speeds due to poor choices. You’re a rockstar for being one of the people actively turning that bus around. Nice work 
I think I’m going to have to read your reply every single day from this point forward for encouragement! Thank you, immensely.
Thank you so much Jane! One day at a time, and for once I can really understand that.
The body is an amazing thing. Especially the way it heals. Congratulations on your 5 days sober. You got a lot to be grateful for. Remember that next time you want to pick up. I do. I got more to be grateful for sober. And my body is healing in many ways. Especially my blood pressure. Stick around. Keep checking in. Your not alone.
Absolutely…and I mean every word of it. I’m transparently clear about my past with my on/gym, dentist, chiro, acupuncturist etc. most of them stared wide eyed and kind of chuckled when I went into my “talk” about what I did and how much and what I know it may have done to me…and how I avoided stuff for a long time but I wasn’t going to anymore…and how I’m ready to put my health back at the highest priority etc etc… and all I’ve ever gotten (seriously…ALL) is appreciation, awe and support. It’s making me teary thinking about it. Healthcare workers take an oath to help all those in need and do no harm, and they have to spend a large portion of their lives in losing battles with many. You also have nothing to be sorry for. You were trying to survive with maladaptive coping mechanisms…you now see clearly the negative effects of that past life and are already making life affirming choices. This next doctors appointment will be the first one where you’re not waiting for judgement but rather co-creating a path towards health and wellness. Congrats again
Yup!
The moment before I spoke my truth to another person was terrifying. But the moment after was the greatest relief I’d felt in years.
Because for the first time, I wasn’t doing it alone. 
Same! And agreed!! It’s hard to make a commitment to go to the dr. And it’s a great step taken.
Finding all new Dr’s in my area is on my “resolutions” list. Mostly I decided to sit down one Saturday in January and find all new Dr’s. So it’s a pretty small resolution, but it needs to be done. Hoping that writing it will help hold me accountable.
Love your reply @ELY83, such a positive message and so encouraging!
Oh man, did I ever need to read this thread!!! So appreciate you posting and everyone’s replies. Gonna find a doc…despite all the roadblocks that have come my way I have to keep looking.
I think that’s a great resolution and well worth the time spent researching!
This community continues to surprise and inspire me every single time I log on. After reading everyone’s responses I definitely feel less panicky about my follow-up appointment tomorrow. I’m owning my truth but moving forward, as you too are every day!!!
I had a ton of anxiety and depression about my health also. Same thing - thought for sure my liver or kidneys were messed up. They aren’t. And now after a month + away from booze, my anxiety & depression feel almost non existent. I think breaking away from the depressant (alcohol) helped a lot! It takes awhile for your body to readjust to normal levels, i know I’m not healed all the way yet. But i know its working & helping me feel better to stay away from the junky poison i hate to love
Hi, I went to a psychiatrist for anxiety and depression and I had no idea he was going to send me for a blood test. So, after a couple of days he rang me and said “I’ve got your results and quite honestly I’m worried”. My liver function test showed a raised gamma-GT of about 2,500 (it should be 20-30) and he gave me the talk about me having liver damage, before saying that if I stopped, my liver would probably recover, which it did after 3 months. It recovered because that discussion with my doctor gave me the necessary impetus to do something about my drinking and there was no hiding. If I hadn’t stopped I probably would have gone the colour of Homer Simpson and had a belly full of fluid by which time it would have been too late. Things got easier and better after that.
Being called out by a doctor was the best thing that could have happened at that point, and nobody in the medical profession judged me for it.
I hope that you take this opportunity to make big improvements in your life, and don’t forget you can ask for help from your doctor. (S)he will be only too pleased to help.
Thank you! Now on high blood pressure medication but go back in 2 weeks to see if I have it under control now.
@AllyP You’re welcome! I know what you are going through. I have congestive heart failure, I have a Stent , had a heart attack a week before Christmas. I’m wearing a life vest right now. Tomorrow I have to have a ultrasound on my heart to see if I have to have a defrillbalator inplant. But you know what I’m a peace with it because I have faith in GOD and I know he will keep me clean and keep me motivated to stay clean.i realize my life is more important than doing drugs and I have so many good things to live for,I’ll be 
for you
Please keep us posted tomorrow!! We’re all here for you!