Today I was reminded to be alert and wary of triggers. I need a special radar for women in tight pink leggings. I would rather not have that in my field of view ever at all. But that is not in my control. Anyway, this year will end with 34 days of sobriety.
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Itās the blank leggings that used to get me, happy new year m8! 
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Happy New year and may all your days be sober. 
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34 days. Iām thinking today about how my sensitivity to triggers varies. I assume this is due to hormone cycles. The trigger I encountered yesterday hit me in a period of sensitivity, and Iāve been struggling with it through today. It even invaded my dreams last night. My strategy has been to just hang in there, knowing it will blow over. And it is blowing over. Noteworthy is the fact that this episode is less intense than the last one that occurred last week. I hope this is a trend. Anyhow, I never doubted that I could handle this. So bring it!
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Breathing and meditating on letting go is important. We canāt help the thoughts that pop into our head but we can choose not to add mass to them by practicing letting go of the thoughts that donāt serve us. Happy New Year @RBG. Glad to have you with us .
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Day 35. Why does Woody have to wake me up at 3:30? Just why? Nice try Woody!
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Hey there, so you know, I ve been doing the exact same thing. It is just like you describe.
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I m on a very similar track, 50 plus days without P and Pros. I ve kept myself very busy at work all this time, but the latest 5-6 days have been hard. Thought I was feeling confident and strong, I came very close to loosing it, oh myā¦ I felt like acting out, fantasizing colleagues a few times and watching P. I even though taking a small break watching some P, in order to avoid doing my worst act which is visiting Pros etc, but I know from the past that one thing will bring another so somehow I passed. I donāt know what I ll do if this gets harder, but I m now trying to focus on not letting myself to get into a tough situation. Keeping busy, focus on the important stuff. Happy to read your story mate
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Itās strange, but I really havenāt been interested in porn for weeks. I havenāt done anything to restrict my access to it. Iām using the same phone, and I can get it whenever. My body is just wanting what it was made to want. Itās pretty intense sometimes, but I get through it. And the triggers are still there, as I mentioned yesterday. But they donāt drive me to porn. That could change. Who knows? I donāt let the triggers set off a chain reaction that starts with fantasy. I stop it right there. So far so good!
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Glad to hear it. Also I have appreciated reading your reflections here. Have you been reflecting at all on underlying stressors, things that may be behind the tension youāve mentioned on a couple of days?
Me personally I have found my underlying anxiety - rooted in a sense of unworthiness - has made me negligent in setting boundaries around my time and my attention. I am working on setting clearer boundaries and routines, to better manage my responsibilities, and defuse anxiety/unworthiness before it shows up.
Have you had any reflections about your own underlying patterns, that may have been behind the problem you had?
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Not sure how to respondā¦I mentioned a trigger that I could not have avoided without some kind of radar or scanning device that doesnāt exist. I canāt dictate what women wear, so that kind of thing will happen.
Are you wondering why my dreams are affected? I believe it is because my body is affected. The mind is connected to the loins.
Concerning anxiety, it has decreased as my sobriety period has increased. Just being sober is killing it off. I have been anxious mainly because of my addiction.
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Good to hear. I am sorry if I wasnāt too clear with that post; I was curious and wondering about your journey. I am noticing each of us has a very unique path and Iām wondering if there are common threads.
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Day 36. I believe Woodyās problem is that he hasnāt gotten any exercise. Heāll get used to it.
Funny thingā¦ Iām stricter now with internet searches than I ever have been. Iām almost in awe of myself. 
But itās pretty simple. I just know not to click on anything that my loins want to click on. That keeps me away from trouble. I have not struggled with this at all for weeks. Itās very clear where the boundary is, and I choose to not go near it. Let alone cross it. Itās a powerful feeling, having choices and being able to choose. This is freedom.
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All right! Good to hear.
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Day 37. Iām starting to forget the number now and have to check the timer. I woke myself up from a nightmare. It wasnāt erotic, just scary. My body and mind are calm. Iām thinking this is too easy, that it shouldnāt be this easy. Iām thinking something has happened to me that I canāt explain. But I donāt expect to ever understand everything about this anyway. So I will appreciate this day and take it as a gift.
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Iām about to go to sleep as the timer reaches 39 days. My emotions today are calm like a glassy lake. Where is the anxiety? I thought of so many things today that would have wrenched my gut a month ago. Is this sobriety? Or is this me being in control? I wouldnāt trade this feeling for a thousand orgasms.
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I canāt say that Iām feeling the same way you are, but Iām very happy for you. Seems like youāre enjoying this journey. thereās a lot of good things in recovery. Almost to 40 days for you. Awesome.
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41 days. I experienced another trigger yesterday at work like the one last week. And my reaction was the same except much less severe. I have starved myself of anything remotely arousing, and this effort is paying off. The arousal response is greatly diminished as a result and much easier to handle. The arousal pathway is being reset. I only need to keep on. And itās getting easier every day
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44 days. It feels like the honeymoon is over. I had a lot of euphoria and quite a few moments of exhilaration from the beginning. Now I seem to be in a new stage of recovery. I guess this is hormones and neurotransmitters reaching a new state of equilibrium.
I have learned that in the absence of triggers, I have little to no cravings. The triggers I have encountered so far in my recovery could not have been avoided. So it seems that I could live as a hermit and never struggle with addiction.
Still, when I do experience a craving in response to a trigger, it isnāt for porn or masturbation. Itās a craving to be with a female. Sometimes I recall a previous girlfriend. Sometimes itās no one in particular.
I will never know what normal sexual desire is, even if I experience it. I could be experiencing it now. All I can know is that itās different. My sexual development was corrupted from the beginning, and I have no normal point of reference. What I hope to achieve and maintain is a sex life in which I am not a slave. So far I know that permanently excludes porn and masturbation.
I have been seriously considering dating again. Iām treating these thoughts as temptations for now. I want to reach 100 days first and set a new personal record. After that, dating could be just as bad of an idea as it is now. Maybe I will have become enlightened by then, so Iāll wait.
Truthfully, when I consider dating, it isnāt when Iām craving. Itās when Iām not. Obviously dating while craving is a terrible idea. The real motivation is loneliness. But still there are cravings that come, and they probably should be out of the scene completely first.
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Itās great to hear that youāre still plugging away. 44 days is great. Keep it up.
thereās no rush in dating right now. youāre having enough fun on your own. 
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