I know. It’s crazy! We’re proof that eastern and western PA peeps can get along!!
Only the special ones. Haha, It takes amazing people to wade through those differences. But the flip side is with our similarities AND differences we got this shit on lock! We are gonna save the world!!! Oh wait, that’s a whole different forum. Shhh!
I am so glad you and @Modestakieran joined up. I appreciate your posts whenever I see them. Thank you!
wow thanks for the shout out. I’m not on here much anymore just to randomly check up on posts sometimes, its cool to see im still remembered.
In case anyone was wondering, im still sober. I uninstalled the app from my phone and just use a regular good old counter now. The reason being, i was checking in every day and some of the stuff was starting to bog me down a bit. I feel like i’ve given all the advice i have to give at this point.
One epiphany i did have, that involves a story if anyone is interested in reading it:
So, i’ve been stressed out at work lately. I also have a roadtrip coming up in a few weeks that my PO approved. So, when im in the car with someone else driving i get extremely anxious, and that and also with work i was like damn i need something to stop this stress and anxiety.
I would be at work and literally fantasizing about when i get off probation, having a beer or whatever after work. I was like ahhhh i dont like that thought! no, no, im not drinking to cope! So i decided to get some CBD oil because ive read about it. Anywho, i get the stuff, put it in my e-cig tank and it seems to do its job.
Then i hop online and start reading all these horror stories about people failing drug tests, etc, even with using isolate 0 thc which is what i have. i freak out some more, go to a lab and have a drug test done for a 5ng/ml threshold and call my PO and ask him if its ok if i vape CBD oil (i was surprised that he said it was OK as long as it didn’t pop me positive for thc), that along with talking to the nurse at the lab saying cbd is legal ( i dont think anyone really knows where i live TBH theres so much info out there, its unregulated so to me personally its just a huge gray area ). Anyways i calmed down after that, and had this ephiphany.
I dont think i was craving alcohol. What i am craving, is the stress-relief provided by alcohol. CBD seemed to help but im laying off it until im done with probation because i never know if i’ll get popped for a drug test and as i said i have read horror stories even with people who use isolate. I dont quite know how to explain it, but after i started vaping the CBD those little thoughts i mentioned about fantasizing about alcohol vanished. Literally. I make no claims on CBD oil, i think a LOT of this has to do with the experience of being off alcohol for so long as well as being under pressure to remain sober lest i lose my freedoms.
I’m extremely tired so none of this is making any sense right now. But after i read those stories i started panicking, and the phone call to my PO and the taking of the drug test and talking to the nurse, it just calmed my anxiety.
So now i’m taking a magnesium supplement and tomorrow on my day off i’m going to go to some vitamin supplement stores and see what they got.
My whole point is, with the alcohol, it was a temporary fix to my stress problems. i’d drink, stress would vanish, then it returns the next day as i fumble trying to figure out what the fuck everything is that i did. What? Thats not a solution thats a headache. Alcohol will always be only a temporary fix. Even if you drink in moderation and dont get drunk, which is a fantastic thing if you can do it, it doesn’t do anything to treat the problem itself. I guess where im going with this is the fact that I think i probably have some nutritional deficencies because i dont eat balanced meals. So i’m going to start there.
I’ve also been taking some OTC nootropics (focus factor and cognium) as well as listening to positive affirmations before work. Even if those supplements im taking are placebo, im still going to see if they do anything, man im telling you the brain is such a powerful organ if you just BELIEVE something is going to work for you, it can work for you. So when i bought the cognium i didnt do my normal research on it and go on to read about it online with people saying its crap. Whatever i still take it just incase. Its not hurting me.
Anyways. Like i said im pretty tired, woke up early (for me) this morning and halfway through this post i got this sudden tired feeling so i apologize if none of this makes any sense.
My whole point is, if you think you are craving alcohol, look behind and try to find the reason you are craving it. THAT is what you are actually craving. In my case, it was stress-relief. The brain says “ooh! i got an idea, and it always provided immediate relief! Alcohol!” Thats what the brain thinks, its looking for the quickest solution. So what can you do instead of drinking, to relieve stress? I suggest, start with your health. Both physical and mental. How many things was alcohol a solution to you for? Boredom, stress, anxiety, depression, sleep. Thats why it keeps popping up again and again.
I hope you can come here and use this place a somewhere to vent. I definately know about needing some space from some of the intense stuff going on around here, but when I don’t have the energy I just read funny threads or the threads that certain people use for venting or personal craziness. This place holds me accountable as I don’t do meetings. Either way, good to see you are still sober and fighting the hard fight.
I have to add @Gabe.G to the list too.It’s not just what he knows it’s how he communicates. Some people might get caught up in their own self importance but @Gabe.G is always down to earth, respectful . He is not one (from what I have seen) to try and put himself above others he is more experienced than and comes across very genuine.
It was long, but well worth reading! Lol I totally hear you. It is what is BEHIND that craving…the anxiety and stress…what is back there. When we can manage that, we can overcome. Glad you are doing well.
Hey @Spartan_Chris. Sucks that you are struggling. Just know that u can do this! Ur a Spartan!!! This is Sparta!!!
Naaaaaaw making me blush hahaha
I got this. Past the self loathing already…back to getting healthy because that’s the only way to live. Thanks Stacey. Nice to see u are still here.
Always here for u buddy uve helped me so much!!! I know u can do it. Ur amazing!!!
Shout out to @Bomdhil. Heard you reached 16 days? If so, that is freaking amazing! This disease does not own you, you’re killing it!
That’s what you do. You’ve had your standing-eight. Now get your hands up, fists clenched, chin-tucked. Get to working the angles, throwing the jab, slipping the counter punches. Keep the feet moving.
Get after it!
Sending u sober vibes from across the world!!! Have a fantastic day!
@rmgrimmer you are right. And I am very grateful to your amazing support and care although we don’t know each other personally.
Thank you. Last time I relapsed at 20 days. I long to be a whole month sober and beyond
Or a time of rebuilding! Pain is not always suffering. Sometimes things need to be broken down to be built back stronger.
This is a Kayne-free zone… It’s face punchin time
Well that’s just a daft punk rip off anyways.