{ I’m sad. And I don’t know why. I’m living the dream, back with my family after a year and a half or even more time apart. I have had wonderful times with everyone, but at the end of the day when I am by myself I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. Like I missed out on so much. But that’s not even it! I have no reason to feel this way, and I have support all around me. I feel like a failure in so many ways. I didn’t follow the path that I think my parents wanted for me. I didn’t have children right away. I don’t know. I’m making assumptions again and I want to feel grateful and am having a hard time of it tonight. }
I’m posting this now because I didn’t before. I was just now about to write something and this draft was here. I had forgotten all about it. It’s a snapshot of how emotions can really get the better of us. I really was contemplating drinking when I wrote this. But I stayed sober. Writing out my thoughts has been the best sobriety tool for me thus far. Time to get back to my journal.
Edit to say I wrote this back in May when I was visiting family after not seeing them for a long time due to the pandemic.
You were amongst the first I connected with here on ST 
I really related with this, wow… I mean that’s almost exactly where I was at until not all that long ago myself, crazy you mention it like this… See the positives/lessons in things, there is ALWAYS something to learn from everything in life with just a bit of analysis. 
You don’t need to be there. And you know deep down you don’t want or have to either. Consider it like an addiction in a way, it’s something harmful you’re doing to yourself which you know you shouldn’t but irrationally feel you need. As you would rewire an addiction via all the little things you can think of, this needs a remarkably similar, loving (not forcing) approach 
Reading and/or watching helpful things is totally priceless in these times - and always really…! One does not simply stop… You’re already on track Rosa, be strong - you know what you’re capable of! 
Hugs.
