Hola amigos 
I haven’t checked in here in quite a while and it’s exciting to see so many new folks on their journey, people keepin’ on, some asking for help when they’re struggling, and this community doing what it does best. That’s what it’s all about! Today is 83 days AF. If I hadn’t had one drink 84 days ago, I’d be 11 months sober on Sunday. It all counts. I think that’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my journey so far. A lapse or a relapse doesn’t have to signify the end of recovery. Relapse is not inevitable, and it’s not “part of recovery,” but it can be part of a person’s recovery process looking in retrospect. I haven’t “lost” any of the days I spent sober, especially if I wasn’t hungover or preparing to drink when I felt better, like my old old patterns. I look at it as a learning process. Life is about learning, if we take the opportunity to look at it that way, and if we make a mistake we have every chance to say to ourselves that we don’t want THAT, so let’s not do THAT again and let’s figure out not only how to not do THAT again, but more importantly what we want to do instead. That’s what I’m learning and will keep learning every day of my life. What kind of life do I want to live? What does that look like and what do I have the control to change, what do I have to learn to cope with that’s out of my control, how can I find the small joys that lift me up, how do I find contentment in this wild world. I’m letting go of the idea that I have to be “happy.” It’s an amorphous concept that usually ends up holding me back - if I break it down into what components might lead to a general happiness, it helps me wrap my mind around it. As someone who struggles with chronic pain, it’s frequently a question of how I can cope with pain without becoming incapacitated, how can I find ways to distract from pain and how can I recognize and appreciate pain free days. How can I recognize what brings me joy and cultivate those moments throughout each day. How can I appreciate the world I live in most frequently in my own head while pulling myself back out to notice the world around me by practicing grounding techniques. How can I be sure to practice gratitude in a deliberate way everyday so that I don’t lose sight of all the gooooood stuff I have in my life. There are so many ways to practice recovery and wellness. I think the most important thing is to keep trying every day no matter what.
Hm. That was a random Rosa ramble. I guess it’s been too long. Being at “home” with my parents usually does make me more contemplative than usual, I guess. One last day on my visit with family and we head home tomorrow.
Sending love and strength to you, amigos. 