Also shows how feelings can change. They can be absolutely true, authentic, powerful, but also temporary. We are the sky, feelings are the clouds.
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Wow, Flo. Thank you. I am going to take note because that is so true. Thank you. Hahaha did I say Thank You?!? 
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Not my wisdom, I heard it from Amy Johnson, she does something called The Little School of Big Change.
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Thanks for the reference. I’ll check her out. However, while you may feel like it’s not “yours,” the fact that you took that in and then shared it with me is valuable. Call it what you will.
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I really wanted to be able to get back to this post, so I’m posting it here.
Nice to have you back Rosa! 
You were amongst the first I connected with here on ST 
I really related with this, wow… I mean that’s almost exactly where I was at until not all that long ago myself, crazy you mention it like this… See the positives/lessons in things, there is ALWAYS something to learn from everything in life with just a bit of analysis. 
You don’t need to be there. And you know deep down you don’t want or have to either. Consider it like an addiction in a way, it’s something harmful you’re doing to yourself which you know you shouldn’t but irrationally feel you need. As you would rewire an addiction via all the little things you can think of, this needs a remarkably similar, loving (not forcing) approach 
Reading and/or watching helpful things is totally priceless in these times - and always really…! One does not simply stop… You’re already on track Rosa, be strong - you know what you’re capable of!
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And yet you do.
I felt most sad and lonely when I was with the people I wanted to enjoy my time the most. Strange. Maybe it’s not so strange. Most of the time I was in their head, if they enjoyed, if I was acting okay. I was or am in the others head, trying to figure out how they feel good. But when I am in their head, I left myself and was alone.
Good to read you back here 
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I hope those feelings pass quickly Rosa. I’ve found during my sobriety I’ve had periods like that where I was just down or in a horrible mood for really no reason. Sometimes it lasted a few hours, other times it lasted days and can be extremely frustrating.
The one constant was that it always passed. I think one of the hardest parts of sobriety is that we are forced to face our shortcomings or the things we think are shortcomings, even if there’s really nothing we’ve done wrong. As sobrerians we can’t just say “alright well that’s an uncomfortable feeling, time to black out!”…which used to be my solution to everything.
I’m glad to hear you have had so much positive recently with your family and I know you’ve enjoyed being with your parents just from seeing your posts around here.
I guess this reply is pretty pointless lol but just wanted to say that you’re not alone in feeling that way, and I have my ups and downs as well. Focus on the good and it will pass 
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I have to wonder…is this just part of being human? I find myself sometimes attributing so much to my addiction and now sobriety. I don’t know where to draw the line…
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Gosh, I really want to keep up with this thread better and respond to you lovely folks who share of yourselves to support me! I vow, today, to do better. It’s been a long time since I’ve visited this…Thank you @Mbwoman @Nordique @anon74766472 @1in8billion for your kind and thoughtful words, and I’m sorry I didn’t write back. Just know that I read them all and they really help me to feel less alone in my thoughts and feelings. It means a lot when people take time out their lives to even type a few words of support. 
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Today, my husband, Miss Lupe and I took a special hike to one of our favorite spots to find Chucho’s final resting place and spread his ashes more than 8 months after he departed to the great unknown. It felt like time. We took our favorite trail over the suspension bridge to the steps into the woods and up up up to a ridge that opens out into a beautiful prairie grassland. We hadn’t even discussed it, but as soon as we saw the opening from the woods into that bright spot with all the yellow flowers we both just knew that was it. We spread him among all the wildflowers near a big pile of tree limbs that has been there for a long time - that will be our marker so we can come and remember what a bright and shiny best bud he was. We will love you forever, Chucho, you were such a good boy.
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Hugs.
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Gracias, mi amigo.
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I’m glad we could help Rosa. I’m also very happy you guys could find a peaceful final resting place for him. Thinking of you
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RIP. Sounds like a peaceful final resting place.
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Thank you, Flo. It was a happy tears sort of occasion and a beautiful and, yes, peaceful place.
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Beautiful Rosa.
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Awwwwwww my eyes teared up. It’s a beautiful resting place for your dear Chucho. He’s running in the wind, happy and free… Beautiful tribute to him and your life together. Love him licking your face. Hugs.
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Thank you, Alisa. That’s what a friend of ours said who knew him, that she could imagine him romping through those flowers and smiling his big smile.
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